


Campaign Promises

by Jori (likebunnies), mojober



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-12 23:50:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 102,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3359888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/likebunnies/pseuds/Jori, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mojober/pseuds/mojober
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the promises made on the campaign trail can't be kept forever... </p>
<p>Set before Bartlet wins his first term in office, Josh and Donna meet on the campaign trail and it turns into something more very quickly. Written back in the early 2000s.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Campaign Promises   
by Jori and MoJo  
Rated Mature  
Josh/Donna  
Part 1 of 2

Sometimes the promises made on the campaign trail can't be kept forever... 

***************

Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters  
Manchester, New Hampshire  
February 6, 1998

There's a problem with having an assistant in my office. I don't have anywhere to sit now. Not that I hardly ever get a chance to sit anyway, but it would at least be nice to be able to take two minutes and go over the notes Leo handed me. I look in my office and she gives me a grin and a silly wave right before the phone rings. It's a nice smile. She has a very nice smile for someone who just wandered in off the street. She had me at the smile. 

"Who's the woman running around here wearing your ID?" Sam asks as I pour myself a cup of coffee. "For a second there, I saw your name and it didn't match the face and I thought you maybe had a lifestyle change I didn't know about."

"That's my new assistant," I answer him, leaning up against the table behind me. At least it's a place to sit. Sort of. Sam does the same as he plays with a sugar packet, shifting the sweet contents from one side of the little bag to the other. 

"You had an old assistant?"

"No."

"How'd you get an assistant? I don't have an assistant," he says, the tone of his voice somewhere between fake indignation and surprise. 

"She walked in off the street and answered my phone," I say.

"She did what?"

"Apparently, she walked in off the street and started answering my phone," I say with a shrug. 

"Is she safe?

"I don't know yet. I think she's a little crazy but crazy in sort of a cute way. She's got a nice smile," I say, nodding in the direction of my office where she's flitting around trying to find something while she's got the phone pinned between her shoulder and her ear. 

"Don't let Mandy hear you say that," Sam says, putting the sugar packet down and standing up again.

"I don't think she'll be around long enough for me to even have to worry about Mandy knowing she exists," I say, finishing the last drop of my coffee and pitching the cup towards the overflowing garbage can. 

"Why?"

"She just broke up with her boyfriend. I bet you within two weeks, she'll be gone."

"And maybe then someone else will walk in off the street to be your assistant," Sam jokes and I frown. I could get used to this assistant thing pretty fast. My phone rings and I don't have to run over there to get it. I don't have to worry about a hundred voice mails every time I go back to my desk. Instead, I get a stack of pink illegible messages handed to me. For all those classes she supposedly took during her brief journey through college, she should have taken one in penmanship. 

"Sam, we need you and your clever sense of wit over here!" CJ calls from the other side of the office, her voice loud and sharp. 

"I think I'm being mocked," Sam says as he excuses himself. I go back to my office and stand there at the door, watching my assistant handle a dicey phone call. 

"Yes, I understand. But we don't handle that. No. No. I understand, sir, but... okay. Yes. I will get the message to the people who do. Thank you for calling," she finishes, resting the receiver back in the cradle. She's sitting with her back towards the door and doesn't even know I'm there. I watch as she puts her face in her hands and sighs. 

"It isn't going to get any easier," I say and her head pops up quickly as she shuffles the messages in front of her. 

"I... uh, I'm fine," she says, giving me a weak smile as she stands. "It was a long drive here. That's all. I'm sorry. I almost have all your stuff packed up and the phone keeps ringing off the hook and..."

"You're doing fine," I say, walking into my office and grabbing a box off the shelf. I have no idea how long we'll be traveling or when we'll get back to New Hampshire. If we win the next few primaries, this could go on for a long time. Right up until we're in the White House."Soon you won't even miss the sleep and you'll forget you ever sat down for a meal."

"Josh..."

"Yeah?"

"I have nowhere to sleep tonight," she says, her voice apologetic. 

"I'm sure we can arrange something. I'll try to talk to Margaret and see what the arrangements are. We might not even be stopping tonight. We might all be sleeping on the bus," I say and she smiles. She's probably the only person here who thinks sleeping on the bus is a good thing.

"Okay."

I pick up my messages and try to decipher them. "Um... what exactly is this note about the chickens taking on the Dodgers in the Grand Canyon?"

She pulls it out of my hands and clicks her tongue before reading it. "It says the checks are going to be delivered before we leave for South Carolina. There's absolutely nothing in there about the Grand Canyon. Or chickens for that matter."

"You could have fooled me," I say, turning the note upside down and trying to read it that way. That still doesn't help. 

"If you need help reading my perfectly legible handwriting, just ask," she says with a smile as she turns away to grab another box. 

Another smile. No one around here has smiled this much in long time. 

"I will," I say as we continue to pack. 

***************

I-95 South  
Somewhere in Virginia

This was a mistake. 

I fold my arms a little tighter around myself and rest my head against the glass to stare out at the dark nothingness that is rural Virginia. Just 24 hours ago, I was staring at the dark nothingness that is rural Vermont. Only I was alone in my car and not on a bus with sixty-something other people I don't even know. 

Oh God. What am I doing here?

I don't know why I thought I could do this. When we stop, I should just call my mother. I should call my mother and have her send me money so I can come home and never hear the end of it. How I should have stayed in college and graduated. How I shouldn't have wasted the last couple years of my life with my ex-boyfriend. How I ran away to New Hampshire to volunteer to work for Governor Bartlet. 

I can't call my mother. 

The bus hits something on the road and it makes the window rattle loudly in its metal frame. I lift my head back up and inspect it. The window is old. The bus is old. Someone said earlier we are lucky to have a bus in the first place. A man who heard the Governor speak just once donated it. The Governor inspired him. I turn my head and look around. He must inspire all these people, too or else they wouldn't be on an old bus moving through nothingness Virginia. 

Behind me, someone is making a strategy about what we have to do when we get to Charleston. In front of me, a tall woman with curly hair is trying to read a press kit in the dark. Sitting across from me, Becky--I mean Margaret is sleeping with her notebook wrapped up in her arms. She was the only other assistant allowed to come on this trip. A lot of people more important than me weren't allowed to come to Charleston. I can't figure out why I was, unless it had something to do with...

"Hey, how you doing?"

Josh.

"Fine. Good. I'm fine," I say, making myself smile for him. The last thing I want is Josh to know I'm having second thoughts after all he's done for me already. Hiring me. Letting me come to Charleston. 

"You don't look fine," Josh says, sliding into the empty seat beside me. He's holding a can of pop in one hand and half a sandwich in the other. "Are you thinking about Dr. Freeride? 'cause if you are, you shouldn't."

"I'm not and why would you think that?" I ask, curious as to why it would matter to Josh. Maybe he's afraid I'll quit and go back to him. I'm sure he likes having an assistant. From what I've seen today, he needs one.

"Uh-I don't know," Josh says, shaking his head. He offers me the sandwich. "Are you hungry? It's pastrami."

I look down at it and make a pouty face. "You already took a bite out of it."

"Just a small one," Josh says, offering it again to me. This time, I take it. We were so busy earlier getting everything packed that I didn't have time to eat. Josh makes an imaginary circle in the air with his finger. "You can eat around it."

"Do you always share your food with strange women?" I inquire, taking a small bite into it. Josh offers me his pop next and watches as I take a sip.

"Just the ones who work for me," he says, giving me this intense look. It's the same look he gave me earlier when I told him he might find me 'valuable.' It gets a little awkward between us until Josh adds, "Ever been to Emporia, Virginia?"

"No. What's in Emporia, Virginia?"

"Us, according to the last sign," he answers, with a quirky grin. "Leo says we're going to stop tonight after all."

"At a hotel?" I ask, not sure what stopping actually means. It could mean just pulling the bus off to the side at a rest stop for a couple hours. I'm sure if they can avoid the expense of rooms, they will.

"Probably a motel," Josh corrects, enunciating the word 'motel' oddly. He starts talking with his hands now that they are free. "Believe me, there is a definite difference between the terms. A hotel generally has plumbing that works, a roof that doesn't leak and beds that don't smell. A motel, on the other hand, has squeaky pipes, water-stained ceilings and dirty sheets."

"You paint a lovely picture," I tell him dryly. I can't help but smile again at Josh and this time it's a real one. And I can't help but like Josh. Even if he can't read my perfectly legible handwriting.

"I just don't want anything to scare you away," he says softly. We stare at each other in perfect silence until the bus suddenly jerks to a stop. The pop spills out all over Josh's pants.

"Oh God, I'm sorry. I'm sorry... " I wince and quickly put the sandwich down on my lap and the pop can between my knees. I grab a Kleenex out of my purse and without thinking, just start blotting away at Josh's lap with both hands. "I'm sorry, Josh... "

"S'okay," he says, with a little chuckle. His hips jump up a little as I pat some of it off his upper thigh. Josh catches one of my hands in his to make me stop. "S'okay, Donna. I have other pants."

"I'm sure you do. I mean, of course you have other pants. It's just I didn't want you to think I'm... I mean... I just wanted to make the right impression... " I ramble nervously. I feel my face flushing over as I realize Josh is still holding my hand. In fact, he's lacing his fingers between mine.

"Donna, look at me," he says and I do. I look up into Josh's eyes and he smiles. "You already have."

***************

Dixie Motel  
Emporia, Virginia  
February 7, 1998

Someone is knocking on the door. Sam lifts his head from his pillow but his eyes only stay open for a second before fluttering shut. His head hits the pillow again before I can even get out of under the pile of papers I have on my bed and hop to the door. My damn leg is asleep. This better be good. The phone has been ringing off the hook all night and I was thankful it had quieted down enough so I could review some of my notes. 

I look out the peephole to find my new assistant looking back at me. I unlatch the deadbolt and when I open the door, a rush of cold air comes in to the room. Donna has on the same clothes she had on all day and she's rubbing her arms, trying to keep warm. Her expression is apprehensive at best. And here I was giving her two weeks before she went back home, not one day. I told her to give it time earlier this evening, when we were on the bus, but working for a campaign is never easy work. Working on a campaign for the presidency is even harder. 

"Hey. How you doing?" I ask and she looks away towards the noise coming from the nearby highway. 

"I'm lost," she says and I find myself just blinking at her. 

"Lost?" I finally ask when she turns in the other direction, her eyes searching for something. 

"Who is it?" Sleeping Beauty asks from behind me.

"It's Donna. Go back to sleep," I say.

"Ah-kay..." Sam says, grunting about something else. I hear him roll over and complain about the cold and the light and a few other things. 

"How are you lost? Did something happen?" I ask, taking her hand and pulling her into the room. Her fingers are freezing and I rub them for a little bit before she gives me a funny look. I drop her hands and tuck my own into my pockets. I still have on the pants stained with soda and she looks down to where the spot is. She apologized enough already and I don't want her to start in on that again. 

"I, um..." she starts and then stops as she takes a moment to think, looking around the room. "I was looking for a pay phone and I can't find my room again. I forgot to look at the number when I left and I left the key because Margaret told me to just knock and she'd open the door for me and I only found your room because I could see you through the crack in the curtain while Margaret made sure our curtain was pulled tight... and they're all pulled tight on the second floor and I'm... lost."

She rambles on while making little gestures with her hands. The expression on her face truly is that of a person who's lost. 

"What did you need a pay phone for?" I ask. I know it shouldn't be my first question but I can't help it. If she's not going to be here in the morning, I'd like to know. 

She just shakes her head. "Nothing. Mr. McGarry has had Margaret on the phone all night and I just wanted to call my mom. I wanted to let her know I was okay. I didn't do that yet and I really should."

"Yeah, you should. Here, use our phone. Don't mind Sam. He makes funny noises when he sleeps but they grow to be strangely endearing," I say, taking her by the arm and leading her to the space between the two double beds. She sits on the edge of my bed and pulls the phone towards her. Then she looks at me. "I won't listen. I promise."

Donna picks up the phone and dials in a series of numbers, waiting a few moments in between. Her parents are probably the type who gave her a calling card before she left. I haven't had time to call my parents in a long while. I really should do that. There's just never enough time in a day. 

Picking up some of my papers, I sit down in the creaky chair by the heater and pretend to concentrate on the words in front of me instead of on her conversation. It's hard to do and I find myself listening in. 

"No, Mom. I'm in... where are we?" she asks, looking over her shoulder. 

"Emporia, Virginia," Sam and I both answer at the same time. Answering questions in your sleep comes from working on campaigns, I think. 

"No. No, those aren't men in my room... I'm in their room... Mom. Stop it. They aren't men... well, I mean they *are* men but it's not like I'm some groupie following a rock band around. It's Josh Lyman... I'll be working for him and um... um," she says, looking at the half asleep figure in the other bed. 

"Sam Seaborn," Sam fills in for her before he turns over to face the wall. 

"Sam Seaborn. Josh and Sam. I work for Josh, though," she says. She moves up onto the bed, her back resting against the headboard and she gives me a smile. 

I continue to watch her and she doesn't seem to mind at all. With the hand not holding the phone, she plays with some stray string on the ugly bedspread, twisting it around her finger and then untwisting it. She probably did that with her hair when she was a little girl. Joanie used to do that, always pulling on a long curl of hair. 

"Yeah. I'll be okay. I just wanted to let you know. Sorry it's so late," she says, looking at her watch. Before long, she'll get used to these crazy hours and her mother will probably get used to hardly ever hearing from her daughter again. So much gets sacrificed when people try to become the rulers of the free world, and family seems to be the first thing to go. It takes its toll on family and relationships. How could it not? "I'll talk to you when we get to Charleston. Goodnight, Mom."

She hangs up the phone and an heavy silence hangs over the room. Except for Sam. He starts grinding his teeth and Donna smiles, shaking her head at him.

"Did she think you ran off to join the circus? Because if she did, she's right," I say, motioning to all the papers and opened laptops scattered across the room. 

"I told them where I was going before I left. They didn't want me to do it, but I had to," she says, looking back down at the bedspread. Everything in the room is old and smells musty but it's the best we can do right now. Until we start winning some primaries, people are being cautious with their monetary support.

"My parents said 'Bartlet who?'" I comment.

"So did mine," she says, smiling at the memory. "I guess I need to go find my room now."

"Do you have any idea where it is?" I ask, standing up at the same time she does. 

"The second floor?" From her tone, I'm not sure if that's supposed to be a question or a guess. 

"Yeah. Well, if Leo has been calling Margaret all night, then he'd know the room number. I'll just call him and find out," I say, walking towards the phone. 

In doing so, we both end up in that little bit of floor space between the beds, neither of us knowing which direction to move. Finally, we both turn to the side and edge past each other like sailors on a submarine, apologizing for brushing too close. 

"Mr. McGarry is probably still on the phone," Donna adds. 

"Probably. If we can't find it, you'll just have to spend the night here," I say motioning to my bed. Her eyes get wide and she doesn't know what to say. I quickly add, "I'll sleep with Sam."

"Hey now," Sam mutters, spreading out his limbs to occupy more of the double bed. 

"Or you can sleep with Sam," I add, shaking my head as soon as I say it. "That wouldn't help the situation, would it?"

Luckily, Leo answers with a gruff 'yeah' and gives me the number, commenting that Margaret is already panicking that Donna disappeared and was probably abducted by men who hang out around cheap motels waiting for girls like her to come along.

"You're in room 206," I say when I hang up the phone. "Do you think you can find that or do you want me to go with? I will if...”

 

She just rolls her eyes and shakes her head. "I think I can find it now. Thank you for letting me use the phone," she says, moving to the door. 

"Anytime," I say, following her. Sam just mumbles something about the middle of the night but I brush it off. 

She opens the door, letting in another blast of cold. "Well, thank you," she says again as we stand there facing each other. It's a awkward moment, neither of us knowing what to say next, kind of like at the end of a first date or when you wake up in bed with someone you hardly know. 

"You're welcome. Take care now," I say, shutting the door and groaning. 

"Take care now?" Sam mocks from the other side of the room. 

"Yeah. That was pretty bad," I agree. "But I didn't have time for you to write me a fitting ending there."

"I'll write some all-purpose quips for you later. When I wake up," he says, trying to get comfortable again.

"Thanks," I say, returning to my paperwork. 

"You're welcome. Take care now," Sam adds and I toss a pillow at him, hitting him squarely in the face. 

***************

Bartlet for America Office  
Charleston, South Carolina  
February 7, 1998

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say and across the room, Josh looks up from the box he's unpacking. One can hardly call this an office yet, but I'm being optimistic for Josh. "Oh, hi. Yes, yes he is... hold on."

"Who is it now?" Josh asks, scooting around the makeshift desk and tripping over a box. Before I can check if he's okay, this outstretched hand appears from the other side of the desk. 

"It's Sam," I say, leaning over the desk and giving him the receiver. I rub my hands together to warm them up. It's a little chilly in here, but nothing comparing to Wisconsin.

"Yeah," Josh answers from underneath the desk. "What do you mean another couple hours? How are we supposed to work with no electricity? Can't they get here any sooner?" After a minute, Josh sighs deeply. "Okay. Donna?"

He sticks his hand in the air again. I take the receiver back and hang up.

"I gather we're going to be in the dark a little while longer?" 

"You gather correctly," Josh says, his hand still up in the air. He snaps his fingers and points down at himself. "Donna? Can you help me here?"

I move carefully around the desk and it takes every ounce of composure I have not to laugh. Josh is on the floor in a most undignified position, his legs and arms twisted in four different directions. He gives me this pitiful puppy look and snaps his fingers again.

"Are you always this clumsy?" I ask, taking his hand in both of mine to pull him up. It takes Josh a second to regain his balance, his body bumping into mine before he does. He smiles slightly at the contact and so do I before we both step away. "Should I have a first-aid kit handy?"

"Do you know first-aid?" Josh asks, raising an eyebrow at me. I go back to unpacking the box while Josh just stands there staring at me. Maybe he hit his head on the way down.

"I know some."

"Like what?" Josh asks, still staring at me oddly. I stop what I'm doing and walk over to him. I lay my hand on his forehead and gently pull his eyelids up one by one to check his pupils. "Did your boyfriend teach you?"

"Did my ex-boyfriend teach me what?" I ask, making sure to add the ex. And Josh's pupils look fine.

"First-aid," Josh says, as I draw my hand away. Now I stare at him oddly, wondering why he's bringing up my ex-boyfriend again. "'cause he was a med student and I figured that's where... " 

The phone rings and I reach behind me for it. 

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say, turning my back to Josh so I can find something to write on. I settle for the flap of the closest box and pick up a pen. "Fliers? I'm not sure if we have them yet. Let me have someone call you back." I jot their number down quickly. "I've got it. Thank you."

"CJ," Josh says, moving to the other side of the desk again and bending down. "Give that one to CJ. She'll be handing the fliers just as soon as we get fliers."

"I'm sorry, who is CJ?" I ask, looking out the door to the open area where everyone is doing what we're doing--trying to set up a work space in the dark. We were lucky to get this space for free, even if it is a gutted out former pharmacy with no electricity or heat. Mr. McGarry knew the landlord's cousin's nephew's neighbor and worked something out, according to Margaret.

"CJ is the tall one with the curly hair but she's with Sam," Josh replies, setting another box on the desk. He moves beside me and unfolds the flaps. This one, we unpack together. 

"Where are you from?" I ask, wanting to make small talk. And wanting to know more about Josh. He's not wearing a wedding band, so he's probably not married. For whatever reason, that pleases me. "I-I can't quite place your accent."

"That's because I don't have an accent," Josh says proudly, even though he does. "And I'm originally from Connecticut."

"You have family there? Mother? Father? Ex-wife? Kids?" I say, talking with my hands nervously as I fish for more information. It's fair--Josh asked me about my personal life yesterday. Now I'm asking about his.

"The answer to the first three questions is yes. My mom and dad live in Connecticut," he says, his hand brushing mine as we both reach in the box simultaneously. "And I..."

The phone rings again. 

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say, grabbing it on the second ring. "Okay. Okay. I will tell him. Thank you."

"Tell me what?" 

"The time for the cocktail reception has changed to six o'clock," I say. I look at him expectantly, waiting for Josh to answer the other two questions.

"Great. That gives me even less time to get those numbers the Governor wanted," Josh says, stopping to rub his eyes. He seems to do that a lot. Probably because of lack of sleep. When he pulls his hand away, he grins slightly. "And no to the last two questions. I don't have a wife, ex or otherwise, and no one has ever come after me looking for child support."

"Girlfriend?" I ask as casually as I can. Josh's grin gets a little wider and I feel my face flush over. 

"Why do you want to know?" 

And before I can answer that, the phone rings yet again. 

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say all in one breath. I listen for a moment and then quickly drop the receiver in the cradle. 

"Who was that?" 

"Some guy who wanted to know what color underwear I have on," I state matter-of-factly. "That was just the first thing he said. The rest of it, I'm not repeating in mixed company."

"Are you sure he didn't want to know what kind of underwear *I* have on?" Josh asks, smoothing a hand down his chest. "It's blue today, by the way. In case anyone else asks."

"Blue?" 

"I think so. I also think they might be Sam's."

"Maybe I should've asked if you have a boyfriend," I say with a little grin of my own. 

"I can assure you, I don't," Josh whispers in my ear as he moves behind me. I'm not sure if he answering both questions or just the last one. He starts stacking files on the dusty shelves and I unpack some more until this silence settles in the room and then I realize we must have both stopped what we're doing.

I look over my shoulder and find Josh looking at me. Our eyes meet and suddenly I feel my insides start to swirl all around and my pulse quickening. And I have to look away. I turn and grip the edge of the box to center myself. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

I am *not* attracted to Josh. 

This is not attraction I'm feeling right now. It's just some kind of misplaced gratitude because he's been so nice to me. That's all this is. I am certainly not ready to start a relationship with anyone. I want a fresh start. I want to start over. And I didn't join the Bartlet campaign just to fall for the first... 

"Donna?"

"Yeah?" I say, quickly opening my eyes.

"The phone?" Josh says from behind me and then I hear it. I take a hand off the box to answer it.

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say, my voice sounding a little strange. I lay my other hand over my heart, hoping to calm it down. It's pounding pretty hard. I am so focused on that that I can barely hear the man on the other end complaining about some mailing list Josh sent to him. "Yes. Okay... we will look into it. Thank you for calling."

I hang the phone up and rest both hands on it. I take another deep breath.

I am not attracted to Josh.

"I take it that wasn't the underwear guy?" Josh says like he's actually disappointed it's not the underwear guy. I try hard not to smile, not to find him charming or quirky or even adorable. 

But he is.

And I am attracted to Josh.

***************

Holiday Inn  
Charleston, South Carolina

My cell phone rings and I fumble with the plate of food in my hand as I try to dig it out of my pocket before they hang up. 

"Josh here," I say, sliding the food back to the center of the plate without letting it hit the carpet.

"Where'd you go?" Sam asks. I can tell by the noise behind him that he's still at the after dinner reception. 

"I'm back at the hotel," I say, looking for my room and taking a wrong turn down a darkened hallway. 

"No you're not. I just called your room. Your assistant answered and said you weren't there," Sam says and my phone starts to lose reception. I turn around and the static lets up.

"I'm at the hotel, Sam. I'm just not at my room yet. Why? What's up?"

"Nothing. You just left early. I was wondering if something was up with you."

"Nothing's up here."

"Nothing's up here, either. Toby and I are going back to the office to work on the speech for tomorrow. Need me to stop by when I get back there?" Sam asks. He then speaks to someone else for a few moments before returning his attention back to this conversation. "Do we have anything we need to go over?"

"I don't think so. I think I'm just going to go to bed. Unlike you, I worked on those numbers all last night and I'm exhausted," I say, finally finding my room. 

"Okay."

"Okay," I say as I hang up. Instead of digging around for my key, I knock on my door. I gave Donna the other key so she could finish up some paperwork and she must still be here. Which is good, because I brought this plate of food for her. 

"How you doing?" I ask as she opens the door. The room is covered in various printouts that she's sorting through. The only clean spot is tiny area on the dresser and a circle of bedspread where she must have been sitting. I take off my jacket and suit coat, tossing them on top of the TV set. My tie has been long gone and I might have even left it in the rental car.

"I'm managing. What is all this stuff?" she asks and I'm not quite sure whether she's referring to the plate I have in my hand or to all the papers. I make a guess. 

"It's food. Cheese, mostly," I say, offering her the food. 

"I'm from Wisconsin, Josh. I recognize cheese in any form. I meant, what are all these reports I've been putting together all night?" she asks, taking the plate from my hand. She pulls back the plastic wrap and nibbles on a cube of sharp cheddar. I know my cheese, too. 

"Those reports tell us which districts we're going to win and which we're going to lose," I say, clearing off the only chair in the room and sitting down in it. I really am tired. I stood all night, networking, mingling and glad-handing people. I don't know how the Governor can do it and keep a smile on his face the whole time, but he's good at it.

"If you already know that, why have an election at all?" she asks, offering me some food from the plate. "Try the Swiss. It's not bad."

I take a cube of what I assume to be Swiss but can't really tell because the cube is too tiny to have any holes in it. Upon popping it into my mouth, I know for sure. It's the Swiss. 

"We have the election because for some strange reason, the American people don't like us to guess what they're thinking instead of letting them vote," I say, reaching for an open can of soda. It must be hers since it's still cold. She doesn't say a word as I take a sip. She just stands there, watching me closely. "And because, sometimes we guess wrong."

"I heard someone talking today," Donna starts, taking a dinner roll from the plate and pulling it apart as if she's going to feed it to the birds. Instead, she eats the pieces herself. I hope by now she realizes she's not going to starve on the campaign trail. There's always food around. Maybe it's just a nervous thing she's doing. She acts nervous around me. Mine isn't an act. I am nervous around her. But she saw me land flat on my ass already, so what else could go wrong?

"Talking about what?"

"That we don't plan on winning South Carolina. Why go into something if we have no plans to win it?" she asks, still nibbling on the bread. I notice how she says 'we' and not 'you.' It happens fast, that team mentality. It has to or no one would stay and do this job. 

"Because this time, coming in second is good enough," I say and she looks puzzled. I explain to her what we explained to Governor Bartlet yesterday. "Wiley will drop out if he comes in third. When he does, we get his money. We really need his money, Donna."

"Yeah," she says, nodding her head. 

"So sometimes coming in second is enough." 

"It would still be better to come out on top, though," she says with a sparkle in her eyes. 

"Yeah, it would. I really do hate being second best," I say. She discards the plate and crawls back onto the clear spot on the bed. 

"Anything I can help you with?" I ask and she looks around. 

"Do you know how to use a stapler?" she says, holding out a black Swingline towards me. 

"I went to law school."

"They teach stapling in law school?" she asks, grinning at me. 

"And collating."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I did a lot of collating in college."

"I bet you did," she says and then looks away, cheeks flushes with embarrassment. I clear a spot for myself on the bed and begin to staple the packets of paper she has assembled. "Hey, you're pretty handy with that piece of office equipment."

"I can handle stapling, but don't let me get anywhere near a shredder. It can get plain ugly," I say and she laughs. "Or one of those paper cutters with the big blade. That's just plain stupid."

"So, when we make it to the White House, what else should I know about you?" she asks, looking at me with round, hopeful eyes. I cringe, knowing there's something she should know about me right now, but I don't even want to think about that right now. Mandy is far away and from our last conversation, I'm not sure she's ever coming back to work on this campaign. 

"Just keep me away from anything sharp and we'll do okay," I say and she nods. We both work in near-silence. The only sound in the room is the click of the stapler, the swish of papers being stacked and the slow, methodical drip of the bathroom faucet. I would think this silence would be more uncomfortable, but it's not. 

"Since you only have one bed, am I to assume you're not sharing this room with Sam?" she asks without looking at me. 

"That would be, um, a fair assumption," I reply, not knowing where this is going but I sure want to hang around to find out. 

"I was just curious," she says with a shrug of her shoulders. 

"Why?" I ask and now she looks up at me. Her cheeks flush over again and chances are, so do mine. Just from the look she's giving me. All the fear that was there yesterday has been replaced with something else, but I'm not sure what it is yet. Or I'm just too afraid to admit it. Nothing should happen this fast. Even in our fast paced world, this is just so... fast. 

"I ... " she starts to answer but I think she discovers she doesn't have an answer. 

I have no answer for what's happening here, either. Nor is there a reason. It just is. 

"Donna, I don't usually... I mean, I have never before. Damn. I don't know what I'm saying," I mutter and the expression on her face falls from hopeful to that scared look again. 

"I understand. Really, I do," she says, pressing her hand to her chest. If her heart is racing like mine, she can probably feel it against her fingertips right now. "I really should get going back to my room."

"No... " 

"You just said you don't ... "

"That's not what I was trying to say. Please stay," I say and now I can't read her expression. It's a combination of so many things. Fear. Joy. Relief. 

I reach across the bed and take her hand in mine, the hand that had just been feeling her heartbeat, and I hold on to it. I swear I can feel her pulse next to mine. I can feel her heartbeat right through her fingertips and it's beating hard. 

To hell with the papers on the bed. I knock them to the floor as I pull her to me and we tumble down onto the bed. Our first kiss isn't some innocent peck on the lips. No, it's a full assault of lips and tongues and desire getting in the way of our better senses. Her hands move around to my back, pulling my dress shirt out of my pants. Her hands sweep across my ass and up my back and the touch feels so good. 

I part her legs with my knee and she wraps them around me, grinding against my thigh. My hand moves to her lower back and I guide her, wanting her to do whatever she wants. Her hands push my shirt down my shoulders, stopping when she gets to the cuffs. I stop what I'm doing and unfasten them, tossing the shirt to the side of the bed. Donna brings her hands up to my chest, dragging her fingernails softly across it. 

"Hold on," she says, pushing back from me. I panic. I did something wrong and now she's going to stop this. 

"What..."

"Nothing. This is just my last shirt and I can't let it end up on floor. I need to wear it again," she says, looking away from me. I know she has no money. Or very little money. 

"Tomorrow night, throw it in with my dry cleaning and we'll find someplace to take everything," I say and she smiles. I don't know whether it's because there will be a tomorrow night or because I'm going to be paying for her dry cleaning. 

She stand up off the bed, undressing slowly. I can't help but watch. I kick off my shoes and pull off my socks but I never take my eyes off of her. She unbuttons her shirt and neatly places it over the chair. Then she takes off her pants and fold them, too. All she has on now is a white, lacy bra and... the answer to the underwear caller's question. They are white, but not some matronly white underwear. No, there's really not much there. Just a scrap of fabric and she all of a sudden becomes aware of this and crosses her arms over her body. 

"Come here," I say, putting out my hand to her. She takes it and I pull her back into bed with me. "You're beautiful."

She looks at me and smiles. "Really?"

"Yeah," I say, unfastening the front hook to her bra and sliding it down her arms. I pull her panties down as far as I can and she wiggles the rest of the way out of them, kicking them off the end of the bed. 

"And I want to see Sam's underwear," she says, tracing a finger over the fly of my pants. 

"Sam's not here, but if you ask him... oh ..." I say as she presses her hand against my already erect cock. She then unfastens my belt and pulls the zipper down on my pants, opening them far enough to see that my underwear are really blue. 

"You weren't kidding," she say, smiling.

"Would I kid you anymore than I would kid a guy who calls random numbers asking about the color of underwear?" I joke, pulling my pants down and throwing them off the bed. They are followed quickly by the blue underwear. 

"I don't know."

"Trust me. I don't make jokes about underwear," I say and she looks at me nervously.

"What would you kid about?"

"Certainly not about this," I say, pulling her back to me. "You don't have to worry. I'm not going to tell anyone about this."

"Okay," she says, and I kiss her again. 

"Not yet, anyway. Someday..."

"Yeah, someday..." she repeats as she slips a leg up and around my hip. The warmth of her sex is so close to mine that I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to stand this. I just want her. I can't explain it. I just do. 

***************

Josh's hardness presses against my inner thigh as he kisses me again before lowering his lips to neck. I tangle my fingers in his thick hair and moan softly.

"Josh..." 

"Joshua," he corrects, lifting his head up to look at me. "My name is actually Joshua. Josh for short."

"Okay," I say, not sure why he's picking this particular time to tell me his full name. I should probably tell him mine. "Do you want me to call you Joshua while we're..."

"No. I mean, yeah. You can call me Joshua. Or Josh. Whatever comes to mind first in the throws of passion." 

I smile. "I'll try to remember that."

"Come here," he whispers, slipping his arm under me and rolling us over on our sides. Josh pulls me closer so there is no gap between us. His naked body is now against mine and Josh's eyes widen at the sensation. I suspect mine do, too. 

"Okay?" he asks, biting his lower lip eagerly. I nod. I slip my arms around his neck. Now Josh's hardness is pressing into my stomach and I rub my body against it, creating a little friction. 

"That... that is good," Josh stammers, moving his hands to my backside and lifting me up higher so my sex is against his. I move again and it's... it's... 

"It's very good," I agree, as the muscles in my lower abdomen start to tighten and twitch. I'm not sure how much longer I can wait.

"Donna... can we... is it okay to... " he asks desperately, edging closer to my center.

"Yes... I'm on the... I mean I never went off the..."

"Oh... good," Josh sighs, knowing what I'm trying to say. He looks relieved. "And I'm not... I don't have... "

I silence him with a kiss, also knowing what he's trying to say. I believe him. A strong wave of desire flows through me and I shift to allow him access inside. I stop breathing for the few seconds it takes for him to press against me before pressing in. 

"Josh," I gasp, closing my eyes. I dig my fingers into his shoulder as he slides completely in and the feeling is overwhelming. 

Oh God. I don't remember sex ever being quite like this. 

Josh's hands hold my hips steady so he can ease in and out. I wrap my legs tighter around his waist and move my pelvis against his. We quickly find a rhythm and then speed everything up more.

"Donna?" Josh asks. "Are you close?"

"I think so."

"You think so?" Josh repeats. I'm not used to being asked that question. It was always just assumed before but it seems to matter to Josh. 

"I am," I assure him, slipping my hand between us. I know what I need to do and I do it. I slide my fingers into place and circle them a few times. Another couple thrusts and I feel the tremble start. What was it he wanted me to say? Now is the time to say it.

"Joshua... Josh... Josh... "

I squeeze my eyes tight as the ripples move through me, making my entire body shudder with pleasure. His hips never stop moving, pushing this even further and Josh lets out a low growl. Our bodies spasms into each other's over and over again and until we're both spent. I open my eyes and find myself staring right into Josh's. 

"Donna... " 

"Donnatella," I say breathlessly. I swallow some air down to speak. "My name is actually Donnatella... "

"Your name is Donnatella?" Josh asks, equally as breathless.

"Yes," I say, nodding my head. 

"Do you want me to call you that? While we're... "

"In the throes of passion? Whatever comes to mind first," I say and Josh smiles. 

"I'll try to remember that." 

We both heave hard to refill our lungs and let our bodies winds down. I pull back and we separate. Josh rolls over on his back and I stay on my side, head resting on his shoulder. I'm still lying on his other arm and he brings it up around my shoulders, not wanting to let me go. His fingertips skim along my upper arm back and forth lazily. I scoot in some more, tucking my leg between his and getting comfortable. 

"I just did it with someone named Donnatella..." he muses, chuckling softly to himself. I rest my hand over his chest and he moves his up to cover mine. Neither one of us says anything for while, but there is something I want him to know.

"I don't normally do this..." I begin, watching his face for his reaction.

"Do what?" 

"This. What we just did. I normally... I never... with strange men," I say. 

"Neither do I," Josh replies. 

"You don't have sex with strange men...”

"No, just strange women," he replies, turning his head towards me. He opens his eyes to gaze into mine. "Named Donnatella." 

We stare at each other and I think we both finally know what this is. 

This is the start of something real.

******************

Part II  
Holiday Inn  
Charleston, South Carolina  
February 8, 1998

The phone rings. And rings again. 

And then someone answers it, sleepily. 

"Josh Lyman's office... room." 

Donna clears her throat and sits up, clutching the sheet up to her chest. I don't know who is on the other end of the line but it could be any number of people. It could be Sam. Toby. Maybe even Leo. Now they know exactly where Donna spent the night. She answers a few questions but I still can't tell who it is. All I know is she's not letting go of that sheet. 

I look at my watch and sigh with relief. It really isn't that late. We've only been asleep for about an hour. Maybe an hour and a half at the most. Not that long. It's just past 1 a.m. and for a group of campaign workers, that isn't late. And if I keep repeating that, I might actually believe it. 

"That was Margaret," Donna says, hanging up the phone.

"Yeah?"

"She's doing some laundry now and, um, she wanted to know if I had anything that needed to be washed."

"She didn't..."

"No, she didn't suspect anything, Josh. You were listening when I told her we're still working on the numbers. She was a little worried that I wasn't in the room when she got back from the dinner, but she found me."

"And now she wants to do laundry?"

"Yeah."

"Are you going to go do laundry?"

"I think I should... and then I should get some sleep." She is still holding the sheets bunched up at her chest as if she's waiting for me to turn around. Our earlier intimacy didn't guarantee that things wouldn't be awkward later. They're certainly getting awkward now. 

"Yeah. I need some sleep, too. I'm supposed to drive out to Barnwell tomorrow and meet with the Trade Union about a speech," I say, wiping my eyes. I'm still exhausted from not sleeping last night and Donna just added to that exhaustion in the most fantastic way.

"Oh."

I look in her direction, trying to read her expression. It's kind of pouty, the corners of her mouth turned down. She combs her fingers through her hair, trying to get it smooth again, but it looks like bed head. Combine that with her flushed cheeks and she looks like she could have only been doing one thing all evening. 

"You can come with."

"I... shouldn't I stay in the office and answer your phone?" she asks, cocking her head to the side. 

"You're my 'assistant,'" I say with a smile. She smiles back, but it's the kind of smile where she can't believe this is all happening. I can't either. "I think tomorrow I'll need you out of the office with me. So you can, you know, answer my cell phone."

"So I'll still be answering your phone?"

I think for a second, trying to come up with the words to make it sound like I'm not her boss. I'm not, really. Just like it's not really late. Rationalizations fly through my brain faster than campaign promises fly off of a candidate's tongue. 

"Well, we can't do this all day," I say, pointing to our bodies, still covered with the sheet. Donna lets out a nervous laugh and so do I. 

"I don't mind. Answering your phone, that is. I don't mind doing that," she says, glancing at me for barely a second. Her expression grows serious again. "I just don't want you to think that I do this often. Josh, I don't."

"I don't, either," I say. An image flashes through my mind of Mandy. Of the first time we met. Then the first time we had sex shortly after meeting. And finally, of Mandy coming after me for doing this just this once. Donna knows nothing of Mandy. Hell, most of us know nothing of Mandy. She's made herself scarce lately and there's no reason I should feel guilty but I do. That guilt is evenly divided up between Mandy and Donna. 

"I should get going," she says, nodding her head towards the door. 

"Laundry," I say, not knowing what else to say. 

"Yeah."

"Just make sure you don't get your underwear mixed up with Margaret's. I kind of like that pair you had on tonight," I say, looking to where she put her clothing. "Besides, how would you explain that if someone called up and asked about your underwear again?"

"I'll make sure I get my underwear back. Unlike you and Sam, I'd prefer to keep my delicates to myself," she says, standing up off the bed, the sheet still wrapped around her. This exposes me and I grab for a pillow to put on my lap. 

"Sam and I rarely refer to our underwear as 'delicates.' Well, maybe Sam does, but I certainly don't," I say, watching her shuffle about the room as she gathers her clothing. I have a feeling she would rather I didn't watch but I can't help myself. She is attractive and I feel my cock begin to stir again underneath the pillow. I have to say something to ease this tension in the room. "I wish you could stay."

She stops, holding her clothes tight against her chest along with the sheet, and she smiles. 

"I wish I could, too. But I think that perhaps this time, it would be for the best if I went back to my room. Next time ... " her eyes break contact with mine and she stares at the floor. Finally, she looks up at me again. "Next time, I would like that."

"Next time?" I ask, trying to eek out a little more. She nods her head slowly and smiles. "Next time, I'd like that, too."

********************

As I walk down the dark hall back to my room, I can't help but notice the scent of something strong and distinctive coming from me. I lift the collar of my shirt to my nose and sniff.

I smell like... Josh.

And what I did with Josh.

I hope Margaret doesn't notice. That wouldn't be good, especially considering she knows exactly where I've been all night. I feel a pang of guilt as what exactly I did sinks in.

I slept with my boss.

Except Josh isn't exactly my boss in the technical sense of the word. I'm not getting paid to work for him. It would be more accurate to say I am volunteering to help Josh with his job. That sounds better. I should keep telling myself that.

I stop a few steps short of the door. I sweep my hands over my clothes one more time just to make sure everything is tucked and in place. Josh was watching me get dressed and it was distracting. I comb my fingers through my pillow hair again, smoothing it out as best I can. Lastly, I touch my face and my neck. They don't feel as flushed as they were earlier.

I reach in my pocket for my card. Before I can dig it out, the door swings open and Margaret is glaring at me.

"Hi," I say with a nervous grin and wave. Margaret rolls her eyes.

"Donna, thank God," she says, reaching forward for my hand. She pulls me into the room, then looks out into the hall. Down one side, then the other before shutting the door. She locks it up quickly before turning to me. "I was worried about you. Do you know what kind of sleazy men are lurking around this hotel?"

"Men who work on campaigns?" I offer, stepping back she isn't standing too close.

"Besides them," Margaret replies, rolling her eyes again. She walks around me and to one of the beds where she has all her clothes spread out in piles. She starts sorting through her delicates. Josh was wrong. Her panties aren't all that different than mine. I move over to my suitcase and set it on the bed so I can sort, too. The room gets quiet until Margaret adds, "Your mother called."

"My mother?"

"Twice. I told her you were in Josh's room," Margaret says and my stomach starts to tighten. I know my mother. I know what she must be thinking. Especially after what she said last night when I told her I was in Josh and Sam's room.

"Did she say anything... odd to you?" I begin nervously, waving my hands around. My mother can be quite forthcoming. Like me.

"Not really," Margaret says with a shrug. I sigh in relief and go back to picking through my clothes. "Except when I told her to go ahead and call Josh's room. That was odd."

"How was it odd?" I ask as casually as I can. I stop and so does Margaret. She gives me a funny look.

"She said no, that's okay. I don't want to disturb them," she says, then snorts softly. "Disturb what? Stapling?"

"Yeah," I agree much too quickly. I nod and toss my panties on top of hers. "That's all we were doing. We were stapling. I don't know why mother would think she was disturbing anything." Margaret keeps looking at me and then gives me a disappointed frown. Oh God. Has she figured it out? A wave of panic moves through me. "Margaret, what is it?"

"We'd better put our names in our unmentionables," she announces, bending down and digging something out of her box of laundry supplies. She hands a thick pen to me and waits for me to take it. "Here. It's a laundry marker. Write your name on the tags and I'll do the same so we won't get them mixed up."

"Ah," I say, too nervous at the moment to argue with her. I turn around to sit on the edge of the bed. I pick up a pair and hunt for the tag. "You know, maybe we when we're done we should give this pen to Josh and Sam. They wear each other's underwear... "

"How do you know that?" Margaret asks sharply.

"Uh... Josh told me," I stammer, looking over my shoulder at her. She's frowning again and I try to explain. I waved the pen around as I talk. "Earlier at the campaign office? This obscene caller asked about the color of my underwear. It upset me so Josh said something funny about his underwear. Only it wasn't his underwear he was wearing. It was Sam's."

"Oh, that guy," Margaret says knowingly. She picks up the pile of colors and puts them into a basket. "He calls all the time. Pervert. What color was it?"

"My underwear?"

"Sam's underwear," Margaret clarifies, picking up the basket by the handles and walking over to me. Her face flushes over a little. "Not that I am interested in Sam or his underwear...people shouldn't date on the campaign trail. It wouldn't be professional."

"It's blue," I say and Margaret flushes a little more. I give her an innocent look. "And people shouldn't date on the campaign trail? At all?"

"Well, some people are. But it's not a good idea, especially if we make it to the White House. It puts people in compromising positions. Or that's what Leo says," she explains, lowering her voice and leaning in a bit. "But I still think Sam Seaborn is very handsome, don't you?"

"Yeah," I agree, nodding my head and Margaret smiles.

"I'll get this load started and I'll be back," she says, heading for the door. "And be sure to lock up behind me, Donna."

"I will," I tell her, watching her go. I set the marker and my panties aside and put my head in my hands.

According to Margaret, this thing I've started with Josh isn't going to go over too well. And unlike me, Josh actually gets paid to work for Mr. McGarry, who says this puts people in compromising positions. I suppose it does. Or it could. Maybe I should break it off now before it goes to far.

I lift the collar of my shirt to my nose again, breathing in the warm scent of Josh and realize I can't.

I want there to be a next time.

********************

Somewhere on Highway 362  
South Carolina  
February 8, 1998

"Where the hell are we?" 

"I don't know," Donna says, opening the map and struggling to find out where we are. She looks up at a passing road sign and then back down at the map, her fingers traveling over the lines.

"And how can it be so damn cold in a state with South in its name?" I ask, pushing the lever on the heat over a notch. 

"It's cold in South Dakota," Donna adds, still trying to figure out the map. After a minute, she gives up with a resigned sigh. "We're lost."

"No kidding," I say, pulling out my cell phone and handing it to her. "Here. Call the office. Have them reschedule the appointment because there's no way we're going to be in Barnwell by two p.m. We won't even be able to find Barnwell by two."

I listen as Donna calls the office and tells someone to rearrange our schedule and all I hear is a lot of 'uh huhs' and 'yeahs' before she hangs up. "We're in luck. Senator Dixon already called and canceled."

"What?! You've got to be kidding me? Oh, fuck. This is just what we need right now. Who did you talk to?" I ask, my voice rising in pitch as I reach for the phone. 

"Sam. I talked to Sam," she says, sounding nervous. She's been a little nervous around me all day and my sudden outburst just added to it. Her eyes get huge as I angrily hit the buttons on the phone, dialing Sam. 

Unable to concentrate on where the hell I'm driving, I pull off to the side of the road, cut the ignition and get out. Donna gets out too, and follows me as I start walking down highway... whatever the hell this is. 

"Sam? What the hell's going on with Senator Dixon? I thought he we had his support? I've been driving around Rat Fuck, South Carolina for hours now looking for his little meeting with the South Carolina Democratic Trade Union only to find out he canceled it?" I yell. Sam tries to interrupt me several times during my tirade but I'm too upset to stop now. "Why did he do it? Who is he giving his support to now? Don't tell me he's backing Hoynes?" 

"No, he's backing Wiley," Sam manages to get out and I damn near scream. Here I am walking down some hick farm road learning that the state's only Democratic Senator -- perhaps the state's only politician who's not completely in the deep pockets of big tobacco -- is throwing his support over to Wiley who we desperately need to beat. It was amazing that he was ever elected and we wanted his support. I turn to look at Donna, who's keeping pace with me and now she looks truly frightened. 

"Why? Leo said he was with us. Leo said he had him last night. Why is he doing this now?" I ask but before he can answer, I cut him off. "Listen, I've got to go. We'll talk about it when we get back. That is if we can ever find our way back."

I hang up the phone and toss it to Donna, who catches it easily. "This is bad?" she asks, following me back to the car. 

"This is bad in so many ways I can't even begin to count them," I say, stopping in front of our rental car. I look up to the gray, winter sky and shake my head. "We have the support of a few of the Representatives, but Leo worked so damn hard to get Senator Dixon on board with us. I have no clue what might have happened."

"Why is he important?" she asks, her voice not so nervous now and it is actually... calming. We both lean against the hood of the car, looking a lot like stranded motorists. I just like being with her. She asks a lot of questions but it gives me a chance to show off my vast wealth of knowledge and unlike the others around me, she still listens. 

"He was one of the few in this state who backed the Governor's ideas for the family health bill. A lot of that hinges on anti-smoking and tobacco measures. He knew it might cost him reelection, but he still was interested in it. Without him ... " 

"The bill won't pass?"

"We have to win the election first," I say, and she nods her head. "Hell, we have to work with the party and put a platform together yet. When we do win, which is a longshot at this point, we have to get someone on our team to introduce the legislation and sponsor it. The official legislative process begins when a bill or resolution is numbered and if someone from the South... do you understand any of this?"

She starts singing something. Actually starts singing here, on the hood of the car somewhere in South Carolina. "I'm just a bill, yes, I'm only a bill, and I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill ... "

"What in the hell is that?" I ask and she smiles. 

"Schoolhouse Rock." She can't be serious.

"Please say you didn't learn all your civics lessons from Saturday morning television?" 

"That's the only one I really remember. And if you recall, I did major in ... "

"Political science and government. How many classes did you take in that field of study, by the way?" I ask and she folds her hands together, puffing air into them. It's cold out here and only getting colder. I reach for hands and hold onto them. That makes her smile. I can't help but smile, too. 

"Two. Two classes. Don't forget about my other majors," she says, looking down at our hands. Her fingers are now entwined with mine and it sends a rush of warmth through my entire body. 

"You want to get lunch?" I ask and she looks around at the nothingness around us. "We passed a diner a few miles back. I think I can find it again."

She doesn't let go of my hand, but nods her head. "Sure. I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

**************

Deb's Diner   
Padgetts, South Carolina

"This doesn't look well done," Josh says, inspecting his burger and then glaring up at the waitress. "I specifically asked for well done. The edges aren't even black."

"That would be burnt, honey. You want me to take it back and tell the cook you want it burnt?" she says, putting her hand on her hip defiantly. I look back at Josh and wait for another tantrum like the one in the car.

"No. That's okay. Just have the ambulance standing by when I fall over from the Ebola virus," Josh replies, giving her a patronizing smile. She reaches into her apron for her notepad, tears off our bill and slaps it on the table.

"You can pay the cashier when you're done," she says to me before walking away. I reach for the ticket, but Josh quickly intercepts my hand.

"I got it," he announces, looking it over quickly before shoving it in his breast pocket. I stare at him and Josh squirms uncomfortably in his seat. "I'll expense it, Donna. Don't worry about it."

"I have some money," I tell him even though I don't. I only have what's left of my last paycheck and I used most of that for gas money to New Hampshire. I probably will have to sell my car when we get back. I pick up my fork and mix the dressing around my salad. Josh looks at his burger again before putting it back together.

"Save it. You'll need it," he says, finally taking a bite. He makes a face and I can tell it's not cooked enough for him. Josh sets it back down in disgust.

"Want some of my salad?" I offer, gesturing to it with the fork. "I'm pretty sure you won't catch Ebola from a salad."

"No. They'll be food at the thing tonight," Josh says, twisting his plate around so the fries are in front of him. He picks up two and shoves them into his mouth. "Do you want to come?"

"To the thing?"

"Yeah. It's not a private function like last night's was. Bartlet is the keynote speaker at the monthly meeting of the Southern Farmers Community Coalition. It's open to the public," Josh says, talking with his mouth full. He swallows hard then wipes his greasy fingers on a napkin.

"Sounds exciting," I say, reaching over for a fry. "But I would like to hear Bartlet speak."

"He's something, Donna," Josh says, pushing his plate in my direction and talking with his hands. "The first time I saw him speak was in Nashua at a VFW hall. This businessman stood up and told the Governor his vote against the New England Dairy Farming Compact hurt him financially to the tune of ten cents a gallon. The guy asked for an explanation and do you know what Bartlet said?"

I shake my head and let Josh continue.

"He told the guy he got hosed because one in five Americans living in poverty are children. And he voted against the bill because he didn't want it to be hard for people to buy milk," Josh finishes, shaking his head in amazement. "That's when I knew he was the real thing, Donna. And then I went and got Sam."

"Margaret likes Sam," I say, taking another fry. Josh raises both eyebrows up as I nibble on it. "She said so after I said you and Sam swap underwear."

Josh blinks at me curiously. "Wait. You discussed my underwear with Margaret?"

"No. I discussed Sam's underwear with Margaret," I reassure him. "And she also said Mr. McGarry thinks people shouldn't date on the campaign trail."

That makes Josh look queasy. Maybe he is getting Ebola. Or maybe he's having second thoughts about this. About me. I sit back in the booth and fold my hands in my lap. I probably shouldn't have said that. I have a habit of talking too much.

"What else?" Josh asks nervously and I look down at my hands.

"That he thinks it will put people in compromising positions," I say and Josh is quiet.

I lift my eyes to his and find him staring at me that way again. It makes me forget everything Margaret said. My heart speeds up a little as I think about what we did last night. Josh must be thinking about it, too because his eyes sweep over me longingly.

"What do you think, Donna?" he asks. The longing is in his voice as well and I actually feel it.

"I think he's probably right," I say, staring right back at him. "What do you think?"

"I think we don't tell him," Josh answers simply, leaning forward and reaching under the table for my hands. He winds his fingers around mine and my heart speeds up even more. "I also think we don't have to stay all night at the monthly meeting of the Southern Farmers Community Coalition."

We exchange this knowing look. Josh squeezes my hand a little tighter and smiles. I love the way Josh smiles. Especially at me.

"I still want to hear Bartlet speak," I say with a little pout.

"You will. I promise we'll stay long enough for that."

*************

Elk's Lodge  
Charleston, South Carolina

"I don't understand," Donna says softly, moving closer to me. I lean over until our heads are nearly touching, glad that no one is paying any attention to either of us. Right now we look closer than volunteer and... whatever I am to her. 

"Understand what?" I whisper. 

"We don't want tobacco money, right?" she asks. "You mentioned that this afternoon. Something about anti-smoking and tobacco."

"Yeah. I mean, no. We don't want their money."

"Then what are we doing here?" she asks, looking around the room. "What are we doing in a room filled with members of the Southern Farmers Community Coalition? What do Southern farmers grow?"

"Lots of things," I say, shrugging my shoulders. She gives me a look of disbelief. "We aren't here to take the money from big tobacco, Donna."

"Then what are we here to do?" she asks again and I tilt my head in the direction of Governor Bartlet just as he finishes up the speech Sam and Toby prepared for him. A speech that probably isn't going to get a single dollar out of any of these pockets but a speech that didn't go all the way out to offend them. 

"We have to beat Wiley. That's all," I whisper and she looks at me now. "Wiley listens to them. To their concerns. Now we're listening to them. I don't think Dixon knew that this was arranged. His big thing is taking care of the tobacco farmer. Not big tobacco but the communities that have thrived on this industry for years."

"What if he knew? Would he be back?"

"If he knew about this?" I ask, nodding my head in the direction of the farmers, some asking questions of Bartlet. Most ask the same thing over and over, wondering what we plan to do for their tobacco farming communities. "Dixon is playing games right now. Trying to figure out which horse to bet all his money on. How he's going to win the toughest reelection campaign ever."

"So he might be back?" she asks. 

"I don't know. Leo will probably have to talk to him again. He'll hear about this."

"But he might?"

"Yeah."

We both stop to listen to a man ask what his family is supposed to do if people like us try to make smoking illegal. Donna leans closer to me, with a puzzled look on her face. 

"Doesn't the Governor smoke? I saw him... you know, bumming a cigarette from someone," she says and I interrupt her by touching a fingertip to her lips. 

"Shh... don't tell anyone," I whisper back as if it's some big secret we have to keep from the world and I pull my hand away before anyone can notice. 

"Okay," she says, looking down at her feet. I look down, too, before my eyes travel back up over her body. Her outfit is nice, even though her dress is far too light for the weather tonight. It's soft and pink and she looks terrific. It looks new, probably just bought this afternoon for the occasion of meeting Bartlet. 

"Donna?"

"Yeah?" 

"We just want tobacco to pay their share without taking it out on these people."

"Okay."

"Donna?" 

"Yeah?" She looks back up at me, our eyes locked together. 

"Speaking of paying, how are you going to pay for the dress?" I ask and she blushes with embarrassment, her hand passing over the fabric. Maybe she didn't buy it for meeting Bartlet. Maybe she bought it... for me?

"I have some money."

"How much was it?" 

"I have enough for a dress, Josh," she says, her expression telling me not to push it any further. I should quit while I'm ahead but I don't want her to spend her money unless it's necessary. The campaign is just beginning and I can't make any promises that she'll ever be put on the payroll at this point. 

"Donna, you don't have enough money to dry clean that dress ... "

She stiffens and stands even taller and I back off. I don't know what her last boyfriend expected of her. Probably wanted her all dolled up to go to his medical society meetings on his arm. I don't want her to feel that she needs to be that with me. 

"Josh... I'll be okay," she says and this time I let the issue of money drop. 

"It's a nice dress," I add after we listen to the Governor answer a few more questions. My comment and the fact that I have to lean in really close to whisper it to her puts a smile on her face. I move away and her hand brushes against mine for just a few seconds and the urge to get out of here sweeps over me. We haven't discussed all day whether we are going to continue this or not. Maybe it was just a one time thing. I know we said 'next time' but maybe she's had second thoughts about it since then. I know I have but I can't help it. I want her. I want this.

She turns to me, as if she's going to say something but then changes her mind. I edge closer to her and she opens her mouth and then closes it. "What?" I ask. 

"When can we get out of here?" she asks, her face flush. She puts her hand up to her chest right after she asks, looking away from me. 

I look at my watch and then look around the room. Everything seems to be under control here for now. I look over at Toby and he seems happy with the Governor's presentation. Sam is busy with CJ and Leo is nowhere to be found. 

"I think we can go now," I say and we both head toward the exit. 

***********

Beaumonts   
Charleston, South Carolina

Josh pulls a chair out for me and I inspect it first before sitting down to make sure there is nothing on it. I can't get anything on this dress or else I won't be able to return it in the morning. And I have to be able to return it. Josh was right earlier; I can't afford it, but I wanted to look nice. For him. I wanted to look nice for him.

"Thank you," I say as he scoots the chair in towards the table, then moves around to seat himself. I set my purse down and survey the bar. Every farmer that wasn't at the meeting must be in here. I look back at Josh and give him a smile. "This place is... nice."

"This place is a dive," Josh says as he scoots himself in close to me. "But everything in this town is. I've never seen so many damn John Deere tractors in my life."

"You've obviously never been to Wisconsin," I say, folding my hands on the table. Josh reaches over to separate them, then tucks his hand in mine.

"I'll be there next month," Josh replies. "And so will you. There's a campaign stop scheduled in Madison."

"There is?" I inquire, my smile fading. I'm sure my mother will come and so will Ethan when they find out. She'll try and persuade me to stay and go back to school. And Ethan will probably gloat. Both thoughts leave me unsettled and I know it shows because Josh frowns.

"Yeah. I thought you'd be happy to... "

"How are you folks doing? Can I get you anything to drink?" a waitress asks, dropping two little square napkins in front of us. She catches us both off guard, but I'm grateful for the diversion. I really don't want to talk about Madison right now.

"Yeah. I'd like a Bud Light. Donna?"

"A Bud Light is fine," I say and the waitress gives me a funny look. Maybe she doesn't understand me. "I mean, I'll have one, too."

"I need to see some ID," she says and I now I give her a funny look. She can't be serious. Josh lets go of my hand and wriggles around in his seat, looking everywhere but at me. I keep staring at her. She is serious.

"I am over twenty-one," I assure her with a nod. I wave my hand over my chest. "Really. I am."

"I'm sure you are, I just need to see some ID," she answers, waiting.

"Ah. Okay. Just... just let me get it," I mutter, reaching down to retrieve my purse. I know my face is red. I fish around for my driver's license and hand it to her. She looks it over quickly and gives it right back.

"Thanks," she says, backing away from the table. "Two Bud Lights coming up."

Before I can put it away, Josh snaps my license out of my hand. I reach for it, but he holds it just beyond my grasp.

"Josh, it's a bad picture... "

"No, it's not," he says, stealing a peek at it before giving it back. "You're twenty-two?" he asks, his eyes huge.

"Twenty-three," I correct, putting it away immediately. I set my purse back on the floor. "How old did you think I was?"

"Older than that. Twenty-five? Twenty-six?"

"Is that a problem?" I ask, frowning slightly. I narrow my eyes at him. "How old are you?"

"About ten years older than that."

"Than twenty-three?"

"Twenty-six," Josh corrects, folding his hands now and looking at them.

"Ah," I say, straightening up in my chair. That would make Josh thirty-six. "I don't have a problem with dating older men... "

"We should probably talk about that."

"Older men?"

"No. Dating," Josh begins, his eyes lifting up to mine. And then it gets awkwardly quiet. He gives me this apologetic look before continuing. "I can't exactly date you, Donna... "

Now I understand why he wanted to leave the meeting with me instead of waiting for Dixon. He's changed his mind and he wanted to tell me before anything else happens between us. My heart sinks into my chest.

"What I mean is, you and I, we really can't... "

I raise my hand and motion for him to stop talking.

"Y-you don't have to explain, Josh. I understand. Really I do. I know what Margaret said and what you said. It was a mistake, okay? This was a mistake... "

I start to get up, but Josh catches my hand and I sit back down. He holds onto me as he leans in, disappointment in his eyes.

"You think last night was a mistake?"

"No," I say, shaking my head. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Last night was not one of them. "I don't. Do you?"

"No," Josh exhales, wrapping his other hand around mine.

"But you said you can't date me... "

"No, but I still want... " Josh stops as he tries to find the words to explain what he trying to say. He stares off for a second or two, his thumb caressing my hand thoughtfully. He closes his eyes and smiles to himself as he whispers one word. "You."

Just the way Josh says that warms me all the way down my body. I have to stop and catch my breath before I can speak.

"Then what are we going to do?" I ask, staring at him. Josh opens his eyes again and I say it again. This time, it's not a question. This is obviously going to be a problem. If not now, then later on. "Josh, what *are* we going to do."

"What we're doing now?" he offers, then sighs. "I'll figure out something, Donna."

"Should I work for someone else? Sam? Should I work with Sam?"

"Do you want to work with Sam?" Josh asks, although it's quite obvious he doesn't want that. He wants... me.

"No. I want to work with you."

"Is that all you want?" Josh asks, lowering his tone considerably. I get all warm again and this time that warmth seems to concentrate itself in my lower abdomen.

"No," I say, keeping my eyes locked with his. I lower my voice, too. "I want you."

*****************

Holiday Inn  
Charleston, South Carolina

"Slower... slower," she whispers, her voice so soft I can barely make out the words. 

"Sorry," I say, moving my hand away and stepping back. "I didn't mean to ... "

"No, that's okay. It's just... " she starts to say, grabbing for my hands and holding on to them. "It's just that last night was so ... "

"Sudden?" I fill in and she smiles. 

"Yeah. Sudden."

We both stand there, somewhere between the door and the bed, and watch each other. Watching and waiting for someone to make the next move or to say something. 

"Sudden... but good?" I ask, looking down to where our hands are joined. She pulls one hand out of mine and puts it on my cheek, forcing me to look up and into her eyes. 

"Yeah," she says, nodding her head. 

"Good enough to do again?" I ask and her thumb brushes over my bottom lip. 

"Oh, yeah," she says before pulling me towards her, our mouths meeting, her tongue not wasting time before she's parted my lips and is exploring more. It's good even though she tastes faintly of beer and the breath mint I saw her pop into her mouth in the car. 

I back away from her mouth until only our foreheads are touching. "I thought you said slower."

"I was wrong. I want this. I want you. I don't care how," she says, and I slide a hand up the fabric of her dress, touching her breasts through the light material. She presses against my hand and moans just a little, but enough to make me smile at the sound. She steps out of her heels and kicks them away as I lift up the hem of her dress to her waist. I tug her pantyhose down over her underwear and then lower over her hips until she finishes for me. Letting her dress fall down again, I take a breath, trying to slow this down. 

Now it's her turn, and her fingers loosen the knot on my tie and pull it out of under my collar before dropping it on the floor. Soon all my clothes follows and I'm standing naked and somewhat embarrassed before her while she still has on her dress. 

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"I like the dress. I really do. But do you think ... " I start to ask as my hands try to figure out how to get it off of her. She gently pushes me away and steps back.

"I'll do it. Hold on," she says, carefully taking the garment off. As she drapes it over the chair, the price tag falls from the collar. 

"You, um... forgot to take that off," I say and she doesn't look at me. She just looks at the dress. 

"I was in a hurry. We were late," she offers as an excuse after thinking about it a moment too long. 

"It's a nice dress. It looks great on you," I say again, biting my tongue before I can ask how she paid for it. "It does. Not as great as what you have on now, but it looks nice."

My eyes dart all over her body, trying to take it all in again. She swings her hair off her shoulders with a nervous gesture and smiles at me. "Thank you," she says, and I can tell she's still fighting the urge to cross her arms over herself. 

"May I?" I ask, stepping towards her. My finger runs down her chest until it reaches the front clasp of her bra. She nods at me and I unfasten it, letting it slide over her shoulders and down her arms. I cup her now naked breast with the palm of my hand again, and she leans into it just like she did earlier. Her mouth falls open as I move my fingers across her, feeling her nipple harden against my touch. 

"I can't wait," she says pushing me back towards the bed. "Slow. Fast. I just ... "

"I know," I say as I hit the edge of the bed and end up sitting. I pull down her underwear and she kicks them away quickly. "God ... " 

I pull her towards me, my tongue dancing across her skin, my head swimming as she whimpers under my touch. Her fingers go through my hair, nails brushing softly against my scalp. 

Donna pushes me back onto the bed and straddles me, my erection brushing against her sex. She's warm and wet and I'm more than ready for this... this thing we've fallen into. 

She lowers herself, opening up to me and I slide in easily. We stay there, still for a few moments and I look up at her. I can't believe I just met this woman. I can't believe we haven't been doing this forever. It feels right. Wrong and right and there is no damn justification except that I want it. 

"I need to move," she says, her voice soft and filled with the same desperate desire that I'm feeling. 

"Move then," I say, my hands wrapping around her waist to guide her. "I need to feel you move."

And she does. 

****************

"Josh... " I say in a whispery hiss as I rise up, then sink down as far as I can. My insides practically melt around him and it feels so good. I do it again and Josh lets out this ragged groan.

"Oh yeah," he exhales, his hands leaving my waist and trailing down my thighs. His fingers press into them as I glide up and down some more at the same pace. I want this, but I want this slower than before. I have to restrain myself from going any faster because it is so good.

"Is this okay?" I ask and Josh nods. I lean forward and hold onto his shoulders so my hips can move freely. My hair sweeps off my shoulder and the ends fall against his chest and face. Josh bites his lower lip to suppress a laugh.

"That tickles," he says, taking a hand off my thigh and bringing it up. He tries to tuck my hair back behind my ear, but it doesn't stay. I dip a little lower so my breasts brush across his chest. Now Josh is smiling from ear to ear. So am I. "And that feels wonderful. You feel wonderful."

"Yes, I do," I mumble as this pleasant hum starts vibrating through my body. Josh raises an eyebrow and I rephrase that. "I mean, you feel wonderful, too."

"Yeah," Josh concurs, bringing his other hand up. He cups my breasts, then slides his thumbs along the tips.

"Do that again," I plead in a raspy voice. Ethan stopped paying attention to little details like my breasts long ago. I make that thought go away because Josh isn't like Ethan. He smoothes his fingers across my breasts first and then does it again. They harden even more. Oh God. Josh isn't anything like Ethan at all.

"Like that?" he asks.

"Yes, just like that," I say, lower my mouth to his. I kiss him deeply, then sit up again. Josh sighs happily as I finally move a little faster. He slides one hand back to my waist and the other down even lower. My heart pounds even louder as his fingers slip past my curls to touch me there. I swallow hard and rock against them, too.

"How about here?" Josh asks, looking up at me with this eager expression. All I can do is nod. The friction is heavenly and I can't hold back much longer.

"Right there is good. Right there is... " Oh God. I keep moving as this intense, tingling throb begins.

"I saw you... touch yourself here... last night," Josh says between thrusts. I lift one hand from his shoulder and splay my fingers across his lips to silence him. I'm so close now. So close... 

"Joshua. Josh... oh Josh," I cry out as it finally hits. I stop moving as the pleasure peaks and then pulses out. I close my eyes as I contract around him, each one just as good as next. I am oblivious to anything else but that amazing sensation until it's almost over.

I suddenly realize I am still rocking, but it's Josh's hips that are moving. I slide my hand off his lips and put it back on his shoulder to hold on as he thrusts up and into me. I open my eyes and stare curiously down at Josh.

"I need to move," he says with a shy, little grin. I smile.

"Move then," I tell him, trying to meet each thrust with one of my own. My nerves and muscles are still hovering close and I think I might even... Josh grabs my hips and goes a little harder and faster. Oh. I think I definitely will again. "Joshua... Josh... "

"Donna?" he gasps, cutting me off as his eyes fly open with surprise. He thrusts one, two, three more times before finally succumbing himself. I can feel him and that makes me quiver in little shudders all over again. Josh makes this low, satisfied sound as he stops moving altogether. He closes his eyes in exhaustion but smiles smugly. "Twice, Donna?"

"Twice," I assure him as I collapse down into his arms. His body is so warm and so is mine and we just cling to each other, trying to catch our breaths. I ease my body off of his and stretch my legs out. His arms fold around me and I bury my face in his neck, nuzzling close.

I wish I had an explanation for this or for us. Something to make sense of why this is happening so fast or even at all. I hardly know Josh; he hardly knows me. Yet, this seems so right. We are so right that it doesn't seem possible we just met three days ago.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"We did meet three days ago, right?" I ask, just wanting to confirm it.

"Yeah," Josh says, messing around with my hair. He tucks it behind my ear again and this time it stays.

"Maybe we were meant to. Meet. Do this. Something."

"Something," Josh agrees in sleepy voice.

Only neither one of us gets to sleep because suddenly something starts ringing somewhere. It sounds muffled. I lift my head off Josh's shoulder and stare at the phone on the nightstand. It's not what's ringing.

"It's my cell phone," Josh says, recognizing it immediately. We unwrap ourselves from one another, both unsure of what to do. Josh looks concerned, but he doesn't move. And it doesn't stop ringing.

"Maybe you should answer it," I tell him. "You could be anywhere, Josh. It doesn't mean they suspect... it doesn't mean anything."

"Yeah," he says, scooting off the bed naked. I lie back down and watch as Josh bends over to pick up his pants. He digs the cell phone out of the pocket, hits a couple buttons and presses it to his ear.

"Yeah," he says, coming back to sit on the edge of the bed. Whoever is on the other end is speaking so loud even I can hear them. "Wait. He did? Fuck. Leo... "

Leo. Mr. McGarry.

I sit up and try to listen. I can't quite make out what he's saying, but from the look on Josh's face, it's not good. I sit up and move behind Josh. I touch his shoulder and he stiffens. I pull my hand away and fold my arms around myself.

"Did you talk to him? What did he say? Oh shit," Josh continues, raising his hand to eyes. He rubs them and then nods into the phone. "Yeah. Okay. I will."

Josh claps the phone shut and throws it back on the floor, on the pile of clothes. Hard. He sighs and lowers his head, shaking it back and forth for a minute. I think he forgets I'm here until I touch his shoulder again. Josh's head snaps up and he turns to look at me.

"Josh, what it is?" I ask. The look in his eyes makes me feel uneasy. Something has happened. Something bad. "Josh?"

"It's... Dixon," Josh says, sounding upset. Or angry. Maybe both. "He showed up. He showed up to talk to me."

******************

Part III

Holiday Inn  
Charleston, South Carolina

"I gotta tell you, Josh, that was stupid. Just stupid," Leo says, and I swear he spits out that last 'stupid' with a little added venom. I guess I deserve it.

"I know. I'm sorry. I went back to my room to work on some things and I ... " 

"What in the hell did you have to work on that was more important than being there tonight? I could've used you when Dixon showed up. He really wanted to talk to you," Leo says and I wipe my hand across my eyes. That fails to wipe away this whole fiasco. 

We walk down the corridor toward Leo's room. Sam and Toby are already there, working on this latest crisis and the next crisis that will follow. A crisis that could have been avoided if only ... 

I don't even want to think about it right now. I have to keep my head in the game and find a solution to this. Donna... God, Donna. She's a distraction and I'm not sure I can give that distraction up. 

It's different with Mandy. Nothing ever gets in the way of work with Mandy. Nothing is more important than work to Mandy. Not even me. 

"Will he talk to me tomorrow?" I ask Leo and he nods, sliding the electronic key card into the lock and opening the door for me. "I mean, can I go talk to him? Fix this?"

"You bet your ass you'll be talking to him tomorrow," he says, both of us entering his suite. Sam and Toby are sitting around a table, their heads buried in their laptops and neither one does more than glances up at us briefly. Leo tosses his jacket onto a chair but doesn't loosen his tie. Actually, I'm the only person in the room who doesn't have a tie on. "You have an appointment with the Senator at 4 p.m.... in DC."

"DC? Why DC? I can see him here," I start to say but Leo interrupts me.

"He had to go back to the Hill for a committee meeting. That's why he wanted to see you tonight. You should've been there, Josh," Leo says, picking up some messages and glancing them over. He looks at me over his glasses and I look down at my feet. I fucked up. I know it. They just don't know to the exact depths this fuck up has gone. "Take your... your helper with you. What's her name?" 

"Donna," I say, still not looking at him. 

"Yeah. Take her with so I don't have Margaret worrying about giving her something to do tomorrow," he says, shuffling through more messages. 

"I can use her ... " Sam says, and our eyes meet. He cocks his head to the side and I have no clue what it is he sees in my expression, but he changes his mind fast. "Or not. It's better that she goes with you." 

"Yeah," I answer, not knowing what else to say. He watches me just a little longer before focusing on his laptop again. I don't know what he's thinking but it can't be good. Sam would never say anything. Not intentionally, anyway. 

"Are you two finished with that yet?" Leo asks and Toby looks up at him right as someone knocks on the door. "That's probably CJ."

"I'll get it," I say, doing anything to escape the scrutiny of this group. I open the door to find CJ standing there, looking exhausted. 

"Nice of you to take the night off, Josh," she says, breezing past me. "Okay, can anything else go wrong yet today?" 

"I don't know. It's only 11:45 p.m. That leaves fifteen minutes for a tragedy to strike ... " Sam starts to say but one cold look from Leo ends that line of talk. "Or you can look at it this way -- we rarely screw stuff up in only fifteen minutes. We need more time than that."

"Tell me it isn't all going to be like this?" CJ asks and Toby, Sam and Leo say nothing. Neither do I, considering I seem to be the person who fucked up the most today. "Okay, tell me it's not going to get much worse?"

"Josh is going to DC tomorrow to see what we can repair with Dixon. Sam and I are working on the next speech where we slam a large population of this state and still expect them to vote for us. And Leo is still yelling at Josh for being stupid. It can't get much worse," Toby says, but I'm sure he doesn't really mean it. 

"We aren't even in the game yet, folks. It's going to get worse before it gets better. You can trust me on that one," Leo says. CJ sighs and flops into one of the chairs and looks at me. 

"Where in the hell did you go tonight anyway?" she asks and I answer the same way I did when Leo asked. 

"I went back to my room ... " I start and she brushes me off with a wave of her hand. 

I sit down at the table and clear away some empty soda cans so I can grab a legal pad and start working on what I'm going to say to Dixon tomorrow. 

"I hope you didn't get any sleep while you were in your room," CJ says, and my eyes meet hers. She doesn't know. None of them know. How could they? They think I'm with Mandy. They would never suspect this thing. I can hardly believe this thing. A couple of days. I've known her for only a couple of days and already it's gotten to me. I can't let it get to me like this. 

"No, I, um... didn't sleep while I was working in my room," I answer, looking away from her glare. 

"Good," she says with a laugh. "I'd really be angry at you now if you'd been sleeping instead of working."

"Yeah," I say. 

I can only imagine what any of them would say if they knew what I was doing. 

**********

Bartlet for America Office   
Charleston, South Carolina  
February 9, 1998

"Bartlet for America, Leo McGarry's office," Margaret says, answering the phone on the first ring with amazing efficiency. I look up from the computer, hoping it's Josh. I haven't seen or spoken with Josh since he left last night to meet with Mr. McGarry and no one seems to know where he is this morning.

"Is it Josh?" I mouth and Margaret's expression changes to one of mortification. She shakes her head, making the flip curls framing her face swing about.

"Look, I don't know who you are, but my underwear isn't any of your business. This is a campaign office, sir, and if you are not calling to assist in getting Governor Bartlet elected... excuse me? No, I don't know what kind of underwear the Governor has on," she snaps, then slams the phone down. Margaret shudders. "That guy needs some therapy."

"Yeah," I say, trying not to look as worried as I feel. I turn back at the computer screen, take a deep breath and attempt to keep working.

I fail, because all I can think about is Josh.

I waited in his room until about midnight and then I waited in my room for at least a phone call. Something, anything so I would know that everything is all right. Even Margaret doesn't know what exactly happened with Senator Dixon. All she knows is Mr. McGarry blames Josh for not being there when the Senator showed up.

And I'm sure Josh blames me.

"Bartlet for America, Leo McGarry's office," Margaret says from behind me. "Hello, Ms. Hampton. No, no he isn't. I'll let his assistant know. Yes. Josh has an assistant now. A few days. Okay. Good-bye." I heard her put the phone down and move around. "Donna, when you see Josh, tell him Ms. Hampton can meet with him tomorrow."

"Yeah, okay," I say, half-heartedly and to myself. "When I see Josh... "

"Donna? What's wrong?" Margaret says, coming back over to me. She perches herself on the desk and folds her arms. "You seem distracted. Did Josh upset you?"

I blink up at her and laugh nervously. "Why do think Josh upset me?"

Margaret purses her lips. "Because Josh upsets everyone eventually. And you jump every time the phone rings and ask if it's him."

"It's just he... disappeared last night and I don't know where he is," I say, looking down at the keyboard to avoid her questioning gaze. She didn't say anything last night when I came back to the room late again. All she did was look at me the way she's looking at me now.

"I know what this is about," Margaret begins, putting her hand on my shoulder. "You need to stop this, Donna."

"Stop what?" I ask, making myself look at her. I wave my hand about and feign innocence. "I-I don't what you're talking about."

"Stop worrying about Josh. This is not a reflection of you as an assistant. Everyone knows how Josh is. This isn't the first time he's messed something up. It's not going to be the last," she says knowingly, then looks up and past me. "Wait, here comes Josh now."

I turn around and stand up just in time to see Josh weave his way through the phones and volunteers. He doesn't even make eye contact with anyone as he heads for his office, then disappears inside it. I look back at Margaret.

"I should go see if he needs anything," I say, gesturing in that direction and Margaret nods.

"That would probably be a good idea. He looks like he could use some help," she says, sliding into the seat I just vacated. I give her a weak smile and then head for Josh's office.

I walk fast, but then slow down as I approach his door to peer inside first. Josh is throwing things into a box on his desk, things we just unpacked a couple days ago. The speed and force in which he's doing it makes me even more nervous that what I already am.

"Josh," I say, loud enough to get his attention. He looks up, his eyes wild and unfocused.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing?" I ask as I stand in the threshold. My fingers play with my--Josh's ID badge to keep them from trembling. I wish I knew what was going on. With the Senator. With Josh. With ... us.

"What does it look like, Donna? I'm packing," he says, not stopping.

"I can see that. Why are you packing?"

"Because I'm leaving in an hour," he answers, spinning around and grabbing a stack of files off the floor. He thumbs through them before dropping a few into the box.

"Leaving," I repeat as I venture into his office. I need a little clarification. "Leaving Charleston? Leaving the campaign? Leaving... "

"For DC," Josh replies with a huff. He drops the files on the floor and finally stops. Josh rubs his eyes and I can tell wherever he was, he didn't get any sleep last night. He looks like he desperately needs sleep.

"You're leaving for DC... in an hour," I say, still struggling to figure out what exactly this means. Is he leaving permanently? Did Mr. McGarry reassign him somewhere else? Did Josh ask to be... 

"Yeah," he says, his eyes meeting mine. And I can't read his expression at all. Josh waves his hand at me, at the door. "You better get Margaret to take you back to the hotel so you can get packed up, too."

"Packed up?" I say apprehensively. I stare at Josh, realizing this can only mean one thing. My voice cracks as I ask to confirm it. "Are you firing me?"

Josh blinks at me, then gives me his odd grin. He shakes his head.

"No. You're coming to DC with me."

******************

McDonald's  
Somewhere off I-95 North

"What's happening?" I ask, waking up with a start. The car stopped moving and the change brought me out of some horrible dream I was having about losing the primary. 

"I thought you could use some coffee," Donna says. We're sitting in a drive through line at McDonald's and I look at the clock in the dashboard. 

"I've been asleep that long?" I ask, wiping my hands across my face as I try to wake all the way up. 

"Yeah."

"And you're getting me coffee?" I ask. The weather is dreary outside and the heat is turned up a little too high. I suppose that's why I slept so long. That and I didn't get to go to bed last night. None of us did. 

"Don't expect it too often," Donna says, rolling down the window to place the order. She turns to me before replying to the garbled voice that came out of the menu board. "Want anything else?"

"No. No, I'm fine," I say. The thought of fast food right now just turns my already queasy stomach. I think I'm working on an ulcer. I'm probably going to have it for the next several years if all goes right. 

"Two large coffees. That will be all," she shouts out the window before rolling it up and pulling the car forward. 

"You're a brave, brave woman," I say and she turns to look at me, puzzled. "Drinking coffee from here at noon. God only knows how long it's been in that pot."

"Coffee is coffee. My dad used to heat it up in the microwave hours after he turned off the pot. My mother hated that. She would have no part of it. Would never bring him a cup because of it," she says, reaching for her purse. I stop her and pull a few dollar bills out of my wallet. 

"Your father sounds like an interesting man, although how a man strung out on stale caffeine could not be interesting, I do not know," I say and she laughs. 

"Yeah. He's interesting," she says, rolling down the window again to pay the kid and take the coffees. She hands me mine and puts hers into the drink holder as we head back out to the interstate. I open my coffee and go to take a sip, stopping briefly when she speaks. "Be careful. That's hot." 

I swallow carefully and make a face. "Not only is it hot, it's the worst sludge I've ever tasted. I'm not even tired enough to drink this."

Instead of dealing with the lid on her own styrofoam cup, she takes the cup from my hands and tries some. She hands it back to me quickly. "Oh, yeah. That is bad. Maybe we should have gotten pop instead."

I look at her and smile when she says 'pop.' I wonder how long she will have to be out of Wisconsin before she starts to call it soda like the rest of us? She looks over at me and suddenly becomes self conscious. 

"Did I do something wrong?" she asks, wiping the corner of her mouth with her thumb before gripping the steering wheel with both hands again. 

"Not at all."

"Josh?"

"Yeah?"

"About last night?" she starts and I look out the window. I knew we couldn't avoid this forever. We screwed up last night. Really screwed up. 

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry," she says, her voice filled with a sudden nervousness. 

"I was there, too. I'm the one who wanted to leave. It's not your fault," I say, turning to look at her again. She nods her head but I don't think she believes me. "Donna, we're both in this thing together."

"I just... I don't want to ruin everything. To destroy what you've worked so hard on. Worked to be... this is what you love to do, isn't it?" she asks and I smile. 

"Yeah. I love it. I love politics. Even when I was in law school, I never even considered becoming an attorney. My dad wanted me to. Probably still wants me to. Sam tried to talk me into it numerous times, but this is what I want to do," I say thoughtfully. She nods a few times and then a worried look crosses her face. 

I know why. This could destroy us. We both could drown in this thing we've created and I don't know how to save us. Both of us. It could destroy everything I've worked so hard on and it could destroy everything I'm falling in love with about her. Simply because she would never be able to handle destroying me. I can tell. She would end it before that would happen. I can't let it do that to her. 

I don't know how to get out of it. Don't know how to end it now because I want her so much. I thought it was love at first sight with Mandy but I was wrong. Completely and utterly wrong. It was nothing like this. Mandy and I have nothing like this. Our personalities come together and crash and bang and make a lot of noise, but that's all. It's a relationship based on the argument. We love the argument more than we love each other. But with Donna... God, with Donna, we can be everything I've ever wanted. 

So much so that it will ruin everything else I've ever wanted. I know it and I can't fight it. 

"I... this ... " she starts to say but she chokes on the words. 

"We're going to be okay, Donna. We just have to be more careful. I've got to keep my head in the game," I say and she nods again. 

We drive for nearly half an hour before she says anything else. I'm staring out the window at the bleak winter countryside, daydreaming, when her words pull me back into the here and now quickly. 

"I forgot to tell you that a Ms. Hampton called for you. She said she'd be able to meet with you tomorrow," Donna says, and I snap my head around toward her. 

"What?" I nearly bark. 

"I'm... sorry. I forgot after you came in ... "

"Never mind that. What else did she say?" I ask, the panic rising in my voice. 

"I didn't take the call. Margaret did. I'm sorry, Josh. I should have remembered but everything got hurried and ... "

"Stop talking now."

"Okay," she says, pouting a little at my words. I sit in silence for a few minutes, staring straight ahead. 

"She said tomorrow? She knows I'm going to be in DC?" I ask, trying to think through this. 

"Yeah," Donna says, sounding scared to talk. 

"Damn."

"Who is she?" she finally asks. "Someone working on the campaign?"

"You could say that," I say. We both fall silent again and I try to work this all through. 

****************

Constitution Avenue   
Washington, DC

"Could you get out of the fucking way? Please? Please get out of the fucking way!" Josh shouts at the car in front of us that isn't moving. It's the reason we're not moving. He repeatedly bangs the steering wheel with the palm of his hand and then runs his fingers through his hair. "What time is it, Donna?"

"Five minutes later than the last time you asked me," I say, holding onto the console as he jerks the car forward two inches and stops. He snaps his head to stare at me. I stare right back. "You have time, Josh. You have time."

"I would have more time if you didn't think the Beltway was a carnival ride," Josh says, irritated. "How many times did you circle around before you woke me up?"

"Just twice," I say in my defense. It was actually three times. "It's tricky, Josh. It's not like I drive it every day... "

"If we win the election, you might be," Josh mutters, looking back at the car in front of us. It still hasn't moved. He sighs loudly and bangs the steering wheel again.

I look out the window, too, but not at the car in front of us. I look at the buildings up ahead, the buildings Josh is desperate to get to. My mouth falls open in awe at how majestic Capitol Hill really is.

"It's so amazing," I say, feeling this sense of patriotism sweep over me. I felt the same way when we passed the White House. I can't believe I am working for someone who could be President there if everything goes right.

"What? The traffic? It's amazingly fucked-up, that's what it is... "

"No, the Capitol," I tell him, gesturing towards it. Josh lifts his eyes and looks at it with me. I reach over and touch his arm. "What is it like on the inside?"

"There's a fresco thing in the dome," Josh answers, sounding flustered like he's struggling to remember. "Um, there's a lot of statues in Statuary Hall... " He stops talking and turns back to me. "I don't stop and sightsee when I'm here, Donna. I'm normally trying to chase a Senator down in the office buildings next door."

"Like today," I say, beginning to understand exactly what kind of life Josh leads. He nods.

"Yeah. Exactly like today," he says, laying his hand over mine. Josh makes this apologetic face. "I'm sorry for yelling, Donna. It's just... I have to fix this. I have to talk to Dixon and get him on board or else Leo isn't going to trust me with anything else ever again."

"I know that," I say, nodding back. I meant what I said earlier. I don't want to ruin everything. "I really do, Josh."

"Yeah," Josh says with a soft smile. He pulls his hand away from mine and surveys the traffic situation one more time. Then, without warning, he turns the car sharply off the road and onto the curb. The people behind us honk loudly and start shouting obscenities. My heart races and I grip the console again.

"Oh my God, Josh. What are you doing?" Josh is crazy. I'm getting involved with a crazy man. And my mother thought Ethan was bad.

"Making that meeting," he says as he flips the hazard lights on.

"You can't park the car here."

"I'm not parking the car, I'm just getting out," Josh replies, doing just that. "Donna, get my coat and tie."

I lunge into the back seat for them before getting out of the car myself. Josh had changed in some rest stop, but left his coat and tie off. He comes around the car to meet me. Everyone is still honking and yelling at us, but Josh seems oblivious to it. I wriggle his coat off the hanger and hand it to him. He slips it on quickly and then grabs for the tie and I realize what it is Josh is going to do.

"Are you going to walk the rest of the way?" I ask as Josh makes a sloppy knot with his tie. He tries to slide it up, but it doesn't go. I toss the hanger back in the car.

"Do I have any other choice?"

"It's at least four blocks. Maybe five?" I say, brushing his hands aside and working the knot free again. I wind it around the correct way while Josh tries to stand still. I can feel the energy rising off his body. He's all fired up and ready to get Senator Dixon.

"Do I have any other choice?" Josh says again. I look up from his tie and see this incredible smile on his face. He loves this. He loves what he does. I straighten his lapels and shake my head.

"What should I do while you're with the Senator?" I ask, rubbing my hands together for warmth. It's very cold in DC. Much colder than Charleston. "Do you want me to find us a hotel?"

"We're not going to need a hotel."

"Are we driving back to Charleston when you're done?" I ask with a frown. The drive was nearly nine hours, but it doesn't surprise me if we have to go back right away. There probably isn't time to stay the night. There doesn't seem to any time at all on the campaign.

"No," Josh says, handing me his cell phone. "I live here. Well, not here. I can't afford to live here. I've got an apartment in Alexandria."

"We're going to stay in your apartment?" I ask as he moves around me. Josh starts walking backwards towards the Hill. I take a few steps forward so we can keep talking. "How are you going to explain that?"

"It saves campaign dollars, that's how," Josh replies, still moving as he gestures at the phone in my hand. "I'll call you when I'm done."

"Josh!" I call out, realizing he's forgotten his trench coat. I stop so I can get it for him, but Josh speeds up even more. He's too preoccupied to even notice.

"I've got to go, Donna!"

Josh turns on his heel and keeps walking down the block. No. He's strutting. Josh is strutting. I smile at the self-confidence he has now that he's back in DC. This is where Josh belongs. And if Bartlet wins the election, this is where Josh will be. Where we'll both be.

"Hey, lady! You going to move your damn car or what!" some guy shouts.

"I'll move my damn car in a minute!" I yell over my shoulder. I wave him off.

Right now, I'm watching Josh.

*******************

The Richard B. Russell Senate Office Building   
Washington, DC

"Can you find it?" I ask one more time. "It's got to be right in front of you." 

"I'm looking, Josh," Donna says from my cell phone. She's on some sidewalk in DC after parking the car... somewhere. I hope we can find it back again. I'd hate to have to call the rental company and tell them we lost their car somewhere in DC. 

"Can you see the Cap

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 

***************The Richard B. Russell Senate Office Building  
Washington, DC

"Can you find it?" I ask one more time. "It's got to be right in front of you."

"I'm looking, Josh," Donna says from my cell phone. She's on some sidewalk in DC after parking the car... somewhere. I hope we can find it back again. I'd hate to have to call the rental company and tell them we lost their car somewhere in DC.

"Can you see the Capitol dome from where you are?" I ask and she doesn't answer right away.

"Actually, I'm in front of it," she says, with an audible sigh of relief.

"You're sure it's the front?" I ask and now I get a sigh of a different type.

"Yes, I'm sure this is the front. Where do you want me to go now?" she asks and I'm afraid of sending her anywhere, even though I'm in the offices right next to it.

"Stay right there. I'll come get you," I say, hanging up the phone and thanking the receptionist who's had to listen to all of this.

I rush out into the cold air wishing I had thought to grab my trench coat out of the car. I hope we can find the car so I can put it on before I freeze out here. In a matter of minutes, I find Donna standing right where she said she'd be, staring up at the Capitol dome.

"How you doing?" I ask as I approach her and she turns around, startled.

"Good. I'm doing good," she says with a smile. She holds out my coat and gloves and I want to hug her. "I thought you might need these."

"Thank you," I say, putting them on quickly. She tucks her hands into the pockets of her jacket and breathes out a puff of white air.

"It's colder in Wisconsin," she says, smiling at me as I rub my hands together, trying to warm up.

"And Connecticut," I say.

"That's right. You did say that's where you're from," she says and I nod my head. We've only been together for less than week. Mere days. We know so little about each other yet this is something. "So, how'd it go?"

I can't help but smiling now.

"Score one for the home team this time because I got the Senator back on our side," I say, bouncing a little, unable to hide how happy this makes me. Leo isn't going to tear me a new one and I can't even begin to describe how thrilled I am about that.

Donna smiles brightly, too and looks as relieved as she does happy. "Tell me about it on the way to the car," she says, taking my arm and leading me away from the Capitol. Apparently, she knows where the car is.

I look around us, a little bit worried about being seen with her arm looped through mine, but relax the further we get away from the Capitol complex. No one here knows who she is. Not that many people even know who I am. There's just one out there who can't see this. Then I wouldn't have to worry about Leo's anger. She'd serve my head up on a platter and I wouldn't have to worry about much after that.

"Dixon was just playing games. That's what they're the best at. Playing the game. They all have to do it. He wanted to see what he could get out of us and we want to see what we can get out of him. This is just the beginning, Donna," I say and she nods.

"Why is he so important? Aren't there 99 more of them?" she asks and I try to explain it to her again.

"But we've got to do well in the primary in his state in order to go on. He won't even talk to Hoynes. He hates Hoynes but he will deal with Wiley. We've got to beat Wiley and it will be a lot easier with him behind us. We beat Wiley, we get more money. We need the money right now or else we're dead already," I say and she nods again. Neither of us says anything for a few blocks and I begin to worry that maybe she has no idea where the car actually is.

"Do you think he'll actually win?" she asks and I have to think about it.

"He should win," I finally answer.

"But will he?"

"I... hope so," I say, trying to be as optimistic as I can be. "It's so early and we're starting so late. The party thinks Hoynes is their man. We have to prove otherwise."

She unloops her arm from mine and takes my hand in hers instead. I know we shouldn't be doing this but it feels so warm in mine, even through our gloves. Finally, she nods at where the car is and digs around in her pocket for the key.

"How'd you ever find parking?" I ask, letting go of her hand and going to the driver's side. I think she's probably had enough driving for today.

"I'm good," she says with a self-satisfied grin.

"Yeah," I agree and she blushes a little. That blush is enough to make me look away and in doing so I notice that we have a parking ticket crammed under the windshield wiper. "Donna?"

I pull it off the window and hold it up. She just shrugs her shoulders. "I didn't have enough change for the meter," she says apologetically.

"Maybe I can write it off as a campaign expense," I say, opening the door. We both get in and I turn on the heat quickly. "Or else someone will get wind of this and it will become some huge scandal. I can see the headlines now: 'Campaign worker and volunteer park without paying on DC street.' It will bring down the entire Bartlet for America campaign."

"If that's the biggest scandal they can find, then I say we're doing pretty good," she says and I nod. I know what she's talking about but I also know that she and I wouldn't be a nationwide scandal. Just one in campaign headquarters.

"Just be glad I got Dixon back. That was close," I say and she nods in agreement. "That can't happen again."

She looks away and stares out at the car parked in front of us. "I can stay somewhere else tonight," she says, her lips forming the perfect pout. "I don't want to... I don't want you to think I expect to come first."

That gets me. I reach for her hand and hold it. "Donna, I want you to come first but right now, we've got to win this thing," I say, meaning every word of it.

"And then what?" she asks. It's the question I've been avoiding even attempting to answer for myself.

"Then... you'll learn all about traffic in DC," I say and she smiles just a little bit. "That is, if you still want to work with me after the campaign. If we win."

"That is if Governor Bartlet and Mr. McGarry still want you after the campaign. If we win," she adds and I laugh.

"Yeah. Are you ready to go home?" I ask and she gives me a funny look.

"Wisconsin?" she asks and I roll my eyes.

"No, my home," I say and now that strange expression on her face is replaced by a huge smile.

"Oh, yeah."

**************************

Josh's Apartment  
Alexandria, Virginia

"I'm warning you now, it's a mess," Josh says sheepishly as he opens the door. He steps aside so I can enter first, then brushes past me. Josh drops our luggage by the sofa and turns a lamp on. He surveys the aforementioned mess, spies a pair of underwear on the coffee table and quickly shoves it in his coat pocket. "Sorry about that."

"I've seen your underwear, Josh," I remind him and he blushes.

"Yeah," he says, his eyes sweeping over the apartment again and then they settle on me. "I'd better turn the heat up so we don't freeze tonight."

"We'll find a way to stay warm, Josh," I say and he blushes even more. So do I. I'm not sure why I said that. I know that isn't the main reason why we're staying here tonight. We're staying here to save money, not spend the night making love. Josh flashes me a grin and then turns up the thermostat.

"Uh, can I get you anything?" he asks, heading for the kitchen. I follow. Josh opens the refrigerator and it's empty. He closes it and then turns around to face me.

"I'm fine. I had enough at dinner. I'm fine," I say as I unzip my coat. "Thank you for dinner, by the way."

"In case you haven't figured it out, you're not going to go hungry on the campaign trail," Josh says, stealing a glance at the clock. "It can't be that late already."

"It is that late," I say, looking at it, too. It's almost nine-thirty. Josh takes my hand and leads me out of the kitchen. We sit side by side on the couch, still wearing our coats. Josh leans forward and drops his face into his hands. All the adrenaline from earlier has worn off and now Josh just looks tired.

"At least we don't have to go rushing back," Josh mumbles into his hands. I put my hand on the curve of his back and rub in small circles. Josh moans. "Leo said when I called him about Dixon he wants me to do a couple things tomorrow while I'm here. Maybe after that, I can take you back to the Capitol and show you the fresco thing."

"I'd like that," I say, making the circles a little wider.

"Yeah?" Josh asks, looking over his shoulder at me. I smile and feel this incredible vibe pass between us. I've never experienced anything like it before. Not even with Ethan.

"Yeah," I say, smiling even wider. "I'd like that a lot."

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you mind if take a shower?" Josh asks, tugging at his clothes. "I smell pretty much like a guy that's been in a car for nine hours and then spent a couple more sweating it out with a stubborn Senator."

"Take a shower, Josh," I say, bringing my hand up to his hair. I run my fingers through the curls at the base of his neck. "I can keep myself occupied."

"Why does that thought scare me... " Josh mutters as he gets off the couch. I settle back on the cushions and Josh stares at me. "You're staying right there?"

"Yeah."

"No, you're not. You're going to go poking around my stuff, aren't you?"

"Why do think I'm going to go poking around your stuff?" I say with mock indignation.

"You seem the type," Josh says, stripping out of his trench coat and tossing it over the back of the couch. He loosens his tie up and throws it on top.

"What type is that?"

"Sneaky."

"Do you like sneaky women, Joshua?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at him.

"Love them," he answers, shedding his suit coat last before walking away. I twist around and watch him disappear into what must be the bedroom. "Don't touch anything!"

I wait until I hear the shower running before I get up and start poking around.

Josh's apartment is messy. Single man messy and there is no way he could be hiding a girlfriend in DC. It's exactly how Ethan's apartment looked before I moved in and got everything in order. Josh could definitely use some order, too.

It's finally warm enough to shed my coat, too. I drop it in a chair and wander around his small living room. There's not much to it, just a couch and some tables. Josh has a lot of magazines. They are everywhere. Time. Newsweek. U.S. News and World Report.

I pick up the remote and flip the television on. It's set to CNN. I bet that's the only channel Josh ever watches. I flip it off again and wander around some more. I've already seen the kitchen and there is just one other room to the apartment. His bedroom.

Josh's bedroom is in the same state of chaos. No, it's worse. There are piles of clothes on the floor. Closets and drawers are open like he's here only long enough to unpack one suitcase and pack another. That's all he's probably done since he joining the Bartlet campaign.

I slip past the bathroom and hear Josh moving around under the water. The door is cracked just a little and warm, billowing steam is coming out. I get this sudden impulse to take off my clothes and join him. That thought makes me flush over. All over and I can't believe I'm like this with Josh. I've never been like this with anyone except Josh.

I look back at the bed. It's all rumpled and inviting and I have another sudden impulse. This one is better.

I go over to one of the open drawers and rifle through it, looking for something to wear. I find an old, soft T-shirt and smile. It will do nicely.

I make sure Josh is still in the shower before I undress. It is still pretty cold in the bedroom and I shiver as the chilly air hits my skin. I fold my clothes up neatly and set them on the dresser, then I take off my bra and set it on top. I pull Josh's T-shirt over my head and wriggle my panties off. I tuck them and my bra under my other clothes and crawl into bed.

The pipes squeak and then I hear the water turn off completely. I quickly fluff the pillows up and gather the blankets all around me. They all smell like Josh, just like the shirt does. I snuggle down just in time before Josh comes out of the bathroom wearing only a towel. He spies me and his eyes widen with surprise.

"Hi," I say, smiling at him. I can't help it. He looks incredibly sexy like that. The towel is hooked low on his hips and I think Josh's hand is the only thing holding it together.

"Hi," Josh replies, blinking at me. "Donna, what are you doing?"

"You don't have a guestroom," I say, sitting up a little. Josh cocks his head to the side.

"Wait, is that my Mets shirt?"

"It could be," I say, looking down at it. Sure enough, a faded Mets logo graces the front. "I dressed in the dark, Josh. Sneaky women do that."

"What else do sneaky women do?" he asks curiously. Josh comes a little closer and that towel drops a little lower. All of my female anatomy heats up with desire and I want Josh now. So much, it scares me.

"Come here and find out," I say and Josh does.

**************************

I crawl in under the covers and toss the wet towel out. My body seeks out the pocket of heat she's created and I wrap my legs around hers.

"You're still wet," she says with a giggle, trying to move away. I don't let her.

"This is your punishment for being a sneak and putting on my favorite T-shirt. What did you think I would do once I saw you in my bed? Go back to the bathroom and finish up?" I ask and her eyes meet mine.

"That's not what I was hoping for," she says, her tongue brushing across her bottom lip. I want to taste that lip, too. To brush my own tongue across that and more.

"Good," I say, and we both settle down on the pillows without doing anything just yet. "Donna, I don't want you to think I brought you here for just this... you're a good assistant. I don't know what I would have done without you today. But I just don't want you to think ... "

She puts a finger on my lips, silencing me. "I don't think that, Josh. Really, I don't. I just want this so much ... "

"Yeah, so do I," I say, my voice humming against her finger. I pull her hand away and move closer to her, kissing her. We start out softly, with slow, tentative kisses but that doesn't last long.

Her tongue sweeps past my lips and into my mouth, searching. From the gentle whimper she makes, I would guess she finds what it is she's seeking.

I slide my hand down her side, across the soft fabric of a T-shirt that has seen better days. I push the shirt up and feel her bare hip... completely bare. My fingers move down and across her abdomen and lower still.

"Donna ... "

"Yeah?"

 

"You crawl into my bed in my favorite T-shirt without so much as your underwear on under it and you expect me to take the time to dry off?" I ask, my fingers edging between her thighs. She parts them for me eagerly and I feel her damp heat already.

"No... no... oh, yes ... " she says, stammering over words as I stroke her sex. One of her hands moves down to cover mine and I grab it, pushing it back. I take both of her hands and hold them over her head, her eyes questioning what I'm doing.

"Don't move," I say, holding on to her wrists just a little longer. "Pretend you are bound ... "

She narrows her eyes at me and she looks like she's about to laugh at my suggestion.

"Josh... "

"Oblige me. Just this once, okay?" I ask, letting go of her wrists. She holds them there, over her head, resting on her pillow. And she doesn't move at all. Donna and I have been in constant motion since we first met. This is probably killing her. "Remember, don't move."

"I'll try... ohhh ... " she sighs heavily as I brush my tongue against her jawline, and then move to the soft flesh of her throat. She tips her head back and I stop and look at her. "I have to move a little. So you can get a good angle."

"Yeah," I say before I bend back in for another taste. It's good, the flavor of Donna, and I slide my T-shirt up even further so I can get to her breasts. My tongue swirls around one nipple and then the other, each growing tight from my attention and the cool bedroom air.

She wants to move, to turn her body towards mine, but my hand placed firmly on a hip keeps her still.

"Josh ... "

"Shhh ... " I say, pulling away from her breast. That makes her moan again, eager for my mouth to return to her body. "I'm going to make you come and you can't stop me."

"Josh... " she says, trying to roll again. I plant a kiss right under her breasts to keep her still.

"If I can make you come twice in some ratty old motel room, imagine what I can do in the comfort of my own bed," I say before dipping my tongue into her navel. She moans from either the contact or the thought of what I'm telling her.

"You are so... cocky," she says, trying not to laugh at her words. My erection is straining to make contact with her, but I want to do other things to her first.

 

"I know," I say, now moving even lower. I feel the muscles of her abdomen tighten from the touch, and then spasm reflexively as my tongue grazes over the smooth, flat expanse. Her legs are still parted from before, which is good. That's exactly where I want to be.

I disappear under the warm comforter and work my way between her thighs. She's so wet and ready and I can smell the heat of her sex as it permeates the space under the blanket.

"Don't... move ... " I say one last time before I brush my tongue against her clit. Instead of staying still, she jumps from that first contact and I can't help but to smile. "You like that?"

"Oh, yeah ... " she says, sliding closer to my face again. I hitch her legs over shoulders and go back to work, my pace determined by the subtle movements she makes even though she's not supposed to.

I dart my tongue over her and then into her, listening to her moan with pleasure. A fine sheen of sweat replaces the shower water all over my body and it gets so hot here under the blankets. I think she would agree with me on that.

I nip a little, suck a little and swirl my tongue around, trying to figure out exactly what she likes best. From what I can tell, she likes it all. Maybe her bum of an ex never did this. He didn't know what he was missing.

My face is as wet from her as my body is from sweating here under the blankets. I don't care.

"Josh, I gotta move," she says, her voice clipped and raspy.

"Not yet. Let me do this for you," I say against her and she tries hard to stay still. I swirl my tongue around faster and firmer and soon there's no way for her to stay still. No way at all.

She bucks against my face and I feel her body spasm everywhere. Her hands come from above her head down under the blankets, her fingers twisting into my hair as she comes.

"Joshua... Josh... Josh," she cries out as I keep moving my tongue against her, dragging this out until she can't stand it anymore.

Finally, she reaches that point and she pulls me from between her thighs and out of under the blankets.

"One," I say and she smiles, wiping her wetness from my mouth with her fingers. "And it's still early."

"Your turn," she says, wrapping her legs around my waist. Her sex brushes against my eager cock and I quickly sink into her.

"I want you," I say as I put my hands on either side of her head and begin to thrust into her body.

"You have me," she says, smiling up at me.

"I want you all night... no sneaking out of hotel rooms. No worries about who is going to call," I say and she silences me with a kiss.

"You have me all night," she says, resting her head back on my pillow. "We have each other."

"Good, because I'm not sure how I could make it without you," I say and her eyes soften and become teary. She's going to cry. I kiss her before she can even think of it and begin thrusting again, her hips matching the motion of mine exactly. She's so warm and wonderful and I never want this to end. Not just the sex but everything. She's something and I can't even come up with a name for what it is. She's safe and warm and everything I've never had before.

Her muscles tighten around me, forcing me to stop thinking about anything but we're doing to each other. I turn us over onto our sides so she doesn't have to bear the weight of my body and in doing so, I gain access to her again. My fingers slide to the apex of her sex and I touch her.

"Slowly ... " she moans, closing her eyes against all the sensations.

"Okay?"

"Yeah," she says with a gentle sigh.

It doesn't take long and I'm on the edge. She must sense it, because once again, she tightens all her muscles up around me, drawing out my release with an unexpected force. I can't control the spasms that rock through my body as I empty everything into her. I can't control this thing we've become anymore than I can control what we do to each other.

Within seconds, she arches her head back and draws in several quick breaths, her body pulsating around mine. And then we both fall still, staring at each other with dark eyes. Her cheeks are flushed and I reach out and rest my hand upon one of them.

"We have all night," she says with a contented sigh, not asking a question but rather making a statement of fact. Her hand rests on mine now, warm and damp from what we just did. "We have all night to be together."

"Yeah. We do."

*********************

I awake to the sound of gentle snoring and the feel of a warm body pressed behind mine. Josh's body. I am spooned with Josh in his bed, our naked arms and legs wound around each other under the covers. It is such a wonderful feeling that I sigh happily and snuggle in closer. It makes Josh snore even louder and I nudge him a little with my elbow.

"Josh?" I whisper sleepily, barely awake myself. "Josh?"

"Hmmmm," he mumbles into my neck.

"Josh, you're snoring."

He makes a funny snorting sound before lifting his chin off my shoulder. "W-wh time is it?"

"I don't know. I don't care. Stop snoring," I say, laying my arm over his arm that is wrapped around me. I lace my fingers up with his and try to drift back into sleep. I haven't slept this good in weeks. Maybe I've never slept this good. I've also never spent an entire night making love.

"Donna, what time is it?" Josh asks again, this time his voice much clearer. He pulls the cover back from over our heads and leans over me to look at the clock. "It's seven."

I grab the cover and pull it back where it was. I don't want to get up. I don't want to leave this bed. "Now you know. Go back to sleep, Josh."

"Can't. I'm up now," he says, settling back against me. I smile as his lips sweep across my bare shoulder before kissing it soundly. Josh inhales deeply and hugs me tighter.

"I don't want to get out of bed," I tell him with a pout.

"Who said anything about getting out of bed?" he replies, unlacing our fingers and sliding that hand across my breasts slowly. I bite my lower lip and moan as his fingers trail across my nipples before cupping my left breast completely. He gives it a gentle squeeze. "I'm just informing you I'm up."

"You've been *up* all night," I say and Josh chuckles. He scoots closer and presses his hips into my buttocks, proving to me that he is indeed up. Now I laugh. "Josh... "

"What? I can't help myself, Donna. I'm in bed with an incredibly beautiful woman who just happens to be naked. What do you expect?" he offers, moving his hand to my lower abdomen. He kisses my neck repeatedly and I get lost in all the sensations that are Josh.

"You think I'm beautiful?" I ask seriously. I know Josh has said it before, but this time I feel it. He's not just saying it; he really thinks I am.

"No," Josh says, bringing his lips to my ear. I shudder as he exhales his warm breath into it. "I think you're *incredibly* beautiful. And sneaky."

I laugh again and try to wriggle out of Josh's arms. He doesn't let me go. Instead, he slips his hand between my thighs and strokes me again. All my nerves wake up almost instantly at his touch and that wonderfully slow burn start to makes its way through me. It doesn't matter that he's made me come three times already. I want more. I want more of this. I want more of Josh.

"I'm up," I breathe as his fingers swirl around on just the right spot. After last night, Josh definitely knows where it is. I shouldn't let him do this again. I should do something to him instead, but this feels so good. It kills me to make him stop, but I do. I bring my hand down to his and pull it away. "Stop. Just... stop."

"Donna?"

He releases me and I twist around to face him. He has the most sweetest expression on his face. It's this mixture of confusion and maybe a little fear like he's done something wrong. He hasn't. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a long, deep kiss that takes him by surprise.

"Donna," he says again and I smile. I push Josh onto his back and climb on top. I kiss his chin and his neck and grab his hands. I put them over his head like he did last night with me and Josh grins from ear to ear. I think he knows what I'm going to do.

"Don't move, Josh," I instruct, feeling very uninhibited. I love this feeling. Sex with Ethan was so conservative. This is anything but conservative. This is the way it should be. His hands start to fidget and I lay mine over them to steady them. "Don't move... "

"Not a chance," he moans as he relaxes his hands and stops moving. I lower my mouth to his chest and explore it slowly. My hands can't be idle, they glide all over his warm skin and explore, too. There are small patches of hair here and there and they tickle my nose as I kiss my way lower. I sense something moving and open my eyes to see Josh's hand hovering over my head.

"You're not supposed to move, Josh," I warn.

"I'm not," he protests as he lowers that hand to smooth my hair over my shoulder. I know it's messy, especially under the covers. "It's just you're... oh... Donna... "

Josh stops talking as my fingers curls around him. Josh's hips rise up and then fall back on the mattress. He rests his hands on his chest and lets me do this. I relax a little myself as I sweep my thumb over the tip and feel Josh's thighs tighten beneath me. I scoot a little farther back and slide my fingers down so my lips can take their place.

Normally, I am shy about doing this. I hope this is okay by Josh's standards because I haven't had a lot of practice. I circle my tongue around him with quick, soft touches and Josh's breathing completely changes. It gets very shallow and uneven the longer my mouth is around him. He makes all these soft, moaning sounds and then I feel his fingers in my hair again. I pause.

"I have to touch you," Josh exhales. "I'm sorry, I do... oh, Donna."

I go back to doing what I was doing with even more enthusiasm. I really don't care if Josh touches me. I love the sounds he's making and I love how he feels inside me. I close my eyes and concentrate, wanting to know what Josh likes. Judging from his reactions, I think he likes it all. Before long, he is rocking gently in time with me and we find whatever that rhythm is we share with one another. We keep this up and I know Josh is getting close. He tenses and twitches and something slides across my tongue. His fingers stop twisting around my hair.

"Stop," he says and I do. Now I'm confused.

"Don't you want... "

I can't finish that sentence because Josh is pulling me up and over him once again. He repositions my hips so they are centered right over his erection. I gasp as he nudges against me and slides in a little.

"What I want is you, Donna," he says in this desperate voice. So desperate, my heart starts to swell. His eyes. Oh God, Josh's eyes are so dark with desire I can't even breathe. Instead, I sink my hips down and take him all the way in. I fight that urge to cry again as my muscles close all around him. No one has ever wanted me this much.

I lean forward and we kiss. Josh slides his arms around my back and rolls us both over. My head is half-on, half-off the bed and Josh tries to scoot us away from the edge. I hook my legs around the backs of his thighs to hold myself in place.

"I'm okay, Josh. Just... please... " I say, wanting him to move so badly. Josh tightens his arms around me and finally starts thrusting. The whole bed is rocking in time with us and if we fall, we fall.

I hold onto his shoulders as he keeps moving, making the friction harder and faster. His face is right over mine and I can see his every reaction. I am scooting near the edge again, but he doesn't stop. My head tips a little over it and I smile as the pulsing begins all over again.

"Joshua... Josh... "

I don't get the second Josh out because his mouth is covering mine. I sigh and moan through the kiss as the pleasure washes over me. Josh breaks it off suddenly with a loud cry of his own. His body shakes and his hips stop as my pleasure becomes his. Josh closes his eyes and then opens them up to gaze down at me.

"Josh," I say, wiping a hand across his sweaty face. I shift my head so it's back on the bed sideways and just sigh. There are absolutely no words for what it is I'm feeling right now. Whatever it is, I know that Josh feels it, too.

We lay like that for a few minutes until Josh finally lifts off me. Our bodies are damp and sticky and everything smells like sex. I think we both doze off for a few minutes because when the phone rings, it startles us.

"Damn phone," Josh mutters into the pillow. "Who the hell even knows I'm here?"

"Mr. McGarry. CJ. Sam. Toby."

"You're not being helpful, Donna," Josh groans and I squirm beneath him so I can get up. "Where do you think you're going?"

"We should answer that," I say, knowing how important it was the last time the phone rang like this. I turn my head to look into Josh's eyes. "We should answer that."

"No, we shouldn't," Josh decides after a second. "I know what you're thinking, but everything is all right. We've got Dixon and there aren't any other crisis going on. If they are, they aren't my fault."

"Yes, but... " Josh silences me with a kiss.

"And I have a machine. Let the machine get it," he says against my mouth. Sure enough, after the next ring, the machine picks up. Josh brings his hand to my cheek and kisses me again, this time sliding his tongue past my lips.

Okay. The machine can get it.

*Beep* "Hi, this is Josh Lyman and I am unavailable to take your call. Leave a message. Thanks." *Beep*

"I've left several messages, Josh, and you haven't answered any of them. Nor have you called me," this woman says and Josh stops kissing me. His entire body tenses and I stare at him curiously.

"Who is that, Josh?"

"Shhh... " he says, brushing his fingertips against my lips to silence me.

"I would have thought you'd call me the second you got into town," she continues, sounding almost smug. No, she is smug. "Or shown up on my door like something the cat dragged in. Honestly, Josh. I don't know why I even put up with you. Why any of us do. I'm sure I'll hear from you sooner or later since I have those numbers Leo wants. Make it sooner, Josh." *Beep*

Josh lets out this huge sigh and closes his eyes. I don't understand why he's so relieved.

"Who is that, Josh?" I ask again and then I remember something from yesterday. "Is that Ms. Hampton?"

His eyes fly open when I say her name. He tenses up again and pauses a little too long before answering.

"Yeah. That would be Ms. Hampton."

*************

Outside the Capitol building  
February 10, 1998

"There you are! I was beginning to think you were going to stand me up."

"Not at all. We're just a little slow getting going this morning. They don't let you sleep much on the campaign trail and it felt good not having to be somewhere at 7 a.m.," I say. 

Donna stands beside me, appraising this other woman. She's dressed like all the other woman on the Hill, with the female version of a power suit, trench coat and a nice pair of pumps. Right now Donna is dressed in a pair of jeans and a big sweater covered by a winter coat straight out of Wisconsin and I can tell she's feeling a little self conscious by the way she keeps crossing and uncrossing her arms in front of her. Her other clothing finally had to go to the dry cleaner and I trust the guy down the street from my apartment more than I trust some stranger in Charleston. 

"This must be the woman who's replacing me?" 

Now Donna squirms. 

"Janet, this is Donna Moss. She's my new assistant on the campaign," I say and the two shake hands. "Donna, this Janet Cass, my old assistant when I worked for Hoynes."

"And the woman he told couldn't come along with him to be his assistant when he jumped ship because there wasn't any money for assistants," Janet says with a questioning tilt of her head. 

"Oh... I'm not getting paid," Donna adds quickly and now Janet glares at me with her special look. The one she used to give me when I was late to meetings. 

"Josh Lyman, you're using her for free?" Janet asks and Donna and I both stutter through some sort of answer. "Just make sure he puts you on salary before he gets to White House. If he can, he'll keep working you for free forever."

"Janet ... " I say and she thankfully shuts up. "I want to thank you for doing this during your lunch. Donna hasn't been to DC and I'm a horrible tour guide."

"That's because you never take the time to stop and look at where you're working," Janet says, patting me on the arm. 

"I don't have the time," I say, sighing. 

"He's going to work you to the bone, Donna," Janet says, and Donna just nods. "Work you to the bone and you won't get anything out of it."

Now I remember why I didn't take Janet with. She never knew when to shut up. I sure hope Donna does. 

"I'm fine," Donna says, pressing her hand to her chest. "I'm just happy to be here."

"You won't be saying that when it comes time to pay the outlandish rent they charge around here," she says, rolling her eyes. 

"Hey, for a woman still working for Hoynes, you sound awfully confident Bartlet is going to win," I say and she smiles at me. 

"Of course he will. He's got you, Joshua," she says and now I'm rolling my eyes. 

"Speaking of working for Hoynes, don't forget she does still work for him, Donna. Don't share any of our strategies with her," I say and Donna gives me a curious look. 

"I don't know... I'm not privy to ... "

"He's teasing you. Come on, Donna, let me show you the place."

I watch as Janet leads Donna towards the Capitol, hoping like hell she doesn't mention the woman I have to meet with next. I look down at my watch and realize I have exactly ten minutes to meet Mandy at the Bluestone Cafe. If I'm late, I'm sure she'll bitch at me incessantly for an hour. Then again, this is Mandy. If I'm not late, I'm sure she'll find something else to bitch about. 

I make my way around the Capitol and down to Seventh Street, where I find Madeline Hampton standing in front of the restaurant, taping her foot impatiently. 

"Jesus, Josh. I was thought you were going to stand me up," she says, echoing Janet's early sentiments only not quite as nicely.

"You know I'd never do that on purpose," I say, leaning in to give her a kiss on the cheek. She pulls away and reaches out to touch my face. 

"Don't they let you buy razors on the campaign trail?" she asks, her fingers brushing over my stubble. 

"I was running late. Didn't want to get up this morning," I say, trying to be as vague as possible and she narrows her eyes at me. 

"So you like being at home in your own bed?"

"Yeah, it's great. You want to get something to eat?" I ask, tilting my head in the direction of the door. 

"I would have thought you would have loved being out there. Sleeping around in sleazy run down motels ... "

"We're campaigning for the office of President of the United States with a man who's Governor of a state. We aren't staying at sleazy motels," I say, looking away from her. 

"And you're staying in a room with Sam, right?" she asks and I'm not sure why. 

"Yeah," I lie. 

"And you don't have a new assistant I don't know about, right?" she asks, taking my arm and pulling me towards the door. 

Damn. I knew she was up to something. 

****************

Outside the Capitol building

"So... " Janet says, looking over at me. The guided tour ended nearly ten minutes ago and we're back standing outside the Capitol.

"So... " I say back, then laugh nervously. I flash her a quick smile and wave my gloved hands about. "I'm sure Josh will be back soon."

"Yeah," she says, glancing at her watch. I can tell she needs to get back to whatever it is she does for Senator Hoynes. She falls silent and I look out across the Capitol grounds again. Now it's too quiet and I decide to make small talk.

"I can't imagine what it must be like to work here. It must be pretty exciting. Do you like it? Do you like working for the Senator?"

"I liked it better when I worked for Josh," Janet answers, shoving her hands deep into her pockets. "Hoynes is... " she stops herself and shrugs. "Hoynes."

"But you liked working for Josh," I say, curious to know why. I like working for Josh, but I also like... 

"He's a rude, arrogant, opinionated son of a bitch," Janet says bluntly before staring at me. "And never bring him coffee. You haven't brought him any coffee, have you?"

"Not exactly," I say, folding my arms around me to stay warm. It's not as cold as it was yesterday, but it's still pretty chilly. "Unless you think the stale coffee in a drive-thru at McDonald's counts."

"Good," Janet answers with a small smile. "Let him get it himself. He already has a Jewish mother; he doesn't need two."

Josh is Jewish?

I can only imagine what my Protestant mother will say about that.

"Did Josh say how his father is doing? He was in and out of the hospital... " Janet stops talking when my eyes start to widen. "He didn't tell you."

"Josh's father is sick?" I ask, laying a hand over my chest as Janet decides whether or not to continue. "Is it serious?"

"Josh's father has cancer," she says after a long pause. "He's been in chemo, but it's pretty much touch and go. It would probably help if he'd stop working. The man still puts in twelve hour days."

I scoot a little closer to Janet and hope she'll confide in me more. It's not like we're discussing campaign strategy; we're discussing Josh.

"Is Josh close to his father?" I ask and Janet gives me this look like I should know the answer.

"How long have you known Josh?" she asks warily.

"A few weeks," I say casually. Janet doesn't seem convinced. She shakes her head and I come clean. "Okay, when I said a few weeks? I might have overstated that a little. About a week. Almost."

Janet takes a deep breath and sighs out a little puff of white. Her eyes sweep over me and it makes me feel very self-conscious. I wish she'd stop doing that. "Where are you from, Donna?"

"Wisconsin," I say, crossing and uncrossing my arms so I won't talk with my hands again. "Madison, actually. Why?"

Janet takes a step towards me and touches my arm so they'll stop moving. I steady myself and look at her.

"You're a nice girl, Donna," Janet says, with a soft smile that quickly fades. "And Josh... well, Josh isn't so nice. Especially if things aren't going his way."

"Things are going his way," I interject with an eager smile. Maybe it's too eager because now Janet is frowning.

"Of course they are," she says, her eyes moving over me once again. She must sense something or else she wouldn't keep doing that. "And I'm sure Josh *thinks* knows what he's doing. Just make sure you do."

I know what Janet is trying to say without saying it, but she's wrong. Josh *does* know what he's doing. We both do. Josh's head is in the game again and we're going to be careful. I don't understand why she's so concerned for me. I'm a big girl and I can handle Josh.

Janet turns away to look for Josh again and now my eyes sweep over her. She is dressed very nicely in a tailored suit and expensive shoes underneath her long, wool coat. All of the women in DC who aren't tourists are dressed like Janet. That must be the kind of assistant Josh is used to. I look down at my nylon jacket and jeans and hope I get put on salary soon.

"Who was he meeting with?"

"Hmmm?" I ask, looking back up.

"Who was he meeting with?" Janet repeats, this time annunciating each word. A cold breeze blows over us both and Janet turns into it. It only ruffles her short hair while it blows mine everywhere.

"A Ms. Hampton," I say, smoothing my hair back into place. "She works on the campaign. She had some numbers for Josh."

"I know who Mandy is," Janet says, her expression turning sour. She smirks. "But at least that explains why he's late. She's not going to let Josh get away that easily."

Something about the way she says that makes me feel unsettled.

I wonder what is taking Josh so long.

******************

Bluestone Cafe  
Washington, DC

"You need me," Mandy says, as cocky and self-assured as ever. 

"Whatever," I answer back, taking a bite of my sandwich, not even bothering to swallow before I go on. "You keep saying that, but you haven't come back yet."

"I will. I'll be back. I just have to finish up some other work first and then I'll be there to save your sorry ass," she says, reaching over and grabbing one of my fries. 

"When... when will you be back?" I ask, trying to sound casual as I ask. I haven't exactly figured out how I'm going to deal with this yet. I can't break up with her right now because she's right. We need her. Not me, necessarily, but as a whole, the campaign needs her. 

"Probably next month," she says with a shrug. "I'll see how bad it gets for you guys. Then you'll appreciate me more. You do appreciate me still, don't you, Josh?"

"What did Leo say to you?" I ask, trying to steer this conversation away from any personal realm. 

"It doesn't matter what Leo said. You guys are standing in the middle of a field of tobacco telling people not to smoke. You have a candidate who runs around telling women not to get abortions yet at the same time, expects the pro-choice voters to cast a ballot for him ... "

"We aren't exactly going public with that one," I interrupt but she keeps right on going. 

"Your message is all screwed up, Josh. It's all over the place and you guys don't know how to reign it in. The worst part is you know it," she says, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms over her chest. 

"We're working on it. Sam and Toby ... " 

"Sam and Toby can write a pretty speech and pick the message, but don't know how in the hell to get the message out there. That's why I'm coming back," she says. "You need me back before you get to Texas and start telling the voters they need to find alternative fuel sources."

"It's not that bad," I say with a sigh. I push my plate away, not all that hungry anymore. I know she's right. We have no message except for the fact that Bartlet is a good man. Now we have to convince a whole nation that he's a better man than Hoynes and we have to do it quickly.

"Then what in the hell happened with Dixon? If it's not that bad, what are you doing in DC chasing him down? If things were going great, you'd still be in Charleston right now," Mandy says, sounding smug. 

Sometimes, even though I know she's on our side, I swear she wants us to lose just to make a point. Her point. Then she can say that if we would have called her in earlier we would have won. She was there for a few days in New Hampshire but then something more pressing came up. Actually, the reality of it is we aren't paying her enough and she measures her worth by her annual salary. All those degrees mean nothing if you're only making $600 a week. 

"Dixon was my screw up. It had nothing to do with any of our platform proposals. Or our message," I say, wiping my fingers across my eyes. It was my screw up but she doesn't need to know how I screwed it up. Hopefully, she'll let it drop. But knowing Mandy ... 

"Exactly how did you drop the ball on that one, Joshua? You know how fickle Dixon can be. Even I could have guessed he would come running back," she says.

"I was working in my room. Its not like I was out galavanting around town," I lie. I'm good at lying. It comes with the territory. I'm just not used to lying about this. 

I should tell her. If I tell her now, I won't have to live with this crappy feeling. I won't have to worry about Donna finding out. I need to just end it.

"You need me and you know it," she says again, sipping her diet soda.

I hate it when she's right. I really, really hate it when she's right. 

"Yeah, we need you." 

"Say it Josh," she says, raising an eyebrow while she sits there, waiting for me to say it. I know she couldn't have missed me changing the pronoun. 

"I need you," I say as softly as I possibly can. She smiles at me and reaches for my hand. 

"And here I thought you were off fucking your new assistant," she says, still smiling. 

"I never fucked my old assistant. Why would I start with this one?" I ask and she tilts her head to the side, considering it. 

"Janet? She wanted you but she knew I'd beat the crap out of her if she made a move. This new one, she doesn't know me yet, so she feels no fear," Mandy says. Her fingers tighten around mine and I just smile at her. That will be the problem when this ends. Mandy will think she lost and Mandy hates losing. 

"I'm sure your reputation precedes you," I say, knowing that isn't so. Amazingly, Mandy doesn't come up in conversation much. When she's not around, it's almost as if we'd all like to forget she was ever there telling us what we we're doing wrong. 

"And next month, I'll be back fixing this mess you've all created. So, Josh, what are you doing tonight?" she asks, her voice growing softer and more gentle. My eyes dart around the room as I try to come up with something believable. There is only one way out of this.

"I'll be driving back to Charleston," I say and she just nods. 

"Wow. You must really miss me," she says, her mouth forming into a tight bow of disappointment. 

"I'm sorry. You know how it is... "

"Yeah."

"But you'll be there next month," I say, offering up a tiny concession. She just nods. Now I have to figure out this mess in a month. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. Not without someone getting hurt. "I have to get going."

With that, she pulls her hand free from mine. "Long drive?"

"Yeah. Really long drive," I say, unable to meet her eyes. 

I throw some bills down on the check and we both walk out. I hope she doesn't want to walk me back to the car. For someone who's used to planning, I really haven't thought this through. 

"How long are you going to be in town?" I look around and see her car parked near the restaurant and I start walking her towards it. 

"I have to be in New York to meet with a client in the morning. I guess I should get running," she says, looking at her watch. 

"Take care, Mandy," I say, leaning in to give her a kiss. It's short and hardly the kiss of lovers who haven't seen each other in a few weeks. She has to notice. I would notice if it was the other way around. Maybe she just doesn't care at this point. 

"You, too, Josh," she says, climbing into her car and driving away. 

***********

Somewhere on I-95

"What did you and Janet talk about?"

The sound of Josh's voice pulls me from the almost hypnotic state I am in from watching the road. He hasn't said much since we left DC a few hours ago.

"You, Josh. We talked about you," I say and that gets his attention. He finally takes his eyes off the road and looks over at me.

"Me?" he says, squirming around a little. Josh repositions his hand on the wheel, gripping it a little tighter. "What about me?"

"She said you're a rude, arrogant, opinionated son of a bitch."

Josh's eyes widen a little. "Wow. That all?"

"No," I say, looking down at my hands and decide to keep going. I have to know. I have to ask. "She told me never to bring you coffee."

"Janet always brought me coffee," Josh says, looking puzzled. "Why would she tell you that?"

"Josh, did you ever sleep with Janet?" I blurt out in one breath.

"Donna!"

"Well, did you?"

"What on *earth* would make you think I slept with Janet?" Josh says, his voice rising in pitch. He lets out a nervous laugh and shakes his head like I'm crazy for suggesting such a thing. I have my reasons.

"She kept staring at me, Josh. Giving me that look," I say, fixing him with the same stare Janet gave me. He glances over again.

"What look? That look?"

"Yeah. Like she knew something I didn't," I say, narrowing my eyes. I fold my arms and turn my lips down. "Or that I wasn't good enough to be your assistant."

"You're more than good enough, Donna... "

"Am I?" I ask, unfolding my arms again and bringing a hand to my chest. I take a deep breath and swallow hard. I am determined not to cry. Professional women like Janet wouldn't cry. Or sleep with their boss. Like I am.

"Donna, why are you saying this?" Josh asks, slowing down a bit so he can concentrate more on me and not the road.

"I don't know if I can be like Janet... "

"I don't want you to be like Janet," Josh says, reaching across the seat and taking my hand. "I want you to be you."

"And I want to be a good assistant," I say, letting my fingers curl slowly around his. I stare at our joined hands. I don't want this to be the only reason Josh keeps me as his assistant. "It's important to me, Josh. It's important if Bartlet makes it to the White House."

"We have to get Bartlet through the South Carolina primary first," Josh says, tightening his grip on my hand. He sighs heavily and mutters to himself. "We have to get through next month."

"What's next month?" I ask, wondering why Josh phrased it that way. I take a guess. "Did Ms. Hampton say next month would be bad?"

Josh tenses up again like he did this morning. "No, she didn't."

"Then what did she say, Josh?" I ask, sensing ... something. Josh clears his throat a couple times and stays focused on the road. "What does she do for the campaign?"

"What does who do?" he asks, pretending like he didn't hear me. He slips his hand out from mine and puts it back on the wheel.

"Ms. Hampton. What does she do?" I say again, curious to know. "She works for the campaign, but she's not with campaign?"

"Um... Mandy is our media director. She works on a consultant basis," Josh explains, pausing between his words. "She's in charge of making us look good to the public."

"And do we? Do we look good?"

"Not yet," Josh answers, looking over at me. Our eyes meet and he smiles slightly. "But we will as long as Bartlet doesn't go saying anything stupid in public."

"Isn't that what Toby and Sam are for?"

"Yeah. Unless of course they write something stupid," he says and this time we both smile. "Sam can be stupid sometimes."

"When we get back, Josh... I want to learn how all this works. Where everyone fits in. Where I fit in," I say in all seriousness.

"Okay," Josh agrees, then adds. "But you fit in with me, Donna. I could do this without Janet, but I don't think I can do this without you."

"Josh... "

"I need you," he says and that gets me. His voice is filled with such sincerity and it makes my heart ache.

"You have me," I say, staring at him. "You have me, Josh."

****************

Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters  
Charleston, South Carolina  
February 14, 1998

I stride into my office to find Donna standing over a large bouquet of roses. Large is an understatement, actually. She must have just walked in before me because she hasn't touched the card yet. She's just staring at them.

She turns towards me, her eyes meeting mine as she presses her hand to her heart.

"Josh... you can be so sweet ... " she says in a choked whisper.

"I didn't buy those," I say, lowering my voice so the rest of the office doesn't hear any of this. I hold out a single red rose, wrapped in cellophane. I picked it up at the convenience store down the street. "I... uh... didn't even think about it. I got this when I stopped to get gas in the car."

"Oh, Josh," she says, her eyes tearing up. I should've known she'd be like this about flowers. She seemed the type. I'm not usually the flower buying type. Not unless it's a special occasion and I have an assistant around to order them. Mandy has only ever received flowers when she's been so pissed at me it was either send flowers to her or order them for my own funeral. 

"To be honest, I also got roses for CJ and Margaret. Not red ones. Yellow ones. Just so it didn't look too suspicious that I was giving you a... a cheap, half withered rose," I say and then cast my attention towards the huge bouquet on my desk. "But with those around, I don't think I needed to worry so much. And I got you a card."

I hand her a card in a blue envelope and she gets that sweet look on her face again. 

"You didn't have to ... "

"Don't make a big deal about it. They were out of Valentine's Day cards so it's ... " before I can finish she has it opened. 

"Happy Belated Birthday?" she says, looking up at me over the top edge of the card. "That was sweet that you thought of me."

She opens it and her eyes scan over the few words I hurriedly scribbled inside. I couldn't say everything I wanted to but chances are it would have come out all wrong anyway. Or would have sounded like a political agenda. 

"Josh ... " she says, looking like she wants to hug me. I take a step around her to the other side of my desk before we do something we shouldn't. 

"So, where did these come from?" I ask, nodding at her flowers. I try not to look as she opens up the little card that came with them. Instead, I start sorting through my messages and looking at my calendar for the day. Even for a Saturday, it looks like it's going to be hell. 

"Oh ... "

I look up at Donna. Maybe they came from her ex-boyfriend. Maybe the creep has come to his senses and he wants her back. 

"So?" I ask. 

"My dad," she says, wiping a tear from her eye. "He misses me."

"I'm sure he does," I say, just thankful it wasn't someone else. Petty of me, considering that I have... Mandy. I have to do something about that soon. Donna is still holding the little card from her father and now she looks sad. "Why don't you call him?"

I go to hand her the phone but before I can do that, it rings and I answer it myself. 

"Josh Lyman," I say, only to be greeted by a voice that until now, I've only heard about. "Yeah, listen, buddy. It's Valentine's Day. What kind of underwear do you think I'd have on? Yeah. That's right. Boxers with big red hearts on them. Now get a life."

I hang up the phone and discover Donna staring at me, her eyes wide. "Do you really?" she asks, her eyes traveling over me. 

"Maybe you'll find out ... " 

Someone knocks on the my already open door and Donna and I both jump. It's Margaret, carrying a pile of papers in her arms. "These are the numbers that Leo... Oh, Donna, those are beautiful," she says, looking from the flowers to me suspiciously. I quickly shake my head. 

"Don't blame me," I say, taking the paperwork out of her arms. 

"I figured it couldn't be you, Josh. That would be far too sweet for the likes of you," Margaret says, bending over to sniff the roses now taking up far too much room on my desk. "So, who are they from, Donna? Some secret love you've been hiding on us?"

Donna gets all squirmy after that comment. She has a lot to learn in the world of politics. 

"No, they're from my dad. He probably thought that I'd be alone today and he did it in an attempt to cheer me up," she says. I notice that somehow while I was going through my messages, she tucked the card I gave her discreetly away. 

"Some of the girls are going out tonight if you'd like to come with, Donna," Margaret says and Donna looks to me. 

"We'll be here pretty late," I say, nodding at the paper stacked up on my desk. 

"Josh. It's Valentine's Day," Margaret says, staring at me as if I'm some sort of love Scrooge. 

"I know, and this is a presidential primary. It stops for no holiday created by mere mortals," I say and Margaret rolls her eyes at me. 

"That's okay, Margaret. I'll stay here and help out. I really don't mind since it keeps my mind off of other things," Donna says, looking at the flowers again. 

"Have it your way. Leo needs those numbers by 3 p.m.," Margaret says to Josh before walking out.

"Josh?" Donna asks after a few moments of silence. She's been asking a lot of questions lately, which is good because I like answering them. On the drive back from DC the other day, I spent two hours trying to explain the electoral college and how that if we're lucky enough to make it past next Tuesday and the rest of the primaries to win the nomination, we really don't care about the outcome of the popular vote as long as we win in the right combination of states. For someone who majored in political science for at least two weeks, she's got a lot to learn.

"Yeah?"

"Really?"

"Really what?" I ask, looking up from my papers, confused. 

"Big hearts?"

Now I smile. "I told you. Maybe later, you'll find out."

*******************

"Josh!"

"Yeah?" he says, cupping his hand over the phone and looking up at me. He's been on for nearly an hour trying to convince some reporter to do a write-up on Bartlet before the primary on Tuesday. He needs a break. We both do.

"Sam says he can take over," I say, gesturing to Sam beside me.

"I can take over," he repeats, walking towards Josh with an outstretched hand. Josh swats it away and keeps talking. His eyes meet mine and I can't help but pout. I know it's going to be like this all night and all I want is ten minutes. Just ten minutes alone with Josh.

"I know his editor's ex-wife's lawyer in New York," Sam adds and Josh raises an eyebrow. He cups the phone again.

"Who was his editor's ex-wife's lawyer in New York?" Josh asks in a hushed tone.

"Me," Sam answers proudly, puffing out his chest. He sticks his hand out for the phone again.

"Why didn't anyone say that an hour ago?" Josh mutters, rolling his eyes. He puts the phone back up to his ear. "Hey, I've got someone here who you might be interesting in talking to. Yeah. Seaborn. Sam Seaborn... "

Josh slaps the receiver in Sam's hand and gets out of his chair. Sam slides into it and leans back. He looks my flowers over and then looks at Josh. Something registers on his face and before he can say anything, Josh does.

"They're from Donna's dad," he says firmly before coming over towards me. I back out of Josh's office and make him follow. "What's going on?"

I weave my way back through the campaign office. There are still a few people here and there, but most of the volunteers left for the night. I glance at my watch. Margaret and the girls will be back in an hour so we don't have much time.

"Come with me," I say, checking messages and schedules as I move. Josh keeps pace and then tries to scoot in front of me to cut me off. I walk faster.

"Donna, I got a lot of work to do," he protests.

"And you'll get to it," I counter, double-checking the makeshift offices as we walk by. Leo is gone. CJ, too. That's good. "Just come with me."

"Okay," Josh grumbles as I turn a corner and head even farther back into the building. This place used to be an old pharmacy and there are lots of little rooms we aren't using for the campaign. I did a little exploring earlier. Sneaky women do that. It starts to get dark and there are boxes to maneuver around now. Josh stumbles a few times, but keeps following me. "Where the hell are we going?"

I don't answer. I continue until I find my way to the right door. I abruptly stop, place my hand on the knob and turn around. I smile as Josh's body brushes against mine.

"What's back here?" he asks, looking down at me curiously.

"Me. You."

"Besides us," Josh says, moving a little closer. He wipes a hand across his eyes. "Donna, we should get back before... "

"Ten minutes, Josh," I plead, giving it my all. Josh looks around some more and realizes how far away we really are. No one has been back here since we moved in except maybe me.

"What can we do in ten minutes?" he asks and I smile even wider. Josh finally catches on and his eyes light up. "Okay, that was a stupid question."

"Yes, it was," I say, pulling him in with me and shutting the door. I press Josh against it and kiss him soundly until I feel him relax. I draw my lips away with a soft moan and wrap my arms around his neck. "I have been wanting to do that ever since you gave me that card."

"That was hours ago," Josh says, placing his hands on my backside. "I admire your self-restraint."

"That card, Josh," I say, getting serious for a moment. All these emotions rise to the surface again and I try to talk through them. "That was the sweetest thing anyone has ever written to me."

"Yeah. What did I write again?"

"Something about me being the best thing to come into your life," I say, paraphrasing as I slip out of his arms. I take his hands in mine and lead him over to the center of the room. There is a small candle burning on the floor, surrounded by a few pillows and blankets.

"Where did you get all this?" Josh asks as I sink to my knees. He blinks in amazement. "Wait. These are from the bus. You stole this off the bus?"

"And how I'm so much more that valuable," I continue, pulling Josh down on his knees. The floor is hard wood and it creaks a little under our weight. I hope it doesn't get too loud.

"Did this used to be a storeroom?" he asks, looking around at the empty shelves that line the walls. I take his face in my hands and make him look at me. He's embarrassed by what he wrote, I can tell. His eyes are huge and soft and his cheeks are flushed over.

"And that you've never felt this way before," I finish, letting my fingers slide into his hair. My voice gets thick with emotion. "You made me cry, Josh."

"You're not going to cry now, are you?" Josh asks nervously.

"No," I reassure him, locking my hands behind his head to draw him into another kiss. "I am definitely not going to cry."

"Then what are you going to do?" Josh stammers before our lips meet. My tongue sweeps through his mouth and my body starts to tremble. Ten minutes is all we have, but it's all I need.

"Give you your Valentine's Day gift," I say, settling back on the blankets and pillows. I shift around and get as comfortable as I can. Beside me, the little candle flickers and it makes the room smell less musty and like warm wax.

"This is my gift?" Josh asks, still on his knees. He lays his hand over his heart and I wonder if it's aching like mine is. We haven't had much time together since we got back from DC and we probably won't until after the primary.

"I'm sorry I can't give you more," I say, looking up at him apologetically. "I wish I could take you to dinner or pay for a nice room, but I can't. I just have... "

It takes Josh all of two seconds to get on the floor and pull me into his arms.

"Stop talking now," Josh exhales as he rolls me on top. He starts unbuttoning my sweater. "You're wasting my ten minutes."

"Nine minutes," I breathe, unbuttoning his shirt just as fast. "We have nine minutes now."

"Plenty of time... " Josh promises with a smile.

*************

I am the senior political director on this campaign. A serious campaign for the most powerful job in this country... no, the world. We're planning on changing the face of this nation. Josiah Bartlet has big ideas. Grand thoughts. Notions that sometimes I can't even comprehend. 

Yet, none of that matters when Donna does just that with her mouth against my neck. I am surely going to some sort of hell for this. One where they make you live election night over for eternity without ever finding out the results. 

"Oh... yeah," I moan as she gives up on the buttons on my shirt and goes right for the zipper on my pants. We don't have time to deal with all these clothes. I wish I could give her more, but a few tawdry minutes in a dirty back room is the best we can do. At least with the candle, neither of us can see exactly how dusty it is in here. 

"Josh?" she asks, moving under me so we're face to face again. 

"Yeah?" 

"These feel like... silk? Please tell me they're not Sam's?" she asks, her hand sliding under my pants and across my ass. 

"They're mine."

"Do they really have hearts?"

"Donna, do I really look like the kind of guy who would wear hearts?" I ask, looking away from her as she starts to nod her head. Just because I wrote something nice in a card for the first time in my life, she's going to get the wrong idea about me. "We'll, I'm not."

Donna squirms out of under me and I end up on my back, her fingers tugging my pants down over my hips so she can discover the truth. 

"Oh ... " she says, staring at me. 

"Oh?"

"I like them. I do," she says, brushing her hand over my red silk boxers. "Are they for me?"

"I, uh, yeah." Mandy might have bought them for me a long time ago but I never wore them for her. I'm certain it was a joke so she could have her fun and laugh at me.

Then Donna's fingers dance over my impossibly hard cock, which is aching to get out of these damn things. No fabric, not even silk, can possibly compare to the feeling of being inside of her body. 

"Is that for me, too?" she asks, smiling more than I've seen her smile in days. Even more than when I caught her secretly reading the card during lunch. 

"Donna, we're down to seven minutes now. I can do a lot in seven minutes, but I can't necessarily do a lot of things well ... "

She cuts me off with a kiss. Her hair sweeps down and all around my face and I run my fingers through it. I'm not used to all this hair. I like it a lot. It's like a blonde curtain hiding us from the rest of the world. Of course, if anyone were to walk in here now, it would be pretty damn obvious what's going on.

I watch as she sits up and removes just enough clothes for this to work and work quickly. I wiggle my pants and boxers down to my knees and she straddles my hips, her wet sex brushing up against me. 

"Show me what you can do in seven minutes," she says as she slides down on me. It's so tight and warm and I moan as I fit in all the way. I struggle to keep my eyes open, wanting to see her face washed in pleasure and candle light.

"I might not need the whole seven minutes," I manage to get out between clenched teeth. She rises up and then falls again and I wrap my hands around her hips, trying not to push her to go faster. I want her to go faster. I want to feel release with her over top of me. I want so many things.

But we've got a few minutes left, and damn it, I'm going to make the best of them.

"Is this okay?" she asks, leaning forward against my chest while her hips continue to roll against me. 

"Oh, yeah," I say and she tucks an errant strand of hair behind her ear and kisses me. Her mouth opens and the sensation of her tongue searching my mouth while at the same time I'm wrapped deep in her body is almost too much. 

I thrust up against her, not able to take much more. It's certainly not as comfortable as it was all night in my bed, but who the hell cares? It's sex with Donna and it's good no matter where it happens. Even here on this squeaky floor.

She breaks our kiss and sits back up, letting me admire the view. Her hand reaches down to the apex of her sex and she begins to stroke herself. I watch as she keeps moving, her alluring expression growing more glazed over by the second. She's close. I'm close. We both can't make a sound through this no matter how badly I'd like to cry out her name right now and tell her to go faster. 

I move a hand from her hip, lowering it until it's over hers, my fingers matching the pace of her own. The extra pressure is enough to push her over the edge and I feel her body tremor all around me. She clenches up around my erection and that's all it takes. I'm falling with her. 

Donna grabs my hands and our fingers say everything our voices can't right now. Her grip is tight as we both ride through this, not wanting it to end but yet, happy to be here. 

"Joshua... Josh ... " she whispers and I pull a hand free and press a finger to her lips. 

"Happy Valentine's Day," I whisper back, my voice still raspy from breathing so hard. We stay like that for a while, both of us watching the other.

She flips my wrist over and looks at my watch. "One minute left," she says, falling down against me. I wrap my arms around her, holding her close, and wishing that we could make this minute last a lifetime.

"We better go before Sam suspects something," I say, not wanting to get up. I hope my legs work. That's pretty iffy right now. 

"You go ahead. I've got to clean up... me. And the blankets. I'll sneak them back onto the bus," she says, not making a move to do any of these things. 

"Okay."

"And then we can get back to work again," she says, still not moving.

"Donna ... "

"I know. Josh?"

"Yeah?" I ask, finally slipping out of her body. We do have quite a mess to deal with in here. 

"I think I'm falling in love with you," she says and I shut my eyes, closing out the tiny light and wavering shadows. 

"I know I am ... with you," I say, my voice barely escaping from my throat. It was just loud enough for her to hear. 

I open my eyes and her expression is calmer than I expected. I assumed she would make a big deal out of it. I wait for the tears to start flowing and for her to start that whole thing she was doing earlier. But she doesn't. She only slides off of me, her fingers tracing over my abdomen and brushing over my hip. 

"We have to go. That comes first. This thing. The primary. The election. Bartlet," she says. "As much as we would like to stay in here forever, they come first."

"I know," I say as she stands up and begins to get dressed again. "I know."

*************

Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters   
Charleston, South Carolina   
February 17, 1998

"Why aren't people voting?" Josh shouts as he races through the campaign office. He stops in the center of the room and all eyes fall on him. "What is wrong with these people? It is their damn obligation and privilege as American citizens to vote, so why aren't people voting? Can't someone tell me why these people aren't voting?"

Nobody answers Josh. They all just stare at him with tired eyes for a moment and keep working. Josh throws his hands up in frustration and heads back to his office. I catch up with him and match his pace step by step. I tap his shoulder to get his attention. He looks at me, but doesn't stop moving.

"The South as historically been the lowest part of the whole country when it comes to presidential elections," I begin, talking as fast as I can. I glance at the clipboard I'm carrying and continue. "For much of it's history, it was one-party Democratic and only 8 to 10 percent of the population even shows up for a presidential election."

"Why the hell are you telling me this?" Josh asks, giving me this frantic look.

"You asked," I say, stopping suddenly. That makes Josh stop. I turn my lips down and wait to be yelled at again. Josh has been yelling all night.

"I asked what?"

"Why people aren't voting. South Carolina has a history of low participation."

"How do you know that?"

"I looked it up," I say proudly. "I've been doing research."

"You scared me there, Donna. For a second there I thought you were going to start singing one of those Schoolhouse Rock things," Josh says, moving again. He spies Sam and CJ up ahead and decides to go in that direction instead.

"Exit polls?" he demands and Sam looks up. He's on the phone. So is CJ. Actually, everyone is on the phone except me and Josh. "When are we going to see those damn numbers?"

Sam shakes his head and looks over as CJ. Neither of them says a word.

"That bad?" Josh asks, running a hand through his hair. "Wiley is ahead, isn't he?"

"19% of the precincts are reporting. It's not over, Josh," CJ says.

"Then why aren't I seeing numbers now?" Josh pleads, sounding so desperate. Sam just shrugs apologetically and CJ shakes her head. Josh sighs again and heads back to the phones. I hold my clipboard against my chest and let him go.

We haven't talked about what's going to happen if Bartlet doesn't beat Wiley. All we've talked about is what will happen when he does. I meant what I said on Valentine's Day. I am falling in love in with Josh.

That is really the only thing I know right now.

"Oh my God," CJ suddenly cries out. I turn and she is frantically waving her hands in the air.

"Either you're having a seizure or... " Sam begins before she smacks him quiet.

"CNN! They're going to announce the exit polls on CNN in three minutes!" she exclaims, looking around the office in a panic. People around us stop what they are doing. "Which one of these damn TVs have CNN?"

"All of them should. Tell Josh," Sam says to me, moving out from behind the desk. He hangs up the phone quickly and I rush towards Josh.

This is it. This is really it.

"Josh!" I shout and he spins around. I have to catch my breath before I can speak.

"What?"

"CNN. CJ said they're announcing the exit polls on CNN... "

"When?"

"In three minutes," I say and Josh immediately heads for the nearest TV.

Sam somehow manages to switch all of them over to CNN and suddenly the whole office is standing around a TV. Mr. McGarry comes out of his office with Margaret. Toby stops pacing. I stand behind Josh as we all wait anxiously for the anchor to finish the last story. A Democratic Party graphic pops up in the corner of the screen and Josh turns the sound up as loud as it will go.

"Shhhhh! Here we go! Here we go!" Josh says and everyone stops to listen.

"Tonight in South Carolina, the race for the Democratic Party presidential nomination has begun. Early exit polls are showing Texas Senator John Hoynes as the winner by about 42%... "

"C'mon, c'mon," Josh breathlessly chants. "C'mon, Bartlet... "

"... with New Hampshire Governor Josiah Bartlet coming in second at 23%... "

"WHOOOOO-HOOOOOOO!"

The entire room goes wild.

"Yes!" Josh shouts, flinging both arms over his head. Bartlet for America flyers fly into the air as everyone cheers victoriously.

Josh turns around to face me with his arms still outstretched. His face is positively lit up as he wraps me in his arms. I am lifted off the ground and I yelp in surprise.

"Josh!"

"Donna, we did it! We did it!"

He tries to twirl me around, but my legs smack right into Mr. McGarry. Josh immediately puts me down and hugs him instead.

"Get away from me, Josh. People are going to wonder about us," he says, but Josh just holds him tighter. Mr. McGarry pats his back and smiles.

"Donna!" Margaret cries as she embraces me. We rock each other back and forth as Toby comes up to high five everyone in sight.

"Everyone! Everyone!" Sam shouts, climbing up on a desk. Josh and Toby help him and we all stop to focus on Sam. "Governor Bartlet just called and he wants me to give you all a message!"

"He's going to double our salaries?" one volunteer asks and everyone laughs. Sam waves his hands, trying to get control again.

"No, he said... " Sam pauses deliberately for effect and then he shouts. "SEE YOU IN CALIFORNIA!"

The room goes wild once again and suddenly this music starts up in the background. Everyone starts dancing and moving about. Except Josh. Josh is staring right at me.

"Love you," I see him mouth. There is so much commotion around us that no one can possibly be paying attention to us except us. My heart starts to swell up and I think I'm going to cry. No one will notice that either. There are a lot of people crying right now.

"Me too," I mouth back and Josh just beams. I have never seen him happier than what he is right now. Bartlet beat Wiley. We're going to California. And we are... 

"Donna?"

I feel this hand tugging on my sleeve and I turn.

"Josh's phone is ringing," one of the volunteers says.

"Okay," I say, heading for his desk. I make my way through the crowd and reach across the desk for his phone.

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say loudly, pressing my hand to my other ear so I can hear over all the noise.

"Who's this?" someone asks.

"Donna Moss, I'm Josh Lyman's assistant."

"I'm Noah Lyman, Josh Lyman's dad."

"Ah," I say and I hear him chuckle, followed by a cough. Then I remember what Janet has said about Josh's father. Josh still hasn't said anything to me about his father being sick.

"Sounds like quite a celebration going on there," he continues after clearing his throat a few times. "I knew Josh was going to beat the pants off Wiley. Put him on. I want to tell him how proud I am."

I look out and across the room for Josh. And for the first time since I joined the campaign, I feel it. Feel whatever it is I always see in Josh's eyes and hear in his voice. We have a chance, a real chance, to get Bartlet that nomination. It could actually happen now.

I see Josh talking to Mr. McGarry. He's probably strategizing already about what we're going to have to do when we get to California. I'm sure we'll be leaving soon. Maybe even tomorrow. Things happen fast here.

"Can you hold on?" I say, putting the phone down to get Josh.

"I know how to beat Hoynes, Leo. I worked for him. I know where his... "

"Josh," I say, touching his arm. He stops talking and looks at me, his eyes wide with excitement.

"Yeah?"

"There's a phone call for you," I say and Josh gives me this weird look.

"Donna, we just beat Wiley. Take a message," he says, waving me off. He turns back to Mr. McGarry and I touch his arm again.

"Josh," I say again, a little more insistently until I get his attention. His full attention. "You should take this call."

"Why? Who is it?"

"Josh, it's your father."

***************

Part V  
Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters   
Los Angeles, California   
February 23, 1998

"Did you call him yet?"

"Call who?"

"Him," Donna says as if that should clear it up. I have to be somewhere across town in twenty minutes and there's no way in hell I'm going to make it in this traffic. Now I have her following me out of the office and into the parking lot, playing twenty questions. Usually, I don't mind her questions but I'm too damn busy right now.

"Donna, do you know how many 'hims' I know? Which him are we talking about?" I ask and she picks up her stride to keep up with me as I walk to the car.

"The 'him' also known as your father, Josh. The man who brought you into this world. He keeps calling and I get the feeling that you never return his calls," she says and I stop.

"Did you take a message?" I ask and she gives me a pissed off glare. I didn't think I'd be facing the pissed off glare of an assistant again so soon, but judging by how quickly this relationship has developed into other things, I suppose I should have expected it.

"He and I have been conversing ... "

"Conversing as in how?" I interrupt. This is just what I need. My dad making fun of me for getting tangled up in a relationship with an assistant.

"Conversing as in me telling him I'm sleeping with his only son. Come on, Josh. How do you think we're conversing? I ask how he is. He asks about you. I tell him you'll call but apparently you never do," she says.

"I'll call him when I get back," I say with a sigh. I really have to get going. Sam begrudgingly left for South Dakota this morning to make arrangements for when Governor Bartlet and Leo arrive there tomorrow. Toby is in Maine today and will be in Vermont tomorrow and just thinking of Maine, Vermont and South Dakota makes me glad I'm here in Southern California.

"You have to be back by four p.m. You have a meeting with ... "

"Campbell. I know, I know," I say, sounding more than annoyed as I run my hand through my hair. I look at Donna and now she's pouting.

"You don't have to take that tone with me," she says, looking upset.

"Donna, I'm ... "

"You don't have to take that tone with me. That's all I'm saying. I'm trying to do the best job I can and part of my job is making sure you're where you're supposed to be. I don't know what you think my job is, but that's what it's supposed to be," Donna says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I know that's what your job is," I say, looking down at my watch before looking up at her. She's still pouting. "This other stuff between us, Donna, I know that's not your job. It's just that we're getting into the game a little late and if we don't get some money here, we're screwed. I have to be on top of this thing with these men in order to do that. If I fail, the rest of this doesn't matter."

"What is it this time? It can't be as bad as big tobacco," she says, finally lowering her arms and the defensive stance she had taken.

"You want to bet? Try Hollywood and the entertainment industry. They've got a lot of money and want to be taken seriously but ... "

"You can't take them seriously, can you?" she asks, starting to smile.

"I can. It's just that ... "

"You can't," she interrupts, reaching out to touch me on the arm. Instinctively, I look towards the office to see if anyone can see us but there is no one. We're all alone in the parking lot. The two of us alone hasn't happened for days now and I can feel something between us crackle.

"I can. It's just that after dealing with Senators and heads of state and you know, people of real importance, it's hard to face men like Larry Posner and take them seriously. They make movies. They don't make -- I don't know," I say, looking down at my feet.

"They don't make a difference. Not the same difference men like Governor Bartlet can and will make. Not the same difference you can make," she says, softly, her hand moving down my arm.

"Yet, we have to kiss ass with them for the money. We have to pretend that they're power is real because of that money," I say and Donna nods. "And in a way, they influence a lot of people."

"So how come you're stuck going? Why didn't you go to South Dakota instead of Sam?" she asks as I finally move away from her and dig the keys to the rental car out of my pocket.

"It's February, Donna. I may hate dealing with these pompous jackasses but I'm not stupid enough to end up in South Dakota in the middle of winter. Or Vermont ... "

"Or Maine," she adds, smiling.

"Yeah. I say we handle the warmer states, like Arizona, Florida and New Mexico and let Toby handle Maine," I say, opening the door and getting in the car.

She leans over the open door and looks at me thoughtfully. "Call him, Josh. He sounds like he really wants to talk to you now," she says and I nod.

"I'll call him when I get back," I say, starting up the car and looking at the dashboard clock. Posner is going to be pissed. A half an hour of his time is probably worth millions.

"He's sick, Josh. He needs to talk to his son," Donna says quickly and then looks away. I don't even know what to say and instead, just stare at her. She still doesn't look my way.

"How long have you known?"

"Since Janet told me. I wasn't sure whether I should say something or if I wasn't supposed to know. I didn't want you to be upset," she says, sounding so unsure of herself. I reach out of the car and put my hand on top of hers as it rests on the door.

"It's okay. I just didn't, I don't know. I just never got around to telling you," I say and she nods.

"Call him, Josh. He needs you," she says, pulling her hand away and stepping back.

"I will. As soon as this is done, I will," I say, pulling the door shut and driving away.

**************

"Donna," CJ says sharply as I walk back inside. "Did Joshua just leave?"

"Yes," I say and CJ instantly frowns. She looks past me and out the window to where Josh is now stuck at the stoplight.

"He was supposed to leave fifteen minutes ago," she says with an exasperated sigh. "I specifically told him to be out of here by eleven. He's never going to make it... "

"Josh... " I start, wanting to explain.

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to arrange that meeting with Posner?" she asks, cutting me off. She raises her voice even louder. "I had to call in a lot of favors and I don't have a lot of favors left in this town."

"Josh... " I start again and now CJ is glaring at me. I close my mouth. CJ shakes her head.

"Joshua has been doing some pretty stupid things lately. First Dixon. Now this," she says as she starts walking away from me. I hear her sigh again. "I don't know what's happened since Manchester... "

I follow her, trying to match her quick steps as she moves through the office and back to her area. I try to get her attention. I don't want her to think that about Josh. He knows he can't make any more mistakes.

"CJ?" I call out and she finally stops walking. The look on her face makes me cower. She is that angry at Josh.

"What is it, Donna?" she says with very little patience in her voice.

"This is my fault," I say, holding my hands together to keep from talking with them. I take a deep breath to steady myself, but my hands start moving anyway. "I was asking all these questions. Taking up his time. Telling him to return phone calls. I should have had him out of here by eleven. This is my fault."

CJ is quiet for the next few moments and now I'm not sure what she's thinking. I know of only one thing that has happened since Manchester. Maybe she knows it, too.

"It's nice of you to cover for him, Donna," she says, dropping her tone a little. Her eyes narrow slightly as they meet mine. "But Josh knows what he's supposed to be doing. And he's not doing it."

CJ walks away and this time I don't follow. I stand there for a moment and try to pretend I'm not listening as she picks up her phone to dial... someone. Probably Larry Posner, but it could be Mr. McGarry.

"Donna!"

I turn and see Margaret coming towards me.

"I need your help," Margaret says, taking me by the elbow and leading me away from CJ. She walks me back through the office and to the front. This space is much smaller than the one in Charleston and we have to pay for it. There are no rooms in the back this time. There probably won't ever be again.

"Okay," I say and Margaret stops abruptly. I look down and see her bags lined up on the floor. I look back up at her, confused. "Margaret, where are you going?"

"Chicago," she answers, fishing in her purse for keys. Chicago is where the Governor and Mr. McGarry are now to get things set up. "Mr. McGarry wanted me on the next flight and you need to take me to the airport."

"Are you coming back?" I ask tentatively. Margaret's been running this office and with her gone, I'll be the only assistant left. I don't know if I can do this without her.

"I'll be back for the Posner fund raiser," she says, handing me the keys. "A lot of celebrities will be there."

"Celebrities? Really?" I say hopefully. Josh didn't mention that.

"Celebrities. Producers. Directors. They're the ones with the money in this town," Margaret continues as I retrieve my purse. "I overheard Toby say they want to charge $10,000 a plate."

"Just to have dinner with Governor Bartlet?" I say, overwhelmed at the price. It's probably nothing to these people, but it's everything to us. We need the money. The travel expenses alone are draining the campaign funds fast. My funds are draining fast, too and it doesn't look like Josh will be putting me on salary anytime soon.

"To have dinner with the Democratic nominee," Margaret says like it has already happened. It's what everyone is focusing on now. The Illinois Primary and beating Hoynes. Super Tuesday is coming up fast and there is so much to do. I don't know how it's all going to get done with everyone spread out.

"It still seems so... so... " I say, trying to find the right word.

"Strange?" Margaret suggests and I nod.

"Yeah," I say as she picks up her bags. I follow her out the door and into the sun once again. I turn my face up toward it and try to think of something positive to say. "At least things can be strange where it's warm."

"It won't be warm in Illinois," she says, briskly walking ahead of me towards the car. "Try to enjoy it now while you can."

There isn't any time to enjoy it now. Josh barely has any time as it is and everyday, he has less. What little time we have, I have to make.

Despite what CJ said, it was my fault Josh was late. Yes, I wanted to tell him about his father but I also wanted to spend a little time alone. I miss being alone with Josh. I miss... 

"Donna!"

There isn't even any time to miss Josh.

**************

Larry Posner's Estate  
Los Angeles, California

"I don't care what Ted Marcus said, Larry. We want to have this here," I say, following the movie mogul out the back door of his mansion to the pool area. He's acting pissy towards me. Probably because I'm late and more than likely am cutting into a more important meeting about what piece of crap he plans on putting to film next. I shouldn't have stopped to talk to Donna but it's been days since... since a lot of things.

"I don't want to get in a pissing contest with Ted. He wants this party at his house. I want it here," Larry says, sitting down at a table under a large umbrella. There's a pitcher of iced tea already there and he pours himself some before offering it to me.

"Thanks. We've already confirmed that it would be here. The invitations are going to be printed ... "

"They aren't printed already?" he interrupts, mid sip. Larry never quite makes eye contact with me. Instead, his eyes drift out towards the hills behind his house. My eyes follow his and for all I know, he's checking to see if we're setting up at Marcus' house, too.

"How the hell would I know about the invitations? That's CJ's department," I say and Larry cringes at the mention of CJ's name.

"I'm glad Bartlet gave Ms. Cregg a job after what she did to Becker's career ... "

"Excuse me? Who's Becker?" I ask and Posner laughs at my question.

"Let's just say you better hope Governor Bartlet fairs better under her care than Becker did. He got screwed over but good," Posner says, still laughing and I still have no damn clue what he's talking about. I don't know anything about Hollywood except we need their money right now and they don't seem overly impressed with John Hoynes. CJ knows a little about the games they play and the food chain in this town but no one is taking her calls lately.

Who we really need is Mandy. Fuck. We need Mandy desperately right now and I can't stand it. I'm going to have to call and ask her to get out here. I'm going to have to explain a few things to a few people. Mandy will show up and I'll be in the shit house for as long as she's near. Unless I can keep it all hidden. That's what I've got to do. She doesn't need to know.

But Donna is going to wonder. Shit. Posner sighs, as if I'm wasting too much of his time with my own thoughts and perhaps I am. I need to get out of here soon so I can call Mandy. She can deal with people like Larry Posner.

"Unless this Becker person is running for President of the United States, I'm not going to worry too much. CJ Cregg is a master at her job. Governor Bartlet will do just fine," I say, trying to change the subject back to something I'm in control of. "So, Larry... what are you going to want out of this?"

"We don't want you to get into office and start hammering us on ratings right away. I don't want for you to come down on us with family values, telling us that our business is what's ruining America. We don't ... "

"Have you ever met Jed Bartlet?" I ask, interrupting him.

"No, I haven't," he says, still not making any sort of eye contact with me.

"We'll have to arrange it before this fund raiser happens, 'cause to be honest, I'm pretty sure Governor Bartlet has never seen a single film of yours," I say, trying to remember any of the titles CJ went through with me before I left.

"Okay," he says, still sounding so cool and smug. It must be the money. I can't imagine him being this smug over the quality of his films. I haven't even seen any of them and I've been known to watch crap on occasion in the middle of the night when Mandy's tossed me to the living room.

"And I don't think the first thing on our agenda is coming after Hollywood, Larry. I think that's second or third, you know, after starving American children and the quality of education" I joke but he doesn't laugh at all. There aren't that many people more cocky than I am but I think all of those that are live in this town.

"You make sure of that, Josh. I like your man and I don't even know him ... "

"Just so you don't think he's a pushover. Jed Bartlet is not a pushover. He won't be answering to just you and your friends," I say and Larry finally turns to me, his eyes still not meeting mine completely. It's as if he's looking past me and over my shoulder. As if I'm disturbing him.

"And I don't want him to think he can just take our money and run," Larry says, squinting against the sun. He pulls his sunglasses out of his shirt pocket and puts them on. Now I have no clue what he's looking at. It could be me. It could be the odd collection of statuary he has around the pool. I need to remember to get a pair of glasses like that. A pair of 'don't fuck with me' glasses just like Larry Posner's.

"Governor Bartlet will pay your business community the respect they deserve," I say, not letting him in on how much respect that might be. Larry knows what I'm driving at and he smirks in my general direction.

"How many people?" he asks and I look around at his estate. The pool is sparkling under the sun and it's a shade of blue I've never seen before. I wonder if anyone ever gets in it? Maybe someone just shows up to clean it.

"You tell me, Larry. How many friends do you have who want to lend their support to Jed Bartlet?" I ask and he smiles.

"You mean how many of my friends want to lend their support and $10,000, don't you, Josh?"

****************

Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters   
Los Angeles, California   
February 26, 1998

"Sam Seaborn," Sam says, picking up his phone as I breeze into his workspace. I drop a stack of While You Were Out notes in front of him. He just got back from South Dakota this morning and he has a lot of calls to return about the fund raiser. I don't know who else to give them to. No one else is here. "Excuse me?"

I look up, thinking Sam is talking to me. He's not. He gets this confused look on his face and I stop for a second to see what's wrong. I wait and after half a minute of listening, Sam looks even more confused.

"You want to know what kind of underwear I have on?" Sam says, obviously repeating what he was just asked. He smoothes the front of his tie down and redirects the question. "What kind of underwear do you have on? Ah. I see. You're not wearing underwear... "

"He calls all the time," I assure Sam as I walk away and head into Josh's office. Josh isn't here either. And I don't know where he is. I haven't seen much of Josh in days and if I missed him before, I really miss him now. His phone starts ringing and I reach for it. Hopefully, this is Josh.

"Bartlet for America, Josh Lyman's office," I say, flipping through the remaining While You Were Out notes. I sit back on his desk for just a second. I think it's the first time I've sat down all day.

"Well, you must be the *new* assistant," says a female voice in this... tone.

"I'm sorry?" I say, flustered by it. Her. I'm flustered by her tone.

"I'll take that as a yes," she continues with a soft snort. "Put Josh on. He needs to talk to me."

"I'm sorry," I repeat, clearing my throat and trying to sound more professional. "Josh is not in the office right now. Can I have him call you back?"

"Did he tell you to say that?" she says smugly. "I bet he's standing right there... "

"No," I say and she clicks her tongue. She doesn't believe me. "I-I'm sorry... he's not. If you'd like to leave your name, I can have him call you back."

"I'm sure Josh warned you about me," she says and then pauses. Her voice does sound familiar but I can't quite place it. I close my eyes and think hard.

"I... I ... " I stammer, stalling for time.

"I would have thought after Janet, he would have learned his lesson ... "

Janet. DC. Wait. I do know her voice. I heard it on Josh's answering machine that morning after we... we ... 

"Ah. You're Ms. Hampton," I say with a nervous laugh. I start thinking of something to say so she knows I know who she is. I don't want to get Josh in trouble. "Josh went to see you when we were in DC."

Now she is quiet. Too quiet. And I am picking up this very weird vibe I don't like.

"Tell Josh ... " she starts, then stops.

"Tell Josh?" I repeat, wanting her to continue.

"Tell Josh what?" Josh suddenly says from behind me. I turn my head as he walks towards me to take the While You Were Out notes out of my hand. He flips through them quickly without even looking up. When I don't answer, he looks up from behind his sunglasses. "Tell Josh what?"

"Ms. Hampton is on the phone," I say with a slight pout. I hold the phone out to him and wait. Reluctantly, he takes it and presses it to his ear. Josh spins around so his back is towards me before he says a word.

"Yeah," Josh says, walking around me and to the other side of the room. I slide off the desk and pretend to sort through the huge stack of papers on it. He tries to lower his voice so I can't hear, but I still can. "Yeah. Okay. Someone will be there to pick you up."

I steal a couple glances at Josh and catch him stealing them at me. I can tell he doesn't want to say too much with me in the room, but I'm not leaving. Whatever weird vibe I was picking up from Ms. Hampton, I'm now picking it up from Josh. And I like it even less coming from him.

"Just... someone," he says, lowering his voice even more to almost a hiss. He sighs loudly and I can tell he's getting agitated. Josh alternates between pacing around and bouncing on his heels. "Look. I'll try to, okay? I can't promise anything, Mandy... I have a lot of shit going on. Okay. Stop talking, I got it. Six-thirty. Okay. Yeah."

Josh hangs up the phone abruptly and stares at it.

"What's wrong?" I say, coming over towards him. He doesn't move. I reach up and snap those sunglasses off his face so I can see his expression. It isn't good.

"Donna ... "

"What's wrong?" I say again, folding my arms across my chest. I try to make Josh look at me but he can't now that he doesn't have his sunglasses to hide behind.

"Nothing is wrong," Josh protests too quickly. I keep staring at him but his eyes never meet mine. Something passes between us and it makes me uneasy. Josh was like this when she called that morning, too.

"Josh ... " I persist.

"Stop looking at me like that. Nothing is wrong," Josh snaps, backing up so he can walk around me. I follow him into the front of the office. He heads for the coffee machine and pours himself a cup without saying a word.

"Is it Mandy Hampton?" I ask rather loudly. That gets Sam's attention.

"Mandy Hampton? Is she coming back?" Sam asks hopefully, looking over at Josh expectantly. He steps out from behind his desk and waits for Josh to answer. "We really need her. And I'm sure the two of you can ... "

"Tonight," Josh says quickly, cutting Sam off before he can finish whatever he was going to say. And Josh finally looks at me. His eyes sweep all over my face before meeting my eyes. "She's coming tonight."

"That's good, isn't it?" Sam asks, almost questioning it himself. "It's good."

"No," Josh answers, still looking at me. "Nothing with Mandy is ever good."

****************

LAX   
February 26, 1998

"I didn't think you'd be picking me up personally," Mandy says, handing me her carryon bag. "What did you do wrong, Josh?"

"What makes you think I did anything wrong?" I ask and she clucks at me.

"Come on, Josh! Not only did you not just send a car for me but you met me at the gate? It's very suspicious behavior for you," she says as we make our way through the crowd.

"I didn't do anything wrong, Madeline. Maybe I'm just happy to see you," I say and she laughs. She actually laughs at me.

"I know that we're boyfriend and girlfriend -- God, that sounds so junior high -- but you've never been the kind of man who picks up a woman at the gate. It's just not in you, Josh," Mandy says.

"I'm a changed man," I joke and she stops smiling.

"I bet. And take off those ridiculous sunglasses. It's nighttime for chrissakes," she says, plucking them off of me in much the same way Donna did earlier. Just what I need. Two girlfriends.

Ah, fuck. I have two girlfriends in the same town and soon the same building and I'm screwed. I put this off for too long and now I'm royally screwed. I guess there's no time like the present to tell her. She probably won't kill me in such a busy, public place and there's no good place to stuff my body.

"Mandy, there's something we need to discuss," I say but before she can respond, my cell phone starts ringing. "Damn it. This never ceases."

"Amazing how campaigns are like that," Mandy says as we continue on the long trek to get the rest of her stuff from baggage claim.

"Josh," I barely say into the phone only to hear a panicked Donna start carrying on about something on the other end. "Slow down, I can't understand a word you're saying."

I come to a dead stop in the middle of the pedestrian traffic and Mandy pulls me to the side. Now I'm in the middle of a rush of people trying to take a piss before they miss their flight.

"Mr. Posner is going over the edge, Josh. He keeps calling and calling and I don't know what to do. CJ had to fly out to Chicago for the night and... I don't know what to do," she says, sounding like she's going to start crying any second now. I'm sure Posner, with his cocky attitude, could make anyone feel bad. Take someone new at this who's still working on their self esteem and I'm sure he could crush them.

"What does he want?" I ask, turning away from Mandy. She rolls her eyes at me when I do so but I don't care right at the moment. If Posner is already starting this shit on Thursday night, he should be out of control by Saturday's fund raiser.

"He was talking about exclusive rights to something," Donna says. Mandy steps in front of me and raises an eyebrow, waiting for me to explain.

"Exclusive rights? What does he think this is? A movie deal? The party is going to be at his place. He's going to get a hell of a lot of media attention... listen, I'm going to call him right now. I don't think he'll be calling back," I say, ready to hang up but before I do, Donna says something else.

"Thank you, Josh. I know... you know, I'm still learning how to deal with these people but I swear that this won't happen again," she says and I can see her so clearly, standing in my office right now with her hand pressed to her chest. I close my eyes and sigh.

"It's going to be okay so don't worry too much about it. Larry Posner can be like that. Hey, I'll catch you later," I say.

"Later," she says and her voice... her voice makes it sound like a wonderful promise.

"Yeah," I say softly and hang up the phone before either of us has an chance to say anything else. We both know there will be no later for us tonight anyway.

"What was that about?" Mandy asks as we begin walking again.

"Larry Posner is throwing a tantrum about something and I don't know what but he has an ego the size of ... " I start to say but she interrupts me quickly.

"The size of yours?"

"Bigger."

"I find that hard to believe," she says with a scoff. Oh, it's so good to have her near again.

"You'll see," I say, dialing his number. I don't have time to coddle another ego right now but with CJ in Illinois for the speech tomorrow, I'm stuck with the job. Or else... Mandy. That's what she's here for. She's good dealing with egotistical, pompous jackasses.

It takes a while to actually get Larry on the phone. I have to go through two assistants before he finally shows up. By that time, Mandy has her bags and is starting to look impatient. For what, I don't know.

"Larry, Josh Lyman here. I understand you've been trying to reach me," I say and that begins a tirade like I've never heard before. I'm not even sure what he's carrying on about but it's hurting my ears. "Larry... Larry. Stop. I have someone here who's going to help with all these issues. Yeah. Mandy Hampton. She works on our media... yeah, she knows what she's doing."

"Someone goddamn better know what they're doing soon, Josh. I keep getting the run-around," Larry says and I sigh. I'm sure Donna tried her best but I've learned over the last few days that this man can be impossible. I'm thankful he's doing this for us in a rush, but still. Does he have to be a complete shit about it?

"Larry, I'm coming over right now with Mandy. We'll find her a hotel close to you and she'll be at your beck and call until this thing is over. The two of you can work on any of the last minute arrangements," I say and Mandy's mouth drops open as she tries to formulate some sort of profanity. I reach out and lift her chin back up.

"Does that include media coverage?" he asks.

"Yes, it does. We'll see you in a bit," I say, hanging up on him before he can start yelling about something else.

"Josh, what in the hell are you doing?"

"Saving this fund raiser. We need this money badly and if I have to ... "

"Whore me out to Larry Posner?" she asks, interrupting me.

"I wouldn't go that far. You just have to hold his hand through this. Let him know that we aren't going to stomp on him right after it's done. It won't be that bad," I say and she looks away momentarily before her eyes meet mine again.

"Is this your way of getting rid of me?" she asks and I hold her glare and lie.

"Of course not. I have no reason to want to get rid of you," I say, taking her by the arm and leading her to the exit.

**************

Holiday Inn  
Los Angeles, California  
February 28, 1998

"Josh?"

No answer.

"Josh!"

I shuffle his suit to one hand and knock on his hotel room door. Still, no answer. I sigh in frustration and swing my hip so it rotates my purse over to my free hand. I feel around inside it for the keycard. The other arm holding the suit starts to cramp and thankfully, I find it.

"Josh!" I shout and the bathroom door swings open. Josh is standing there with half his face and one hand covered in shaving cream. All he has on is white boxers. I quickly avert my eyes up from them to his face.

"What?" he barks out and I hold up his suit. There were spots on it and I had to find a dry cleaner willing to stay late on a Saturday and work on it. Luckily, I did, but now Josh is going to be late.

"Where do you want it?" I ask and Josh motions with the cream-covered hand, flicking it everywhere.

"Just put it on the bed," he answers, ducking back inside the bathroom to lather up the rest of his face. I unwrap his suit from the plastic bag and lay down on the bed, careful not to wrinkle it. I drop my purse on the nightstand and pick up his cell phone to check messages.

There is just one. Thank God.

"Josh, Larry Posner is getting impatient and so am I. You should have been here ten minutes ago for cocktails. It's one thing to stand me up. It's another thing to stand me up in front of clients. Get here. Now. Or else I won't be nice to you later," Mandy warns just before she hangs up.

I lower the phone away from my ear and stare at it.

"Who was it?" Josh asks as he dumps everything out of his shaving kit out on the counter. I see a razor hit the floor and bounce out into the hotel room.

"Mandy," I reply, no longer calling her Ms. Hampton. She doesn't deserve the professional address the way she speaks to Josh. Or to me. It's not very professional at all. In fact, it's the opposite.

"What did she say?" he asks, peering over at me.

"She said she wouldn't be nice to you later," I say with a little huff. I roll my eyes and toss the cell phone on the bed. I haven't even met her in person and it doesn't look like I'm going to before she leaves tomorrow. "Is she ever nice to you, Josh?"

"Never," Josh answers with a heavy sigh. He wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand and manages to smear some shaving cream on his eyebrows. "It's her mission in life to cause me pain."

I walk over to the razor and pick it up. I wriggle my body past Josh's and into the bathroom. It's all warm and steamy still. There's a little spot on the foggy mirror where Josh wiped it clean so he could see to shave. I perch myself up on the counter by the sink and smooth my skirt down. It's all I had left to wear. With Margaret gone, I haven't had time or money to do laundry.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," I say, staring at him knowingly. "What did you do to Mandy, Josh?"

"Why do think I did something to Mandy?" he says, stepping in front of me. His legs brush against my bare knees and my body trembles at the contact.

"I sense it. I'm intuitive, Josh. I sense it," I tell him, waving a hand over my chest and explaining. "You tense up when she calls. You don't want to be around her. Just the mention of her name and you look ... "

"I look what?"

"Like you did something wrong," I finish and Josh is looking that way right now. I take a guess. "Did you make a mistake with Mandy?"

His lips part, trying to form words that don't come out. He doesn't have to say anything. I can see it in his eyes. He made some kind of mistake that she's not letting him forget. What else could it be?

"Donna, we need Mandy," he finally says in this incredibly apologetic tone. He reaches out and lays his hands on top of my thighs. He looks down at his fingers as he spreads them out. "We need her right now and I have to let her... let her ... "

"Take advantage of you?" I toss out but Josh doesn't smile. He just frowns behind all that shaving cream and I reach behind me to turn on the faucet.

"She's not nice like you are, Donna," Josh begins, still looking at his hands. He starts to move them thoughtfully up and down my thighs.

"I would hope not. She doesn't have to be nice to you. It's not like she's your girlfriend... " I say with a little shrug.

"I'm not sure what she is," Josh exhales softly. He looks into my eyes and it makes my heart skip a beat. "But I know what you are, Donna."

"I know what I am, too. I'm the girl you're not taking to Larry Posner's party," I say with a little pout. I snap the cover off the razor and toss it aside. I twist to the left so I can hold the razor under the water. I pout even more.

"I told you, Donna... it's $10,000 a plate and we can't afford... anymore people on our guest ... "

"I wanted to go," I say, hitching my skirt up so I can separate my knees. I hook my legs around the backs of Josh's thighs to draw him closer. "I wanted to go with you... and meet all the celebrities."

"Who said there are going to be celebrities?" Josh says innocently as I lift the razor to his face. I lay my other hand under his chin so I can tilt his head up. Josh sucks his breath in nervously and I hold mine as I drag the razor across his cheek.

"Celebrities are going be there and you're going to be there and I'm going to be here. All by myself," I say, rinsing off the razor and making another pass. Josh relaxes a little this time and my pout becomes a soft smile as I continue to shave his skin clean. When I'm finished, I trail my fingertips down his smooth cheek.

"I'd take you if I could, Donna... " Josh whispers, pulling his lower lip through his teeth. I motion for him to stop talking.

I slip my hand around to the back of his neck. I slide forward on the counter to lift my face to his. Oh God. It's been so long and I've missed him so much. We don't have time for this. I know we don't have time but... 

"You can take me now, Josh," I offer with a eager smile just before I press my lips against his.

***********

We don't have time for this. Mandy is going to kill me for so many reasons as it is but... oh, God. Donna slips her tongue past my lips and into my mouth and Mandy doesn't matter anymore in so many ways.

Her fingers tangle into my damp hair and she pulls me even closer. The warmth in the bathroom combined with her heat is making me sweat. I'm going to have to take another shower before I go and I really don't have time for that.

She breaks the kiss and leans back against the steamy mirror, releasing me from between her thighs. She's grinning at me now, her lipstick smeared. I look over her and into the bit of mirror that's cleared of steam and I find where most of her lipstick has gone.

"It's a good shade on you," she teases and I wipe it off with a damp towel. It's bad enough I'm going to be late; I don't need to hand Mandy the smoking gun.

"I like it better on you," I say, wiping her face with the towel and trying to make it look like she hasn't just been kissing me. "But I like it on your lips more than I like it on your chin."

Donna watches me as I finish up messing with her makeup, tossing the towel aside. "I've missed kissing you," she says with a sly purr in her voice. I can't help but smile. I just made a woman purr. "But you know what I've missed the most?"

"What?" I ask, already knowing the answer. I've missed it, too. It's just that after South Carolina, there's been no time to do anything but run our asses off trying to get a man elected to the office of President.

"I've missed this," she says, tucking her fingers into the waistband of my boxers and pulling me towards her. Her hand slinks down the fabric until it's brushing against my cock and that gets its attention.

"God... Donna," I say as she presses her palm firmly against me, rubbing through the silk. My eyes close and I struggle to find the edge of the counter to hold onto. The cold marble just doesn't do it for me, though, and I slide my hands up her thighs, pushing her skirt up as I go. Only when it's up around her waist do I realize that she has no underwear on. Not even a tiny scrap of fabric like she usually wears. My eyes meet hers and she smiles. "Did you plan this?"

"Plan what?" she asks innocently.

"Plan on me not having my suit so you'd catch me in my room undressed?" I ask and she shrugs.

"Maybe?"

"And did you plan on seducing me by not wearing anything under your skirt?"

"Either that or Margaret and I haven't had time to do laundry," she says, grinning.

"I'd prefer to believe you did this in a blatant attempt to seduce me," I say, my fingers moving higher past her thigh to the apex of her sex. She wiggles forward on the counter top as I begin stroking her. She's still got her hand firmly planted on my erection and we continue to please each other.

"I thought you were late ... " Donna manages to say, her breathing rough with desire now.

"They can wait."

"Are you sure?"

"Do you care?"

"Right now?" she asks, sliding even closer against my hand. I increase the pressure and she leans back against the mirror, her head rolling from side to side.

"Yeah."

"Not at all," she says and I step back from her touch before I come in my boxers.

"Good." I sink to my knees on the damp floor and her eyes get wide as I pull her as close to the edge of the counter as I can, drawing her legs over my shoulders. Now it's her turn to hold onto the marble, her fingers trying to dig into the impossibly hard surface; trying to get some leverage.

She gasps when I place tiny kisses up her one thigh and down the other, skipping the important part in the middle. Her one hand flutters off of the counter and I know she wants to guide me somewhere but she resists, putting her hand back down. She knows I'll get there.

When I do finally hit the right place with my mouth and tongue, she lets out a louder gasp and I feel her body melt under my touch. She goes limp around me, except for the one spot I have my tongue on. I continue moving against her with my mouth, listening to her moan above me. Gently, I slide my fingers into her wetness, pressing into her body while I grind against her harder with my tongue.

She slides even further towards me, nearly slipping off the sink. Her legs wrap tighter around my neck and I settle in to enjoy this. I may never be able to stand up again off this tile floor but right now I don't care. My cock aches from wanting to be inside of her, but he's just going to have to wait. I want to give her this, even if it won't make up for missing a $10,000 a plate fund raiser. Maybe it will take her mind off of it for a few minutes.

"Oh... Joshua... Josh ... " she cries out, her words echoing around the tile and marble room, and I feel the waves sweep over her body. Her legs jerk against my face and I don't let up until she pushes me away. I sit back on my heels and watch as she continues to come, her face flushed now with pleasure.

She slides back on the counter and offers me a hand up and I gladly take it, my knees creaking as I stand. "I'm too old for tile floors," I complain, knowing I'm going to pay for that for the rest of the evening.

"No, you're not," she says, pulling me between her thighs again, hooking her ankles together behind me. I can feel her wetness even through my boxers and this time, she grabs a towel to clean my face off. "How late do you want to be?"

She asks right before she slides against my cock and all of a sudden, I don't give a shit who's going to be president.

*************

"Just late enough to... to ... " Josh answers, his voice dying off into a throaty sigh that matches my own. Oh... God. Just the feel of him up against my still-throbbing sex makes me twinge with pleasure all over again.

I stop wiping his face and wrap the towel around his neck instead, using the ends to draw his face to mine. I whimper through the next set of heated kisses as Josh tries to push his boxers down. They are sticking to his damp skin and he groans into my mouth. I let go of the towel and assist and together, we get them down enough.

"Damn underwear," Josh mumbles as he slides his hands down and underneath me. He tilts my hips up to meet his. "Good thing that guy didn't call you today."

"He doesn't wear underwear either," I say, my eyes rolling back as Josh presses his hardness against me. My hands slide up his chest to clutch the towel again. All of my concentration focuses on that spot he's heading for and I bite my lip in frustration.

"You asked him?"

"Sam did... oh God... please, Josh," I say all in one breath. I twist the ends of the towel and whimper some more.

"There is one good thing to being old," Josh mutters in a thick, jagged voice as he finally, finally slips inside. He inches his way in slowly to give me time to expand around him.

"Stamina?"

"Yeah. Otherwise, this would have been over the second you started touching me," Josh says, sinking as far back as he can possibly go. I squeeze my thighs around his hips and then relax them so he can move. And he does.

"I almost... when you touched me," I whisper, my breath punctuating my words. It's a struggle to keep my eyes open, but I want to. I want to watch Josh make love to me. "I've missed us."

"Yeah, me too," Josh sighs, pressing his forehead to mine as we easily find our rhythm. It's the same one we have no matter what we do. And I know what it is. I think I knew it the moment we met and so did Josh.

"I love you," I say, moving my hips in time with his. Josh grins even more and somehow, he manages to hold me even closer.

"Yeah, me too," Josh says again and I smile.

It doesn't take long before my nerves start to flicker again with the beginnings of another orgasm. My mouth drops open and my heart is pounding as the pressure keeps building and building with every thrust of Josh's hips. I urge him to go even faster until finally, I come.

"Joshua ... "

"Josh... Josh ... " he says along with me, sounding almost as satisfied as I do. "I love hearing you say that. Means I've made you... "

"Yes, you did," I assure him as I contract around him. The pleasure radiates through my entire body, reaching all the way down to my toes and making them curl. I take a deep breath and try to hold onto this. I have no idea how long it's going to be before we do this again.

"Good, because I'm about to ... " Josh stops talking and lifts me up a little higher off the counter. His hands press into my backside to get even more leverage. I relax and let him move me however he needs to until he finally cries out.

Josh buries his head in my shoulder as his hips twitch a few times before he stops moving. His hands slide out from under me and up to my back so he can wrap his arms around me. I rest my cheek on his damp shoulder and close my eyes. Josh lets out this big, happy sigh and I do the same. My heart starts to slow down to the point where I don't hear it in my head and that's when I notice something.

"Josh?"

"Yeah?" he mumbles from my shoulder.

"The faucet," I say and he lifts his head. "It's still running."

"Sorry," Josh says, unwrapping one arm from around me so he can turn it off. He slips out of my slick body and his eyes look down to that space. He raises his eyebrows. "Um... Donna?"

"I got it," I say, sliding the towel off his shoulder and cleaning us both off as best I can. His cheeks are so flushed right now and he smells just like us. He'll have to smell like that at the party. There isn't time for him to take another shower.

"I smell like sex," Josh says, noticing it too. He pulls his boxers back up his legs and I slide off the counter to fix my skirt. "People might notice."

"Just don't stand too close to anyone," I say, trying to smooth out my hair. It's all frizzy from the steam and it's a good thing I'm not going with. Otherwise, they'd be no doubt who Josh was having sex with.

Josh gives me this worried look and he gestures toward the shower. "Maybe I should just rinse ... "

"You don't have time," I tell him, grabbing hold of his hand and leading him out of the bathroom. I reach across the bed for his pants and hold them out to him. "Put these on."

"Donna ... " he says, hesitating.

"Josh, you're already late and Mandy is waiting for you," I tell him, holding the pants out again. He takes them from me this time and I know it's because I mentioned Mandy's name. Whatever he did must have been pretty bad if he's this scared of upsetting her. I will have to ask Margaret or Sam about it.

"Yeah," he says, slipping into them. He fastens them up, all the while keeping his eyes on me. "Donna?"

"Yeah?" Josh takes a couple steps forward and reaches for my hands.

"There's so much going on right now," he begins, his fingers wrapping slowly around mine. He looks down at them as he tries to figure out whatever it is he's going to say. "I just need a little time to get it all straightened out before we can... "

"I know, Josh," I assure him, curling my fingers a little tighter around his.

"You don't know... "

"I know you," I say and that makes Josh look up. He opens his mouth to continue, but I don't let him. "And I know how you feel. That's enough for me right now, Josh."

"There are things, Donna ... "

"There is one thing," I correct, lifting my chin and look him squarely in eye. "Getting Governor Bartlet elected. You have to do whatever you have to do to make that happen. That's your job, Josh. If that means we only get five minutes before a $10,000 a plate fund raiser, then we just have to make the best of those five minutes."

"We had ten minutes in Charleston. Does this mean we'll have two and half minutes in Chicago?" Josh inquires, his eyes growing softer by the second. It makes my heart go all heavy in the center of my chest.

I'd give anything in the world if he could stay with me right now, but he has to go. And I have to let him go.

"If we do, then we'll make the best of those two and half minutes," I promise with a smile.

***********

Larry Posner's Estate  
Los Angeles, California

"Joshua!"

I hear her voice rise above the din of the crowd before I can even see her face. I wipe my hand across my mouth one more time as if that's going to be enough to hide it. Mandy knows everything. She's going to know this.

Luckily, before she can claw her way through all the people, Sam grabs my arm and pulls me in a different direction.

"Where in the hell have you been?" he asks, looking just about as pissed as Mandy probably does.

"I... uh, my suit. Something happened to my suit and Donna had to find a cleaners," I offer up as a pitiful excuse.

"You only own one suit?" he asks, looking me up and down.

"We all didn't leave behind posh jobs where we charged people 500 bucks a billable hour to screw other people over. I just left Hoynes' campaign where I made slightly more than I do now. I own more than one suit but I only own one suit that would be passable at this soiree," I say, now looking at his suit. It's much nicer than mine and he fits into the crowd with ease. Well, he would if he would stop avoiding everybody who tries to talk to us.

"It's the one Mandy likes best?" Sam asks about my suit, still pulling me further away away from all the people. We pass a man with a tray of champagne and I grab one quickly. I'm going to need it before the night is through.

"Yeah. Sam, where are we going?" I ask as he finally stops.

"Josh, I have no clue what these people are talking about," he says in almost a whisper. I can barely hear him over the clamor coming from the kitchen right next to us.

"What do you mean?"

"Someone just asked me if I was going to be on the next Baywatch. I didn't know there was going to be a next Baywatch," Sam says with a shudder of disgust.

"God, I hope not," I say. Another man tries to rush by us with a tray of food and I grab an appetizer before he can slip into the crowd.

"Didn't you eat anything today?" Sam asks and I stare at him for a second.

"No. Not really. Sam, someone here must be interested in having an intellectual conversation about that energy package you and Toby are working on ... " I start to say when I feel a hand on my shoulder. Sam's eyes grow wide and before I turn around, I chug down the rest of my champagne. I hope there's more where that came from. Thankfully, a young woman with more shows up right on cue and I pluck one off of her tray.

"You better slow down there, Josh. I don't want you vomiting on the paying guests," Mandy says.

"I... I think I'll go find one of those intellectual people right now. Excuse me," Sam says, darting off towards the party.

I turn around to face Mandy and she looks more pissed than I've ever seen her before. "Where in the hell have you been?" she asks, echoing what Sam just asked minutes earlier. I figure I only have to hear it from four or five more people.

"Donna had to pick up my suit from the cleaners," I say. It's the truth. She just doesn't need to know what happened after Donna got back. I sip down more champagne, trying to cover the scent of sex with the alcohol. Maybe I'm just being paranoid but I can still smell the two of us everywhere.

"And what? Personally see that you got into it?" she asks, straightening out my lapel and I sputter up champagne.

"What?! For chrissakes, Mandy, why would you say such a thing?" I ask and she narrows her eyes at me.

"Because... I just can't imagine why else you would be late to something this important."

"I assure you that's not the case," I say, hoping like hell my eyes don't betray me now. The problem with Mandy, besides the fact that she's still my girlfriend, is she knows what I look like when I'm in those early stages of love. She was right there looking at me the last time I looked like this.

"You better not be lying to me," she says, taking my hand in hers.

"Would I lie?"

"Yes," she says and I quickly swallow the rest of my champagne and discard the glass on a nearby table.

"Glad you trust me so much, Mand," I say, wrapping her in my arms. God, I'm such a shit. I don't know who I'm being a bigger shit to; Mandy or Donna. It's running about even right now. I have to end this soon.

"You're in politics. How could I ever trust you?" she says, standing on her toes to kiss me.

"That's a nice basis for a relationship. You can't trust me," I say with a scoff and she pulls back.

"What is that smell?" she asks, scrunching up her nose. Now I really have to be in politics and lie with a straight face.

"I was late and I ran most of the way out of the hotel. Probably sweat. Plus the champagne and an appetizer of unknown origin," I say and she watches my eyes closely, waiting for me to flinch, I think. I don't. I'm not going to let this happen right now in the middle of something this important.

"Luckily, you didn't miss dinner. At $10,000 a plate, it ought to be exceptional," she says.

"We aren't paying for our plates, are we?" I ask and she laughs, tucking her arm into mine as she leads me away from the kitchen.

"Of course not," she says, smiling at everybody we pass. She's good at her job. Very good. I keep reminding myself that's why we need her. Why I can't fuck this up more.

"Where's the Governor?" I ask, looking around the crowd for someone I recognize from somewhere other than People magazine.

"Honestly? I think he's hiding. He better be ready for this, Joshua. More ready than he is today," she says.

"He will be," I say, not quite sure of that myself. Out near the pool, I spot Sam talking to someone I vaguely recognize and CJ trying to understand that little Italian man that no one can ever understand.

"He better be," Mandy says, waving at someone I'm sure she wants as a client. California is rich with political contenders and so is this party.

"Go. Mingle. Find your next candidate," I say, giving her a gentle push in the direction of the Governor of this state.

"Dance with me... later?" she asks, her eyes asking for something I'm not sure I can give her right now.

"Of course," I say with a smile as she goes off to network. It's what she does best. I turn back towards the house to find something stronger than champagne to drink and the last thing I hear before I step through the door is a shriek and a splash.

*************

Holiday Inn  
Los Angeles, California  
March 1, 1998

"Donna!"

The sound of my name being bellowed wakes me. I peer over at the clock and can't believe it's almost 4 o'clock. I must have fallen asleep waiting for... 

"Donna! I can't find my key!"

Josh.

I get up as quickly as I can and head over to the door. If Josh is back, then Margaret must be, too. I unfasten the locks and swing the door open. I should probably get back to my room... I should... 

Oh God.

"Josh?"

"How'r doin'?" he slurs, leaning against the doorframe. My eyes adjust to the dim light of the hotel hallway and I can't believe what I'm seeing. His suit is all messed up and his tie is missing all together. And there is... lipstick. There is lipstick on his collar.

"Better than you," I answer, grabbing his arm and pulling him inside before someone sees me in his room. Josh stumbles around a bit as I lock the door back up behind him. I turn and fold my arms over my chest to stare at him. He stares back. Or he tries to. And Josh... smells. He smells like sex, alcohol and... chlorine? I wrinkle my nose. "Did you go swimming?"

"Hmmm?" Josh mutters, wiping a hand all over his face.

"Did you go swimming?" I try again, saying it louder this time. Josh shakes his head and starts peeling off his jacket.

"I had to help CJ out of the pool. I think that Bernardo Bellissma dude pushed her in," he says, dropping his jacket on the floor. He unbuttons his shirt a little more. "What?"

"How much did you have to drink?" I ask with an exasperated sigh. Ethan used to do this to me. Stay out late drinking beer with his med student friends while I was worked late. To pay for the med student bills and the beer.

"Just a few sips of champagne," Josh admits as I push him back on the bed. He flops on his back and looks up at the ceiling. "They just kept bringing it on these little trays. You pick one up, have a sip, put it down. You should have been there, Donna."

"Yes, I should have," I chide, kneeling down to take off Josh's shoes. I toss them aside and the sound makes Josh sit up.

"Oh, and Sam's going to be on Baywatch. Not the old Baywatch. The new Baywatch. Baywatch the Next Generation or something like that," he explains, waving his hands around. Then, he grins from ear to ear. "It went really well, Donna. We made a lot of money. A lot of money."

"So the party is over?" I inquire, rising to my feet again. I lay my hands on Josh's shoulders and he looks up at me all hazy-eyed. I run my fingers through his messy hair, trying to smooth it out and Josh's eyes flutter shut.

"No. The party's still going on. I just wanted ... " Josh mutters, his hands coming up to encircle my waist. He separates his knees and draws me closer until he can wrap his arms around me.

"What did you want?" I say as Josh nuzzles my stomach.

"I wanted to share this with you," he exhales, pressing his face against me. "You, Donna. No one else ... "

I know Josh is drunk and he's saying these things because he's drunk, but still, they are sweet. I fold my arms around his neck and we hold each other for a few moments before Josh's hands slip down to my backside.

"Josh."

"Are you wearing underwear?" he asks in all seriousness. I wriggle out of his arms before he gets a chance to find out.

"Josh, lie down," I instruct, tapping his chest and motioning to the bed. "C'mon, Josh."

"S'okay," he mutters. Josh scoots back on the heels of his hands until his feet are finally on the bed. He gives me this sad, wide-eyed look. "Lie down with me?"

"I can't. I have to go back to my room before Margaret gets back," I say, reaching down to the corner of the bedspread and flinging it over him. He keeps giving me that look and then he reaches out for my hand.

"Lie down with me, Donna. We won't do anything you don't want to do," he says with a sly, drunk grin.

"Problem is, that is what I want to do," I say, letting Josh tug me into the middle of the bed with him. He tangles me up in his arms and legs and lowers his mouth to mine. Josh tastes like champagne and food and everything else I didn't get to have tonight.

"Mmmm, love you," he murmurs, burying his face in my neck. His hands start wandering all over and he's so warm and happy right now I hate to make him stop. I roll us onto our sides with the hopes of getting away and I only get twisted up in Josh's arms even more. He starts kissing me again and my body starts reacting and I don't think I can make him stop now.

But the phone does. It makes us both stop and Josh groans into my neck.

"Don't, Donna. Please don't," he begs, trying to grab hold of my wrists. We wrestle a bit until finally, I win. I reach over him for the phone and lay it on top of his ear.

"Yeah... " he mumbles, trying to catch the phone before it slides away. Josh rolls his eyes back in his head and then lets it fall down between us. "I'm not listening to her shit... not when we ... "

Whoever is on the phone is talking loud and I fumble for it. The party is still going on and this could be important. Josh tries to kiss me again, but I gently push him away so I can find out who it is.

"... what were you thinking disappearing like that? I thought we were going to leave together and you ditched me? Jesus, Josh... do you have any idea how this looks?" Mandy rants, talking over the party noise.

I lift my fingers to Josh's collar and slowly trace the lipstick stain with my thumb.

"You show up late... you leave early... and you say you're not screwing around ... "

I feel my chest tightening and I let out a little gasp. Maybe there is another reason ... 

"Donna?" Mandy says suddenly, accusingly. And now I know why. "Donna, is that you?"

I can't answer her. I look over at Josh and he's passed out. He can't answer her either. I do the only thing I can do.

I reach over Josh and hang it up with Mandy still talking. I lie back down, my hands over my pounding heart.

Oh God.

Josh... and Mandy?

**********

PartVI

Bartlet for America   
National Campaign Headquarters  
Manchester, New Hampshire  
March 2, 1998

"Mandy, I really don't have time for this," I say into the phone one more time but she keeps going on about something. I dig through the pile of papers on my desk but I can't find a single message. Someone said I had messages but I'll be damned if I can find them.

"You aren't focusing on the right places, Josh. Why aren't you in the south? What in the hell are you guys doing back in New Hampshire?" she asks, sounding extra brusque with me today. 

"We're only here for two days and we aren't even really here. Leo's flying out this afternoon to Chicago. Sam's in Missouri with the Governor and then they'll be in Massachusetts... I'll be meeting them there tomorrow night."

"Those are all states you're going to beat Hoynes in anyway. Josh, listen to me. The south. If you take the south ... "

"Mandy, we aren't going to take the south," I say, frustrated beyond belief that I have to carry on this conversation one more time. She's been like this since she left Los Angeles and went back to DC. She should be here but obviously something was more important there and I have no damn clue why she's irritating the crap out of me. 

"Josh ... "

"Listen to me. We aren't going to take the south. I really have to go," I say as I turn over one more pile of papers in my quest for a damn message. 

"Josh, we need to talk," she says in that tone. The tone I hate to hear. This isn't about the campaign, it's about us and I frankly don't have the time right now. 

"Right now?"

"Yes," she says and my mind races for ways to get out of this and goes for the most obvious. 

"Hey, Leo's calling for me. I've got to run," I say, hanging up the phone before she can even say goodbye. I just don't need her today. I go out of my office and look on some of the desks for what might be my messages. 

"Can I help you?" some peevish little campaign worker asks me. 

"Where are my damn messages?" I ask, loud enough for the whole office to hear me. Everybody turns around to look at me, all with the same startled expression on their faces. "Anyone have a clue where this person might have put my messages?"

I point at another volunteer, just as peevish as the one in front of me. The only difference is the one I'm pointing at has been answering my phone for the afternoon and she cowers. 

"Josh," Toby says, nodding his head in the direction of his office. 

"What? Do you have my damn messages?" I ask and he shakes his head. 

"Can you please come into my office? Now?" he demands, wiping his hand across his forehead and looking utterly frustrated. If he thinks he's frustrated, he should have someone lose all his messages for a day. I was gone for a few hours and the idiot answering my phone lost a message book. If these are the kind of people voting for Bartlet... "Now?" 

I follow him in and both of us stand, facing one another, me with my hands crossed over my chest in some sort of defensive posture and Toby with his hands on his hips, looking like he's about to accuse me of something worse than that whole Dixon fiasco. 

"I have a perfectly capable assistant. I *have* an assistant and I don't know who decided that she should stay behind in LA while I have to suffer through one incompetent volunteer after another," I say and Toby rocks back and forth slightly before speaking. 

"That was my decision."

"What?"

"Leaving her behind through Super Tuesday. That was my decision. And Leo's," he says and I know my mouth drops open but a whole big beat of time goes by before I can say something. 

"Why?" I ask, my heart pounding in my chest. I don't really think I want to know the answer but I have to. 

"Because we felt that she ... " he looks at me as if he's struggling to remember her name. He can't even remember her damn name. 

"Donna."

"We felt that Donna might be distracting you. Josh, the next few weeks are important in so many ways I can't even begin to describe them all and we felt she was distracting you," Toby says, looking away from me. 

"What the fuck? You think I'm sleeping with a volunteer who just walked off the street a few weeks ago? You think I'm screwing the office help?" I ask, my voice rising a big higher than it should. Toby looks at the open door and then back to me. 

"Mandy ... "

"What the hell does Mandy have to do with this?" I ask.

"Mandy felt that Donna might be a distraction ... "

"My girlfriend told you to get rid of my assistant, who just happens to be young and attractive, and you went for it?" I interrupt, completely pissed now. "Fuck, Toby, don't you see what she's doing? Do you know how many assistants of mine she has successfully ambushed? I thought ... "

"You thought what, Josh?" Leo asks from behind me. 

Great. He's in on this, too. They all suspect something due to Mandy and I don't know how Mandy could suspect anything at all. She never even saw Donna. She's just stirring up shit because I didn't spend more time with her in LA. I left her at that damn party instead of going back to the hotel with her. I don't know what she thinks could have happened after that. I woke up in my room, alone except for the headache that followed me home, sprawled out on the bed in my suit. She should be more worried about what happened before I ever got there. 

"I thought you were all smarter than Mandy. I guess I was wrong," I say, wiping my eyes and wishing yet again that one more hellish situation would vanish once I open them. When I do, I find Leo motioning for Toby to leave us alone and Toby nods before walking out of his office. 

"Your dad called. He called me when you were in LA and I was here. How's he doing, Josh?" Leo asks and I don't know what to say. They all seem to have gotten together to decide this was 'pick on Josh day' and I've had enough. 

"I... you spoke to him. You'd know how he was doing better than I would," I say, looking down at the ground. 

"Yeah. I'd say there's probably a damn good chance of that," Leo says, sounding a little pissed off that I haven't called my dad yet. I've been so busy and with Donna... "He also asked me about the young woman who was always answering your phone. He said she sounded lovely and he enjoyed all the questions she always had. Your assistant is asking your dad questions about you ... "

"Leo, I can assure you that there's nothing going on. You have to believe me," I lie. I hope it's convincing enough that he doesn't throw me out of the office. More importantly, I hope it's convincing enough so he'll let me have Donna back. 

"You know me. You know I could care less about your personal life as long as you're doing the job and it doesn't interfere. But I need your head in the game, Josh. This week more than ever I need your head in the game," Leo says, his eyes pleading with me. 

"My head is in the game. Having someone who knows where my messages are helps me keep my head in the game. Dammit, Leo... you have to believe me," I say and he nods. 

"Call your dad. Talk a while. Get focused again," Leo says, changing the subject on me before I can plead my case well.   
The Sheraton   
Chicago, Illinois  
March 16, 1998

"Sam, have you seen Donna?" I ask, placing my hand on his shoulder. He's sitting in a chair in the lobby, facing the river and he jumps at my touch. I think I just woke him up which would be understandable considering none of us have slept in what seems like forever. 

"God, no. Should I have? She would just yell at me," Sam says, sitting up straighter and stretching. I stare out at towards Lake Michigan and the overcast late winter sky, sighing. Donna has been on edge with all of us these last few weeks and never seems to have a moment to talk. 

"I needed to talk to her about something," I say, sitting down at a chair facing him. We both look rumpled and tired. We picked up a few states over Super Tuesday but tomorrow is the day that decides it all and seals our fate. This is the first time I've been back to Chicago in over a week and I think I've seen nearly every Democrat out there in the rest of the state. In the south, where Hoynes seems to be a very popular man, I've dealt with the issues of ethanol tax credits, gun control and the welfare of oil producers. I can handle the issues here in the city better but Sam and Toby have been dealing with that. "Where's the Governor?"

"He's across the street at the TV studio giving another interview," Sam says with a hearty yawn. 

"Why aren't you there?" I ask and he shrugs. 

"CJ is with him. Toby's there. Leo's there. I needed to catch a few minutes of sleep before I fell over," he says, settling back in his chair. He shuts his eyes as he begins to fall asleep again, ignoring the noise around us. People are coming and going but no one pays much attention to us. Most don't know what we're trying to do here nor do they care. Some protesters were outside earlier but they seem to have given up when the temperature dropped into the mid twenties.

"Why don't you go to your room?" I ask and Sam opens his eyes again. 

"Because people would know to look for me there. Here, on the other hand, only you've found me," he says, blinking repeatedly as if that's going to clear the sleepiness out of his system. "You know, if we win the nomination tomorrow, we'll be back in this city for the National Convention. How come they never have the convention in some place like Honolulu?"

"Just be glad it will be summer then. After a week of talking to farmers while standing in slush, I'm ready for summer," I say, settling back in my chair also. It would be so easy to fall asleep but I can't. There's too much to do and maybe I can sleep for a few minutes once this primary is over.

That's when I notice a woman, blonde hair blowing in the brisk breeze, standing out on the patio by the river. I sit up and watch her more closely as she wraps her arms around herself and just stares out at the cold water. She's all alone out there and I fight the urge to race down there and drag her back in. She's avoided me for a while now, only discussing work and various jobs I have for her. We avoided any topic of real importance since both of us have been staying here and I'm not sure how to get into it now. 

"She looks cold," Sam says, and I look at him look down at her. He keeps staring at her and I don't know what to say. "She looks cold and unhappy. Does she miss home, because you know, after this is done, she can probably go up there for a few days and ... "

"What are you? A cruise director? I don't know what her problem is," I say, lying but getting out of the chair to go talk to her anyway. Sam says nothing. He just shuts his eyes and goes back into his Sleeping Beauty mode again. 

I take the escalator down and go out into the cold air, finding Donna standing exactly where I spotted her from upstairs, still watching the cold, green colored water go by. 

"Hey. How you doing?" I ask and she doesn't turn to me. 

"Okay. How's it going ... with everything coming down to the wire and all?" she asks but judging from the tone of her voice, I'm not entirely sure she really cares. 

"Busy. Everything is going to be crazy for the next day," I say and she just nods, before finally turning to look at me. It's obvious that she's been out in the cold for a while and I go to touch her rosy cheek but pull my hand back. Anyone could be watching from the windows. "You look like you're freezing."

I go to give her my suit coat which is the only jacket I have on but she shakes her head. "I'm fine. I'm used to this weather," she says, smiling nervously. All this time I've been well aware of how close she is to home and how easy it would be for her to take her car and disappear. She's been trying to sell it but instead it's costing her more money to park it somewhere. A selfish part of me hopes she sells it so she can't take off easily. 

"It's really cold today," I say, tucking my hands into my pockets. I do it partially to warm up and partially so I don't reach out and touch her. 

"It's supposed to warm up tomorrow. It's supposed to be really nice," she says and I just nod. We both stand there, the cold wind whipping around us, and we say nothing for a long time. 

"You're unhappy working on the campaign, aren't you?" I finally ask and she screws her face up, searching for an answer. 

"It has nothing to do with the campaign, Josh," she finally answers and I sigh. I already knew that. 

"I'm sorry we haven't had time to talk. It's been busy and I ... "

"I know," she says, holding up her hand and motioning for me to stop explaining myself. 

"But I think we're going to win this thing. We will be victorious and then we can celebrate and ... "

"I'm late," she says, interrupting me again.

"For what?" I ask, puzzled. For the most part, tonight's activities include a rush of media coverage and a lot of number crunching. I have no idea what she could possibly be late for. 

"Josh," she says, giving me another nervous smile and looking down at her feet. "I'm late. My period. It's late."

I feel as if I've just fallen into the freezing cold river flowing beside us. I'm sinking fast and I don't know what to say or how to say it. I fight to find the words and I stumble through some sort of sentence. 

"How long... have you known... I mean... I, uh ... "

"I've known for over a week now," she says and a lump rises to my throat. She's known that long and hasn't said anything? Of course, I haven't been around but still. There must be a reason she didn't say anything.

"Would it be... oh, fuck. Is there a possibility it isn't mine?" I ask, looking away from her very tired eyes down to her abdomen and then back up again. Now her eyes aren't as tired as they are angry. 

"I can't... Jesus, Josh. I can't even believe you just asked me that. What do you think I am?" she asks, not hiding any anger at all. 

"I meant, your ex-boyfriend... that's all. How long ... " I start to ask but she turns around and starts to walk away from me, heading towards the city and away from the lake. "Donna! Come on! I was just asking."

I chase after her but she doesn't stop. Instead she just walks away faster. 

***************

I suck the cold air into my lungs as I get as far and as fast away from Josh as I can. All of a sudden, there are tears in my eyes and I brush them angrily off my cheeks. I won't give Josh the satisfaction of making me cry on top of everything else even though it's all I want to do. Here, I could be pregnant and he has the nerve to ask me if it's his. Of course it's his. It certainly isn't Ethan's or anyone else's for that matter.

"Donna, wait!"

"Go away!" I shout over my shoulder, then walk even faster down the river. I should throw Josh in it. It's where he belongs after what he just said.

"Look, I'm sorry! It was a stupid thing to say! Would you please just stop walking?" I hear him shout out behind me. I don't. I clutch at my coat to hold it closed as I start to run. I don't even know where I'm running to this time. Just... away. Away from another guy I was stupid enough to believe when he said he loved me.

"Just leave me alone!" I say, but the words get caught in my throat. Before I know it, I run out of patio and stop at the railing. I turn and Josh is right behind me. His hands, on my upper arms. I try to wriggle away, but Josh just holds on tighter.

"I'm not going to leave you alone, Donna. You think you can just drop a bombshell like that and then disappear? Is that the real reason you took off from California?" he asks, raising his voice. Josh pants hard to catch his breath and I finally look at him. His face tenses even more. "Is it?"

"No, Josh. I-I was only a couple days late then. I left because of Mandy," I fire back, lifting my head up. There. I said it. I'm not the only one who's been hiding something. "She's your girlfriend, isn't she?"

Josh's mouth drops open and absolutely nothing comes out.

"No-yes," Josh stammers, his hands finally letting me go. I fold my arms around myself to keep from shaking and hold my ground. He shakes his head. "You don't understand... "

"What is there to understand?" I ask him, with a little shrug. "Your girlfriend is off in DC or New York or wherever she is and you thought I'd never find out. Or that she'd never find out... "

"Mandy means *nothing* to me," Josh interjects, putting one hand over his heart. I hope it's aching as much as mine is. "Maybe at one time, she did. She doesn't mean a damn thing now."

"But she means something to the campaign," I say and that stops Josh from talking. He blinks at me a few times. "I know what everyone says about her. Leo. CJ. Toby. Sam. They don't think we can do this without her. And neither do you."

I stare at Josh, waiting for him to argue that but he doesn't. How can he? It's the truth. I can see it in his eyes.

"No, we can't," Josh finally says. I feel the tears start up again and I press my lips together. He closes his eyes and lowers his head for a moment, trying to think of something more to say. He holds his hands up and cocks his head to the side, his eyes snapping open. "Look, can we just *not* discuss Mandy right now? Mandy is the last thing either one of us should be worrying about at the moment."

"No, she's not," I agree, untucking one of my arms to bring my hand to my face. I press it against my lips and then my nose, now running from the tears and the cold.

Oh God. There is so much I want to say to Josh right now. So many things I want to ask him. So many things I need to know.

Josh jumps up and down a little, trying to stay warm. He isn't even wearing a coat and now his face and ears are red. He looks back at the hotel and then, at me. I doubt anyone is watching. They're all at the studio and we're pretty far away.

"Donna," he says softly, moving a little closer. "Have you taken a... a... "

"A what?" I ask, wiping my nose on my sleeve. "A pregnancy test?" I provide.

"Yeah. One of those," Josh says, his eyes widening.

"No, I wanted to tell you first," I say, pulling back a little more to talk with my hands. "And I was hoping I'd just... start. But I haven't. It's been over a week and I haven't and I was just so scared... "

"Donna," Josh says, stopping me from rambling. I know I'm shaking again, too.

"Yeah?" I say, although I can guess what Josh is going to say. I say it for him. "I need to take one."

"Yeah," Josh agrees, that scared look returning. "It would probably be a good idea to know for sure that you're... you're... "

Over Josh's shoulder, I see the door we came out of open again. Josh must sense it because he looks just as Sam sees us. He waves and then starts coming this way.

"Josh... " I start, feeling panicky. We've only got a minute or two before Sam reaches us. "I want you to be there when I take it."

"Donna... "

"Please, Josh," I implore. I clutch his arm and whisper desperately under my breath. "I don't think I can do this alone."

"Okay," Josh whispers back, laying his hand over mine before I have to pull it away. "Get whatever you need to get and I'll be there. I promise... "

"Josh!" Sam calls out and we separate. I turn and wipe at my eyes and cheeks. The wind, gratefully, blows my hair around my face.

"H-hey," Josh calls back before stepping up to meet Sam. He fidgets from side to side, blocking Sam so he doesn't get any closer to me. "What's up?"

"CJ called. They need you over at the studio now," Sam stresses, then pauses. "Is everything all right?"

"Yeah," Josh answers quickly, clapping his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Donna and I were just discussing... uh... the parking situation."

"That's good," Sam says, his eyes wandering over to me. I've been pretty short with Sam and I'm sure he suspects something. Maybe he even knows. "'cause I think Donna's been worried about... her car."

"Well, she doesn't have to worry anymore," Josh stammers, motioning back towards the hotel. He practically pushes Sam in that direction and Sam starts walking. Josh pauses, torn between staying with me and going with Sam.

But he has to go with Sam and he does.

My arms shift down around my abdomen and I try to think of where the closest Walgreens is.

*************

The Sheraton Ballroom X  
Chicago, Illinois

Fuck. 

I look down at my watch and then the clock on the wall and start to figure a way out of this meeting. There has to be a way out. 

I turn to look at Sam and he's busy scribbling something. He passes his notes to Toby who shakes his head and passes them back. No one would notice if I disappeared for a while. Certainly not the Governor. He's giving what has to be his fiftieth speech for the day and he still isn't hitting it just right. I'm not sure he's ever going to at this point. I know he can. I've heard him do it but not today.

He looks scared but I probably look far more scared right now. I shuffle from foot to foot and look at the clock again. I told Donna I'd be there a half an hour ago and this isn't going to end anytime soon. 

I have to go. I just have to. I told her I'd be there and besides that, I have to know. My stomach isn't going to stop churning until I know. All these years, and this has never happened to me before. Not that there's been thousands of women or anything, but still I can't but help think this is some sort of warning. Or a lesson. Don't screw around with the office help. That's got to be it. I need to find out for sure, though. Then if it's for sure, we need to decide what to do. I just need to go. 

Backing out of the room, I look around to see who's watching. Sam looks up at me quickly, but soon goes back to working with Toby. Leo is standing in the corner, talking on his cell phone and CJ is... CJ is ... 

"Where you going, sport?" she asks, putting her hand on my shoulder. I jump and turn around to face her. 

"I have to be somewhere... it's ... I have to go do something for a few minutes and I'll be right back," I say, looking towards the exit. I look back at her and she's shaking her head. 

"I need you. Hoynes is going on about something and I need a little spin control," she says, taking my arm and pulling me towards Sam and Toby. 

"CJ, I'll be back in a few minutes ... " I try to say a little more forcibly but she doesn't let go. 

"Guys, you've got to put something together about the ethanol tax credit," she says and Toby wipes his hand across his forehead.

"The people of Chicago, right at this very minute, probably don't care much about ethanol ... "

"But the people south of here -- the ones with the corn -- just might," CJ say and I shake my head, trying to end this as quickly as possible. 

"Hoynes is against it so you want to come out and say were for it? What will we pick up?" I ask, knowing the answer already. CJ just stares at me. "Hoynes lost Iowa on this and he's going to lose Illinois, too. But he's going to lose for a different reason."

"He's going to lose because we're already taking Chicago and south of here, not that many people are voting in the Democratic Primary," Sam says. "We just don't play well in Peoria and Decatur."

"This will create jobs. He's saying it will cost money," CJ points out and I look at the clock again. "Ethanol sales add more than 40 cents to the average per-bushel price of corn, and one out of every half-dozen or so rows of corn in Illinois goes to produce ethanol."

"Most of those people won't be voting for us anyway ... " I try but Toby shakes his head this time. 

"Maybe not in the primary but what about the general election?" Toby asks and both he and Sam get that look in their eyes. "We need an energy initiative and we could get these people in our back pockets."

"This could capture the interest of not only Illinois but Iowa," Sam says, tearing through some sheets of his note paper until he can start scribbling something else. 

"And Mexico," CJ says and we all look at her. 

"Are we letting the Mexican people vote in our elections? Did I miss a meeting somewhere?" I ask and Toby shakes his head. 

"If the Mexican government can be convinced to use ethanol additives, it will raise the price of corn crops in the US," Toby says and Sam still keeps writing something. 

I look at my watch and then the clock again. Forty-five minutes late this time. I'm late. She's late. And these people keep going on about ethanol and who the fuck cares about ethanol right now?

"Josh?" Sam asks and I obviously missed something while my mind went wandering for a second. 

"Are you with us, Josh? You look like you went on a little trip there. Is something wrong?" Toby asks and I shake my head. If they only knew. Maybe soon enough, they will. Like in about four or five months. Fuck. By the general election, I might be a father. Fuck. How am I supposed to work on the transition team and change diapers? It's impossible. 

"I think our agenda in this state is already far reaching," I say, trying to end this right now. 

"Josh, what's the matter with you? You've always been up for a strategy session at the zero hour. If we can't count on you now ... " Toby starts but Sam interrupts, his eyes holding mine. He knows something is up. 

"We can count on you, can't we, Josh?" he asks, but it's more of a statement than a question. "He's going to be the one who figures out how we're going to do this by the time Governor Bartlet goes back on the TV at 6 a.m. without us making Senator Hoynes look like too big of an ass."

"Why would we care about that?" I ask, certain John Hoynes can do that job for himself. 

"You know who we really need?" CJ says, looking towards me. I know what's coming out of her mouth next and I'm already shaking my head. Oh, fuck. This is the one thing I don't need now. "We need Mandy. Is she going to be here tomorrow?"

"God, I hope not," Sam says without thinking and my eyes meet his again. "What I mean is I think we can do this without her. She wouldn't make it here in time, anyway."

I mouth 'thank you' and he nods his head. 

"Why isn't she here in the first place?" Toby asks and I do my best to make it sound like it was her choice not to be here. 

"We can't pay her enough. She thinks she's worth more than the rest of us," I say and CJ looks a little disturbed by that. She gave up a lot to do this job yet Mandy just can't bring herself to give up the job and come work for us full time for nothing. 

"Sam's right. We'll be okay on this one without her," CJ says and Leo saunters over our way to see why we aren't listening to the Governor.

"What's going on?" he asks, smiling at the people who pass us. He knows this city and its people well. I'm sure he's pulled in a lot of favors in the last few weeks. 

"Ethanol tax credits," Toby says and Leo thinks about it for a while before speaking. 

"Just don't make Senator Hoynes look too stupid. We might need him later ... "

"Leo!" we all say at the same time and several people turn to look at us. 

"I'm just saying we might need him more than you all think we do. Why don't we head back to the hotel after this is done and we'll hammer out something for the morning shows," Leo says and I look at my watch again. "You need to be somewhere, Josh?"

I look at him and his eyes let me know I'm not going anywhere. 

"No. Not right now," I say, kicking myself. There's going to be hell to pay later. And if the answer is yes, there will be even more hell to pay. I don't even want to think about it but I can't stop. 

*************

The Sheraton   
Chicago, Illinois

I stare at the Clear Blue Easy box for the millionth time and finally accept Josh just isn't coming back tonight. Not for this. Not for me.

I'd cry, but I am all cried out. I've been lying here on Josh's bed for hours already, my head on one pillow and the pregnancy test on the other. Waiting. Waiting for Josh to make good on his promise I won't have to do this alone.

Even if it is positive, I have this sinking feeling I will be doing this alone. If I'm not asked to leave the campaign, I certainly can't hop from city to city with little or no sleep in my condition. I'd have to stay in some office somewhere while Josh campaigns if Bartlet wins the nomination. My due date would be right around late October-early November, just in time for the election.

This, of course, is assuming Josh even *wants* to be a father.

He certainly didn't seem very happy about the prospect.

Why would he? He is the senior political director to a presidential campaign with a girlfriend already. A girlfriend without whom no one thinks we can win. Whatever Mandy is to Josh, it's not as important as Mandy is to the campaign. He couldn't deny it earlier. From what Margaret told me, Josh met her at some restaurant near the Democratic Leadership Conference. He, apparently, couldn't stop staring at her.

And I know exactly what stare she's referring to.

Oh God.

The tears I didn't think I had left start welling up and cloud my view of the box. I should just take the damn thing by myself and be done with it. If I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant. If I'm not, I'm not. Either way, it doesn't change what's happened between me and Josh. Either way, it won't be same.

I pull myself into a sitting position and reach for it.

But before I do, the phone rings and my heart stops dead in my chest.

Josh. Thank God, it's Josh.

I grab for it before it rings a second time.

"Hello?" I manage to get out in spite of the lump in my throat. I clutch the phone with both hands and hold it close. It just can't be anyone other than Josh. No one else would call here at this hour.

"Donna, is that you?"

"Yeah, where are you?" I ask desperately, pressing one hand on my forehead. It hurts from crying so much.

"Connecticut," he answers, following it with a heavy cough. "Sounds like the better question is, where is my son?"

It's Josh's father, not Josh.

"I don't know," I say, trying not to sound even half as disappointed as I feel. It's Josh's father. That's all I need to start crying again. I cover the receiver with my hand so he can't hear me. I wanted-needed this to be Josh.

"Oh," he answers, with disappointment of his own. He coughs again and clears his throat. "I was just calling to tell him I have another round of chemotherapy scheduled on Tuesday. Damn doctors. First, they tell me I'm doing good, then they'd making me come back in for more. Eh... you don't want to hear this... "

"Yes," I speak up, pulling my hand away from the phone. I focus my attention on him, knowing how sick he's been. "I do. And so I can tell Josh. Are you... are you all right, Mr. Lyman?"

"If I were, I wouldn't have to go in and get pumped full of drugs," he mutters wearily, then adds, "I told them any day this week except Tuesday and what do the schmucks do? They schedule it for Tuesday. The day my son is going to win the Illinois Primary."

"It would mean a lot to Josh," I say, feeling my heart even sink more. "And, of course, to you."

"What would mean a lot to me is if my son would settle down and give me grandchildren," he answers. "I should've said something when he gave up a good career in his father's practice to be a floor manager to the House minority whip... "

He goes on and on about Josh's career, but I stopped listening after the grandchildren remark. That's his father's wish. His father, who is fighting cancer, wants to see his grandchildren. It fills me with this incredible sense of hope not only for myself, but for him. It could be what pulls him through his treatments, what makes him beat the cancer--to know that his son is going to be father.

"... you'd think anyone who scored 760 on the SAT's would be smarter than that," he finishes ranting. "You're a nice girl for listening, Donna. You're a nice girl, period. What's my son paying you?"

"He's... um... not," I say, the question catching me off-guard. I haven't even begun to think about that. I can't think about anything else but this.

"I'll have a talk with him. If he ever calls me back," he mumbles.

"This time, he will," I promise.

By then, we'll know. I'll know. One way or the other.

"Whatever happens with Bartlet, my son will take care of you," he says, sounding so certain. I know he's referring to my non-existent salary, but still, they are words I need to hear. "He does a lot of stupid things, but he always does the right thing. And he'll do right by you. If he doesn't, I'll give you a job at my firm."

"I-I don't think that'll be necessary, but thank you for offering," I say, wiping tears off my cheek. I'm still very upset with Josh, but I have to believe what his father just said about the right thing.

I pick up the Clear Blue Easy box and hold it on my lap.

I have to believe it for now.

***********

Continued in Part II


	2. Chapter 2

Campaign Promises  
by Jori and Mojo  
Part 2 of 2 

The Sheraton  
Chicago, Illinois  
March 17, 1998

I open the door quietly and walk into the darkened room, expecting to find it empty. I'm sure she wouldn't have waited for me all this time. It's nearly four in the morning and I have enough time to sleep for about fifteen minutes and start my day again and it's going to be one hell of a long day. 

Instead of an empty room, I find Donna sleeping on my bed, her arms wrapped tightly around a pillow. Damn. I really screwed up. I try to move soundlessly into the bathroom and find the pregnancy test sitting on the counter, unopened. I pick it up, turning the box around in my hands, trying not to think of all the implications behind it still sitting here. She wanted me to be here and she didn't take it when I couldn't make it back here. She didn't want to be alone.

"You don't have to worry about that."

I jump at the sound of her voice, turning to look at her. She wipes her sleepy eyes and her hands drop down to her side. Her hair is damp and tangled and she looks like she might have been crying. 

"Don't have to worry about what?"

"You don't have to worry about that," she says, tipping her chin at the box in my hand. "I was going to take it but I started. You don't have to worry anymore."

I don't know what to say. I just stare down at the box and then toss it onto the counter as if it has suddenly grown too hot to hold. I try to come up with something polite and maybe even rational to say but inside, my mind is celebrating this news. "I, um, I wasn't ... "

"Yes, you were," she says and I stare at her. Something has changed about her but I can't quite figure it out. She looks like she just made it through a crisis all by herself and I suppose in a way, she has. I should do something. I should take her in my arms or say something but I just stand here, overwhelmingly pleased by this

"You've got to understand, it's just not the right time," I finally manage to say and she nods. 

"Because of Mandy," she says. Maybe she's asking but I don't think so. We really need to talk more about Mandy but now is not the time. Today is so important and I just can't deal with this right now.

"No, not just because of Mandy. This has nothing to do with Mandy. We're in the middle of something big and now... maybe someday but now just isn't a good time," I say and she nods, looking hopeful at my mention of someday. Maybe someday she and I can make this work, but after this, I'm not sure.

"I know that it's not a good time," she says and I know she does. We've known each other for a month and there's no way either of us could ever be ready for this now. 

I walk past her, away from the little bathroom area we're standing in and I sit on the edge of the bed. I'm so exhausted and I spent the day trying to focus on a million different things and all the while, this was hanging over me. I'm relieved. So very damn relieved. Donna turns to me and she looks more like somebody ran over her puppy than she looks relieved. 

"Your father called," she says, not making any move to sit or lie back down. 

"You didn't... say anything to him, did you?" I ask and she sets her jaw and glares at me. "I... I'm just asking."

Her mouth opens and then closes again and it takes her a while to speak. "Of course I didn't say anything, Josh. He wanted to let you know he has another round of chemotherapy tomorrow... today."

"Was there anything else?" I ask and she looks down at the floor. 

"He'd like to be a grandfather someday ... "

"Donna ... "

"I didn't start it, Josh. I said nothing but he said he'd like grandchildren someday," she says and I stare at the hotel art hanging on the wall. I'm their only surviving child and I've heard the grandchildren rhetoric many, many times. My mother can be especially vicious about it, the first words out of her mouth when I visit usually being 'when are you going to find a nice girl, mister, and settle down and give me a grandson?' 

I look up at Donna and she looks at me. I'm so goddamn torn up about this right now. I want her but I want Bartlet to win, too. Mandy is important to this and I don't know how to send her packing without sending her to the opposition. 

"Just as long as you didn't ... "

"I didn't," she assures me again and I fall backwards onto the bed, covering my eyes with my forearm. I'm so tired. These days are never-ending and there's no way we could deal with a baby, too. "I suppose I should get back to my room."

I move my arm and focus on her, before patting the bed next to me. "Come sit down."

"Josh, I should go," she says, looking like she's about ready to cry. 

"Sit down with me," I say and she does, keeping her distance. Fuck. There's no way to fix this right now. She looks so incredibly sad and I can't fix this. It's my job to fix things and this is beyond my ability. "Today is going to be long."

"I know," she says, sighing and folding her hands neatly on her lap. 

"Please say we can talk about this more after today. We need to talk about this," I say and she nods. 

"I need to know what's important, Josh. I need to know if I'm important at all," she says and I sit up beside her, taking one of her hands in mine. Her hand is so cold and I want to pull her towards me, but she doesn't move at all. 

"Donna, you have to believe me when I say that you are. You're very important," I say but she doesn't look entirely convinced. 

"More important than this campaign? More important than Mandy?" she asks and I take a second too long to answer. In that amount of time, she's up and off the bed, pulling her hand free from mine. "I didn't think so."

"Donna!" I say, following her to the door. "I can't... you've got to understand!"

"I do," she says, opening the door. I lower my voice in case anyone is out in the hall. 

"Can we talk about this later? Tonight after we know? We'll talk about it then, okay?" 

She looks at me long and hard before she slips out the door, closing it between us. 

"Fuck," I say, hitting the door with my fists. "Fuck."

Things can't possibly get much worse today. 

*************

Josh is an ass. 

He is such an ass. 

I look back down the hall, a part of me wanting Josh to be running after me like he did earlier. But he's not and that just makes everything hurt even more than it already does. Of course he's not running after me -- I'm not pregnant and he's off the hook. Now he can just go back to Mandy and the campaign like this never happened. Maybe I'm not pregnant, but for an entire week, I thought I was but none of that mattered to Josh. I don't matter to Josh. If I did, he wouldn't have hesitated when I asked. 

I fold my arms around myself in an attempt not to cry. I make it all the way to the elevators, but the second the doors shut, I let it out. Tears start streaming down my face and I lay my head against the side of the car. 

I want to go home. I just want to go home.

I would have given everything up for Josh. I know because I gave it all up for Ethan--my education, my money, even my sense of self worth. If I had any self worth at all, I would have known better than to get involved with Josh in the first place. 

Why do I always fall for men who put their jobs before me? What is wrong with me that I let them? I had a sense about Mandy in California. I should have just gone with it and not trusted Josh. I should have packed my bags right then and there and gone home, but no. I flew out to Manchester like an idiot because I thought Josh loved me. Because I loved Josh enough to follow him halfway across the country only to end up here. Alone and crying in an elevator in Chicago after dealing with the biggest scare of my life. 

The doors snap open and thankfully, there is no one standing there. I stop crying long enough to find my card key and pray Margaret isn't there. I can't very well pack up with her in the room. She'll ask too many questions that I just can't answer. Everything is such a mess and I doubt I could explain it even if I had to. 

After three tries, I somehow manage to get the card turned the right way to open the door. I turn the handle, push in, and find Margaret collapsed on one of the beds. She must have gotten back the same time as Josh because she looks just as exhausted. 

"Donna?" she mutters, lifting her sleepy head up. "Is that you?" 

"Yeah," I say, quickly shutting the door so it's dark again. So she can't see me. "Go back to sleep."

"I looked everywhere for you... I was worried something happened... "

"I-I was trying to sell my car. Go back to sleep," I tell her again, hoping she's too tired to know what I'm saying. She must be because Margaret's head falls back on the pillow and she curls up a little more. I sit on the very edge of my bed and watch her for a few minutes to make sure she really is asleep. She's a light sleeper and there is no way I can pull out my suitcase from the closet without waking her. I'll just have to pack sometime today in between all the preparations for the primary. Win or lose, it doesn't matter. 

I just can't do this. With Josh. I can't do this with Josh anymore.

I calm down enough to the point where I'm no longer crying. I get up and walk over to the phone that's on the nightstand between the beds. The cord is just long enough to make it to the bathroom. I pick the phone and carry it in there with me. I shut the door, the cord running under it and sink to the floor. If I talk quiet enough, Margaret shouldn't hear. I dial the number, the phone now in my lap and wait for it to ring. My legs slide out from under me and to the side and I lean back against the tub. 

"H-hello?"

"Mom?" I say, that one word getting caught in my throat. I take a few deep breaths before continuing, unsure of what to say next. I was hoping my father would answer, but it doesn't matter. She'll know soon enough. 

"My God, Donna. Is everything all right? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm... fine," I lie, trying hard to stay composed.

"No, you're not. You've been crying. I can hear it in your voice," she says, her own voice getting louder as she wakes up even more. "It's... four o'clock in the morning . ." 

"Donna, what's wrong?" my father asks, coming on the line. "You weren't in an accident, were you?"

"No... accident," I say, pausing on that word. I close my tired, swollen eyes. "I-I just wanted to tell you I'm coming home."

"You told us," he says, sounding somewhat confused. "In a few weeks, when the campaign stops in Wisconsin... "

"No, tonight," I correct, taking another deep breath. "After the primary. I'm coming home."

***************

"Have you changed your suit?" Sam asks as I deal with two phone calls at once. I look down at my clothes and realize that I have on what I had on yesterday. And maybe the day before that, too 

"Haven't had time. Here, you talk to these people. They won't give me any damn numbers," I say, handing over a cell phone to Sam.

"What makes you think they'll give them to me?" Sam asks, putting it to his ear. 

"Because you changed your suit," I say and he starts asking questions of the other person even though he has no idea who they are. The room is a buzz of activity and I try to find a quiet place to carry on this conversation and that's nearly impossible. The Governor is back out meeting as many people as he can and giving countless interviews even though time has nearly run out. 

I smooth my hand across my rumpled shirt and continue to wait for the person on the other end of the phone line to come back with the answer I need. I'm beginning to think that's never going to happen. Sam, looking triumphant with his phone call, returns the cell phone to me.

"Make sure you change that shirt before our victory tonight," he says with a smile as he continues to scribble something on a note pad

"Yeah," I say and he hands me a sheet of paper with the information he just got off the phone.

"I've got to go find Toby and get him to calm down about the speeches for tonight. I'll see you, man," Sam says, wandering off through the crowd gathered in the room trying to get through this day.

"Hello? Hello?" I say into the phone as I realize the line just went dead. Wonderful. Just fucking wonderful. I slam it into the cradle of the receiver and it rings within half a second. I hope it's these people calling me back. Instead, it's the familiar breathing of someone who has called us every single day since this campaign went national and I'm in no mood for this today. 

"Listen, you sick bastard -- I don't know what in the hell kind of underwear I have on because I haven't had time to even look at my damn underwear so could you just stop calling us? We've got important work to get done here," I shout and people turn to look at me. "And don't forget to vote for Bartlet."

With that, I slam the phone down again and cover my eyes with my hand. I'm so damn tired and I need a five minute break. I need to go take a shower and change my clothes and clear my head of all the crap that happened yesterday. 

I let CJ know I'm going out for a minute and she gives me a quick nod of the head before I escape the room. The hallways of the hotel are so quiet and still and I sigh with relief as I get an elevator all by myself. I don't even want to share space with someone right at this second. 

The doors open and I step out only to see Donna walking this way. I try to step back into the elevator but the doors close too quickly. Besides that, she has already spotted me and she stops walking, her eyes looking down at the floor. 

"Hey," I say, walking towards her. 

"Hey," she says, still not looking at me.

"I was just... I have to change out of these clothes before they take on a life of their own," I say, running my hand down my shirt again. 

"That would be a good idea," she says, her eyes finally meeting mine.

"You okay?" I ask and she nods quickly.

"Yeah. I was just going back up to the suite to answer the phone. I had to... I had to check on something," she says, looking over her shoulder. 

"Oh. Okay," I say, and she starts to walk past me. "You want to talk? Later? After this is done?"

She turns and gives me an uncertain look and I slowly begin to realize exactly how badly I fucked this thing up. If I would have just said something to Mandy or about Mandy or if I just would have... not gotten involved. 

"We'll see," she says, turning and walking down the hall towards the elevator. I watch her go. Watch her push the button. Watch as she gets on and never looks back. 

She looks so unhappy. She looks as unhappy as I feel. I'm not even sure winning this thing today is going to make this feeling go away. 

Before I can even make it into my room, my cell phone rings, and CJ tells me to get back to suite in three minutes or else. That gives me one minute to shower and one minute to change my clothes. 

Yeah This campaign is turning into a fucking load of laughs.

************

I mess with the television cable, turning and twisting it around to make myself look busy while we wait. There are so many people in this room, including the Governor and Mrs. Bartlet. I've been trying to avoid them all. I've been trying to avoid Josh. 

I just don't know what to say to him. I don't know if there is anything left to say. I have my bags packed and I'm ready to go as soon as the Governor makes whatever speech it is he's going to make tonight. My dad has called quite a few times today, wondering if I left yet. Unfortunately, Margaret might have overheard me say that this isn't about Ethan and it's not. She didn't say anything but I know she's curious now. 

She can't find out the real reason behind why I want to get out of here as soon as possible. She can't find out about Josh. 

"Leo! What the hell is this!"

The sound of the Governor's voice yelling makes everyone in the room stop and look up. He comes barreling out of the back room, holding papers and whipping on his glasses. 

"That's Sam's draft of your victory..." I hear Josh say before the Governor interrupts him. My eyes move from the Governor to him, knowing he's too distracted to even notice. It hurts just to look at him. To look at him and know if we win, I'll never be as important as the campaign and the man standing before him.

"It's the exact same crap all over again! It's amateur hour!" the Governor shouts as he quickly exits with Leo. Everyone goes back to whatever they were doing and pretend the outburst didn't happen. He's been like that all night and it's put the whole room on edge. 

I move to the next television and now Josh is talking to Mrs. Bartlet. Whatever it is, it's causing her to smirk. 

"Where's Josh?" someone says, waving a cordless phone around.

"With Mrs. Bartlet," I say, reaching my hand out. The woman walks briskly by and deposits the phone into it. 

"You better take it in there," she says, pointing to another room. She keeps walking backwards to continue the conversation. "They're about to call the Illinois Primary... "

"Josh Lyman," I say, pressing the phone to my ear as I step away. A woman is crying on the other end.

"... with 17% of the Precincts reporting, we are now ready to call the Illinois primary for former New Hampshire governor Josiah Bartlet... "

I cover my other ear with my hand so I can hear.

"Where is Joshua? Where is my son?"

"YES!" comes a collective shout, followed by a lot of cheering.

We just won the primary. I can go home now.

"This is Donna, his assistant," I say, still struggling to hear her. It's Josh's mom and she's crying and something has happened. Now the song 'Celebration' is playing as loud as possible.

I close my eyes and concentrate on her and what she's trying to say. 

"Joshua's father... he's gone... he's gone ... "

My heart twists hard as her words sink in. 

Josh's father is dead. 

I feel all the color drain out of my face.

"I will get Josh," I promise, my hands shaking as I put the phone down. 

Somehow, I manage to walk back out into the main room to where Josh was. All around me, people are dancing and hugging and shouting out happily. I pass Sam, pass a television where there is a picture of the Governor splashed across it. Up ahead, I see Josh embracing Leo. CJ almost runs into me as she spins around, her arms victoriously up in the air. 

"Now let's get to California!" Leo calls out after they separate. Now Josh is alone and I have to tell him. No matter what happened earlier between us, I have to be the one to tell him. 

"Josh."

"Leo... we've got to replace this music!" he cries out happily in Leo's direction. He points with his finger. "We've got to replace it with some Doobie Brothers!"

"Josh," I try again and he turns to me, his face all lit up. Josh puts his hands on my upper arms and squeezes. Sam and CJ are now dancing around like idiots and I can't get Josh to listen to me.

"And you gotta get happy, Donna," he implores. "You just won the Illinois primary... "

"No, Josh ... " 

Oh God. I have to tell him. I have to take this away. 

"Come, dance with me... " he says, trying to lead me into this empty space. I feel his hands slip away as I stay where I am. I close my eyes and make myself just say it.

"No, Josh... your father died."

When I open my eyes, Josh is staring at me. Every emotion he was just feeling is gone, replaced with shock. That song keeps playing in the background but neither of us hears it. Neither of us moves as the rest of room celebrates Bartlet's victory. Josh just keeps staring at me, his eyes pleading with mine for it not to be true. 

But it is. 

His father is dead.

*************

Part VIII  
JFK International Airport  
New York  
March 17, 1998

People move quickly past me, rushing to their destinations and I seem to be completely turned around. I can't find the paper with the confirmation number for the rental car on it. I can't remember which company it was made through. I can't remember much of what Donna said to me after she told me my dad died. My eyes move from the Hertz counter to the Avis counter as I try to remember what she said.

"Need a ride?" someone asks from behind me and I slowly turn around.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" I ask and for just a moment she looks disappointed that I would even consider asking her such a question.

"Evelyn called," she says and I just blink at her. "I didn't think you should be alone so I was going to drive to Connecticut until I discovered you were flying through here. I was hoping I could still catch you here. Josh, I'm sorry about Noah."

"Mandy, how did you even know what flight... how did you find me?" I ask and she reaches out and straightens my lapel, her hand lingering there against my chest.

"I was in the New York office when your mom called and then I called Chicago looking for you but you had left already. I was going to call anyway, after Bartlet won... it took a while for someone to come up with your flight number," she says as if she needs an excuse to call me.

"My assistant should have had it. She booked the flight," I say.

"Your assistant? According to Sam, she's gone. He had to find your flight number and time for me," she says. Her hand drops from my chest and she wraps her fingers around mine. "I figured we could drive and talk."

She squeezes my fingers, but I don't squeeze back. Damn it. I can't believe this is happening. I just can't believe it. We were so close to Donna's home and I was afraid this was going to happen. I was afraid this was why she kept her car. After everything that happened over the last few days... I just knew it.

I look around, desperate to find a phone so I can call Chicago and find out for myself. I need to know what's going on. I almost forget that Mandy is standing there until she tugs my hand again, this time with more insistence.

"Wait. Just wait. What do you mean by gone?" I ask, my mind trying to wrap itself around what she's saying. My heart starts racing in my chest and I have no way to find out what's really happening.

"How would I know? She's not my hired help," Mandy says, clucking her tongue and shifting her bag around on her shoulder. Her voice went from soothing to cold so fast that it makes me shiver.

"And you're coming with me for what reason?" I ask and she stops pulling on me.

"Because... I'm your girlfriend and your dad just passed away. I want to be there," she says in a matter of fact tone. "For you."

"My mother called you?"

"Josh, your mom called me. As hard as it is to believe, she likes me. She asked if I would like to be there and I said yes," she says. My mind is so damn numb I can't begin to argue with her.

Donna is gone. Mandy is coming to Connecticut with me. Bartlet won the nomination and I'm not there.

And my dad is gone. He's gone and he'll never know that... he'll just never know.

I close my eyes, trying to take it all in and I feel her tug at my hand one more time.

"You have to cancel the car. We'll take mine but we should get going," she implores. "Your mom is expecting us."

"Yeah," I say, opening my eyes again and letting the world swirl around me.

*************

Donald and Helen Moss' Home  
Madison, Wisconsin  
March 18, 1998

"... and her car is blocking mine!"

"Shh! Not so loud. You'll wake her... "

"Oh for heaven's sake, she's not five, Donald. I'm going to be late for work. We'd still have a set of keys if she hadn't given them to what's his face... "

"Ethan," I mumble, opening my eyes slowly. The house is still dark, but I can see my mom rooting through my purse in the foyer. She stops immediately and straightens up, giving me an indignant look before walking towards the couch. Towards me.

"I need to move your car," she says, holding my purse out and making a pouty face. "Or if you don't want me to, you can move it yourself. But I have to get to work."

I toss the afghan off my body and pull myself into a sitting position before taking it. I set the purse on my lap and dig through for it for my keys, all the while avoiding my mother's eyes. I feel bad enough already without her help.

I did around some more and don't see my keys. I don't even hear them. I stop for a minute and with my sleepy mind, try to think of where they could possibly be. I can't. Instead, I find myself thinking about last night.

Winning the primary. Josh's dad. Josh.

I glance at the clock on the wall. Josh should be in New Haven by now if he got on the right plane. He was barely paying attention when I made the reservations for that and the rental car. All he did was nod and tell me 'okay.' He wasn't okay. His father just died. He was far from okay and I didn't even take him to the airport ... 

"Donna, you left your keys in the door."

I look up into the foyer again and see my father pulling my keys out of the door. My mother rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.

"We're just lucky no one broke in last night ... "

"Who's going to break into our house?" he counters with a small shrug. He tightens the belt of his robe first and walks towards us.

"May I move *your* car, please?" she asks, looking down at me. She's only saying it like that to remind me it used to be *her* car. The car she gave me so I could go to college, not drop out of so I could move in with my boyfriend.

"Yeah. Okay," I say. My father holds my keys out to her. She looks at them and then at him expectantly.

"I'm not dressed, Helen," he offers and she sighs yet again as she takes my keys from him.

"Of course, you're not dressed. What on earth would you be dressed for? Not like you have work to go to," she rambles as she heads for the door. She opens it again, then stops. "And Donna, I would appreciate it the next time you come in at two in the morning, you make sure to lock *my* door."

I don't answer. I just watch as she slams the door behind her.

"Believe it or not, she's been worried sick about you," my father says, pushing the afghan to the side and sitting next to me. "She was up all night waiting for you to pull in."

"She didn't even come down," I point out.

"She didn't know what to say to you. For that matter, neither do I," he replies. He runs a hand through his messy hair and sits back. My father's eyes sweep over my face, then soften the longer they stare at me. "What happened, Donna?"

"We-we won the primary," I say, hoping that is enough of an answer.

"Yes, I know... heard Bartlet's speech last night," he continues, giving me this knowing look. "But you told us you were coming home before that. This has nothing to do with the primary, does it?"

I shake my head and feel a lump form in my throat.

This has to do with Josh.

*************

The Lyman Home  
New Haven, Connecticut

"The new house is nice," Mandy says as we all stand in the kitchen, shuffling our feet and not quite knowing what to do with our hands. 

A while ago, when Dad thought he had beaten the cancer, they moved into the house he had always wanted. I secretly think it's really the house Mom always wanted but she just used his illness as an excuse to push him into doing the things they should have done years ago, like move out of the smaller house to this one. Now there's this huge house and just my mom.

"I can't decide on curtains," my mother says, nodding in the general direction of the living room. "The interior decorators keep insisting on these atrocious things and I hate them. It's bad enough that I'm now stuck with that Oriental furniture in the dining room that Noah picked out."

We say nothing after that. He was getting better. He wasn't supposed to die yet, but my mother has had all this time to prepare herself for the fact it might happen. I ignored the possibility and it's like being slapped in the face. Dad would have liked grandchildren but he didn't live long enough for me to give him any. Too busy. I've always been too busy and now it's too late. I watch the tears begin to slip down my mom's face again and I should do something but I don't know what. I'm afraid if I move I'll start crying myself.

Mandy takes Mom's hand and holds it, telling her how sorry she is. My mom looks at her as she continues to say comforting words and I look down at the floor. Mom thinks Mandy is the one. It's the longest relationship I've been in so she has to be the one. Little does she know that my heart is breaking because she's not the one I want here. I don't know where that one is. I don't know how to find Donna and I don't have time to do it today. The funeral is in a few hours and so much has to be done yet.

"When are Uncle Mort and Aunt Lillian getting back?" I ask, interrupting this love fest going on between my mom and Mandy. Everybody who was here when we got in last night was gone already before we could get back from the hotel this morning.

"Soon. They have to pick up your Great Aunt Tillie and then they'll be back. Uncle Sol is picking up Nana Pearl from the home and then the two of them will be here, too. She'll want to spend the night instead of going back there and you know what a problem that is. Nothing makes that woman happy," Mom says, throwing up her hands in the air.

I can already tell she's trying to figure out where she's putting all the extra people spending the night. At least it gives her something to do. There will be even more people when Aunt Irene and Uncle Leon get in from Florida. Some of my cousins should be here today and a few said something about spending the night in town. Many of the partners from Debevoise will be coming just for the funeral before they rush back to New York for the work my dad found so important.

Mandy and I offered to stay at a hotel right away so the older relatives can stay here and Mom readily agreed. Almost too readily. I'm sure she just doesn't want us sleeping in the same bed with Nana Pearl around. Then again, I don't want to be sleeping in the same bed with Mandy. I could have used Nana as an excuse to get out of it if I had been thinking clearly. 

The phone rings and we all jump, as if any more bad news could possibly be coming today. I chide myself for saying that. We all know that bad news comes in droves and this is just the beginning. I'm surprised it's not raining. Then Nana Pearl would really have something to bitch about.

"It's for you," Mom says, handing me the phone.

"Josh Lyman," I say and Mandy stands there, watching me.

"Can you talk now?" Sam asks and I turn my back to her. She still doesn't leave though I hear my mother shuffle off to somewhere.

"No... not really," I say and Mandy huffs, knowing exactly what I was asked.

"Okay. I'll do the talking. We don't know where she went," Sam says. I called him in the middle of the night, hoping he would know something. He said he would ask Margaret since she and Donna were sharing a room and he'd get back to me.

"Nothing?"

"Margaret said something about a guy named Ethan and that Donna mentioned him. Does that make any sense to you?" he asks. Someone is talking to him at the same time and he answers their questions while waiting for the answer to his.

"Yeah," I say, unable to say more right now.

"Ex-boyfriend? If it is, that's where she went. I really got to go now, Josh. I hope you're doing okay," he says and I let out a long sigh in reply.

"How are things going there? How are the numbers looking?" I ask and more voices join in the conversation going on only on that end of the phone. I recognize one as Leo.

"Leo wants to talk to you. Hold on a second," Sam says.

"You hanging in there, kid?" Leo asks and I mumble that I'm okay. "Listen, I didn't get a chance to talk to you last night before you left but I'm sorry about your dad. He was a good man. A good friend. He'll be missed."

"Thank you, Leo," I say and finally, hearing his name, Mandy walks away.

"Tell Evelyn that I would be there but ... "

"She knows. Besides, I don't know how much more she could handle today," I say, staring out the kitchen window at the backyard. It's going to be spring soon and Dad isn't going to get to see it. His new backyard in springtime and he's not going to see it.

"Give her a hug for me and you take care of yourself," he says and then I hear Sam talking to him. I wish I could be there. I wish I could be anywhere but here. 

"I'll do that. Thank you again, Leo," I say, hanging up the phone. I watch a squirrel rush across the backyard and I'm tempted to go out and chase it away. He turns and looks at me, as if he knows something is different now, and then goes on his way.

**********

Donald and Helen Moss' Home  
Madison, Wisconsin 

"Donna, you up and quit. One day you were here and the next day, you weren't. Give me one good reason why I should hire you back."

I sigh and in the back of mind, hear Josh's voice, saying this same thing to me. By now, he has to know I'm gone. He's probably checked in with Sam or Leo and they would've told him. I can only imagine what he thinks of me now.

"There isn't a good reason, Donna," my former boss continues, misinterpreting my silence. He sighs, too. "Look, by law, if someone calls to verify employment, all I have to tell them is the dates you worked here."

"I understand," I say, curling the phone cord around my finger. I know what he is trying to say without coming out and saying it. He can't help me, but he won't make it worse that what it is. "Thank you."

"You're a good worker, Donna. I'm sure you'll find something somewhere. I just can't... I can't help you out," he finishes.

"Yeah," I say as he hangs up. I listen to the dead air for a while until the dial tone returns. It was a long shot, but I'm desperate. I don't really want to stay at my parent's house longer than I have to.

"Donna, are you still on the phone?" my father calls from the other room. I smile to myself. He knows I'm off the phone. He's been listening, but only because he's worried. Normally, he'd be out working in his shed all day, but he's stayed in the house. For me--in case I need him.

And I do need someone. It's just not my father.

"No," I answer, hanging it up. I walk towards the kitchen, stop and lean against the doorframe. My father is standing at the stove, stirring something that smells good. Chili. And on the counter is a jar of peanut butter. I can't help but shake my head at him.

"Good, because I'm making your favorite lunch," he announces, tapping the spoon out and setting it down so he can get out a couple bowls.

"When I was nine," I say with a little pout. It really wasn't my favorite then, but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Chili and peanut butter sandwiches were all he knew how to make.

"Remember the kitchen the condo had?" he asks, reaching for the bread next. He takes out four slices and lays them out with a faded smile. "That horrible wallpaper with the farm animals on it that you wouldn't let us take down because you named them."

"I didn't name them. You did," I correct, moving across the room to stand beside him. I pick up the peanut butter jar and open it. He doesn't remember because it was right after his accident. I only remember because that's when he started staying home and my mother started working. It's been like that ever since.

"And you would make up stories about them," he adds, handing me a knife. I use it to scoop out enough peanut butter to make a sandwich. "For a while, I was convinced you were going to grow up to be a farmer like our neighbors were."

"Maybe I should have," I mutter to myself. I swirl the peanut butter slowly to the edges of the bread.

I'm twenty-three years old and I still don't know what to do with my life. All those people on the Bartlet campaign--they knew. They belonged there. And, Josh aside, so did I. Even with all the chaos, there were a few times I had a real sense of value. Of purpose.

"Then we should have left you there when we moved," he jokes, still talking about the condo. He nudges me with his elbow and when I don't smile with him, he frowns. "They aren't hiring you back, are they?"

"No," I reply, finishing up the sandwiches. I cut them on diagonals to avoid looking at my father. "And I don't blame them. I left without even saying goodbye. No one in their right mind would hire me back after that."

Not even Josh. Not after leaving him the way I did, when I did.

"I'd hire you back," he says, nudging me again before wrapping his arm around me. I give up on the sandwiches and lay my head on his shoulder. I shouldn't be feeling this way because I had to go. I just had to.

My father pulls me into a hug and rocks me gently, still thinking this is over the job. He knows the disappointment of losing a job, but I lost something so much more. Something I'm never going to get back.

Something I have to let go.

"I'd hire you back," he whispers again, trying to comfort me. I close my eyes and feel a tear slip out. For a second, I wish I nine again and chili and peanut butter could make it all better.

"You're not in your right mind," I whisper back. My father chuckles, drops a kiss on my head and squeezes me a little tighter. We stay like that for a long while until his chili starts to burn.

"What about Stephanie's dad? Is he in his right mind?" he asks, letting go of me so he can move the pot and turn off the stove.

"He was the last time I talked to Stephanie," I say, fanning the smoke away before the detector goes off. Stephanie. The last time I talked to Stephanie was before I left. I didn't even tell her goodbye either.

"You could call him up," he suggests, picking up the spoon again. "That insurance company he works for is pretty big, I'm sure there is something somewhere there you can do."

"I'll call Stephanie," I say, still unsure of what her reaction will be. My father holds up the pot to show me the chili is still edible. If one could call that edible. "After lunch."

"Good," he says, with a satisfied grin.

***********

The Lyman Home  
New Haven, Connecticut

He's got to only be about nine years old but he's a tough audience. "That wasn't even a little bit funny?" I ask after telling him one of the few jokes I remember from my childhood. He just shakes his head and looks at me as if he's about to ask for his money back.

I escaped to the kitchen, away from all the gloom going on in the living room, and he followed me in here. I think his name is Lewis or something awful like that and he's my cousin Barry's youngest kid. Poor kid. An overbite, a horrible name and an asshole for a father. I thought I'd try to talk to him, to find out what it was like talking to a kid and to see what my life might have been like in nine years.

"My dad says you work for the president," he says, cocking his head and looking at me though his glasses with a serious expression.

"No, I work for the man who we're trying to make president."

"Some guy names Haines, right?"

"Hoynes?"

"Yeah. That's him. That's who my dad says he's voting for," Lewis says and my mouth drops open.

"What did your dad say?" I ask, ready to go see my cousin Barry right now.

"My dad says that you... um... " he says, stopping and looking at me for permission to go on.

"Yeah? What did he say?"

"My dad says that you really fucked up when you went to work for Butler."

"Bartlet," I say, staring at the kid with disbelief.

"I guess," he says with as much concern as a nine year old can muster up about politics. I feel someone put their hand on my shoulder and I turn around.

"He's too young to vote, Josh," my mom says, nodding at Lewis.

"Yeah, but Barry isn't," I say and Lewis takes this opportunity to try to sneak off. Before he can make it out of the kitchen, I shout after him, "Tell your dad he better vote for Bartlet if he wants to stay in good with the Lyman family!"

"That's one way to get votes. Too bad the family is getting smaller and smaller by the day," Mom says, a twinge of sadness in her voice. "He was so excited about your candidate's prospects, Josh. So excited."

"I know," I say. She pats my arm and walks to the french doors leading to the deck. It's been a hectic day and she looks exhausted.

"Come sit outside with me. If I have to listen to Mort for another minute, I think I'm going to join your dad," she says and I don't know what to say about that. I follow her through the doors and we sit around the table that matches all the other outdoor furniture my parents acquired since the last time I visited.

"It was a nice service. Rabbi Paperman seems to be keeping it all together better these days," I say and she nods without really listening to me. "I'm sure Nana Pearl didn't mean anything by that comment ... "

She puts her hand up to stop me. "That little old woman has always hated me, Josh," Mom says, with a gleam in her eyes. I remember all too well the fights Mom would have with her mother-in-law over the years. They had some good ones, usually culminating in the annual 'Big Argument' on Thanksgiving.

"I don't think she's going to remember you for much longer, Mom. She's got to be what? At least 200 by now," I say and Mom smiles.

"I'll let her say those things to me today because she lost her child and I know how that feels. I know what it's like to have your baby die before you," Mom says, her voice filled with a hollow sadness that only appears when she talks about Joanie. She turns to look at me. "But after today, she better not complain about another thing or the money for that fancy little home she's staying in might just dry up."

"Mom ... "

"Let Mort pay for it for a couple of years. He can't tell me he didn't make any money all those years he was a podiatrist," she says, looking out towards the yard.

"I think he lost most of it in Vegas," I whisper and she smiles again.

"You father was a good man, Josh. I don't know what... I don't know what I'm going to do without him," she says and we both say nothing for a long while. The evening air is crisp and I cross my arms trying to stay warm.

This is the first time we've had to talk about anything alone. Mandy or one of my aunts or uncles have always been around and Mom has been rushing around, trying to keep everything together.

"Maybe you can finally go on that cruise with Aunt Irene," I say jokingly and my mom shakes her head and sighs.

"Irene thinks I should move to Boca with them. What would I do in Boca?" my mom asks and I just shake my head. "This is my home. Always has been. I can't move to Boca. Can you imagine how much I would sweat if I lived in Boca?"

"I... I really don't want to think about it, Mom," I say.

"My life is here. It always has been and I'm too young to go running off to Florida now. Besides, I have the house. How would I get everything into a condo?"

I hear a light tapping on the doors behind us and we both turn around to see Mandy standing there. She points at her watch and I hold up my hand to let her know I'll be there in a couple of minutes. She nods and walks away, thankfully not intruding upon us right now. I look at Mom, who is staring out at the yard again. I'm not ready to leave yet but since we stuck Mandy with Nana Pearl all afternoon, I'm sure she's ready to flee from this place.

"She's a nice girl, Josh," my mom says and before I can stop myself, I make a huffing noise. That gets her attention. "Well, she is. I like her."

I sit in silence for a while, trying to formulate what I'm going to say next. There isn't much to say, really, when it comes to Mandy. "She's not the one, Mom," I end up saying and she turns to me, giving me a questioning glance with one of her eyebrows raised. "I know she's not the one."

"How would you know that already? I didn't think your dad was the one for the longest time and then he finally ... "

"There's someone else," I say and now both of her eyebrows go up. "Or at least I think there's someone else. Yeah. There is someone else."

"Then where is she... I don't understand, Joshua. If there's someone else, why isn't she here with you? Why is Mandy here?" she asks and now I'm feeling a little bit guilty for bringing this up right now. This isn't anything she should be concerned with today but I don't want her to expect an engagement announcement between Mandy and me anytime soon and I don't want her suggesting to the relatives that it might be coming. "Josh, where is this other girl?"

I look away from my mom. I look up towards the stars, just starting to appear in the cold evening sky. "I don't know where she is, Mom. I just don't know."

**********

University of Wisconsin  
Madison, Wisconsin  
March 19, 1998

"Donna?"

I raise my hand and wave in confirmation from across the campus. Stephanie shuffles her book bag to one arm so she can hug me.

"I couldn't believe it when you called," she says, pulling back and looking me over. Stephanie beckons me over to a small bench by Grainger Hall and we sit. "When did you get back into town?"

"Yesterday," I say, folding my gloved hands in my lap. It's still chilly out, but we're both bundled up enough to talk outside. "I got back yesterday."

"I called over to your apartment a couple days after you left and Ethan told me about the break up," she says gently. She gives me a sympathetic look. "I wish you would have called me."

"I was more than capable of loathing this ex-boyfriend all by myself," I say, with a little smile. It quickly fades as I start to wonder about something. "What did Ethan tell you? About the break up?"

Stephanie shrugs. "Not much. Just things weren't working out any more between the two of you. He sounded pretty miserable, Donna."

"Of course, he sounded miserable. He was probably wondering how he was going pay the bills with me gone," I say dryly, gesturing with my hand. "Actually, that's why I'm here."

"I'm not sure I follow you," Stephanie says, furrowing her brow. I hate having to ask her this, but I really am desperate. I sigh, close my eyes and just say it.

"I need a job and I was wondering if you could help me," I say, then open my eyes again. I explain. "I pretty much walked out of my last job and they won't hire me back. I was wondering if you could maybe talk to your father for me?"

Stephanie's face falls. "Donna... "

I hold a hand up. "I know, I know it's a lot to ask for and I don't know the first thing about insurance, but I really need a job right now and I wouldn't be asking unless... "

"No, no, Donna," she says, cutting me off. Stephanie reaches out to that hand and takes it in one of hers. She gives it a reassuring squeeze. "It's my father. He's not working right now because he's in the hospital."

"Oh my God," I say, covering my open mouth with my other hand. "Is he alright?"

"He has PKD," Stephanie says with a heavy breath. Her eyes start to water over, but she manages to hold it off. "It's a disease where cysts grow on the kidneys. They keep multiplying until the diseased kidney shuts down. He was having these pains and we thought it was just kidneys stones but... "

"Stephanie," I say, lowering my hand to cover our joined ones. "You don't have to... "

"I'm okay," she reassures me, swallowing back her emotions. "He went in for surgery a couple days ago to remove some of the cysts to help with the pain."

Here, I was going to ask her for a favor and she's going through this. I don't know what to say, so I pull her into a hug instead. I feel her body shake a little as she clutches onto me.

"I'm so sorry," I say, rocking her a little. As I do so, my mind drifts to Josh, to what he must be going through. His father is gone. I feel a pang of guilt over leaving and I make it go away. I shouldn't be thinking about Josh when Stephanie is the one who needs me.

"I'm okay," she says again, pulling back and offering me a weak smile. She sniffs hard and wipes her cheeks dry with the back of her hand. "The doctors are hopeful it'll still be a few years before he goes into complete renal failure. And there are options. Dialysis. Transplant."

"I'm sorry," I say again, this time apologizing for myself. I press a hand to my chest. "I had absolutely no idea about your father and I had no right to ask for a favor at a time like this."

"You didn't know," Stephanie says, shaking her head.

"I know now," I say, lifting my chin. "And if there is anything I can do... "

"You can come with me to visit my father," she says hopefully. "It'll cheer him up if he thinks he can help you... "

"No, Stephanie, I couldn't possibly ask him... "

"You're not asking. I am," she says, setting her jaw. "Someday, you can return the favor, but for right now, don't worry about it. Okay?"

"Okay," I agree hesitantly. I still feel awkward about it, but Stephanie seems so sure. And I really need a job.

"Good," she says, pulling her hands from mine and glancing at her watch. "I have to get to my next class, but we can go later. He's just across campus at the UW Hospital... "

UW Hospital. Which is where Ethan is doing his residency. My stomach gets all fluttery at that thought. It's a big hospital and the odds of running into him are pretty slim, but I don't know if I'm ready to deal with seeing Ethan again just yet.

I look back at Stephanie, who is looking at me expectantly.

"Okay," I say, getting up to walk with her.

*********

Best Western  
New Haven, Connecticut

It's Mandy's turn to answer the never ending barrage of phone calls we seem to be getting this morning. I roll over and pull the musty hotel pillow over my head, hoping it's her job this time and not mine.

"Mandy Hampton," she answers, sitting up on the edge of the bed. She listens for a while, interjecting a few 'yeahs' here and there. So far, so good.

I close my eyes again, trying to get at least another five minutes of sleep before I have to go back to the house. I said I'd be there by noon and if I sleep for five minutes, shower and dress, I can make it by then. But only if this isn't a problem for me to handle ... 

"You've got to be kidding me! Sam, tell me you're kidding me," Mandy says, and I toss the pillow off of my head. She doesn't work with any Sams besides Sam Seaborn.

Shit. They said they wouldn't call again today unless it was an emergency and judging from the sound of Mandy's voice, it's not good. I look at her and she's got her fingers pressed to her eyes as she listens more.

"No, he can't. He's got to stay here for a few more days," Mandy says, covering for me. I can't get out of staying with my mother for a while and they all know that. Nana Pearl would probably have a stroke if she knew I was taking calls from work at all. I already got yelled at for not staying at my mother's house during this time of grief but that didn't seem to stop her from taking up one of the beds. "Shiva, Sam. It's supposed to be seven days. Yeah, I know the campaign can't stop for seven days but Josh can't... listen, I'll be there this evening. Will that help?"

I reach out for the phone, wondering what in the hell is going so wrong that Mandy is willing to fly out in such a hurry. She brushes me off. "I'll see you at the office tonight," she says, hanging up. She turns to face me and sighs. "Unless you all plan on selling your souls, I have no clue how you all except to get that man elected."

"We actually have considered the soul thing," I say, propping myself up on my elbow, waiting for her to go on.

"You guys need to get to Hoynes now that he knows he's out of the running. Someone better start courting him soon before you all do anything else that might piss him off," she says and I sigh.

"I know, I know. I was against it. I mean, there's other people I'd rather work with than the guy whose campaign I abandoned, but I know we need him," I say and she lies down next to me.

"I think you need to tell Leo that you're comfortable with the idea. I think you need to convince all of them to be comfortable with it," she says, taking my hand in hers.

"That's why you have to fly out there?" I ask, her fingers lacing with mine. I don't know what else to do. I might be in love with someone else, but this is Mandy and she's not going anywhere yet.

"No, I have to fly out there to help Sam out of some situation he got into with one of the Union Locals. Someone has to start managing what's being said to them because they will vote for you if it's said to the right person," she says and I nod. I know all these things and I could be going there to do that except... I can't. Mom needs me right now and I can't leave her yet.

"You'll call if you need help?" I ask and she squeezes my hand.

"I think I can take care of it, Joshua," she says and I don't say anything in return. "And here I thought I'd get to spend more than one day with you."

"Come on, one day with me is usually enough," I say and she lets out a short laugh.

"You haven't cried much over this," she says and I turn away, letting go of her hand. "I've seen you cry more over candidates losing a seat in the House than I've seen you cry for your father."

I don't know what to say. My grief and mourning aren't really any of her business. He was my dad yet I'm trying to keep it all together for Mom. I don't know why or if she wants me to. She's been a tower of strength so far, crying only when everything gets too quiet and she stops moving around. I'm sure that will all change over the next few days. With Joanie, it was so different. So unexpected. This was unexpected, but he was nearing his 70th birthday. Joanie and the house and all if it at once... I don't even want to think about it now.

Mandy knows I'm not going to answer. She knows me that well, at least. Instead, she grabs some local magazine off the night stand and flips through it. "When you went to college here, did you live at home?" she asks and I laugh at the thought.

"No, I didn't. I lived with a bunch of other guys," I say, still not looking at her. "The house they had then wasn't as big as this one. I don't know why they thought they had to move into something so big."

"But did your mom do your laundry?" she asks. I suspect she already knows the answer to that one.

"Yeah. I paid her to do it, though. My mom's not stupid," I say.

We both sit in silence for a while longer. The silences with Mandy are growing longer and more uncomfortable. They're almost unbearable sometimes.

"I better get going. Can you call the airlines and book me a flight to LAX?" she asks, sitting up on the edge of the bed and stretching before she stands.

"Yeah," I say, watching her go into the little bathroom, shutting the door behind her. I sigh with relief as I reach for the phone.

*********

UW Hospital and Clinics  
Madison, Wisconsin

This feels strangely familiar and it should. I don't know how many times I've sat here in this same lobby, in this same spot, waiting for Ethan.

Sometimes, I would come up after my work just to visit. Other times, to bring him something to eat so he wouldn't have to take his chances in the cafeteria. And if he was able to come home with me, he would, even if it was for a couple hours. Exhausted, Ethan would slide into bed and hold me close, always whispering the same thing about being a day closer to finishing his residency before falling fast asleep.

One day, had I stayed, it would have been over.

Not like the campaign if Bartlet is elected. Then the work, the real work, would begin. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week for four, possibly eight years. That is the life I would have had with Josh. Or lack thereof.

Maybe I better off with this one.

"Excuse me, could you take our picture?"

I look up and this man is holding out a camera to the woman sitting next to me. My eyes move off him to, presumably, his wife sitting in a wheelchair. She has a small, pink bundle cradled in her arms and a tired, happy expression on her face.

"Okay," the woman says. She stands up and takes the camera from the man, who eagerly rushes back to her side. The nurse, who was pushing the wheelchair, steps aside as he drops to one knee and wraps an arm around her shoulder.

I watch as she fumbles with the camera first before peering through the viewfinder. Once she does, the wife lifts and turns the baby so she's facing the camera, too. It makes my heart stops for a second.

That could have been me eight months from now.

The flash goes off and in an instant, it's over.

"Thanks," the couple says in unison.

The man gets up and walks back towards the woman. She hands him the camera and he thanks her again. She sits back down beside me so they can pass. As they do, I smell a soft scent of powder that is gone the second the automatic doors slide open. A rush of cold air breezes through the lobby and around me as the man takes the baby into his arms so she can get out of the wheelchair.

"Donna!" I hear Stephanie say.

My eyes blur the couple out as I shift focus from them to her walking through the doors towards me. Automatically, I rise to my feet. "I'm sorry, class ran a little late and someone stopped me. Were you waiting long?"

"No," I say, closing my eyes for a second and giving my head a little shake just to clear it. I can't seem to.

"Donna, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I say, waving her off with my hand. "I-I was just thinking about... nothing. Just nothing."

I wish it was nothing. It's not. It's everything. Everything I almost had with Josh. And everything I wanted once with Ethan.

I feel a tug on my sleeve. "C'mon, Dad is expecting us."

"Yeah," I say, turning to go with Stephanie.

********

The Lyman Home  
New Haven, Connecticut

I slip upstairs, away from all the friends and neighbors lingering in the living room and enter my father's study. Closing the door behind me, I look around. It's bigger than the space he had in the last house and not as cluttered. There aren't as many books piled up on his desk as he used to have years ago though I know he was keeping himself busy until the end. Maybe he thought that if he kept busy, this wouldn't happen.

Mom isn't ready to clean this out now. I told her I'd be back when she was ready, if that day ever comes. I open the closet and find all the clutter. That's the dad I remember. I look through some of the stuff and pull out a range target that doesn't have a single shot fired through it. I see my dad was doing his bit for gun control by being a bad shot. I have no clue who would have taken him to the firing range, considering how unpredictable he was. It must have been one of the partners, showing off. The squirrels should just be glad he couldn't hit the broad side of a barn.

I dig further and come across some photos I haven't seen in years. Grandpa and me, standing outside somewhere, his arms wrapped around my shoulders. Some man I don't recognize shaking Dad's hand. Joanie and me in a photo taken right after Joanie decided to play barber. I take a handful of photographs and sit down at his desk, spreading them out. Mom has several of these in frames in various places around the house and I can only imagine why my father would have kept his own copies.

He was a good father, just not always the most affectionate one. Then after Joanie, he spent more time at work, probably blaming himself. For the longest time, I thought he was blaming me. How was I to know? I was just a kid. I had a mother who wouldn't stop crying, a father who would live in the office and our house was lost. All because I asked for popcorn.

Leaning back in the chair, I pick up the last picture in the pile. Dad and me at my graduation from Harvard. He smiled so wide that day you'd swear nobody in our family ever graduated from college before. It was the first time in years I felt that he had forgiven me. It would take many more years for me to realize in his eyes, there was nothing to forgive.

There's a certain sadness to this. To trying to get to know someone from their belongings after they have passed away. There's an even deeper sadness when it's your own father. I should have called. If I just would have called back earlier on Tuesday I could have told him how well it was going. I could have told him... I could have told him how badly I was fucking things up with someone I care for. He would have listened and given me awful advice but he would have listened.

Pulling open a desk drawer, I find myself smiling at what's in there. I pick up a campaign button and I have no idea where he got it, but there's a giant black X through Senator Hoynes' name. There's another one for Bartlet for America. There's that and an envelope of literature from the campaign, addressed to my dad and sent to him from Los Angeles not that long ago. The handwriting is Donna's scrawl. He probably asked her for this during one of their phone conversations and Donna sent this to him.

I run my fingers over the ink and close my eyes, trying to imagine where she could be or what she could be doing now. Would she have gone home to her parents? Would she have gone home to that guy Ethan?

Would I ever see her again? I wish she could have met him. He would have loved her. Dad would have loved her as much as I do.

Opening my eyes again, I look at the envelope and imagine her trying to write out Mr. Noah Lyman as neatly as she possibly could because this looks better than half the messages I ever get.

I ever got.

I can't even begin to imagine what she must have been thinking when she sent this. She thought she was pregnant with... with my baby. She thought this man she had never met might be the grandfather to a child that would never be. He would have loved it, having someone to chase squirrels with.

The tears start to fall and I don't know how to stop them. I miss him and I'm so angry that he's going to miss so damn much. It's not fair. Joanie wasn't fair. Dad wasn't fair. Dammit, it's not fair.

The door opens and Mom just stands there looking at me for a few seconds while I try to dry my eyes. The tears just won't stop long enough for that. She walks over to me and wraps me in her arms, her tears falling again, too.

"I miss him, Mom," I manage to choke out and she leans back, brushing her fingers under my eyes as if I'm a small child again. I look up at her, as she cries, and I can't remember seeing her like this since... since so long ago.

"I miss him, too. I miss him so much that I don't know what to do with myself," she says and I stand up, embracing her.

"I don't think there is anything to do," I say and I feel her nod against my chest. When did my mother get so small? I don't remember her being this small. So many years, she was bigger than life and now she's shaking in my arms.

"Promise me you won't leave me alone," she says, looking up at me.

"What do you mean?" I ask, not knowing if she means right now or this week.

"Joshua, I couldn't live if I lost all of you," she says, turning to look at the pictures spread out across the surface of the desk.

"Nothing's going to happen to me, Mom. In a few months, I plan to be sitting behind a desk and making policy. What could possibly happen to me?" I ask and she continues to stare at the desk.

"Nothing. Nothing's going to happen," she says, pulling away from my arms and brushing away her own tears. She sits down in the chair and picks up the Bartlet for America pin. "He was so proud of you, Josh."

I smile, thinking back to what Governor Bartlet told me right before I left Chicago. The man might be exasperating at moments, but he knows what it's like to be a father. I can't even imagine what it would be like, to have those feelings for someone.

"I know he was, Mom," I say, leaning against the chair and wrapping my arms around her shoulders.

"I should get back down there before the Nussbaums fill Nana Pearl 's head with too many more wild ideas," Mom says but she doesn't make a move. I don't move my arms from around her, either. "I'm glad you didn't rush back to work."

I close my eyes and sigh. It was tempting when Mandy got that call, but now I'm glad I didn't go. Who I really want to see isn't there anyway.

********

UW Hospital and Clinics  
Madison, Wisconsin

"I'm thinking about sending my resume to Maxwell," Stephanie says, reaching through the tangle of IVs to squeeze her father's hand.

"Maxwell?" I ask, not familiar with the name. It's definitely not in Madison or anywhere in Wisconsin.

"The Maxwell School is at Syracuse University in upstate New York," Mr. Gault provides with a gentle smile that makes me smile. He is such a sweet man. After listening to a very abbreviated version why I need a job, he insisted on calling his office on my behalf in the morning.

"As an Associate Professor?" I guess and Stephanie nods. She hasn't even finished her Master's Degree and she is already sending out resumes. I suppose if I had completed two degrees in six years, I would be doing that, too.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," a nurse says as she steps into the room. She checks a couple of the machines, then addresses Stephanie. "Visiting hours will be over in about ten minutes."

"Okay," she says, looking back at her father. "Donna, can we have a couple minutes?"

"Yeah," I say, getting up and motioning towards the door. "I'll meet you down the hall. Mr. Gault, thank you so much for listening and for offering to help."

"You've been a good friend to Stephanie," he says, squeezing her a hand a little tighter. "I'll call you in the morning and let you know how it goes."

"Thank you again," I say, sliding my purse over my shoulder. I wave at him one more time. "Good night."

"Night," I hear him say as I slip out of the room.

I fold my arms around myself as I walk down the corridor to wait for Stephanie by the nurses' station. As I do, I wonder briefly what I would have majored in if I had stayed in school like Stephanie. I was still 'undeclared' when I dropped out. Even if I could go back to school now, I'd still be 'undeclared.'

The only thing I seem good at is taking care of someone else's life. I just wish I could take care of my own.

"Donna?"

I look up and see Ethan staring back at me down the other side of the hall.

Oh God.

"It is you," he says, coming my way. He stops a few feet in front of me and catches his breath. He looks as if he'd been running. "One of other the residents in the elevator told me they thought they saw you and I just had to... " Ethan pauses and inhales again before continuing. "I just had to see if it was you."

"I-I was visiting a friend's father. Stephanie Gault. Y-you remember Stephanie," I say, trying not to stammer too much. I keep my hands tucked against my body so I won't talk with them. One hand slips out anyway. "He's a patient here. Down the hall. He's a patient down the hall."

Ethan's eyes move up from my hand to mine, where they hold my gaze. "You said that, Donna."

"Yeah," I say, feeling my insides tightening up. I look back down the hall hopefully for Stephanie. It's easier than looking at Ethan.

"When did you get back?" he asks, taking a step closer. I refold my arms and fidget some more.

"I really don't think this is a good ... "

"Donna, I'm just asking when you got back," Ethan reiterates, laying a hand on my upper arm. It makes me stiffen at first, but he relaxes his grip so he's just clutching my coat sleeve. "I missed you."

"You didn't miss me," I say, looking back at him.

"I did," he says, sounding so sincere that I want to believe him. He gives me a long, serious look. "I made such a mistake ever letting you go."

I feel my lips quiver up into a smile and Ethan starts beeping.

"Pager," he mumbles as he snaps it off his belt. Ethan holds it up and squints at the message. "Shit. I have to take this."

"I really should be ... " I say, gesturing again to where Stephanie should be coming out any second.

"Wait for me," Ethan says, catching my hand in his. His touch is unexpectedly warm.

"Wait for you," I repeat, knowing I shouldn't. I'm not ready for this yet. Not so soon after ... 

"Yeah," Ethan pleads, weaving his fingers around mine. "I just have to return this one phone call and then we can go somewhere and talk. I have to talk to you, Donna. Even if it doesn't change a single thing, I need to at least tell you what a stupid jerk I was. Am. Whatever."

"Are you admitting you were wrong? Because you were. Wrong," I say, trying to slip my hand out of his. It just makes Ethan hold on even tighter.

"Yeah, I was," he says and it catches me off guard. He never would have said that before. My heart pounds a little harder as Ethan's eyes keep pleading with mine. "Just... wait for me."

"What about Stephanie?" I try and Ethan shakes his head.

"I don't care about Stephanie. I only care about you," he says as his beeper goes off again. We both listen in silence to it as I decide what to do.

This may not be the life I want, but it is the life I once I had. The life I, apparently, could have again.

"Okay," I say and Ethan just smiles.

"I'll meet you down in the lobby," he says as he lets my hand go so he can make that call.

************

To Be Continued.... 

"Campaign Promises"  
by Jori and MoJo

Sometimes the promises made on the campaign trail can't be kept forever...  
Rated NC-17. Updated 30August2002

| Part IX | Part X | Part XI |

 

Part IX  
The Sheraton  
Los Angeles, California  
March 29, 1998

I open the door to my room and am greeted by the scent of Chinese take out. Mandy is sitting cross legged on my bed, chopsticks digging into a small container of something with expertise. Margaret or Leo must have gotten her the key to the room because I certainly didn't.

"Hey," she says after swallowing a bite of something that looks and smells like lo mein. 

"Hey," I say, sitting down at the small table, looking through the bag of food sitting there. 

"I ordered the Kung Pao chicken for you," she says, motioning towards me with the sticks in her hand. "Someone said this place has amazing food. I haven't decided if they're right yet."

"I didn't know you were going to be here," I say, opening up a container. I stab at the contents with a plastic fork. I'm too tired to try to eat my meal with pieces of wood. 

"I just got in," she says, not exactly explaining why she just got in and from where. By the time I got here from Mom's, she was back doing a project in DC. That was just fine with me. With her gone, there was no one around to see exactly how much crying I've been doing in the middle of the night. 

We eat without saying a word to each other. There's a lot to talk about with the campaign in high gear now, but I haven't felt like discussing it since I came back. I do my job and do my thing but something's missing. 

That something certainly wasn't Mandy. 

She finishes with her carton of food and I watch as she closes the lid and tosses it towards the empty garbage can. The room is going to reek of Chinese food by the time the maid service comes tomorrow. 

I'll be gone by then but she doesn't knows it. 

Mandy finds the remote control and turns on the TV, searching until she settles on CNN. She moves across my bed, sitting propped up against the headboard as she focuses on the news. I focus on the rest of my dinner and on a few papers she has spread across the table. 

"What's this?" I ask, finding something I don't recognize. 

"Hmm?" 

"This," I say, holding up a piece of paper. She turns to me for a brief second before turning the volume up on the television set. 

"That's just some suggestions I have so you guys don't blow this now," she says. 

I know she's surprised we haven't blown this whole thing yet. Hell, most days I'm surprised we've made it this far. I'm sure the only person more surprised than I am is Senator Hoynes. And maybe Governor Bartlet. 

"Okay," I say, putting the paper aside. Now she turns her attention towards me. 

"That's all you have to say?" she asks, sounding quite skeptical. 

"What do you want me to say?"

"You usually look at my ideas and have plenty to say," Mandy says, a hint of disappointment rising in her voice. It's always about the debate. She wanted me to see that and tell her I thought they were all bad ideas. That I thought she was crazy if I was going to let her suggest any of those things to Leo. 

The problem is, I just don't feel like fighting right now. 

I haven't had any appetite since Dad died so I put down my half eaten food. Mandy slips off the bed and comes toward, sitting down across from me at the table and taking my hands in hers. 

"You shouldn't have come back to work so soon." Her voice is almost soothing. I want someone to tell me it's going to be okay. I need for someone to tell me that this isn't going to hurt forever. 

I just don't want that someone to be Mandy. 

It hasn't even been two weeks since I last saw Donna yet it seems so much longer. It hasn't been two weeks since my dad has been gone and it seems like a lifetime. So much can change so quickly. 

"You okay?" Mandy asks and I refuse to cry with her here. 

"Yeah," I say, pulling my hands away. "It's been a long day and I'm just tired. I have to get up early in the morning and catch a plane."

"Where are you going?" she asks, opening up a stray fortune cookie that was on the table. She shoves the other one over to me but I don't feel like opening it. I certainly don't need a slip of paper telling me that things are going to be great. 

"Chicago." 

It's a lie. Sam and I might be flying into Chicago but then we're driving to Wisconsin. I don't know why I have to lie about it to Mandy because I'm almost 100% sure she has no idea where Donna lives. I don't know why I'd lie anyway because I have no idea where Donna lives, either. 

Donna probably doesn't care anymore. If she did, I would have heard from her by now. I fucked it up and she went home. I don't blame her. 

Mandy stands up and begins to clean up the rest of the food, tossing it all into the plastic garbage can. 

"We better get to bed," she says once she's done and I just nod my head in reply.

*************

Ethan Wilanski's Apartment  
March 30, 1998

"Donna, you watching this?"

"Hmmm?" I mumble, turning over sleepily and finding Ethan standing over the bed and pointing at the TV. I must have fallen asleep. I turn a little more to the clock on the nightstand and peer at it. Ten-thirty. And Ethan is home?

"Got someone to cover my other shift," he says with a grin, answering my unspoken question. Ethan sits down on the edge of the bed and starts taking off his shoes. I pat my hand along the covers, feeling for the remote.

"Lucky you," I say, not finding it. I roll my head to the side so I can see around him. The ten o'clock news is still on.

"No, lucky you," Ethan counters, winking at me. He stands up and starts shedding his scrubs next. "But I'll probably end up having to work a double tomorrow. And, some of the guys were thinking about going out to the bars after."

"The guys," I repeat with a little frown. I remember the guys. They like to drink. A lot.

"I see you got settled in okay," he says, motioning towards the closet that is now half-filled with my clothes. "I'm guessing Helen wasn't too happy about your moving back in."

I don't answer. Instead, I make a long face. He knows better than to ask.

"Give her a while," Ethan says, wadding up his top into a ball and shooting it into the laundry basket. He misses. He tries it again with his pants and misses again. "Hope the Bucks played better than that tonight."

"The score was 107 to 105," I say, gesturing at the television. I twist back onto my side and something jabs me. Ah. The remote. I slip a hand under the covers to retrieve it.

"And?" Ethan asks as he slides into bed. It shifts and squeaks as he scoots over towards me. By now the sports are done and the camera pans away to the anchors chit chatting before a picture of the Greater Madison Chamber of Commerce flashes on the screen up.

Followed by a picture of Josiah Bartlet.

I stop breathing and listen intently, not wanting to turn the sound up any higher. I catch only bits and pieces. Keynote speaker. Democratic forerunner. Tomorrow night.

And then, I remember.

There was a campaign stop scheduled in Madison.

Josh mentioned it once, somewhere in South Carolina. With everything that's happened since then, I'd forgotten all about... 

"Donna? Who won?" Ethan asks, nuzzling my ear. His hand slips around mine to take the remote from me. He turns it off before I can hear anything else and suddenly the room is dark. Ethan extends his arm over me and to the nightstand so he can toss the remote on it.

"Uh... Bucks," I respond, still distracted as Ethan slips that arm under the covers and wraps it around my waist. His lips move a little lower down my neck and he pulls my body to his so we're spooning. I shift around to get comfortable and my backside suddenly bumps... hardness.

Hardness, with which, Ethan presses right back playfully.

"I've been thinking about you all night," he exhales, his breath warm against my ear. "Knowing you'd be here, in my bed, drove me absolutely crazy. I just couldn't wait to get home."

"Yeah, me too," I say, trying to get myself in the mood. This is the real reason Ethan is home early. I grind my hips back into his and feel a little flutter between my legs.

"It's been so long, Donna," Ethan whispers, his hand moving down my waist to my underwear. His fingers slip past them and drift into my curls in no particular direction. I close my eyes, wishing they were someone else's fingers instead.

Josh's fingers. Moving in time with his mouth. Over and over.

"You like that?" Ethan inquires and I realize I must have made some kind of noise. He takes it as a sign I want more and stops touching me so he can get my underwear off. I lay there for a second, not moving, and sigh before lowering my hand to assist.

"Yeah, I like that," I say, as my underwear ends up somewhere in the sheets. I wriggle around in Ethan's arms and kiss him as earnestly as I can. I keep it up as I quickly remove the rest of our clothing. I don't want to lose any momentum. It's off already and maybe if I can just get into one with Ethan, I will stop thinking about Josh.

"Damn, you must have missed it," Ethan comments at my impulsiveness. I certainly wasn't impulsive before. That, I got from... 

"I missed you," I reply fast, stopping myself.

I curl my arms around Ethan's neck and pull him over me. I wrap my legs around his waist and settle onto my back. This is how we always did it. I smile invitingly and Ethan smiles back before moving his hips right in.

"Yeah," he says, his erection sliding along my sex until he finds mine. It's not as slick as it should be, but we kiss a little more and I urge him inside anyway. Ethan pushes a little harder and I'm glad it's so dark that he can't see me wince.

We just need to do it. That's all.

We haven't since we decided to get back together a couple days ago and we need to. It's uncomfortable until he's all the way inside and then it's not. I relax, thinking it's going to be okay now.

"That's good," I say, more to myself than to him.

"Real good," he groans, happily thrusting in and out. I move my hips with his, make a little noise and try to let everything else go.

I have to. This is my life now and I can't go back to Josh.

*************

Kenosha, Wisconsin

"It smells like processed meat," I say, staring out the window at nothing. 

I hear Sam sniff the air. "And cheese. Speaking of cheese ... "

"We were speaking of cheese?" I ask. 

"We were about to," he says and I roll my eyes. That's the thing about traveling with Sam. You end up speaking about a lot of things you didn't know you were speaking about. He's just like that. 

"Okay."

"And I think on that note, we should stop and get some cheese," he says and I turn my head in time for him to flip on the turn signal and exit the interstate. 

"What?"

"Cheese. They have great cheese here, Josh. You should really try some," he says and I look at him, befuddled. 

"How ... "

"When we were in Chicago, I had to come up here one day. I stopped and got some cheese," he says as if that should answer everything I'm thinking about asking. 

"There?" I said, nodding at the big building in front of us with a sign no one could possibly miss. 

"Here. Come on, let's try some cheese," he says and I don't make a move to get out of the car. 

"Why are we doing this, Sam? We have to be in Milwaukee in a few hours and we only have 24 hours to prepare before Bartlet gets in tomorrow and ... "

"We're doing this because you've been dragging around in a fog since you came back from Connecticut. You haven't had an opinion about anything and some days we aren't even sure you're with us," Sam says. I stare at him. I can't believe this. I can't believe that he thinks this is going to fix anything. 

"My dad died," is all I have to say. 

"I know."

"And cheese is going to fix the... I don't know. Pain?" I ask, my voice rising at how preposterous the idea sounds when spoken out loud. 

"Not in the slightest," he answers. 

"Then what in the hell is going on here?" I ask. 

"It's more than just your father, Josh. The others might not know it. Hell, you even have Mandy hoodwinked, but I know there's more to it than that," Sam says and now I have to look away from him. 

"Cheese doesn't fix the other thing, either." That's all I'm going to offer to him on that whole situation. He doesn't need to know what went wrong. He shouldn't know any of it anyway. 

"But it certainly tastes good," he says, opening his car door. Only Sam would try this in an effort to make me feel better if only for a few minutes. "Besides, it's a big place. I've always been curious as to what they're hiding in the back. Maybe it's a cheese and sex toy emporium."

With that, he slips out of the car and I think about it for a minute before I follow him in. If I thought it smelled like processed meats on the outside, well, that was nothing as compared to the scent in here. I wander around, looking at things while Sam discusses his desire for a certain type of cheese with a fairly attractive blonde behind the counter. She smiles at him a lot and I don't think he notices. 

I slip away to the back, and instead of sex toys, I discover a room full of tourist souvenirs. Cheese and big coffee mugs with a giant red 'W' on them all in the same place. Only in America. I pick through the junk, staying clear of the foam cheeseheads, and wait for Sam to find me and save me from this place. I find a stuffed cow whose tag informs me that her name is Donatella. What is it with the people of Wisconsin and that name?

The thought of the first night Donna and I were together rushes back to me while I'm clutching the stuffed animal. I brought her a plate of cheese and she told me she knew cheese. She was from Wisconsin so naturally she recognized cheese. Probably even knows about cheeses I've never heard of. Some woman walks by and eyes me up curiously, me with my arms wrapped around a cow named Donatella. 

I decide that maybe I ought to hurry Sam along before I get the urge to buy the damn thing. 

Sam meets me halfway, holding a basket of food items in his arms. I peek in and see some wine, crackers and healthy assortment of cheese products. Maybe Sam is going on a date tonight and I just don't know it. 

"Feeling better?" he asks and I shake my head. 

"There are no sex toys here, Sam," I say, nodding in the direction of the back room. 

"Of course not but what do you think these are for?" Sam asks, holding up a jar of something called sex olives. 

"Can we just get out of here?" I ask, breezing past him towards the front entrance. Nothing Sam or anyone else does is going to make me feel better right now. There is nothing to be done. 

I leave the building and wait outside while Sam pays for his cheese. We're out in the middle of nowhere but I know Donna isn't that far away. There's this heightened sense of everything running through me and I feel that I have to keep looking for her. She could be anywhere and I don't want to miss her. I need to see her again if only to... I don't know. I have no idea what I would say. 

***********

Liberty One Insurance Company  
March 31, 1998

"Thank you for calling Liberty One Insurance. How may I direct your call?"

"I can tell you where not to direct my call. You've put me into Hal Burrough's voice mail three times and I told you, I have to speak with my Agent now!"

"I'm sorry," I say, standing up to look across the office at all the cubicles and wondering which one is Hal Burrough's. While I'm doing that, another three calls come in and I know I can't put this man on hold again. The phone starts beeping and beeping as more calls get backed up. Now people can hear it and they are all staring at me.

"Just put him into his voice mail," some woman walking by says. I shake my head and she waves her hand as she comes closer. "He's calling for Hal, right? He does this crap with every new receptionist."

"Really?" I say, wrapping my hand over the mouthpiece.

"Yeah," she confirms and I put him into voice mail again. I field the backed up calls quickly and then the phone is finally quiet.

"And I thought the phones at the campaign were bad," I mutter to myself as I sit down again. "Even the creepy underwear caller was easier than that guy."

"Creepy underwear caller?" she asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Never mind," I say, shaking my head. I give her a weak smile and she comes around the desk.

"You want a break?" she asks, holding her hand out to me. "I'm Sandy. I used to work the switchboard, now I'm in claims."

"Hi Sandy," I say, giving her a better smile. I take the headset off and place it in her hand. This was the only job Mr. Gault was able to get for me here. I'm not qualified for anything else. "Does it get any easier?"

"No, you just learn not to care. Not to let them get to you," she answers, sliding into the receptionist chair after I slide out. The phone calls start up again. "Thank you for calling Liberty One Insurance. How may I direct your call?"

I wander away, back through the cubicles and down the hall. As I do, I look at all the faces around me. Everyone has the same, bored look because they probably do the same, boring thing every day. Three days on the reception desk and I'm already bored.

I already don't care.

This isn't working out.

I find the break room and luckily, it's empty.

I pour myself a cup of coffee and head for a table. Spread across it is bits and pieces of today's paper. I flip through the sections, wondering if there's anything about the campaign stop in it. Or anything about Josh. Not that there would be, but I can't stop myself from looking anyway.

I miss him.

I miss him so much and I miss my job. The campaign. There, everyone cared about getting Bartlet elected and they cared about each other. I was a part of something important. Something good. Even if Bartlet doesn't get elected, I could have still been a part of that something.

On the local events page, I find a small write up about tonight.

It starts at 8 p.m. and is followed by a Question and Answer session. Josh will be there for that. He might even be in Madison now with Sam and CJ and Toby prepping for it. That thought makes me nervous and hopeful.

If he's here, then I have a chance to see him.

I just don't know if he'd want to see me.

"Are you Donatello?"

"Donnatella," I say, turning around to the person leaning in the break room. I smile at him a little and start rambling. "I know, it's a strange name. My dad's name is Donald and he thought... "

"Sandy needs you back on switchboard," he says, cutting me off. He ducks back out and I stare at the empty space where he just was.

I take a deep breath and glance back at the paper one more time before I go.

***********

Bartlet for America Campaign Office  
Milwaukee, Wisconsin

"Josh, we're leaving!" Sam calls out one more time from across the office. "Hurry up!"

"I'm not going. You don't need me for this," I call back. There is no reason for me to go there. No reason at all. Bartlet is well versed on any questions they might ask and I really need to prep for tomorrow's meetings. I don't need to spend time on a campaign bus prepping him more for today. I don't need to spend time in Madison. 

"We need you," Sam says, this time from my doorway. I look up at him and he makes this strange, sad face at me. "I need you."

"Thanks for the sentiment, Sam, but I'm pretty sure you and everybody else in this state can get along just fine without me," I say. He doesn't leave but rather seems to settle in against the door frame. "I thought you said you were leaving?"

"I think you should come. You've been hiding out in this office since we got here ... "

"That was only yesterday. It's not like I haven't moved in months ... "

"And what makes you think she ... "

"Sam," I say in warning, not wanting him to go on. This would all be better if he had no inkling of what happened between Donna and me. I'm sure he doesn't know the whole story, but enough to make him annoying. And he also knows she left the campaign to go back to... whatever his name is. Dr. Cheesehead. 

She left the campaign and she left me. Doesn't matter why. 

And here I sit, unable to go to the town she lives in, scared of running into her. Scared I wouldn't know what to say if I did. 

Scared she'd know exactly what to say to me. Maybe that's what I'm afraid of. I just don't want to hear the reasons why. It's simply easier to ignore it and hope the pain just goes away. 

"Come on, Josh. If nothing else, there's the pure fun of mocking the kids from the Wisconsin School of Beginning Dairy Farmers that plan on attending. You know how much you love to mock people," Sam says.

"I don't have to eat more cheese, do I?" I ask. All Sam and I had time to eat yesterday was cheese. 

"I'll make sure no cheese comes your way," he says and tips his head in the direction of the front door. "We really have to get going if we're going to get there before the Governor starts offending the dairy farmers in this state, too."

"Okay," I say, putting away the papers in front of me and grabbing my overcoat. It has just started raining here and it will probably slow us down. 

Good. 

***********

Somewhere in Madison, Wisconsin 

It's raining. Hard. Very hard.

I can't do this. I shouldn't do this.

I grip the steering wheel with both hands and sigh. It's almost nine o'clock and if I don't leave now, there's no point in leaving at all.

I called the local democratic party office earlier and the Governor isn't going to be spending the night in Madison. No one there knew who Josh Lyman was, let alone if he would be attending the speech. I'm sure if it was up to Josh, he wouldn't have stepped foot anywhere near Madison unless he had to. He knows I'm here. I had nowhere else to go except back to the life I had with Ethan.

No matter how hard I try to put everything back the way it was, I just can't. Nothing is the same. Not Ethan. Not my job.

But especially, me. I'm not the same person I was before I left.

I wipe the tears off my cheek and start the car.

The worst that can happen is Josh will flat out refuse to see me, but somehow, I don't think he'd do that. I loved him. And I have to still love him or else I wouldn't be feeling this way.

I should have gone to the funeral with him. I should have waited. I should have done anything else besides leave. I want him to know that much.

I look down at my dashboard, at the time and drive faster.

Up ahead, the light turns from green to yellow and I step on the accelerator even more. Between my tears and the rain, the intersection blurs out completely until I speed up the wiper blades. The next swipe reveals the light is now red.

And I can't stop for it.

I run right through it. My heart is pounding hard in my chest as more rain comes down and obscures my vision again. The wipers push it aside just long enough to reveal more red lights.

Brake lights.

A wave of panic moves through me as I realize the car in front of me is stopped.

Oh God.

I slam both feet onto the brake and hear squealing, but I'm not slowing down.

The back end fishtails to one side and then the other and I wrestle with the steering wheel to make it stop.

It doesn't.

Nothing I do makes the car stop moving and the brake lights disappear in a wet haze.

I know I'm going to hit something.

The car keeps spinning and I see the intersection I just ran through go by. The sound of horns mixes with the screeching that won't stop either. It seems to last forever, but fast.

Too fast until there is impact and I stop.

**************

Greater Madison Chamber of Commerce  
Madison, Wisconsin

I'm finding it hard to swallow. A lump has taken over my throat and pretty much my entire chest cavity and I can't swallow around it. My eyes scan the crowd over and over, expecting to see Donna here. I can't even hear the questions the audience is coming up with as my eyes scour the crowd one more time.

Why wouldn't she come? 

I suppose I already know all the answers to that question. She's home now, back in the life she should have never left. So much for improving herself or whatever story it is she told me when we first met. She went back to the guy who dumped on her instead of staying with me. 

Then again, I wasn't much better. I should have told her about Mandy. I should have reacted differently when she thought she was pregnant. I should have asked her to come to Connecticut with me and told Mandy to just go to hell. Fuck the campaign. 

There are a lot of blonde heads out on the audience but not a single one of them has the right face. My eyes dart from one to the next, not knowing what I would do if I did see her. A few hours ago, I wanted to avoid her at any cost and now ... 

The crowd starts applauding something that Bartlet just said and I clap, too, though I have no idea what he said. The staff is well off to the side and Donna probably wouldn't be able to spot us unless she was really looking. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and I turn around, half hoping that it's Donna. Instead, CJ leans over to whisper something into my ear about the meeting we have with the dairy farmers tomorrow followed by something else and she keeps going on and on. 

"Josh, you with me?" she asks and I shake my head, trying to clear it. "You want to take the car and head up to Fox Lake tonight?"

"I didn't bring any clothes... I didn't bring anything with me like my notes," I say, looking down at my suit that's already wrinkled from being on the crowded bus ride here. She looks frustrated with me. I didn't know this was going to turn into an overnight trip. 

"We have a nine a.m. meeting with the Professional Dairy something or others in Fox Lake and no one seems to be ready. If the weather gets worse, chance are we won't make it," she says, throwing her hands up in the air and stalking off, probably to find Sam. I know he didn't pack anything, either. None of us did. 

Turning my attention back to the crowd, the back door opens and I watch. A man comes in and take a seat way in back and in a moment of silence people cough and shuffle around. It's getting late and she's not going to show. I don't know how that makes me feel. I keep changing my mind. 

I can't wait to get out of this state. A few more days and I head to Michigan. Sam gets to go to Texas so he won't stop and buy... a car or whatever it is he'd get in Michigan. It will just be me and enough work to keep me from thinking about anything but the campaign. 

The loud round of applause goes up and that signals the end of the Q and A and our visit to Madison. Bartlet will have to go and shake hands for an hour or longer because he always does. 

I think I'm just going to go hide out on the bus. 

**************

Meriter Hospital  
Madison, Wisconsin 

"Donna! Oh my God! You're hurt!"

My mother covers her mouth with one hand and reaches out to me with the other.

"It's just a sprain," I say, but I wish that's all it was.

The nurse bandaging my ankle stops and steps back as my mother wraps her arms around me. Her body shakes as she starts to cry. It's the first she's held me in I don't know how long and I try to hold my tears back, but I can't.

"W-where's Dad?" I manage to ask.

"Parking the car," she answers. She pulls back and stares at me, her eyes so red and watery she had to have been crying before she got here. "What on earth were you doing driving out in this mess? And where is Ethan?"

"I don't know," I say as she sets her jaw. "I called him to come get me over an hour ago... "

"And he's not here," she finishes and her voice gets even shakier than what it already is. For a second, I think she's going to berate my choice in men, but she doesn't. I shake my head sadly and she pulls me into another hug.

This time, I lay my head on her shoulder and let the tears flow.

"I'll be back in a minute," the nurse says. My mother mumbles something back to her before smoothing a hand over my head.

"Donna... " she starts, her fingers combing through my hair. It's a mess, like everything else is and I just don't know what else to do beside cry.

"He's gone, Mom. He's just gone."

I sink into her arms even more and close my eyes. The speech is long over and I'm sure if Josh was there, he's gone now. That thought just makes it all hurt even more.

"Ethan left you?" she asks, sliding her hands to my shoulders and drawing me back into a sitting position on the bed. My eyes are still shut, the tears slipping out of the corners and down my cheeks.

"Josh. Josh left. I mean, I left Josh," I say, the words getting all jumbled in my head. I don't care if she knows about Josh now. She already thinks I screwed up my life forever so this isn't going to make much of a difference.

"Josh?" she asks, tucking my hair behind my ear. "The man you were working for on the campaign?"

"Yeah," I confirm, making myself take a deep breath. I do it again and finally calm down enough to look at her again. I lay my hand on my chest, over my heart and hold it there as I try to explain. "I left him and the campaign and tonight, I had a chance to see him at the Civic Center and try to... I don't know. I don't know what I was trying to do."

The look of disappointment on her face makes me stop talking.

"Donna," she says and it's surprisingly gentle given that look. So much so, I don't think it's for me after all. My mother closes her eyes tight and curls her hands in her lap. "I should have told you... "

"Told me what?" I ask, confused.

"How proud I was of you," she says, her eyes opening back up. She lifts her chin and wipes away her tears. "When you left and went to New Hampshire, I was so proud of you for not making the same mistake I did."

"I don't understand," I say and I don't. How can she be proud of me?

"Giving up my life for someone else. Working day and night to support someone else's hopes and dreams," she starts, reaching out for my hand. "Don't misunderstand me, Donna. I love your father... I really do... "

"But?"

"But when he had his accident and stopped working... everything changed. Suddenly, I had to go out and find a job. I had to support my family. Most of all, I had to take care of you," she says, curling her fingers tighter around mine. "I always thought it would be a temporary thing, but it wasn't. Your father never went back to work. You grew up. And here I am and I don't even know *who* I am and I didn't want that happening to you."

"Mom... "

"Donna, let me finish," she chides. "I watched you give up everything for Ethan and when he left you, I thought you were going to just fall apart. But you didn't. You threw everything you owned into a car and you made a new start. While it scared me to death and there wasn't one day that went by I didn't worry about you, I knew in my heart it was the right thing for you to do."

"I don't know what the right thing is now," I say, lowering my head. If by some miracle, Josh would hire me back, then that's all we could be to each other. I don't know if that is possible after everything else we've been. "Maybe it's better if I just stay here."

"Donna, look at me," she starts and reluctantly, I do. Her eyes search mine earnestly. "Maybe you can't work things out with Josh, you need to at least try. Because if you don't, you will always wonder what could have been... "

"Could have been what?" asks a voice behind us.

My mother and I turn and see Ethan standing at the door.

***********

I-94  
Somewhere between Madison and Milwaukee

Sam moves into the seat next to me, forcing me to pick up my paperwork before he sits down. Not that there's a way to do anything on this dark bus. I wasn't looking at it anyway. I was staring out at the dark, wet road we're traveling down. 

"That went well," he says and I nod. "Are you doing the thing tomorrow?"

"I thought you were," I say. I don't want to deal with the milk producing dairy farming whatevers. I have to deal with the car producing people soon enough and I need to get some work done on that. There's a stack of stuff I've been carrying around for days now that I can't get through. Hopefully, they'll let us hire assistants soon. I need one. 

One. I know which one I want but she's not coming back. No, not when she's got the good life in the lovely town of Madison, Wisconsin. 

"I'll do it. I just didn't know," Sam says, leaning back and getting comfortable. We catch sleep when we can these busy days. Who ever expected us to make it this far? I feel as if were playing make believe, acting as if we really know how to run a campaign for something this big. I'm waiting for someone to find us out. Figure out we're a big sham operation of people who don't know what they're doing. 

Yet, we keep on winning and making more money every step of the way. 

"I have to get ready for the Michigan trip. And then Indiana," I say. Sam turns his head towards me, opening his eyes. 

"You're going to talk to ... "

"Yeah."

"Because we really have to consider him ... "

"We're going to need Hoynes if we're going to win the south," I tell him and he falls silent for a beat. Long enough for me to hear a sample of CJ and Toby's conversation from several rows behind us.

"I'm just saying," he starts and I put my hand up before he says what I know is coming next.

"I know. I know Senator Hoynes better than anyone else here. He's not going to like it if we ask but he's going to have to. He's going to have to for the party," I say. I know perfectly well exactly how ticked John Hoynes is going to be when we ask but if it all goes right, he's also got to know this is his ticket in to the Oval Office in eight years. 

"Would you accept if you were beaten like he was?" Sam asks and I shake my head. 

"No, but you know me. I can carry a grudge forever. Cross me. Betray me. Whatever. I don't let it go," I say and he faces towards the front of the bus again. 

"And here I thought you were a big softy," Sam says with a hint of amusement in his voice. 

"If it's the only way the party can take the White House, Hoynes will do it. He's not a stupid man. He'll do it."

"If not, we'll have to make a longer short list," Sam says. 

"We have a short list at all?" I ask.

"A very short one."

We don't say another thing for quite a while. It's not a long trip but in the dark and with the steady rhythm of the bus, most of the people seem to be taking this opportunity to catch a few minutes of sleep before the next task begins. 

Donna didn't show up. I'm trying not to hold a grudge about this, but it's hard. She left. The least she could have done is made a brief appearance to let me know that she's okay. That her life is just fine. 

Do I really want to hear that her life is just fine? No. I want to hear that her creepy boyfriend tossed her out again. That's what I really want to hear. 

I watch the landscape barely touched by moonlight glide by us, the sounds of the bus nearly enough to knock me out. Sam makes a sleepy, snorting sound next to me and I put my head against the cool window and feel it rattle all the way through my brain. 

**********

Meriter Hospital  
Madison, Wisconsin 

"What could have happened tonight," my mother answers quickly, sitting up straighter as Ethan comes closer. "And where have you been?"

Under his coat, he's still wearing his scrubs. There was probably an emergency at the hospital or something. That's the only reason he'd be late.

"Mom," I say before she starts up. I untangle our hands and she looks back at me. I have to talk to Ethan. "It's alright."

"You sure?" she asks and I nod.

"Yeah," I confirm and slowly, she gets up.

"I'll be right outside," she assures me, then heads for the door.

"She'll be fine, Helen," Ethan says as she passes him. My mother doesn't say anything back. She just looks at me one more time before leaving us alone.

"Where have you been?" I say, repeating her question as he walks forward to look at the bandage on my ankle. His eyes seem a little glassy as he stares at it. "Did you get stuck at the hospital?"

"Yeah," he says, taking his hands out of his pocket to examine the dressing. He moves my foot gently from one side to the other. "Soft tissue injury. Swelling isn't too bad. They did take X-rays, didn't they?"

"Yes," I answer as Ethan sits down where my mother just was. He smells... like cigarettes. I sniff again and this time, I smell something else.

Beer.

"That should be iced," he says, glancing back at the door. "Where's your... "

"You stopped for a beer," I say and Ethan's eyes snap back to mine. A second goes by, then two, then three and he doesn't answer. He doesn't have to. "With the guys. You said last night they were going out to the bars after work."

"You're upset," he starts and I glare at him.

"Upset? Of course I'm upset, Ethan. I just had a car accident and I needed you here," I say, my heart beating hard. I'm too angry to cry now and that's good because I don't want to do that in front of him.

"You said you were alright on the phone and you just needed me to pick you up. I stopped to tell them what happened and yes, I had a beer," Ethan says with this incredibly oblivious expression. "I don't see what the problem is."

"No, you don't and that's the problem," I say and he shakes his head. He has no idea what is wrong. None whatsoever.

"You're tired, Donna. And you're not making any sense," he says, getting up. Ethan puts his hands back into his pockets. "Let them finish up, I'll take you home and you can rest... "

"No."

"No, you're not going to rest?" Ethan says, shrugging his shoulders and holding it there as he waits for me to clarify. When that doesn't happen, he lowers them and raises his eyebrows instead. "Donna... "

I look away from Ethan, to my bandaged ankle and tune him out.

I'll have to make up some story to explain it to Josh. Something, because I can't tell him any of this. I'm sure he already thinks I went back to Ethan; but he doesn't need to know about the accident or who left who this time. None of that matters now.

All that does matter is Josh and if he'll take me back.

And he has absolutely no reason to after what I've done.

************

Bartlet for America Campaign Office  
Milwaukee, Wisconsin  
April 2, 1998

"You must be kidding," I say to the person on the other end of the phone. "Really, I haven't got time for you today."

That never stops him. There's only one thing that ever stops this person. 

"Flannel boxers, okay?" I say and hang up. Surely there has to be a way to stop this stupidity. God only knows what this crank will try to do if we make it to the White House. Hopefully, they screen the calls a little better.

I stare blankly at the paperwork in front of me. It's about some clean air and water initiative that the auto industry is up in arms about. I'll be in Michigan tomorrow and I'm sure I'll get to hear even more about it. Right now, I can't even focus on the words.

Maybe Sam was right when he told me I wasn't ready to come back to this after my dad. I know I don't have a choice, but there are days when I wish I could just hide under the covers and ignore the fact that the sun has come up. And then there's Donna ... 

Oh, hell. I don't even want to go there right now. She's gone for good and I just have to live with it. What I really need is... some coffee so I can stay awake while reading these papers. 

"Hey!" I call out to the person answering the phone right outside of the hole I'm calling my office today. He doesn't turn around and look my direction so I try again. "Hey, you! With the red sweatshirt."

Finally, the kid turns around and looks my way, his eyes wide, the phone still pressed to his ear. When he volunteered, he probably thought he'd be doing more than calling people to get the vote out. Most volunteers do. Some even think they can show up and be my assistant. I just wish someone would show up and do that today because I'm buried in crap. 

He finishes his phone call and comes towards me, a confused look hanging over his face. 

"Did you need something?" he asks, looking at his feet. 

"If I walk away for a minute, can you answer my phone? If it rings, just say 'Josh Lyman's office. Can I take a message?' and you know, take the message?" I ask and he looks up at me. 

"I think I can do that," he says with an unsure smile. 

"Are you sure?" I ask. "You aren't going to go and disappear on me or anything?" 

"No."

"You're sure?" 

"I won't go anywhere. I'll just answer your phone," he says. I should ask him his name but I don't care. I give him another once over and leave my office in search of a cup of coffee. 

The first pot I come to is empty. So is the second one. I look around at a room full of people sipping coffee out of their little styrofoam cups and I'm tempted to yell about leaving an empty pot on a hot burner but then I'd sound a lot like my mother. 

Maybe I should call her. Mom would understand how I feel right now. How lonely it is without Dad. I didn't call him often enough but at least I could call and now I can't. Everything happened so quickly. Dad. Then Donna. 

I don't know what to say to my own mother. She would just worry about me. That's what she does. She worries and with good reason since I'm all she has left.

I go about starting a fresh pot of coffee, making it extra strong as a warning to those who come behind me and dare to leave it empty. As I stand there watching it drip, the front door opens and I look up, expecting to see Leo. He said he'd meet with me before I head out tomorrow. 

But it's not Leo. 

It's Donna. 

************

I step all the way into the office and let the door shut behind me. Hearing it, all these people look up. I don't recognize any of them.

My stomach starts doing flips and I lay a hand over it to make it stop. The Manchester office told me Josh was in Milwaukee today. I take a few more steps forward, careful not to put too much pressure on my ankle and glance around the room. After a couple seconds, everyone stops looking at me and they go back to whatever it was they were doing.

Everyone... except Josh.

Josh is here.

He's over by the coffee maker and the expression on his face makes my heart swell in my chest. It's not happy or relieved or even angry, which is what I was expecting. It's just... empty.

I was prepared for yelling, for grief, for something. Instead, Josh doesn't say a word and I walk slowly towards him, trying not to hobble. I keep waiting for him to move or speak, but he doesn't. All Josh does is lower his eyes to my feet, then to my bandaged ankle.

He raises an eyebrow and I open my mouth.

"There was ice on the front walk and I slipped," I say, the story just tumbling out. "It was a late thaw... "

My voice starts to crack and I stop. I don't want to lie to him. Josh looks back up at me and I wait to see a flicker of emotion in his eyes. Any emotion so I can tell him the truth about the accident--driving to see him, running the red light, even Ethan stopping for a beer, but I don't. He's still got that empty, blank stare because he has no reason to believe me or anything I say ever again.

"I need Josh. Where's Josh? Josh!"

His eyes snap off mine and behind me. I turn my head and see Leo rushing through the door and heading this way. He makes eye contact with Josh, then me and then back at Josh. Leo's expression is anything but empty. It's harsh. He stops in his tracks and the three of us keep looking at one another back and forth until finally, Josh's eyes meet mine.

Then, I see it. I feel it. A little spark passes between us.

"Thank God, there's a pile of stuff on the desk," he says pointing off to the side before quickly moving around me and towards Leo. Without looking back, Josh puts his hand on Leo's back and shuffles him into an office. The door slams shut and I stare at it as what just happened sinks in.

Josh took me back. No questions asked.

I pull off my hat and unwind my scarf, half-expecting the door to fly open and Josh to start yelling at me or worse, mocking me in front of everyone. I wait another minute or two and when it doesn't happen, I lower my head and sigh. I close my eyes and feel a wave of relief, then hope pass over me.

I open my eyes and look over at the desk Josh pointed at. It's tucked between a wall and a row of file cabinets in some sort of make-shift office. Pile of stuff was an understatement. As I head for it, I pass some guy in a red sweatshirt with a phone pressed to each ear. I duck under the cord of one and realize it is stretched from Josh's desk.

"Yeah. Yeah, can you hold on for one second?" he asks whoever is on the phone. Then, he addresses the other caller. "Uh... Joss Wyman's office. Can I take a message?"

"Lyman. Josh Lyman," I correct, situating myself behind his desk. He and I exchange a look.

He presses both receivers to his chest and leans over at me. "Can I help you?"

"I think I can help you," I say, holding my hand out to Josh's phone. The guy seems perplexed by my offer and doesn't relinquish the phone. "I'm Donna Moss. I'm Josh's assistant."

"Josh has an assistant?"

"Yeah," I say, slipping my hand into my coat pocket. I pull out my--Josh's ID badge and show it to him. It must be proof enough because he lifts the phone back to his ear.

"Hello? Still there? Good, because Josh's assistant is here," he says, then passes me the phone.

I look at it for a moment, then take it in both hands.

I am Josh's assistant. And nothing more.

**************

 

Part X  
Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters  
Los Angeles, California  
August 12, 1998

"Thank you for your support, Sarah. I'll be sure to look into that soon," I say with as much goodwill and enthusiasm as I can before setting the phone down. We have a lot of support now and I'm not sure whether we need the support of that woman, especially if it means she thinks she has a personal hotline to call me every damn day. 

I search my desk for the phone number of someone I actually do need to speak to and can't find it. With the convention this week, it's a wonder any of us can find our own asses. I was sadly mistaken in thinking sleep was a luxury at the beginning of the campaign. Now sleep is a privilege for a chosen few. I'm not one of the chosen. And I can't find the damn number. 

"Donna!" 

No answer. Damn it. If she's off sleeping somewhere, I'm going to... be so damn envious. 

"Donna, I need you!" 

Still no answer. 

I begrudgingly give up sitting down for the first time in two days and look out of my office into the bullpen area. My eyes scan the multitude of volunteers in here working the phones until I spot the blonde head I'm looking for. 

A blonde head actively engaged in an animated conversation with some bozo of a new volunteer. I lean against the door frame to my office and watch as she smiles at him, showing him how to work the phones while showing him that she's quite available. 

What did I expect? It's been months since we had a thing. It's been months since I blew it. Funny how I blow it with all women except Mandy. I'm beginning to suspect that nothing makes her go away. But the good ones... I can't hold on to them. Most the time, I can't even get them. I'm amazed that Donna came back to work for me and in all this time, she's never hinted that she wants something more. 

I watch her sit down on the edge of the desk near the phone loser and nod about something before laughing. He laughs back and leans toward her, looking at her just right. Did she and I ever look like that and why didn't someone stop us before it got out of hand? Because it went too fast for anyone to say a word. 

It's a shame I have to break them up but I really need this phone number and Donna is the only one who would know where it is. 

"Hey, Donna!" I call out again and she slowly turns away from her new friend to look at me. I cock my head to the side in a 'get over here now' gesture and she motions with her hands that she'll be just a minute. Watching as she finishes up her instructions, I almost feel as if I'm intruding on something private as she gives him another big smile but I don't care. She's my assistant and I can watch if I want to. 

Finally she gives up on the guy and walks toward me. It's about time. When she's closer, I roll my eyes. 

"What?" she asks, crossing her arms in front of her. 

"Picking up losers in the workplace never goes well," I say, turning into my office. 

"Yeah, and I should know," she mumbles under her breath and I want to say something. I should say something. I just don't know what to say. It's probably best to just move on. That's all we seem to be doing anyway. 

But I just can't.

"So, who is he?" I ask while I start to dig through the crap on my desk. 

"Who is who?"

"Him."

"The new guy?" she asks as if she doesn't know.

"Is he the new guy?"

"He just started here if that's what you mean," she says, sitting down in the chair on the other side of my desk. 

"So, who is he?" I ask again. 

"His name is Duncan ... "

"You must be kidding ... "

"And he goes to UCLA ... "

"I went to Harvard ... "

"And he's majoring in Political Science ... "

"And Yale ... "

"Josh, stop it. Just stop it, okay? What is it you need?" she asks and we both stare at each other for just a little too long. 

"Do you know where I put the phone number for Congressman Gangell?" I ask and she shakes her head instead of helping me look for it. "Do you have any idea where I could start to look?"

"Probably in the notes you were making about ... " she starts but is interrupted by the phone ringing. With any luck, that will be the Congressman's office and I won't have to worry about the number. "Josh Lyman's office. Sure. He's right here."

Donna thrusts the phone in my direction and stands up as if to go.

"Who is it?" I whisper and she tilts her head to the side and gives me *the* look. Sighing, I pick up the phone and watch as she walks away. "Hey, Mandy. What's up?" 

**************

I look at my watch one more time and then at the stacks and stack of envelopes that still need to be stuffed. There is no possible way I can get all this done tonight. I swear Josh just gave me this mailing as punishment to make me stay. None of this is going anywhere tonight anyway--the last mail pick up was a half-hour ago.

It can wait, but Duncan can't.

The last thing this should be is hard, but Josh is making it hard. He's not saying much, but I can see the looks he's been giving me all night. What was he thinking? That I would never go out with anyone again? He must have because this last minute mailing is just an attempt to sabotage my date with Duncan.

I don't know why he even cares considering he never stopped seeing Mandy. I've booked rooms for them to share, made dinner reservations on their behalf and seen them together for every campaign function and never once have I said a word. I, on the other hand, have my first date in months with a really great guy, and Josh does... this.

I look down at the stacks again before getting up.

I peer into his office and he is still on the phone with that Wissinger woman. Good. She should keep him occupied just long enough for me to slip out.

I bundle up the envelopes that are ready to go and set the others aside for tomorrow. I move over to my makeshift desk and retrieve my purse. As I fish my keys out of it, I glance over at the stacks yet again.

I feel a pang of guilt at skipping out on Josh and I remind myself I shouldn't. I have to do this. I have to get on with my life and I have to start dating again. Maybe if I do, my heart would finally stop aching for something it can never have.

I finally find my keys and after a deep breath, I pick up my purse and head for the door. I make sure to walk around the perimeter of the bullpen so Josh can't see me from his office. I am almost to the door when Sam breezes through and sees me. His eyes scan my new dress and I just know he's going to say something about it. I never dress like this around here. I just dress like this when I'm going on a... 

"Wow. You got a date tonight?" Sam asks, giving me the once over again. I know he's trying to be nice, but I just don't have time for nice.

"Yeah," I say, not stopping in my pursuit of the door. I hold my hand up apologetically. "I-I'm sorry, Sam. I'm going to be late... "

"Donna?"

I sigh as I turn in the direction Josh's voice. He's off the phone now and coming this way. Josh and Sam exchange a look. Sam continues to wherever it was he was going and Josh stops right in front of me.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asks, gesturing back towards my desk. "That mailing ... "

"That mailing can wait until the morning, Josh," I tell him and he shakes his head.

"No, it can't," he argues, his eyes slipping from mine and down my dress. "I need it to go out right away ... "

"And it will. In the morning," I say firmly, taking another step towards the door. Josh counters by stepping towards me, further blocking my path. His close proximity is uncomfortable enough as it is and I look around to see if anyone is paying attention to this. Unfortunately, they are not. I sigh again. "Josh ... "

"Okay. Just be back in an hour."

"Josh!"

"Hour and a half then," he amends and I make a face. "What? How long is it going to take?"

"Depends," I say, intentionally wanting Josh to wonder. I'm not planning on doing anything with Duncan, but then again, I never planned on doing anything with Josh that first night either.

"Donna, you just met the guy," he says, his voice softening, almost pleading with me. He lowers his head a little closer to mine. "All I'm saying is ... "

"Just... don't, okay?" I say, moving back from Josh. I lift my eyes to his and feel my throat tightening up. I swallow hard and set my jaw to make it stop before continuing. "I'm leaving now. I will finish the mailing first thing in the morning. Okay?"

There is a long pause between us. Josh opens and closes his mouth, wanting to say something else, but there is nothing to say. He starts to back away from me and the door.

"Okay," he says, but from the look on his face, I know he's not. He's not okay with me dating someone else. I know I'm not okay with Mandy, but there is nothing I can do about it either.

All we can do is just move on and that's what I'm doing with Duncan.

"Bye Josh," I say, finally moving past him and out the door.

********

"What are you still doing here?" Sam asks, looking into my office. He's offers me one of the beers he has in his hands and I gladly accept it.

"Working," I say, even though it isn't entirely the truth. I've been staring at the papers in front of me since Donna left a few hours ago. Now is not a good time for this to bother me. I know I shouldn't be upset by it at all but it bothers me anyway. 

"It's crazy out there, man. People are protesting things I didn't even know we cared about," he says, settling down into the chair opposite of me. 

"They say that they'll be under control by the time Bartlet takes the podium and we shouldn't be able to hear them from inside the center," I say, passing him a security memo that came across my desk today. 

He doesn't bother to look at it. Instead, he leans back in the chair and watches me closely. 

"Where's Mandy? She's going to be here, right?" he asks and I look away. I don't feel like discussing Mandy right now, not even in the context of campaign business. 

"She's in Texas," I answer before taking another sip of beer. 

"Ah," is all he says. We all know why she's there and what she's doing. We just can't discuss it yet. 

"I don't know if she'll be here after that," I say. 

"Why wouldn't she be?" Sam asks, rolling the bottle between his fingers and not looking like he cares a whole hell of a lot. 

"Because I don't want her here."

It's the truth. I don't want her here. I don't want to listen to her tell us what we're all doing wrong and never really coming up with any suggestions as to what we could do right. I don't want to watch Donna avoid her at all costs. But most of all, I don't want to hear her talk down about the fact that my assistant is now dating some college loser. That's my job, not hers. 

"She's part of the campaign."

"She a pain in the ass," I add, quickly finishing my beer. 

"True, but still... you want another one?" he asks, changing the subject before I get a chance to say anything else about my girlfriend. 

"Sure," I say, watching as he darts out of my office and returns with a few more beers, lining the bottles up on my desk. 

"So, you think he's going to accept?" Sam asks, settling back down into the chair. He loosens his tie and it's the first time I've seen him relaxed in days. 

"Governor Bartlet? At this point, I think he has to accept the nomination... you're not talking about Bartlet, are you?" I ask, looking around to make sure there's no one listening in on our conversation. Of course there isn't. It's nearly 3 a.m. and all the lackeys are out on dates with various assistants. 

"Do you think he'll take it after what happened? After what we did to his campaign?" Sam asks, not mentioning any names. 

"He'd be stupid not to," I say, downing more beer. This looks good. The campaign staff getting drunk right before the convention. There's still so much to do but my mind is too tired to care. 

"That doesn't mean he will."

"He'll do it for the party. He'll do it for his big chance in eight years," I say, feeling the beer hit my system like a ton of bricks. Damn. It only does that when I'm stressed out or when I haven't slept in days which has been most of my adult life. 

"I hope you're right about that," Sam says, opening his second beer. 

"I know him. He'll make a big scene but he'll do it. And then he'll make us pay for the next eight years," I say with a heavy sigh. 

We say nothing for a few minutes but instead, just sit and ponder the future looming ahead of us. We can win this thing. I'm sure of it now. But it's so big that sometimes I can't comprehend exactly what we're getting into. 

"Where did Donna go off to?" he asks, breaking the comfortable silence with an uncomfortable question. He saw her. He must know so I have no clue why he's asking me.

"She... I don't know," I say, choosing to lie. It's just easier that way. I take another long swallow of beer and look at Sam. "I don't know."

And Sam, for some strange reason, doesn't call me on the lie. 

***********

"Oh my God!"

There's a man sleeping on the ratty couch by the bathroom.

I lay a hand over my racing heart. I thought I was the only one in the office and I'm not. My other hand feels along the wall for the light, flipping it on fast. Despite it and my scream, Josh keeps snoring.

He's on his stomach, face squished into the cushion and in addition to the snoring, he's drooling. The arm not tucked under his body is dangling over the edge and just out of reach is a beer bottle. Wait. Two beer bottles.

I drop my purse in a chair and head over towards him. Along the way, I swoop down to pick up the bottles. I nudge his shoulder with my elbow. "Josh... "

No response.

I quickly discard the bottles in the nearest trashcan in case anyone else gets in early. People drink after hours all the time, but for whatever reason, it seems to bother Leo. With the convention so close, it wouldn't be a good idea for him to find Josh... hung over.

I come back around and kneel beside him, pressing my fingertips to my nose. I'm not sure what smells worse, him or the couch. He's wearing the same clothes from yesterday, which are probably the same clothes from the day before that. I wrinkle my nose up and watch Josh sleep for a minute.

That was one thing we never really had the luxury of doing together. Sleeping. And Josh doesn't have that luxury now.

"Josh!"

"I'm up! W-what?" he snorts, lifting his head up. The light is too much for his eyes so he squints at me. He wipes his hand across the corner of his mouth to stop the drool. "Donna? W-what are you doing here?"

"Working," I inform him, rising to my feet again. Josh's eyes open a little more as he stares at me, confused.

"W-hat time is it?" he asks, pushing himself up to a sitting position. He rubs his face, pressing his fingertips into his eyes before glancing at his empty wrist. "Is anyone else here?"

"Not yet," I say, wandering back towards his desk and finding more beer bottles there. I look at them, then back at him curiously. "Did you drink all of these by yourself?"

"Sam helped," Josh says, trying to stand up. He lurches a little, then lurches a lot.

"Where is Sam?" I ask, gathering up the bottles.

"Sam is ... I don't know where Sam is," Josh says, shuffling towards his office. He holds onto whatever he can along the way to keep from falling over.

"How many beers did you have?" I ask, narrowing my eyes.

"Just a couple," he says, leaning up against the doorframe. "What?"

"Just a couple," I repeat, holding up the five bottles on his desk alone. I drop them into the trashcan and start moving about, straightening up the mess. And Josh just... watches. "What?"

"Didn't your date go well?" he flat out asks.

"It went fine," I answer, hoping to he'll move past it but knowing he won't. That just isn't... Josh.

I stop and stare at him. I expected him to look smug but he doesn't. If it's anything, it's hopeful that my date didn't go well.

I sigh. It did. Go well. It went very well, in fact. I think about the date and try to smile. I can't quite do it.

"Then why are you here early?" he persists.

"You," I say. Before it gets more awkward, I add, "The mailing. You wanted it out first thing this morning."

"Yeah," Josh says, rubbing his eyes again before smoothing his hands over his messy shirt. He tries to tuck it back into his pants and heads toward his desk. Towards me.

"Where are you going?" I say, holding my palm up before he stumbles into me.

"To my desk," he answers and I shake my head.

"Not like that," I say, holding my fingers over my nose again. I make a dour face and Josh pinches a corner of his shirt and sniffs. He winces.

"It's not that bad," he says and I shake my head.

"It's that bad," I confirm, catching his hand in mine. I turn and pull him away from office. "Come with me."

"Where are we going?"

"To find you a clean shirt."

******** 

Sheraton  
Los Angeles, California  
August 15, 1998

I step out of the steamy bathroom to find Donna sitting on the edge of my bed, watching the local news coverage of what's going on around the convention center. I pull the towel tighter around my waist and she looks my way. She doesn't look for long. Her eyes are right back on the TV set but I see a slight blush rise to her cheeks. 

"What are you still doing here?" I ask, patting at my wet hair with a second towel before tossing it onto a chair. My head hurts just from drying my hair and I'm not sure how I'm going to get through today. 

"I'm here to make sure you don't crash in bed. You're schedule is full today, Josh, and there's no time for... bed," she says, her voice sounding a bit tense and strained. I watch her fingertips travel across the surface of the bedspread but she catches herself and folds her hands neatly in her lap. 

"I'm not tired. I slept great on that couch," I say, rubbing the crick in my neck. I'm hoping that by noon, I'll be able to hold my head up straight and that the throbbing is gone.

"Sure you did. You looked like you were sleeping on a cloud when I found you drooling all over yourself," she says with more than a touch of sarcasm.

"I've slept in worse places," I say and that draws nothing but a long, painful silence. 

"Josh ... " she finally says, and I know she wants to ask something but I can tell by her tone that she's hesitant. 

"Yeah?" I ask, picking up the clothes Donna laid out for me on the bed and retreating back to the privacy of the bathroom. I don't close the door so I can hear whatever it is she had to say. 

"Why did you get drunk last night?" she asks, her voice coming from somewhere closer than the bed. She must be standing right around the corner but she doesn't come into sight. 

"I don't know. Sam and I were discussing the convention and we had a few beers. I wasn't exactly drunk," I say, coming out of the bathroom when I have on enough clothes to be considered decent. She is standing right around the vanity area and she glances away from me when I walk by. 

"You looked like you got drunk," Donna says, only looking at me once I have my pants on and fastened. 

"I wasn't drunk. I just have... I have a sensitive system," I say, making up some excuse so she doesn't keep asking. I look at her as I knot my tie and I can tell from her expression that she doesn't believe me. Judging from the pounding going on inside my skull, she shouldn't believe me.

"It wasn't because I was out on a date?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Donna ... "

"Because I know how I ... "

"Donna, it had nothing to do with you or Dunkin' Donut. Sam and I were just talking about things and had a few. It's no big deal," I say. 

"Okay."

"Because... it's just not a big deal," I say and she looks a little bit hurt. She picks up her purse and holds it tight, looking as if she needs something to cling to. Her eyes shift around the room until they settle on the door.

"I'm going to go wait in the lobby, okay?" she asks and I just nod as I watch her leave. 

The door is barely closes before the phone rings, the sound echoing through my already aching head. I continue staring at the door, hoping that the caller will just go away but it just keeps ringing. Giving up, I answer it.

"Hello?'

"Hey, where are you?" Sam asks and I don't say anything. He's the one who called me here. "I mean, I know you're in your room but we need you here."

"I was just taking a quick shower and changing. Donna insisted I couldn't wear the same thing for three days in a row though I don't know why ... "

"Mandy just called and she'll be in town in two hours. We're going to need you here," Sam says, interrupting me.

"Why? So I can be the one she yells at for everything she thinks we've done wrong?" I ask.

"Exactly. See you in a couple of minutes," Sam says, sounding a lot better than I do. I hang up the phone and look at the soft pillows, tempting me to lie down and rest my head for just a minute. 

I can't. I now have to go deal with Mandy. At least I already have a headache. 

**************

Bartlet for America Campaign Headquarters  
Los Angeles, California

"You think they're solving world peace in there?" Duncan jokes, nudging me as he passes the copier. I look up and the door to Toby's office is still closed.

It's been that way around here ever since... she got here.

"They've been in there long enough to," I say, rolling my eyes. Margaret and Carol are in there and I'd be in there, too if it wasn't for her.

The vertical blinds in Toby's office are broken, leaving one corner up and crooked. If I stand at the copier at a forty-five degree angle to it, I can see in. All I can see now is Toby rubbing his head and Josh pacing back and forth. Earlier, it was Sam and before that, CJ.

She might want to pretend it's all a big secret, but it's not. Everyone knows why she's here. It's been rumored all around the convention and it's certainly been rumored all around here. They want Hoynes to accept the Vice Presidency and they need her to do that. The entire campaign is hinged on it, hinged on her making it happen.

"Bartlet for America," Duncan says somewhere behind me. "Uh... boxers. Why do you want to know?"

Mandy moves to stand next to Toby. She folds her arms, smirking as she watches Josh. He's walking faster and faster, agitated over something. His hands start flying all about and in spite of the closed door, I can hear Josh's voice. I take the copies I made and wander a little closer, hoping to pick up a little of what's going on. To avoid being too obvious, I drop the copies purposely near the door.

"Need help?" Duncan offers, cupping his hand over the phone long enough to ask.

"No, I've got it," I say, waving him off and dropping to my knees. I slowly pick up the papers, then pretend to sort them as I try and listen.

"... he was one of the biggest contributors to Hoynes' campaign."

"Then you go," Josh fires back at her. "I'm not going to do your dirty work."

"Why not? I've been doing yours," Mandy answers. "You think it's been easy cleaning up the mess you made? You should just be grateful I got you an invitation."

"She's right," CJ interjects.

"Then you go," Josh says again and then I don't hear anything. Even from way out here, I can feel the tension mounting.

"You're the one who screwed him out of his Presidential candidacy and you're the one to fix it," Mandy says and suddenly, the door swings open.

"Josh... " CJ calls after him, but he's already halfway across the bullpen. Sam steps out of the office first and I keep my head down as I rise to my feet and move out of the way. I slip behind the nearest desk and act like I'm busy, all the while stealing glances up to see where Josh is going.

"I should talk to him," Sam says softly. He starts to move, but she steps out next and catches his arm.

"Don't bother," Mandy says, the smirk even in her voice. Now Josh is out the front door. "He'll be there tonight."

"Yeah. Bent over and holding his ankles," Sam comments. "But that's what you wanted, right?"

"Yeah," she confirms and I look up to see her looking at me. "Josh is going to need a tux by six. You need his size?"

"I have his size," I assure her, leaving the copies on that desk and giving her a look right back. Sam and CJ see it and I don't care that they do. Unlike them, I don't have to be nice to her.

I slip between them all so I can get my purse. I take a couple deep breaths and try to calm down, but I can't.

Mandy doesn't even love him. There is no way she could possibly love him and treat him the way she does. Josh can be an ass, but he doesn't deserve to be made one.

Not for her. Not for anyone. Not for this campaign.

I snatch my purse up, turn and run right into Duncan.

"You wouldn't believe the phone call I just got. Some guy wanted to know if... " he starts, then stops as he reads me. "Donna, what's wrong?"

"J-josh," I say without thinking. I force back sudden tears. I close my eyes and make them stop as I try to explain. "I mean, I have to go get something for Josh. Before six. I have to go now... "

"Want me to go with you?" he offers, his hands moving up to my shoulders. I have to suck in more air to compose myself for his benefit. When I finally do, I open my eyes back up and shake my head.

"It's okay. I'm okay. I'll be... "

"Okay?" Duncan says, although he doesn't sound very convinced. He's such a nice guy. A sweet guy and I really wish I felt something for him. I've been trying to and maybe I just have to try harder.

"Yeah. I'll be okay," I say, shaking off that thought. I twist my lips into a small grin and lay my hand on his chest. "Look. I just have to take care of this for Josh and we can meet back here for dinner. Maybe around eight? If that's not too late... "

"Not at all," Duncan says with a smile. He leans forward and pressing a light kiss on my forehead. "I'll be here."

"Okay," I say, patting his chest so he'll move. I get a few steps away from Duncan, turn and wave. He waves back and I head for the door.

Once outside, I find myself looking for Josh but he's gone.

**************

Sheraton  
Los Angeles, California

I stare out the hotel window, hoping to catch sight of Donna coming from the parking lot. More importantly, I hope to catch sight of my tuxedo coming this way because I need it soon. I look at my watch again, nearly dropping the phone from my ear. I need it now. 

"It's not my fault your assistant can't do a simple job like find a tuxedo," Mandy says from the other end. 

"It's your fault that I have to go to this thing so you know I'm going to blame you anyway," I say, giving up on trying to conjure up a tuxedo from nothing but thin parking lot air. I sit on the edge of the bed in nothing but my boxer shorts and dress socks and listen to Mandy carry on about how important tonight is. 

"Josh, are you listening to me?" 

"Always."

"You never listen to me. If you listened to me, you'd own your own tuxedo," she says with a little huff.

"I do own my own tuxedo. It just happens to be hanging in my closet at home," I say. She says nothing for a long while. 

"You own a tuxedo?" 

"Yes."

"How come I didn't know that?" she asks, sounding more than a little miffed now. Mandy always sounds miffed but now she also sounds... disturbed. Disturbed by the fact she didn't know I have a tuxedo.

"Because... maybe you just don't know me as well as you think you do, Madeline," I say, knowing that will get her even more upset. She thinks she knows everything about me and everything I want in life. She also thinks one of those things is for her to always be by my side for my entire career and there are days I'm certain that's so she can mock me for any of my failures. 

"I know you too well," she says and I hear the voice of someone talking to her. 

"Mandy, I'm tired of fighting with you over this crap," I say, trying to get rid of her while she's busy. It doesn't work.

"Then stop fighting with me and agree that I know you as well as you know yourself," she says and I just sigh. 

"And I know you. You keep forgetting that and... listen, I have to go track down my tux. Can we fight about this later? Like after the party?" I ask.

"You'll be on your best behavior tonight?"

"Yes, Mom."

"Don't piss off any contributors, that's all I'm asking, Josh," she says, chiding me before I even get a chance to do anything. Maybe she does know me. Maybe that's what I'm tired of. Too many women know me too well and I'm not used to it. I don't like being figured out. 

"I won't piss off anyone but you. Bye, Mandy," I say, hanging up before she can get in a final retort. 

I lie back on the bed and stare up at the ceiling, wondering how I'm ever going to get out of any of this. Soon, we won't need her and her little PR spin on everything. As soon as we win the general election, she's out of here. I don't see why she'd stick around since there's no money in what we do and Mandy likes her money. 

Then again, it doesn't really matter anyway. Donna is seeing other people and it could never work out. She'll be my assistant and that might not go over too well in DC, especially since we're trying to avoid any hint of scandal in this administration. 

If we ever get to be an administration. 

I can't even get a tuxedo on time let alone figure out how to get us into the White House. Good thing we have others helping me out on that little issue.

I look at my watch one more time and then look at the clock on the night stand. Donna is late. Very late. I hope to hell she didn't get lost on the way to the tuxedo rental shop. It would have been quicker to stick her on a plane to DC and have her get my tuxedo from my closet then sending her through LA traffic. I should have done it myself and left her out of this. Then at least I wouldn't have to face her one more time today, looking all happy about Duncan. What a stupid name. His parents must have hated him even as a baby.

But he seems to like her. A lot. Too much, really, for having just met her. I'm sure it's gone past just dinner and... I don't even want to think about it. I know how fast things moved with the two of us and I don't even want to think about it. 

I just want my tuxedo.

"Donna, where in the hell is my tuxedo!" I call out to absolutely no one and nearly jump off the bed when someone bangs loudly on my door. 

*************

The door flies open mid-knock.

"I know, I'm late. I'm sorry. I had to go to two different shops," I start, out of breath from rushing across the parking lot. I hold the tux up in front of me. "The one made a mistake and gave me the wrong size pants. So I had to go back, but it turned out they didn't have your size so they called another store that did and I had to... "

"It the right size now?" Josh interrupts, waving me quiet.

"Yeah," I say and he snatches it out of my hand.

Josh disappears into the room with it, leaving me standing at the door. I sigh, half from exhaustion and half from frustration. I just spent the last two hours running all over without even a thank you. I pull the door shut behind me. I just want to sit down for a few minutes and then Josh can kick me out.

The room is humid and it smells like soap and shampoo. I take a few steps in and turn the corner to see Josh struggling with the plastic wrapping. All he has on is his boxers and black socks. It would probably look funny if it wasn't for the fact I've seen Josh in less than that. He must feel me staring at him because he stops for a second and looks up. Our eyes meet briefly as I perch on the edge of the bed. He doesn't say a word so I sit back a little more as Josh finally gets everything unwrapped.

I wish I could do something for him besides show up late with his tux. This evening isn't about contributions. It's about Mandy and her power over Josh and this campaign and it sucks.

"Josh, I'm really sorry."

"Don't be," Josh says, grabbing the pants and pulling them on fast. He reaches for the shirt next. "The tux is here and I'll... "

"No, I'm sorry she's making you do this," I clarify and Josh looks up again, his eyes uncertain. We never talk about Mandy, but this time, I have to say something. "It isn't fair to you."

"Mandy doesn't play fair," Josh states, slowly buttoning up the shirt. He tucks it into the pants and zips them closed. He lets out a little laugh, but he couldn't be more serious. "I think she really gets off on making me miserable."

That comment is followed by a long, awkward pause. Neither of us is sure whether or not to continue talking about Mandy because it will lead to talking about... us. Or rather, why there is no us. Maybe I just need to hear him say why he's with her when he could be with me.

And I'd still with Josh. I still love him, no matter how hard I try to tell myself I don't and that's why I need to hear him say it.

"Why do you stay with her?" I finally ask. There is another long pause as Josh picks up the bow tie and looks at it for a second before slinging it around his neck. He begins to tie it to avoid answering, but I press a little more. "Josh?"

"You think I'd know by now how to do this ... " he says, fingers knotting and twisting the silk around unsuccessfully.

"Do you love her?" I ask, as the tie slowly unravels. Josh looks up and I feel this tugging in my heart as he shakes his head. We keep staring at each other as the room goes quiet yet again. His hands drop down to his sides and his expression eases up.

"I don't know how to fix this, Donna," he whispers, waving his hand over his neck even though he's no longer talking about the tie. He's talking about us. "Do you?"

I feel tears brimming my eyes because I don't know how to fix it either. We can't go back now but we can't seem to let go.

"Here," I say, standing up and moving over towards him. Slowly, I pick up the ends of the tie. Josh holds his breath and tilts his chin up as I make a knot. I focus on my hands, which are now resting against Josh's chest. Underneath them, I can feel his heart pounding and I keep focusing on my hands until Josh reaches up to make them stop.

I close my eyes as his fingers close around mine, one hand and then the other. I feel myself tremble at his touch, my body wanting more. Wanting him.

"Josh ... " I try, but it's already too late. He pulls me a little closer and then I'm in his arms. My eyes flicker open just enough to make sure my mouth can find his and it does.

We kiss and we don't stop.

We never should have.

********

Slowly kissing our way towards the bed, her fingers are still messing around with my collar. I hope she isn't trying to finish my tie because I'll look pretty stupid doing what I think we're going to be doing wearing a tie. But instead of finishing the knot, she manages to pull it loose and drop it to the floor. Breaking our kiss, I watch as it falls to the floor.

"I'm going to be late," is all I can think to say. Nothing else coming out of my addled brain would make much sense anyway right at this moment. 

"Do you care?" she asks and I want to laugh. Do I care? I've missed her so damn much over the last few months and she thinks I care about being late to some damn fund raiser? Only one person is going to care about my lateness and at this point, that's probably not all she'd care about. Oh, to hell with her. 

"I don't care," I say and with that, her fingers move down my buttons, quickly unfastening them. We both shed our clothes before we ever hit the bed and then tumble into it together, tossing the plastic bag my tuxedo came in aside. We don't even bother to shut the curtains on the late afternoon sun. No one can see in. 

"I've missed you," she says as we settle in next to each other, hands exploring and rediscovering. Now that she's so close, I want to ask so many questions about why she left and what made her come back but I know now isn't the time for that. There is no time because it doesn't really matter. 

"I... things... before you left ... " I start, wanting to explain something - anything - but she kisses me softly before pulling back. She's staring at me with such an intensity it actually hurts. My heart aches from wanting her. 

"Shh... the reasons don't matter now," she whispers, her fingers sliding up to my lips. I just needed to hear her say it. I kiss her fingertips and then move her hand away. In one easy movement, she's under me, her legs perfectly cradling my hips and I could just slide into her right now. To hell with it. If I'm going to be late, I might as well be really late. 

Starting with her neck, I place little kisses over her body, brushing my mouth and tongue over her breasts and nipples until they harden under my touch. She moans and pushes her hips up towards me, wanting more. I comply, kissing down the flat plane of her belly until I'm right where I want to be. 

Her hands move to my head, fingers tangling in my hair, as she guides me to where she needs me. I tease a bit, my tongue stroking her and she giggles. I look up and she's staring back at me. 

"What?" I ask and she smiles. "Am I doing something wrong?"

"No, it's not that. I never thought I'd... we'd be back to us and now I'm just ... " she stops, searching for the right word. 

"Happy?" I supply and she nods, still smiling. It's so good to see her smiling and happy once more. I flick my tongue against her again and her eyes flutter shut but the smile remains. I just watch her, without moving, and eventually she grows impatient. 

"You're not finished," she says, squirming against me. 

"I was so scared," I say and she opens her eyes again.

"Of what?"

"Of you falling in love with someone else," I say and she lets out a sigh. I can't help it. She's gone on a couple of dates with the guy in the office and although I'm sure she's not the type to quickly fall into bed with just anyone, how can I be sure? She did with me. 

"Josh ... " she says, rolling out of under me. I crawl up the bed until we're face to face and she kisses me again over and over. Despite me and my stupid comment, she keeps kissing me. Finally, she pulls away. "You don't have to explain what goes on when you're with Mandy."

"I'm didn't mean to... I worry," I say and she scrunches up her face. 

"About me falling in love with someone else while you're already with someone else?" she asks and I nod. 

I never said I wasn't selfish. 

"I can't take her working on this campaign much longer, Donna. She's got to go soon or I'm never going to be able to do my job," I say and she gives me a skeptical look. "If we get to the White House... "

"When we get to the White House," she corrects me.

"Yeah. When that day comes, she's won't be on staff. I'll make sure of it. I don't think I can handle more," I say and Donna closes her eyes and shakes her head. 

"Let's stop talking about them - about Duncan and Mandy. I want to be with you, Josh. You," she says, hitching a leg over my hip and pulling me closer. 

"Hey, I wasn't finished... you know, with that other thing," I say, smiling sheepishly.

"Doesn't matter," she says, her wet sex brushing over me, the thought of being inside of her making me harden fast. "I know that things aren't the way either of us wants them right now."

"Someday," I say and she nods before letting me ease into her. I forgot how it feels to do this with someone you love and who loves you back. Not someone who's using me for political and professional gains. 

"Stop thinking ... " she says, her hand going to my face and resting on my cheek. "About that. Stop thinking about that and think about this."

She thrusts against me, letting me sink in a little further. Yeah. That's all I really want to think about anyway. 

*****************

Josh slides all the way in, filling me. As hard as I try, I can't keep a tear or two from escaping as all these emotions rise up in my chest. It's just been so long and really didn't think we'd ever again. Josh notices the tears and his fingers come up to my temple to catch them.

"Donna," he says, his eyes suddenly full of concern. "I thought you said you were happy... "

"I am happy," I assure him, turning my face into his hand. I nuzzle against it, pressing a kiss into his palm. "It's just... us. Together. It feels so ... "

"Good?" Josh asks and I nod. He eases out, then right back in. My body closes tightly around him, not wanting to let go.

"I missed it," I say, as his hand falls away from my face. I catch it in mine and weave our fingers together, resting them somewhere by my head. "I've missed you so much, Josh... "

"I know," he whispers as more tears slip out.

I give his hand a squeeze as our bodies start to rock together easily, steadily as if we have all the time in the world. We don't, but for the moment, it feels like we do.

We continuing moving at this pace, watching one another as we make love. That is what this is. I know it is because I can feel it in my heart. Whatever it was I had with Ethan, it wasn't like this. It could never be like this with Duncan, either.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you going to say it?" he asks, looking down at me. Josh starts to smile and in spite of the tears, so do I.

"Say what?" I answer, even though I know. My smile deepens as his thrusts become a little harder and faster.

"You know what," Josh says wisely. He lowers his face to kiss my cheek, then my mouth without missing a single stroke. I wrap my leg a little higher around his waist, changing the angle so he's also rubbing against me. His lips move over to my ear. "Say it when you come."

"Okay," I promise, clenching everything up around him.

Josh lifts his head again, readjusting his body on top of mine. Both our smiles fade as things finally start to speed up because they have to. I feel a tremor or two as the muscles start to still and tense as they prepare. I am so close I can almost feel it. Another thrust and it starts. I squeeze my eyes shut and let myself go.

"Oh Josh," I say as I climax, then release. "Joshua... Josh... Josh."

I open my eyes and see Josh smiling again just before he joins me. His body shudders into mine as he comes, making my pleasure last a little longer. When it's over, Josh sinks into my arms. We wrap ourselves around one another, the heat generated from our bodies keeping us warm. Josh slides down a bit to tuck his head under my chin, trying to get comfortable. He stays like that for all of five seconds before his head comes up again.

"Donna?"

"Yeah?"

"You... uh. Damn, I hate to ask. You are still on the ... " he starts, his voice cutting out as he swallows down the rest of that sentence. Even after all that happened, I know he has to ask. Josh gives me an apologetic look and I lay my hand on his cheek.

"Yeah," I say, then smile awkwardly. We can't go through another scare like before. "But we should probably get you some protection."

Josh's face scrunches up. "I hate wearing... protection."

"Well, you're going to have to," I say, smoothing my fingers affectionately through his damp hair.

"For next time," Josh says, not asks. It should be a question, but it's not. He wants there to be a next time. My heart swells a little as I see the hope and the want in his eyes.

"Yeah," I reassure him, although I don't know how we're going to keep doing this. Even though he's going to try and get rid of Mandy, there is still the campaign.

Josh settles back into my arms and we just hold each other in silence for a while. I close my eyes, lightly drifting into sleep until the sound of muffled ringing brings me back.

It's Josh's cell phone.

I expect him to get up but he doesn't. I nudge him gently.

"Josh," I say, knowing who it probably is. I start to stir beneath him, but Josh holds me a little tighter to keep me from going to answer it.

"Just let it ring," he whispers, turning his face up to mine. This understanding passes between us and I nod in acceptance. Whatever happens, will happen.

We might not have each other for long, but we have each other now.

*****

Part XI  
Kiener Plaza  
St. Louis, Missouri  
October 30, 1998

I stand at the edge of the stage in the plaza, letting the autumn sun beat down on my face. Even though it's a chilly day, thankfully there's plenty of sunshine so a lot of people should turn out for the rally. Even with everything in the city going on around me, it's the first moment alone I've gotten in days and yet I know it isn't going to ... 

"Josh!" 

... last for long. 

"Over here," I call out, turning around and taking off my sunglasses. Sam and Toby are both making their way towards me and judging from the expressions on their faces, I know this can't be good. 

"We've got a problem," Toby says with his usual seriousness and I look to Sam. He just nods in agreement.

"When do we not have a problem?" I ask and Toby makes some sound that indicates he doesn't find me very amusing at this moment. "Sorry. What is it?"

"The schedule. The schedule is all screwed up and I don't know who did it or why but Governor Bartlet's presence is required in three places at the same time. Now I know we all have a lot of respect for the man but... but I'm not sure even he can pull that one off," Toby says with a nervous laugh. He wipes his hand across his head and Sam hands me the schedule to examine. One of the places he's scheduled to be is at a practice session for the debates. I hope we can reschedule that one because we're all going to need the practice. Even though we've been through this twice already, half of our answers are still running long and the other half simply stink. If we can't get in some practice, we're screwed. 

"Who managed to fuck this up?" I ask and they look at each other without answering. "Me?"

"No," Sam says.

"Mandy?" I ask.

"Yes," Toby says. 

"This is big," I say, my mind already working away on how this is not only big but useful. Mandy, who flits in and out of this campaign when she feels like it, finally screwed something up. Actually, it's not the first thing she screwed up but the first time she didn't catch it in time and right now, there's no room for error. We're running out of time and things are still too close. "This is beyond big."

"Josh, be careful," Sam says, his eyes locked onto mine. He knows what I'm thinking and he knows how I feel about her working on this. The problem is, he also knows too much about something else. 

"What's going on?" Toby asks and Sam shakes his head.

"Nothing. Nothing at all," I say, looking around to see if I can spot Mandy anywhere. I can't. Come to think of it, I haven't seen her all day. 

"She's at the next event already," Toby says, obviously knowing who I'm looking for. 

"Which event? The one he'll be able to make or maybe one of the other two?" I ask and Toby closes his eyes. 

"No, she's at Mike Shannon's. Bartlet will be at that one," Sam says and I know exactly which place he's talking about.

"If I take care of her, are you going to take care of this other problem?" I ask.

"Yeah. We'll do our best," Sam says and I leave them to deal with that mess while I go hunt down Donna. I find her behind the amphitheater stage, talking on my phone while trying to use an empty cardboard box as a writing surface. It's not going very well and she's juggling a yellow cup of something in one hand while attempting to take notes using the top of the box that keeps collapsing on her. 

"Hey, Donna!" I call and she somehow motions for me to be quiet even with a handful of stuff. "Hurry up. I need to talk to you."

"Yes. I'll make sure he's there. Yeah, that too. Thank you," she says, hanging up and giving me a look of disgust before tossing the phone my way. "I was on your phone doing my job."

"I know."

"Didn't you see what I was doing?"

"I did."

"I was coordinating the rest of your day with the office. I was checking your messages. It's not like I was making an appointment to get my nails done, Josh," she says, pouting at me. She looks at the notes and starts eating. 

"What's that?" I ask. 

"Your agenda."

"No, the stuff you're eating."

"I don't know. Some sort of custard. Margaret said she was too cold to eat it and gave it to me before she went off looking for Leo. By the way, Margaret is looking for Leo so if you see him, let him know," she says, licking the spoon. 

"Give me a bite," I say and she looks at me as if I'm insane. 

"Get your own."

"Give me a bite," I say again, getting closer to her than I usually do in public. Today, I don't care. Today, I'm a happy man. 

"Here," she says, putting a spoonful in my mouth. She pulls the spoon away and then takes another bite herself. After swallowing, she asks, "Why are you so gleeful?"

"Gleeful?"

"Gleeful and downright approaching giddy," she says, attempting to feed me another spoonful of custard. 

"Because Mandy fucked up. She fucked up and I'm going to be the one to tell her all about it," I say, almost singing the words. Maybe I did sing a few of them. I take the food she's offering and savor how much better it tastes because Mandy fucked up. 

"What did she do?" Donna asks. She has that tone in her voice she gets whenever we discuss Mandy. It's not quite anger. It's more like repulsion.

"She did enough that I can just maybe get her off the campaign for the duration," I say and she nods. I know it won't be as easy to get her out of my life entirely. She's too ambitious for that but at least this is a start. I lower my voice and step even closer to Donna, saying, "I have to go take care of some things before the rally but afterwards I want you to meet me at the hotel."

"What?" Donna asks, nearly choking on her food. 

"You heard me," I say, moving even closer. I can't stop smiling. She can't stop looking over my shoulder to see if anyone is watching. 

"You aren't going to start singing or anything, are you?" she asks. 

"Do you want to hear anything in particular? I can do something from 'Meet Me in St. Louis.' I do a mean Judy Garland impersonation," I say and the suggestion makes her cringe before she begins shaking her head 'no' rather vigorously. "I have to go but I think I have at least an hour between things."

She hands me the schedule she was working on and I examine it. "Your day is full, Josh," she says and that kills my smile for a second. 

"I'm not going to let that stop me. See, right here... before this. Plenty of time," I say and she looks at me as if I'm kidding. It's been a while since we've been able to sneak off together. Mandy has been around constantly or we've been too busy to even care. Today, that's going to change. 

"Josh ... " she says as I start walking backwards away from her. 

"Enjoy the rally and then be there," I say, turning to go before she can say another word. 

**************

It's not the sun above that's making the custard melt down my fingers. It's Josh. Or rather, the way Josh is acting and how it's making me feel, which would be hot. Hot and flustered. I can't believe he just asked me to... now and in the middle of all this. 

I watch him walk... no, strut. That's definitely a strut. I watch Josh strut his way around the circular fountain at one end of the plaza and I can't help but smile at my man. 

And right now, I want him just as much if not more than he obviously wants me. Me and not Mandy, who hopefully will be gone soon thanks to whatever 'fuck up' Josh was referring to. 

I set what's left of the custard down, wipe my sticky fingers on my jeans and figure out the fastest way to get out of here. I really don't have to be here for the rally. The car is parked in a nearby garage and if I hurry, I might even have time to stop and get something sexy to wear. This definitely merits something sexy. 

I start strutting myself through the crowd and to the garage. I am a woman on a mission now and that mission is sex. Sex with Josh. Just the thought is making my body hum all over. I shake my arms out and find that even my fingertips are tingling.

It's not like we get a lot of chances like this. In fact, we hardly get them at all ever since we started this up again. Whatever Josh and I felt for each other before I left is ten times stronger now because we know what it's like not to be together. And if it's a choice between that and sneaking around, then sneaking around it is. Hopefully now that Mandy has finally fucked up, we won't have to much longer.

I turn to where the elevators are for the parking garage and happily punch the 'up' button repeatedly, my mind flying to all the things I'm going to do to Josh once he gets to the hotel. It makes me even more hot and flustered than what I already am. I look around anxiously at the four elevators in the bay and sigh in relief as one of them finally dings open.

And out comes CJ.

"Oh Donna, I'm glad I found you," she says, blocking me from entering the elevator. I try to shuffle around her, but she shuffles with me.

"I really... have to ... " I say, motioning to the elevator doors as the slam shut behind her. I make some sort of disappointed noise and it doesn't go unnoticed.

"Have to what?" she asks, then cocks her head to the side as she realizes I wanted on the elevator. "The rally is about to start and we have a problem. Well, two problems, actually."

"What two problems?" I ask quickly, trying hard not to flap my hands around. I really don't want to stand here and listen to one, let alone two problems but I know that's what I'm going to have to do. 

"Well," CJ starts, drawing out that word in such a way that whatever she's about to say isn't going to be good. "Seems the porta-potties aren't here."

"Porta-potties," I repeat flatly. She must be kidding. I'm on my way to have celebratory sex with Josh and she's carrying on about missing toilets.

"Yeah. I just got back from the Parks Division and according to our contract, we were supposed to provide 'sanitary facilities' for both men and women. And drinking fountains," she says without even cracking a smile. She's not kidding. "It's a health regulation and they could shut down the rally if we don't figure something out quick."

"Who signed the contract?" I ask, wondering why 'we' should have to figure out anything. Whoever signed the contract should have to. And from the frown on CJ's face, I can pretty much guess who that person is. I hold my hand up and shake my head. "Don't tell me. Mandy. Mandy signed the contract."

"Yeah, but Mandy has her hands full at the next event so I need you to handle this," she says, her hand fluttering up to her head and messing with her hair. I just stand there and stare at her in disbelief. Now it's not 'we' but 'me.' Mandy has screwed up again but I have to fix it. When I don't move or say anything, CJ raises both her eyebrows at me. "Now, Donna. I need you to handle this now."

"Handle it how?" I say as she starts to walk away, her fingers still moving through her hair. She stops and looks at me. "How am I supposed to handle this? Why am I supposed to handle this?"

That last remark makes CJ bristle and I regret it the second I say it. It's just me... Josh... sex and now this. Now I have to handle this even though it's Mandy's fault and it's not fair. But then again, nothing with Mandy is ever fair.

"Because I'm telling you to," CJ answers and I just nod, knowing that's the only reason she needs to tell me anything. "Okay?"

"Okay," I say, giving her a nervous smile. 

"Good," she says, walking again and wanting me to walk with her. We barely get two steps away from the garage when she stops again. "Oh, and the other problem."

"Yeah?" 

CJ makes a circular motion with her hand around her head. "Does my hair look frizzy to you?"

*********

Mike Shannon's  
St. Louis, Missouri

"Mandy!" I shout, causing everyone in the room to turn and look at me. Someone points to a back corner of the restaurant without saying a word and I head in that direction. "Oh, Mandy!"

"What is it?" she asks, looking up at me from the table where she's sitting. There are papers all around her and I'm assuming she already heard the news because her schedule is on top of the pile. She looks frazzled by the whole thing and I imagine anyone would if they were trying to work on more than one campaign at a time.

"How many candidates are you working for right now?" I ask, already knowing the answer.

"Two. The Bartlet for America Campaign and for Senator Stevens," she answers, looking at me with tired eyes. She's been flying between here and there so often it's understandable how she could make some of the mistakes she has. The problem is, I don't want to understand. Right now, I want to get rid of her. 

"How many of your candidates are running for the office of President of the United States of America, Mandy?" I ask, my voice rising higher 

"Josh ... "

"Mandy, this day has been riddled with stupid, amateur errors. I've made a few myself but I've got to tell you, some of yours take the cake," I say. She just stares at me, a pinched expression on her face. "And here's what gets me -- I think you make more than the rest of the staff combined yet you don't seem to care."

"Just get rid of me already, Josh. Just go ahead and do it," Mandy says with a look of 'I dare you to do it' in her eyes and I sit down next to her. What does she mean by that? Get rid of her as in break up with her or get her off the campaign? 

"What?"

"How long have you wanted me off this campaign? Since the beginning, right? You and I both know it so there's no point in denying it. We used to do great things together, Josh ... "

"Yeah, when you were in completely in charge ... "

"But this isn't going well and I don't know why," she says, her eyes searching mine. 

I know why. We only did great work together when I wanted to be with her. Now, I'd rather have her working as far away from me as possible. Now I want Mandy to fail so she'll just go away. 

"Maybe it would be best if you just focused only on the Stevens campaign," I say and she shakes her head. 

"It's just been a bad couple of days," she starts to say but stops talking when I shake my head. 

"We can't afford a bad couple of days right now. None of us can make any stupid mistakes in the next week. I have no clue why I'm even telling you this since you already know. You were brought on to stop us from fucking up more," I say with a heavy sigh. Maybe too heavy because it makes me sound insincere. I wouldn't want to sound insincere while I'm trying to get her to just go away. "Besides, Senator Stevens keeping his seat is important. We need all the Democrats we can get."

She ponders this and makes a little sound of resignation. "I'll go for a week. I want to be here for the election but I'll go work on Stevens."

"I think that would be for the best considering Toby is on the warpath over this whole thing. I'm sure CJ isn't too pleased, either. Leo doesn't even know about any of it yet but I'm sure he won't be happy. He's really stressing that we limit our mistakes and you know that," I say, passing off as much blame as I can. Mandy isn't stupid, though, and she probably knows that it's me who wants her out of here. I don't think she knows all the reasons why, though. 

"Here's the revised schedule," she says, handing it to me. "CJ called right before you came and told me that she assigned the toilet problem to Donna."

I look up at her and Mandy has a smug grin on her face. "What toilet problem?" I ask, imagining Donna out there somewhere with a big plunger in hand. 

"Someone forgot to get the porta-potties required for today's festivities. Donna is handling it right now before the whole rally gets shut down," she says, still grinning. I have a feeling that Mandy was that someone and she's only too pleased to leave it up to Donna to fix the problem, especially considering the nature of the 'problem.'

I look at my watch. Fuck it. If Donna is dealing with that on top of all her other duties, there might not be any time to meet later. Leave it to Mandy to screw up my plans. 

"I have to go make some phone calls," I say, looking from my watch to the schedule again. She's not going to ruin everything. I'm going to find the time today. I'm going to prove that this campaign can go on just fine without her. If we can do that, then the next step is ending all ties with her.

"See you in a couple of days," Mandy says, reaching out to touch my hand. She leans towards me but I move back. 

"Yeah, a couple of days," I say, getting up and leaving her behind. 

***************

The Marriott  
St. Louis, Missouri

By the time I make it to the hotel, I'm feeling anything but hot.

I look around the empty room in disgust. Not disgust at Josh, but disgust at Mandy. I just know she's the reason he's not here. She's always the reason for something but she's still around and I'm... disgusted.

I toss the card key on the dresser and flop down on the bed, face first. This wasn't how this afternoon was supposed to go. I don't even know why I'm even surprised. She always manages to ruin things where Josh and I are concerned. 

I reach my hand out for a pillow, pull it over my head and wish Mandy away. 

I hear the door click and peek out from under the pillow just enough to see Josh enter the room. He looks just as disgusted as I feel if not more. He doesn't say a word as he steps out of his shoes and climbs onto the opposite side of the bed on his back. Josh flings one arm over his eyes and the other he drapes across his stomach. We stay like that for a long time, saying nothing. Maybe there is nothing to say at this point. We both have heard it all before.

"I'm sorry, Donna," Josh mutters out from under his arm. "I'm sorry about the porta-potties."

"Not as sorry as I am," I mutter back, pushing the pillow back a little more. "I learned more today about portable sanitation that I ever wanted to know."

"Like what?" 

"Like I can't flush Mandy down one," I say and Josh lets out this snort of laughter. He lowers his arm a little and turns his head toward me. 

"Be an easier way to get rid of her, wouldn't it?" he says, lowering his arm completely so they are both resting on his stomach. I crawl out from under the pillow and rest my head on top of it to look back at Josh. 

"Is she going away?" I ask hopefully. 

"I told her to go concentrate on Senator Stevens for the next two weeks," Josh says and I smile faintly. It's the best he can do and it's not enough but it's all we have and it has to be enough for now. 

"I like my idea better," I say and Josh smiles. A real, genuine Josh smile that spreads from one ear to the other. And I smile before scooting a little closer to him, staying on my stomach. I reach out my hand and lay it Josh's cheek, my thumb tracing the line of his smile before it fades.

"Donna, I really am sorry," he says again, catching my hands in both of his. He wraps his fingers all around it and holds it against his chest. "I'm sorry about Mandy."

"I don't want to talk about Mandy anymore," I say, finally rolling over onto my side. Josh does the same, still holding onto my hand. He makes this hopeful face as he raises both eyebrows up.

"What do you want to do?" he asks but I'm already hooking my leg over both of his.

"I want to have sex with you," I say in the huskiest voice I can. "Right here. Right now."

"You do?" Josh asks, his eyebrows arching even higher. I nod enthusiastically. Josh lets my hand go and moves my leg higher up so it's slung over his waist. I can feel his erection starting already as it presses against my pelvic bone. 

"Yeah, I do," I tell him, wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling him over me for a kiss. A long, lingering kiss that leaves us both a little breathless and leaves me feeling hot. Down there. I close my eyes and enjoy the burn and the ache of wanting sex and knowing I'm going to get it with Josh after all. Me and not Mandy.

As soon as the kiss is over, I pull back a little so we can get undressed. Josh's shirt goes first, then mine, followed by my bra and his slacks. Josh rolls me on my back so he can yank off my shoes and my jeans, stopping to kiss me furiously a few times in between. Our underwear is last and we do it slow, rolling over yet again so Josh is on his back and I am on top.

I slide down his naked body, dropping kisses down his chest until I reach his stomach. I sit in the space between his legs and take his erection in my hand, stroking it even harder. Josh's head comes up off the pillow just in time to watch my lips lower around it.

"Oh, Donna... yeah."

I can't help but smile as Josh's head falls back against the mattress, lost in all the sensations. I work my tongue all around, taking him in as far as I can. My other hand massages his thigh, which is trembling slightly as I keep doing what I'm doing. I feel his fingers move into my hair as I make love to him this way first. I need to have my mouth on him, need to know he is mine for the moment. Mine and no one else's.

*********

This day has sucked until right now. Right now... yeah. It's getting better. I sigh as her tongue continues to do that thing she's doing and close my eyes, letting the stress from earlier today just melt away. 

If only this could last. If only it could be more than a quickie while everybody else is waiting for me at the university. I sigh again, my fingers running through Donna's hair. So soft. Everything about her is so soft, especially her tongue and that mouth. God. This is worth whatever hell Mandy is going to put me through when she returns. 

"Come here," I say and she releases me from her mouth. Crawling up the bed, she ends up next to me, her leg hooked over my hip once more. 

"Didn't you like that?" she asks, brushing her thumb over my lower lip.

"Of course I did," I say, pulling her on top of me. "I just want more."

"More what?" she asks coyly, teasing me with her body. 

"More... I don't know. Money. Time. You," I say and she moves right on top of my cock, sliding her already wet sex across me. 

"You want this?" she whispers, almost letting me enter. "You want more of this?"

"Yeah," I say, pushing up into her. She raises an eyebrow at me and I stop moving. "I know. I know."

Donna climbs off of me, leaving the bed, and I watch as she walks across the room to her bags. She digs around for a while and I continue to watch her. The lamp she just turned on casts a yellow glow over her, turning her hair the color of straw. She flips it out of her face and goes through another bag, still coming up with nothing. 

"Donna, I'm dying over here. I mean it," I say and she turns to look at me. The erection I had a minute ago is starting to fade fast. 

"Do... you know," she says, making a jerking motion with her hand. 

"I'd rather have you," I say and she nods hastily, reaching out for her handbag. Finally, she pulls out a condom and we both let out a relieved sigh. 

"I have more here somewhere," she says, walking back to the bed, holding up the little foil package triumphantly. 

"We don't have that much time. I'm sure one will be enough for now," I say and she pouts at the thought. 

Climbing back into bed, she hands me the condom and I put it between us. "Promise me that soon we'll be able to have a whole night together," she says and I nod my head. I know that's not something I can promise right now with the campaign drawing to a close but I want it as much as she does. 

I wrap my hand around my cock, bringing it back to life, while I reach between her thighs, stroking her clit. She sighs at the touch and I keep doing it even though I'm ready again. Her wetness coats my fingers and I rub a little harder and faster, giving up on touching myself. The soft noises she's now making are enough to keep me hard, especially when combined with the look she has on her face right now. It's as if nothing on earth matters right now but the fact that we're here together and I'm touching her. Not the election or Mandy or the fact that I shouldn't even be here. We're all that matters. I only wish it could stay that way for more than a few minutes. 

Moving around, I get into a better position to touch her and she opens up to me completely. Her mouth also drops open, too, and she moans but not the right thing just yet. This is more of a soft rumble in the back of her throat and not what I'm waiting to hear. 

Placing little kisses down her tummy, I delve in between her thighs, my tongue lapping right where my fingers had just been. Her hips thrust up and off the bed as I circle her clit with my tongue and now I know she's getting close. I slide first one finger and then another inside of her, moving in her as my mouth moves on the outside of her. She grinds against my face, her fingers tangling in my hair as I quicken the pace. 

It's then that I feel her body tighten before she lets go. I keep going, waiting for her to say it and finally, she does. 

"Oh Josh," she says, her body quivering under my tongue and around my fingers. "Joshua... Josh... Josh."

I climb up the bed and she wipes my off my face before kissing me. Her lips part and our tongues touch somewhere in the middle. I wish we could spend the day making out but I know that someone is going to be a calling sooner or later wondering where in the hell I am. 

Donna feels around the bed for the condom and hands it to me. Impatiently, I tear open the foil and pull it out, unrolling it over my cock. Once I'm done, she pushes me so I'm on my back and straddles my hips, looking rather wild and impatient. "I want you," she says and I get even harder if that's possible. "I want you so much."

Sliding down on me, my cock disappears inside of her and I gasp at how hot and tight she is. Even through this stupid condom, the feeling is sensational and I'm so damn glad I skipped out on one of today's many events for this. 

She moves and her hair dances above me. I reach out and touch it and then touch her breasts which are bouncing as she rises up and down on my cock. Reaching for my hand, she holds it tight, our fingers laced together as I watch her do this to me. Her eyes are on mine, dark now with desire and I can't even blink. I can't stop watching her. 

Leaning back and resting her hands on my thighs, she changes the angle without taking her eyes off of mine. Then she smiles. Not a big smile but more of a smile one would only share in secret, with their lover, and that's when I lose it. She sinks down one final time and I can't watch anymore. Everything spins away from me and I pant and gasp and have to close my eyes and I come hard, feeling it move across every last inch of my body. I shudder and call out her name and say other goofy things before opening her eyes and finding her still smiling at me. 

"I'm sorry," I say and she gives me a puzzled look. "I didn't... you know. You."

"I'm quite satisfied," she nearly purrs. I hold onto the condom as she slips off of me and snuggles by my side. "That was good."

"Yeah. It was good," I say, kissing her gently. We're both slick with sweat and the scent of sex permeates the air and clings to our skin. There's no way we can go to the rehearsal smelling like this. I look at my watch. Fuck. I need to be there now. I don't want to be there now. I'm sure it will all go smoothly without me. 

Fuck. It probably won't even go smoothly with me there. These things never do. I look at Donna and sigh. This campaign would have been unbearable without her along. The polls keep changing constantly. Today, we might be ahead. Tomorrow, who knows. We keep moving forwards, trying to do the next thing better and that means the debate. It has to go off without a hitch since any little thing now could cost us it all. We need this to win.

If we win... 

I look at Donna, her eyes lit up with happiness right now and I try to imagine what will become of us if we win. If we lose, it's easy. If we win, it's the one thing I haven't figured out yet. 

"You have to go," Donna says, ending my thoughts and breaking the all too comfortable silence. 

"I know. We both have to go," I say and she sighs. 

"Maybe I can meet you back in your room afterwards?" she asks. 

"We'll see. Maybe," I say, kissing her once more before I get out of the bed and head towards the bathroom.

***********

Washington University  
St. Louis, Missouri

"Has anyone seen Leo? Donna... have you seen Leo?" Carol asks from somewhere behind me. 

"No. Am I supposed to have seen Leo?" I ask cheerfully, going up on tiptoe and extending my arms to fix the corner of the red, white and blue bunting that has fallen. I finish and turn back around to Carol. She's tense and I stop with the cheerful. It's just I can't help but feel this way after being with Josh. "I'm sorry." 

"He was supposed to have been here nearly an hour ago," she says, pointing at her clipboard accusingly. 

"He's with investors. Potential investors," I tell her, wishing she'd relax. I give her a reassuring smile and pat her arm. "He'll be here."

"He better," Carol says with a sigh. She looks me over and frowns some more. A cameraman with an armful of cables tries to scoot past us and we step to the side. "Where's Josh?" 

"With the Governor," I say, looking around past Carol to the entrance. She checks her watch. I haven't even seen Josh since the hotel but they're all around somewhere. "He'll be here, too."

"Some woman keeps asking about the temperature and if it's okay," Carol mutters, rubbing her temple then scribbling something on the clipboard. "It's not okay. It's cold. Much colder than the last time."

"It is a bit chilly," I confirm, pulling the front of my sweater together. It is cold. The auditorium only seats about five hundred or so but with the people and the lights and the cameras, it should heat up. 

"I was going to ask Mandy Hampton about it, but apparently, she's gone," Carol says, shaking her head.

"Yes, yes she is," I say, trying hard not to sound even half as happy as that makes me. I didn't think she'd be gone this fast but she is. Maybe if this debate goes well without her, Josh really can get rid of her for good. Carol gives me a funny look and I realize I'm smiling at that thought. I stop. "Have her ask the Governor."

"Have who? Mandy?" 

"No, the temperature woman," I clarify, making a serious face. "Just have her ask the Governor when he gets here."

"If he ever gets here," Carol mutters, scribbling some more as she starts to walk away.

"He's here," I say, looking past her as the Governor comes striding in with CJ, Toby, Sam and... Josh. 

I smile again but this time it's at seeing Josh. That warms me up. It warms all of me up fast. 

The Governor starts walking the stage, walking the podium. He's done that before every debate. It's some kind of ritual that everyone seems to respect. They all back off long enough for the Governor to do it.

"Josh!" I say happily, moving towards him. He turns and gives me this annoyed look as he holds his hand up.

"Not now, Donna... " he barks, motioning for me not to come any closer. He turns back to Toby and CJ and Sam as they regroup. 

"Where's Leo?" Sam asks to no one in particular.

"I'd still like to go over the social security answer... " Josh says, completely ignoring me. They all start on about getting the social security answer down to ninety seconds. The Governor is over by a monitor now, holding his coat, and they head toward him. 

And I just stand where I am. 

I don't know why I feel... whatever this is I'm feeling. Disappointment? Hurt? This is the final debate and of course Josh has to focus on that and not me. I know that. It's just... Mandy is gone and she might even be gone for good and I thought Josh... I thought now Josh and I... 

"He said... get Abbey," I hear Toby say, looking up just in time to see the Governor collapse.

Toby and Sam somehow catch him and they wisk him away, leaving CJ holding a glass of water and Josh... oh Josh.

All the color drains from his face as he exchanges panicked looks with CJ. Josh takes out his cell phone and starts dialing as my legs finally start to work.

"Josh... " I say, approaching him again. This time, he doesn't wave me off. He puts one hand on his hip as he presses the phone to his ear. 

"Leo, the Governor's sick," he says, his voice unsteady. I stand close to Josh, hanging on his every word. "He collapsed. You've got to get down here... Leo... "

Josh listens some more before clapping his phone shut.

"Josh... " I say again, wanting to help. I want to do something... anything to help him even if it's just being with him. I reach out to touch his arm. "Josh... please... "

"Donna, not now, okay?" he snaps, shaking me off. Josh sighs heavily, running both hands through his hair. His eyes are distant and unfocused as he paces around. I feel my chest clenching up and I wrap my arms around myself to keep from shaking. 

"What's wrong with Leo?" CJ demands, getting in front in him. She stares him down, the glass of water still in her hand. 

"Nothing... nothing is wrong with Leo," Josh says, putting his hands on her upper arms and physically moving her out of his way. He starts walking toward the auditorium entrance. I want so badly to go running after him but I can't with CJ standing right there. 

"Where are you going?" CJ yells after him. "We need you here! Joshua!"

"I'll be back. Just take care of the Governor!" he yells back, turning around long enough to do that. And then he is gone.

We both stare at the empty entrance for a long time before CJ turns to me. Now we stare at each other but there is nothing to say. Absolutely nothing to say.

"Here," CJ says, handing me the glass of water. 

"Here what?" I say, not knowing what to do with it. My fingers tremble as they reach out to take it from her. I am practically on the verge of tears. "What do you want me to do?"

CJ looks at me again, then past me in the direction they took the Governor. 

"Nothing," she answers as she walks away. 

********

The Marriott  
St. Louis, Missouri

I get to the hotel just in time to see Leo getting in his car. Thank God Leo always has a driver because... fuck. He doesn't need to be driving. I race across the parking lot and catch up to them before they can pull out into traffic. Breathless from running and yelling, I bang on the trunk of the car and the driver slams on the brakes. 

"Stop! Leo, you aren't going anywhere!" I shout, racing around the car to look through the rolled up window. The door unlocks and I pull it open, looking at Leo. He looks like he just went through several levels of hell and hardly made it back. 

"I have to, Josh... I have to," he says, his voice shaky. I crouch down to talk to him, hoping this driver is more discreet than some of the ones we've had. 

"Leo, you can't help him right now. Not like this. Come on and get out of the car," I say. 

"What happened?" he asks and I'm not sure if he's talking about himself or the Governor.

"I don't know but we'll find out. Just get out of the car," I say and thankfully, he does. I lean into the car and tell the driver that we'll call him back when we need him. 

Leo and I go into the hotel, neither of us saying a word as we pass through the lobby and up the elevator to his room. I'm not sure what to say at this point. Leo is drunk and the Governor just collapsed right before a debate and everything is spinning out of control. I don't know what in the hell is happening and why it has to happen now. 

He hands me the keycard and I fight with it for a few attempts before the door unlocks. His room is dark. The sun that was so bright and eager earlier today is now lost behind a cloud and his room is cold and gray. Cold, gray and it smells like booze. Leo watches as I grab a wastebasket and swipe all the little bottles into it. 

I know Leo drinks. Drank. Whatever. I remember when he would visit Dad and they would sit and have a few drinks. I remember Dad always stopped long before Leo did. 

I don't know what to say now. What is there to say? Judging from the look on his face, I don't have to say a word. And hell -- do I have a right to say anything? My behavior on this campaign hasn't exactly been on the up and up. Most of our fuck ups have been due to weakness. We've been weak and parts of this campaign have been weak and I don't know how the hell we plan to run the country like this. Something has to change. We all have to change. 

"Was anyone else here?" I ask Leo and he looks away from me.

"They only saw me take one drink. Most of them, anyway. Gibson. He was the only one... what happened to the Governor?" Leo asks, changing the subject. I sit down on the couch, the garbage can at my feet. 

"I can't tell you, Leo. He collapsed. That's all I know. This is going to get out," I say, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. 

"What's going to get out? He probably has nothing more than a head cold or something. Abbey will take care of him," Leo says, shrugging it off. 

"Presidents don't faint, do they?" I ask and Leo shrugs a shoulder before making his way over to the couch opposite of where I'm sitting. 

"All the time," Leo says, smiling just a little.

"Really? I would think they were above it."

"Like royalty?"

"Yeah, something like that," I say and he thinks for a moment. 

"In a couple of months, we'll know more about what presidents do," he says, sounding so very confident in us or in Governor Bartlet or that the guy we're running against is a total loser. 

"I never realized just how much I want this until I saw him ... " I say, stopping while the images of the Governor float through my mind. "When we started this thing, a part of me felt I'd be okay with it all if we lost. I felt that Jed Bartlet was the right man but if we lost, it wouldn't necessarily be because of something we did. The other guy was just better on the campaign trail or the voters were just... just stupid. We'd all go back to our lives and we could just... I don't know. I thought that until this afternoon. When he went down, I realized just how much I hate losing. I realized there is no other option but to win."

"That's why I brought you on the team, kid," he says and I stare out the window. 

The problem with winning this is I lose something else. It's got to be worth it. This is what I've wanted my whole life -- to be here changing the world. But I never imagined someone like Donna would come along. 

In my mind, I've tried a million different ways to make this thing with Donna work out if... when we win the White House. I've tried to picture her as the perfect political girlfriend or wife but I can't quite make it work. Would she be willing to see me for two hours in the middle of the night -- if that -- for the next four years? Or eight years? Would she be happy not being in the middle of it all but instead sitting around waiting for me to call from Helsinki or Tokyo or wherever we might be? Would she be happy putting her life on hold for my job? She shouldn't have to do that. She's too damn young to do that. 

It's not likely that she'd get the same kind of job I could give her elsewhere in DC; the kind of job where it wouldn't matter how long I was gone. Or the kind of job where she'd be an equal to me and be satisfied with what she would be doing. Maybe she could work elsewhere on the staff... maybe. I don't know. I just don't. She's not Mandy. She's... Donna. If she works for me, I can see her all day. If she doesn't, I don't know what will happen. 

What has to happen is it has to end. She's got to work for me. She can go places working for me that she'd never get to being my girlfriend. In a few years, opportunities will be open to her and then we can... try it again? Would she even want to? Will she ever believe this has nothing to do with Mandy but it's about her?

I turn to Leo and he's looking back at me curiously. "I need to call and find out about the Governor," I say, avoiding his stare as I pull my cell phone out and dial Sam. 

"Sam Seaborn," he says, sounding very out of breath. 

"Sam, it's Josh. I'm with Leo. What's going on?" I ask and he takes a deep breath before filling me in. 

"The Governor's feeling better. A doctor examined him a few minutes ago and he thinks it's an ear infection. Abbey just got here and she's in the hotel room with him now so we might not know what's going on for a few minutes. CJ keeps calling me from the debate site asking if it's going on or if we should cancel and I think that if we cancel now, we might never recover," he says and I agree with him. 

"Let me talk to Leo and I'll call you back," I say, hanging up the phone. I relay all the information to Leo before asking, "Should we cancel?"

"Are you kidding me? If Jed Bartlet has a chance to speak, nothing's going to stop him," Leo says with a big grin. "There's nothing stopping us now, Josh. Nothing but our own stupid mistakes."

I nod at him, knowing it's true. We are our own worst enemies this time around. We're worse to ourselves than the other guy. Somehow, the stupid mistakes have to stop. Somehow, a lot of things have to stop. 

************

The door creaks open and I roll over just in time to see Josh's silhouette standing in the hallway. He closes the door, then flips on the light. I hold my hand over my eyes until they adjust.

"Donna... what are you doing here?" 

"We said we'd meet back in your room after the debate," I say, lowering my hand. Josh is giving me a strange look. "We did say that earlier. Remember?"

"Did anyone see you?" he asks, almost sounding upset that I am here.

"No one saw me, Josh," I reassure him before sitting up. I shift around and motion for Josh to come sit by me. He doesn't. Instead, he turns and leans back on the dresser. "How is the Governor?"

"He's back in his room. He's got an inner ear infection or something," Josh says, his eyes darting everywhere except at me. They fall on the door and stay on the door. "It's been a long day and a long night, Donna."

"I know," I say, patting the space beside me invitingly. I smile a little. "But now it's over. Come here."

"It's not over," Josh says, staying where he is. He finally looks at me and his eyes are so... distant. He wipes his hands across them. "In nine days, maybe it'll be over."

"Maybe?" I ask, unsure if Josh is talking about just the election now. He lowers his hands and looks at me again. It's not a good look. "Why are looking at me like that?"

"Like what?" Josh dismisses.

"Like I did something wrong," I answer, moving so I'm sitting on the edge of the bed and closer to him. I press a hand to my chest. "Did I do something wrong?" 

"Why would you think that?"

"I-I don't know," I stammer, trying to explain. It's not easy with Josh putting me on the spot like this. "Earlier, you wouldn't even talk to me... "

"Donna, I was in the middle of something with the Governor. What did you expect me to do? Just drop everything and run off with you?" he says, raising his voice. He's stressed. He's stressed about something and it has to do with... me. 

"You did earlier," I point out, then sigh. "I'm not saying you had to run off with me but you didn't have to act like... like ... "

"Like what?" Josh says again.

"Like I wasn't even there," I say, feeling a lump rise in my throat. I swallow it down long enough to continue. "Then, after the Governor collapsed, you just took off and I didn't know where you were going... "

"I had things to take care of Donna, okay?" he says defensively, his voice rising even higher. I turn my lips down and now it's Josh's turn to sigh. "Do you have any idea how close we came to losing tonight?"

"But we didn't ... " I say. "The debate went well. It went well without her."

"Without who?" Josh asks and I can't believe he has to ask. 

"Mandy," I say and Josh shakes his head. I don't understand. Isn't this what we've been waiting for? "Now you can get rid of her, right? We don't need Mandy... "

"This isn't about Mandy," he says, cutting me off. 

"It's always been about Mandy," I say, wondering what changed between this afternoon and now. "She's the reason we can't be together and if she's gone ... "

"She's not the reason," Josh says, cutting me off again. He looks me straight in the eye and I feel my heart just bottom out. 

"Then what is?" I ask, but deep down, I know. All those months ago in Chicago, I knew. When I came back to the campaign, I knew. I just never thought it would ever come down to this but somehow it has. "Bartlet ... "

I stare at Josh, waiting for him to tell me I'm wrong but I'm not.

"Donna, if he wins ... " Josh starts.

"If he wins... what? We can't be together?" I ask, the tears rising fast. I swipe a hand over my eyes to stop them before they even start. I can't believe he's saying this after all... after all we've been through. "I'll find another job, Josh. That's all. I just find another job ... "

"What kind of job do you think you're going to find in Washington without a college degree?" he asks, looking back at me knowingly. 

"I'll go back and get one," I say, the tears streaming down my cheeks. The words hurt only because they are true. I gave up my college degree for Ethan and I gave up Ethan for... this job and for him. There has to be a way to make this work. There just has to be. I start waving my hand around, searching for the answer. "I'll work during the day and go to school at night ... "

"Or you could work for me," Josh says, moving to sit next to me on the bed. He reaches for my hand to make me stop. 

"No ... " I don't want to hear this. I don't want to hear any of this.

"Donna, listen to me," Josh continues, holding my hand a little tighter. "You could work for me in the White House and get a decent salary and experience and ... "

"But then I can't be with you," I say, the heavy feeling in my chest making it impossible to breathe. I hold our joined hands up. "We can't have... this if I work for you."

"And if you don't work for me, Donna... I won't be able to be with you at all," he says. "Do you think you'd be happy with seeing me just a couple hours at night?" 

"No," I answer because I wouldn't. "I'd want more but I also want you, Josh. Don't you want me?"

"Of course I do but I also want to win," Josh says and I wriggle my hand out of his. He tries to reach for me again, but I pull away. I don't want him touching me right now. Not when he's telling me this. "I want it all."

"You can't have it all, Josh," I say, folding my arms back up against me. I close my eyes, angry with him and angry with myself for not seeing this sooner. I just didn't want to see it. "So if the Governor loses, we can be together and if he wins, we can't? Is that what you're saying?"

"When Bartlet wins," Josh says softly. He gestures to the television set. "You saw him tonight, Donna. That man *is* going to win ... "

"And I'm going to lose you," I finish, feeling everything slipping away. I feel Josh slipping away and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. 

"Yeah," Josh whispers looking down at the floor. We sit in silence for all of one minute before his damn phone starts ringing. It rings a second time and then a third. Josh looks at me and I look at Josh. 

"Answer it," I tell him, knowing it doesn't matter who it is. CJ. Sam. Toby. Leo. They all come before me. They always did. Josh reaches for it, his eyes still locked with mine. In them, I see such want but it's not enough anymore. I thought it was, but it's not.

"Josh Lyman," he says, finally lowering his eyes and focusing on the call. I get up to go. "Yeah, Sam... can you hold on just one minute?" Josh holds the phone against his chest and reaches out to me. "Donna, wait... "

"I can't," I say, folding my arms even tighter to keep from taking his hand. And it would be so easy to, but I can't. Not now. Maybe not ever again.

I turn and go, leaving Josh to talk to Sam.

**********

To be continued...

"Campaign Promises"  
by Jori and MoJo

Sometimes the promises made on the campaign trail can't be kept forever... 

Rated NC-17. Completed 16January2004  
Part XII

*************

Transition Office  
General Services Administration Building  
Washington, DC  
December 23, 1998

"He can't be serious, Leo," I say, running my hands through my hair in frustration. We've spent days debating this one appointment and President-elect Bartlet still hasn't budged an inch. 

"Oh, he's serious, Josh. I think you know that," Leo says, looking at me over his glasses. 

"First the thing with Toby and now this. He can't put up a fight on all 6,000 appointments. We'll never get it done."

"We got him to go along with Toby and we'll get him to go along with this," Leo says, flipping through one file after another piled up on his desk. 

Anyone who thinks the toughest part of this job was over the day we got Jed Bartlet elected is delusional. The real work began the morning after the election, when the GSA handed us the keys to this office. 

"He didn't want to go with Toby. He wanted David Rosen and you know it. Now he wants to appoint some yahoo to the cabinet and --"

"I hardly think Lou Fellows can be classified as a yahoo no matter what state he comes from. He'll come around to the idea, Josh. He will. O'Leary will get the appointment. He likes her. Now we have to get him to think it was all his idea." Leo says confidently. 

"It's just after the thing with Toby," I say and Leo silences me with a sharp look. 

"Toby has the job."

"Only because David took that other job."

"You know as well as I do that sometimes sacrifices have to be made," Leo says, looking back down at the open file before him.

"But he wanted to sacrifice Toby, Leo. Toby. Now he wants this other thing and I never imagined that winning could cause so much grief," I say, sighing. The plan was to win and waltz into DC. It was all going to be good. We were coming here to do good things and the people would love us. They voted for us and so of course they're going to love us. 

Yet here we are, already experiencing Washington gridlock and that's just among ourselves. 

"Sacrifices have to be made..." Leo mumbles again. "Promises were made and now we have to keep some of them. Sometimes that means we don't get what we want."

"I know that. I know that all too well," I say, sighing. We won the election and I had to sacrifice my relationship with Donna. She said I couldn't have it all and she wasn't kidding.

Now, when she's not working in this office, she spends all her time searching desperately for a new job believing if she can find one, she and I will be together again. So far, nothing has turned up. Right now, too many people are scrambling to get a job and her resume isn't that impressive. It could be in a few years but she seems to think... I don't even know what she thinks anymore. 

I told her to fly home for the holidays because she wasn't going to find anything over the next few days but she insisted on staying just in case something comes up. At least now we're paying her and she has a place to live. Our relationship is entirely professional and I haven't even seen the inside of her apartment. I just can't. 

Then there's Mandy. She wasn't even interested in what she called a low paying position on the White House staff. Not when she could go off and work for Lennox/Chase for the ridiculous amount of money they were willing to pay. Besides, she insisted that I shut her completely out of the loop after the election. I would have shut her out before the election if I could have but we needed her until those last few days. 

But outside the professional sphere, I'm stuck with her and I'm not quite sure why. Perhaps it's because I'm too damn tired to end it. Why bother? We never see each other anyway so what would it serve? Maybe if Donna and I could be together...

"Josh?" 

I look at Leo and realize he's been talking to me while I was drifting off. 

"Yeah?"

"Never mind," he says, as if he knows exactly what I was thinking. He looks over my shoulder and I turn around to find Margaret standing in the doorway. "What is it?"

"Jenny is on the phone."

"Thank you, Margaret," Leo says, reaching for the telephone.

"You want me to leave?" I ask. 

"Nah. This will only take a minute," he says, putting the receiver to his ear before pushing the blinking button. "Hey, Jenny."

I can only hear one side of the conversation but that's all I need to hear to know what it's about. He hasn't been able to get out of the office before 3 a.m. for weeks now and with Christmas just a few days away, she needs him for something. She needs him and he can't be there.

And this is the life Donna wants. She wants to sit at home alone as the holidays approach, never knowing when I'll be back. If she finds another job, this could be the two of us. 

**************

Donna Moss' Apartment  
Washington, DC  
December 23, 1998

 

"Donna? What are you doing home?" my roommate asks as I open the door. She's in the kitchen in her underwear with her hair dripping wet, making a sandwich. She reaches for her robe and covers up. I shut the door, toeing a cat out of the way before it can escape. "Did they let you off early for the holidays?"

"No," I tell her, unbuttoning my coat and flopping down in a chair. I close my eyes and try not to cry. There's no point in crying. What they said was true. Everything they said was true but it hurts to hear it just the same. I sigh heavily and press my fingers to my forehead, covering up my face so she can't see it quivering. 

"Are you okay?" 

I open my eyes and peek through my fingers to see her coming around the couch. She sits and sets her plate down on the cushion beside her and stares at me. We haven't been roommates that long and I don't know how much to tell her. I don't know how much I should tell her but I need to talk. I certainly can't go back to work, back to Josh like this. 

"I'm fine," I say, waving my hand around and pushing back the tears. "I had a bad job interview. That's all..."

"Job interview?" she repeats, looking puzzled. Then, she looks worried as if she's trying to figure out how I'm going to pay my half of the rent. She probably is. The rent in DC is very expensive, even with a roommate. "I thought you liked your job?"

"I did. I do. I like my job," I say, fumbling over my words. 

"You have a good job," she says, looking puzzled again. "And it'll be an even better job when you move into the White House."

"I know," I say, letting my hand fall into my lap. I should be grateful I have my job because apparently, I'm not qualified to have it or any job in Washington. I feel the tears start up again. "I... know."

I've gone on several interviews but none like the one today. I was told point blank why I haven't been hired yet -- I have no education, no experience and I'm wasting everyone's time by sending out my resume. And they're right. I am under-qualified. I couldn't even get a job back home without help from Stephanie's father. I don't know what I was thinking...

I close my eyes again.

Josh. I was thinking about Josh.

It's been weeks since we separated but until today, I just haven't been able to let go of the idea we can somehow make this work. But if I can't find another job, I'm going to have to. We certainly can't work together and be together. At this point, I'm not even sure we can do that. 

"So are you going home?"

"Going home?" I ask, the question catching me off guard. I open my eyes and look quizzically at my roommate.

"For the holidays," she clarifies and I relax a little. "You said you have family in Wisconsin..."

"No, I'm not going home," I answer with a weak smile. It's too late to go home now. I've already told my parents I was staying here even though there is no reason to anymore. No one is going to call and offer me a job. I was wrong to think they would. 

"No one should be alone for the holidays," she says matter-of-factly. She's leaving in the morning to spend a week with her boyfriend's family in Vermont. "Maybe I could see if..."

"No," I say, shaking my head. I don't want to be a third wheel. "I won't be alone. I'll probably end up working."

"That's not the same," she says, looking down to watch the other cat as it jumps up on the couch. We both watch as it tries to eat the corner of her sandwich before she shoos him away. "You should be with family. Or friends. Someone who cares about you."

"I will be," I say, lifting my chin confidently. 

Despite everything that has happened between Josh and me, I know those people care about me. If they didn't, they would've just let me go after the election in favor of someone more qualified. If I don't find something else and things don't work out, at least I will have my job. And Josh.

I'll still have Josh in my life.

******

Transition Office  
General Services Administration Building  
Washington, DC  
December 24, 1998

"I really have to get going," Sam says one more time, looking at his watch. 

"We have to take care of this today," I say, looking through lists of names for various positions we still have to fill.

"I have a plane to catch. I'm going to Aruba for Christmas."

"Who goes to Aruba for Christmas?" I ask.

"Hopefully, me. Josh, I'll be back in three days. We can do this then. We've been going nonstop since forever and I'd really like to get away..."

"So would I but yet here I am, probably working through Christmas," I say and Sam cocks his head to the side and looks at me.

"You don't celebrate Christmas," he says.

"And running off to Aruba is celebrating Christmas how exactly?" I ask and Sam stands and begins to pack up his stuff. "All right, have a good time. Think about the Secretary of Labor while you're there."

"I'll be sure to do that," Sam says, heading towards the door. With an armful of file folders, he turns to me. "Take tomorrow off, Josh. Spend it with Mandy. It will do you good to get away from all this."

"I'll think about it," I say and he nods and leaves me sitting alone at the conference room table. It's not long before my cell phone starts ringing. Answering it, I'm greeted by a very upset Mandy on the other end. 

"I think my flight has been canceled. I can't get out of the city," she says. I can hear the sounds of a busy airport in the background. 

"What happened?" I ask. 

"Who knows? The holidays happened. Snow happened. Isn't it snowing there yet?" she asks. I turn to look out a window and discover that it's probably been snowing for hours and I just didn't notice. I wonder how Sam is planning to get to Aruba if they start canceling flights out of National? Maybe he'll be in here working after all. 

"Yeah, it is. I just... I've been working and didn't notice. There's no chance for another flight? How about tomorrow morning?" I ask, trying to sound more concerned than I feel at the moment. If Mandy can't make it here, I can come into work all day tomorrow. If she is here, we'll have to spend part of the day together doing God knows what. 

"It doesn't look likely. Why don't I just come down for New Year's Eve? That way you can work through tomorrow like you were planning to do anyway," she says and I can hear that tone creep up into her voice. The one that indicates she knows me too well. 

"What are we doing on New Year's Eve?" I ask, unaware of any plans we might have. 

"I'll think of something. I'll call you tomorrow, okay?" 

"Okay. I'll talk to you then," I say, ready to end this call. She's not going to let it end that easily. 

"I love you," she says.

"Love you, too," I say back and before she can say anything else, I hit the end button on the phone. 

I leave the room to go find some food in this place that's not out of the million Christmas baskets various people have sent to us. I've had my fill of pears and cheese that's really not cheese. 

Instead of food, I find Donna sitting in front of her computer, typing away at something. 

"You're still here?" I ask and she doesn't look up.

"Yeah."

"Why? It's Christmas Eve. And why didn't you fly home to Wisconsin for the holidays?" I ask, sitting on the corner of her desk. 

"I had... I had something to do yesterday and I couldn't leave town and couldn't get a flight today," she says, still not looking at me. She's still trying to find a job that's not with me. She still thinks that's the answer to all of this. 

"What are you doing tomorrow then?" I ask, digging through the basket someone sent her. I unwrap one of those stupid strawberry candies that seem to be a staple of gift baskets everywhere and pop it into my mouth for a second before I spit it back out into the wrapper.

"Either I'll come into work or I'll spend the day with my roommate's cats. Does it really matter?" she asks, looking up at me now. 

"I was just asking," I say. 

"And I'm just saying I'll find something to do."

We stare at each other just a couple of seconds too long and her eyes dart back to the monitor before I can tell her I'm sorry for everything. Before I can tell her something stupid like to just quit this job and not to worry about it because I'll take care of both of us. And someday I will be Leo and she will be Jenny and we'll never see each other at all. 

Instead, I say, "You want to get something to eat? I can't take anymore basket food." 

She looks at me and hesitates with her answer. I know what she's thinking because I'm thinking the same thing, too. The two of us alone on Christmas Eve might not be such a good idea. 

"What would be open this late tonight?" she asks. 

"There's got to be a Chinese restaurant open somewhere. Or a sushi bar. A couple of delis. This isn't Wisconsin, Donna. The world doesn't stop for Christ," I say and she gets this funny look on her face. 

"The world doesn't stop in Wisconsin," she says and before I can say anything else derisive about her home state, she adds, "I'd love to get dinner with you."

"I'll be back in minute. I've got to grab my coat and put a few things away," I say and she nods and starts to shut down whatever project she's working on. I come back to find her standing there with just a light jacket on. It wasn't that cold this morning when we all got here and it certainly wasn't snowing.

"It's really snowing out there now," I say, handing her my overcoat. "You better take this."

"I'm used to winter, you know."

"Take it," I say and she does, smiling as she puts it on.

"You might as well take the scarf, too," I say, handing it to her before we head toward the door. 

"It smells like you," she says. 

"I'm sorry," I say. "I know I wear that coat and scarf a lot but..."

"No, that's not a bad thing," she says, cramming her hands deep into the pockets. "I like it."

Yeah, this dinner might not be a good idea at all. 

****************

Hunan Chinatown  
Washington, DC  
December 24, 1998 

I finish the last of my cashew chicken and smile over at Josh. I must smile a little too long because he looks up from his plate and looks back at me funny. 

"What?" he asks, his eyes darting around nervously even though we're the only ones in the restaurant. The only ones around... anywhere. The snow is falling even harder than when we got here, covering everything in white. 

"I don't think we've ever done this before," I say, unable to stop smiling. Must have be all the beer we've drunk. Bad Chinese beer. Not good. The beer... and drinking too much. Both are not good. 

"Done what?" Josh asks, swallowing down the rest of said beer. 

"Go out to dinner," I reply, pushing my empty plate aside and folding my arms on the table. I bring one hand up to my neck and fiddle with my hair. "It's... nice. Having dinner with you." 

"There was never any time. There isn't really any time now except... it's Christmas Eve and it's snowing," he says, shoving his plate aside as well. He glances out the window and watches the snow fall for a moment.

And I watch... Josh.

I know he's still dating Mandy, if one can call what they do dating with Josh here and her... wherever she is. The weather had to have kept her away because otherwise, she would be having dinner with Josh instead of me. The less Mandy is around, the better. I can't even imagine what it be like if she had joined the staff. I'm glad I don't have to.

"So we have time now," I say although I'm not sure what exactly we have time for. I feel my chest start to tighten with longing. Josh's breathing seems to stop all together and he turns his head back to me. 

"Donna, I'm sorry," he whispers, his eyes staring into mine. My chest tightens even more. "I'm sorry for everything. How everything turned out." 

"So am I," I tell him, holding his gaze. Maybe it's the beer but I have this sudden need to tell him about yesterday. "I'm not going to be able to find a job here, Josh. I've looked and looked but there is nothing I'm qualified for..." 

"Donna, I don't want you working anywhere else," he says, keeping his eyes locked into mine. "I don't want to lose you." 

"You won't," I promise, my voice low as we stare at one another. Whatever happens, good or bad, I'm not leaving Josh. I'll work for him as long as he needs me. 

And he does. Need me. He needs me as much as I need him.

"Here is your check," the waitress says, breaking the silence between us. She drops a small tray on the corner of the table. "Whenever you are ready." 

I reach for the check and so does Josh, his fingers sliding against mine. We look at one another again, the contact stirring up everything we've been trying to avoid.

We withdraw our hands quickly and Josh pays the check so we can go. It's probably a good idea. A very good idea. I stand up and so does Josh and we head for the door, for his overcoat and scarf hanging on the rack beside it. Instead of handing them to me, he holds the overcoat open. I turn around and let him slide it up my arms, wrapping me in his warm scent all over again. 

"Merry Christmas, Donna," he says, keeping his hands on my shoulders. 

I look out the window before us, at the snow and the cold. 

Then, I turn and look back at Josh. 

"Yeah," I say, feeling the air around us growing thick. I edge a little closer, unable to stop myself from gravitating toward him. 

"I better take you home," he says softly, swallowing hard. His eyes lower to my mouth and I can't stop myself from lifting it up to meet his. 

Oh God. 

All the want, ache and need comes pouring out of us both the second our lips touch. I reach for Josh and he reaches for me, our arms closing around the other fast. The kiss deepens and I part my lips, letting his mouth melt into mine. It goes on and on until there is no work, no Mandy, no anything except this moment and this kiss. I feel my heart speed up and a deep, radiating heat move through my center. The need for air forces us to separate but we cling to one another, our foreheads pressed together. 

"Take me home, Josh," I breathe, opening my eyes and peering into his. They are dark and wide and full of desire. "Your home." 

***** 

Donna Moss' Apartment  
Washington, DC  
December 24, 1998

Donna struggles to get through her front door, pushing two overexcited cats aside. One looks at me suspiciously while the other tries to wrap its way around my leg. I give it a shove with my foot and it makes a loud 'mewling' noise. Now the other one is looking at me with utter contempt. 

"Ginny and Bella," Donna says, pointing at the furry beasts on the floor. "Ginny's the gray one and Bella is the white one." She says this as if I plan on having a long term relationship with these animals. 

"Ginny and Bella, go away," I say loudly and they both run for cover under the couch. 

"You could be nice. It's Christmas," Donna says with a pout as she goes about taking off my overcoat and handing it to me. I'm not sure whether she really means be nice to her or the cats but I'm pretty sure it's the former. She's still upset I wouldn't take her back to my apartment but I know what would have happened if we would have gone there and it just can't happen now. I have a better chance of saying no here. I can always leave. 

"I was nice. I bought you dinner," I say, tossing my coat onto an overstuffed and really ugly chair. My coat is there for less than five second when the white cat dashes out from under the couch and tries to turn it into a nest. I grab it up, sending the cat flying to the ground. She hisses at me before she runs under the couch again. "Donna, where can I put this so it isn't covered in fur when I leave?"

Leave. I should leave now and I know it. I think I'm safe here but I thought I was going to be safe at a Chinese restaurant. Instead, we ended up kissing. If I stay here, what else will we end up doing? 

"You can put it in my bedroom. It's this way," she says, motioning for me to follow her down a dark hallway. I stand still, knowing that we're heading into dangerous territory. I shouldn't follow her down there. I shouldn't... but I do. 

She flips the light switch and an overhead light flickers on. I look around the small room and sigh. It's nearly bare except for an air mattress on the floor next to an open suitcase and a milk crate that acts as a nightstand. "To be considered a bedroom, doesn't one ordinarily need a bed?" I ask, hanging my coat in her closet. 

We stand there and I'm not sure what to say or think. It's my fault she's living like this. She followed me here. She's staying here because of me. Her paycheck isn't that much yet and I'm sure she had to recover from all those months of not being on the payroll. Now she's living like this. 

"I'll get a real bed soon. I haven't had much time. You know, my boss doesn't exactly let me get away from the office that often," she says, kneeling down in front of her suitcase. She pulls out some casual clothes and sets them aside before attempting to straighten the rest of it up. 

"I just assumed, I mean, who doesn't have a bed?" I ask.

"That's why I wanted to go to your place," she says, looking up at me with those eyes. She thinks we're going to bed together. She thinks that's why I asked her to dinner. God, I want to. I want to just grab her and pull her onto that air mattress but we can't. There's Mandy. And our jobs. She's on the payroll now. I can't go around sleeping with the staff. Kissing the staff is bad enough.

But those eyes. I want her. I want her so much and I should just take my coat and go. But she continues staring up at me with those eyes so full of love and trust and desire and I can't move from this spot. 

"Donna..." I say, my voice slowly fading to nothing. 

"Yeah?"

"The only way I know how to make this work is for me to turn around and walk out that door. You have a wonderful opportunity -- no, a once in a lifetime opportunity -- while you're working for me and I don't want to do something to jeopardize that. I'm not kidding. Do you know how many people want your job?" I ask. 

"But what if we're a once in a lifetime opportunity, Josh? Is it worth throwing away so I can have a career?" she asks, a look of confusion crossing her face. 

"You and I, we'll still be around in four years. Eight years. Whenever. But we have a chance to do something good," I say and she looks down at the floor. 

"Okay."

"I don't want you to hate me. Ever. I don't want you to hate me because of this but I also don't want you to hate me because I never come home or I don't pay enough attention to you or us. It's just right now, there are so many other things," I say, not sure how to tell her how I really feel. I'm not sure I know how to put all my fears into words. 

"I don't think I could hate you if I tried," she says, smiling sadly. 

"Good, because I love you," I say before I can stop myself. 

We both stare at each other in silence and I realize that at this moment, I don't care about the rest of it. I just want her. I put out my hand and she's off the floor and in my arms in a flash, suitcase and change of clothing forgotten. 

"We can make it work somehow," she whispers and I try to figure out how. Get rid of Mandy. Lie every day at work. Have her quit working. She can live with me. We'll never see each other again. I'll never be home. She'll grow to hate me. "Stop thinking, Josh. Just stop thinking about it. We'll do it. We'll make it work."

With her in my arms, I can be made to believe anything. Her mouth meets mine and her tongue parts my lips immediately, sneaking into my mouth as easily as she can sneak back into my heart. 

We stumble over towards the mattress, her hands hurriedly trying to get me out of my suit as I try to find the fasteners on her pants. I do it and shove them down over her hips but damn it, shoes. We're being held back by shoes. 

Pulling away from each other, we undress ourselves, too impatient now to let the other do it. My eyes travel the length of her body before we sink to the mattress. The vinyl surface squeaks and moans as we slide across it, pulling the blankets over us as we go to keep out the chill. My plan to avoid this by bringing her to her apartment and not mine is failing fast. 

Her hand reaches for me and I feel her fingers skim across my stomach before wrapping around my cock, stroking me until I'm hard. "I've missed you. I've missed us," she says and I know I should be coming to my senses any minute now but her hand and her words and those eyes... and I know there's no turning back now. She releases me and tugs at my hips, trying to pull me to her but I stop her. 

"Hold up a bit," I say and she looks puzzled. I give her a quick kiss and disappear beneath the covers, placing little kisses all down her body. She giggles at the sensation until I ease her knees apart and slide my fingers against her sex before I get comfortable. I hear her gasp as my tongue darts out against her clit and her whole body tenses up. 

"Oh, God... Josh. Oh..." she says, her hands clutching at the blankets I'm under. Her back arches and she presses in closer to my mouth. I can't help smiling as she continues to mumble my name. 

************

Not even my sad excuse for a bed seem to matter as long as Josh is in it, doing this to me. The world and everything in it just falls away into the warm, wonderful feeling of his lips and mouth and tongue. I let go of the blanket and move my hands to his head, to his hair and try to motion for him to stop. As much as I want to... like this, I want to with him inside me more. 

He needs to know none of that other stuff matters. None of it. How can my career possibly be more important that this? Than us? People spend their entire lives searching and never finding what we have, what we are to one another. I don't want to date other men. I don't even want to try. I just want Josh.

I wind my fingers through his hair and tug gently, but Josh doesn't stop. Instead, he swirls his tongue faster and starts to move his fingers again. They slide through my folds, then even lower until I feel one, then two entering me. I tense even more, the muscles in my thighs quivering as he starts to thrust with his hand. I lose all sense of self, able only to focus on the rising pressure that is just about to spill over.

"Joshua... Josh... Josh," I cry out, squeezing my eyes tight as I come for Josh. The pleasure throbs through me, throbs against his still-moving hand as he tries to prolong it. And for a while, he does... keeping the last of the waves going on and on until I can't anymore. I try to pull him up once again, wanting him in my arms. "Josh... please. Come here."

His fingers and mouth slide away as Josh slides up my body, re-emerging from the covers. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him into a long, open kiss of gratitude. I can taste myself on him, my head reeling from it and what it all means. My heart races even more than what it already is as I try to wrap my legs around his waist. Josh rolls us both over onto our sides, making it hard for me to hook the one beneath him around. His sex brushes against mine and I press into it, making Josh moan deeply before he pulls his mouth, and hips, away.

"Donna..." he mutters, keeping his eyes closed as he shakes his head. I bring a hand up to the side of his face and stroke his cheek with my thumb, not understanding his hesitation now.

"Donna what?" I say softly, wanting him to look at me. "I love you, Josh. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone..." I nudge my hips again into his, this time catching his cock between my thighs.

"What about... we don't have any..." he stammers, finally opening his eyes. I sigh and smile at him, my fingers moving to stroke his hair instead. "We shouldn't without..."

"Oh," I whisper, finally understanding. I smile a little more in reassurance. "My roommate has some tucked away in the bathroom. For when her boyfriend stays over. I'll get them."

I unhook my leg and start to wriggle out of Josh's arms but he holds onto me, keeping me from getting too far.

"Maybe you shouldn't..." he starts, hesitating again.

"It's okay," I say, not sure why Josh would think it wouldn't be. "Just wait right here... I'll only be a moment."

"Okay," he says, letting me go. I get up, sliding out of the warmth of the blankets to get the condoms. The apartment seems cooler now and I pick Josh's shirt up off the floor and put it on so I won't get too cold. I'm one step into the hallway when I hear something that stops me in my tracks.

A phone. A cell phone. Josh's cell phone as it rings from the pocket of his slacks.

"Don't answer it," I say, my heart suddenly becoming heavy in my chest. No one has called Josh all night and I'm afraid of who might be calling now. 

"Donna, I have to get it," Josh says, sitting up and then leaning over the edge of the bed as it rings a second time.

"You can call them back..." I whisper but Josh reaches out, his fingers catching the hem of his pants to pull them toward him. I wrap up in his shirt, folding my arms around myself as I watch him fish his phone out.

"Yeah?" he asks, his voice low and raspy. Then, it gets even lower as he rubs his hand across his eyes. "No, I wasn't... just getting some dinner... you're where?"

Josh sits back again, his eyes staring down at the rumpled sheets as he listens for a moment. From the way he hangs his head, slumps his shoulders, I know exactly who he's talking to. It's Mandy... and whatever she is saying isn't good.

I stay where I am, huddling even more into the thin fabric of Josh's shirt as I listen to him give her a series of one word answers until finally, he has to say something beyond just "okay" and "yeah."

"I'll see you there," he says, then hangs up, letting the phone fall out of his hand and onto the bed.

"See her where," I say, trying to keep my voice from shaking but I can't. I stare at Josh, stare at his hunched over form in the middle of my bed as he stares at the phone. "Josh? See her where... "

"At my apartment in an hour," he answers, his eyes staying on the phone. "God only know how, but she was able to get out of the city..."

"And you're going to go..." I say, the heavy feeling in my chest rising up to my throat. I unfold one hand and lay it over my neck, over the aching lump inside it.

"I have to go," Josh replies, sighing heavily before finally looking up at me. He shakes his head again and the tears just start flowing down my cheeks. "We shouldn't have, Donna. We just never should have let--"

"You love me," I say, not wanting to hear him make excuses. Despite the tears, I keep staring at Josh. "You said you love me."

"I *do* love you, Donna."

"Then stay with me, Josh," I tell him, everything aching inside me now. I move back to bed and sit on the edge, my hands reaching out to grasp his. "Tell her -- tell her whatever you want but don't go. We'll make it work."

Josh's hands don't move, don't wrap around mine as the room grows impossibly still. And cold and I can't stop shaking.

"There is only one way to make it work, Donna," he says quietly, his fingers giving mine a slight squeeze. 

"No..." I say, shaking my head at what he's really saying. He's wrong. There has to be a way. There just has to be. I start sob now, unable to hold it inside anymore.

"Donna, Donna... shhh," Josh says, pulling me against him but I can't do this now. Not when I know it's ... over. 

"No," I say again, somehow managing to find the strength to move out of his arms. I wipe my hand over my face and try to stop crying but I can't. Not when my heart is breaking all over again. "Just... go, Josh. I can't do this anymore."

"Donna..."

"Please," I say, not wanting him to say anything more. We've said all that needs to be said this time. "I'll be okay but you need to... go."

"Okay."

Josh pulls the covers back and climbs out of bed to gather his clothes. He looks at me and the shirt I'm still wearing and without saying anything more, I take it off and hand it back to him. I wrap up in the blanket instead, the blanket that still smells like him and us and cling to it as I watch him dress. When he's finished, Josh moves to the closet for his coat.

"Donna..." he tries one last time.

"I'll see you at work," I tell him. 

Thankfully, Josh says nothing more. He just nods before turning to go.

****** 

New Hampshire Inaugural Ball  
Washington, DC  
January 20, 1999

Sam takes a sip of the drink I just handed him and then asks me something. I can't hear him over the band and the crowd of people networking around us. He leans in closer and scream into my ear. "Is she coming?"

Rubbing my ear, I lean away from him, looking as if I couldn't possibly imagine who he's talking about. "Is who coming?"

"The person you keep looking for," he says, his eyes passing over the party-goers and revelers. 

"Mandy is already here... somewhere. Or else she went to the Texas Ball. I'm not sure anymore," I answer loudly. 

"Is Donna coming?" he asks, taking another sip of his drink and waiting for some sort of answer from me. 

"I don't know. She has an invitation. She can do whatever she wants to do," I say, looking away from Sam's gaze. 

"Should we go pick her up?" he asks and now I face him again, blinking at the stupidity of his question. 

"Why would we do that?"

"Maybe she thinks you don't want her here."

"Why wouldn't I?" I ask and Sam just shrugs. A lanky man that I don't recognize comes up and shakes his hand and they start talking, thus saving me from the conversation about Donna. I'm tired of conversations about Donna and what Donna plans on doing and how long does Donna plan on staying and whatever other question anyone can dream up about Donna. It's mostly Mandy dreaming up the questions but I'm tired of them nonetheless.

I interrupt Sam and his friend and let him know I'm going to go find Toby. I locate him standing alone near the bar, slowly swirling an amber colored drink around in his glass. "Having a good time?" I ask and he sneers at me in reply. "Yeah. And this goes on for another five hours."

"David Rosen said the oddest thing to me the other day..."

"I wouldn't believe a word David Rosen says," I say, heading that conversation off at the pass. "Have you seen Mandy?"

"No. Have you seen Andy?" he asks, nodding his head in the direction of the woman who used to be his wife. She's mingling with a few other women and when she notices Toby staring at her, she smiles in his direction before she goes back to chatting. "She looks good."

"Andy always looks good but have you seen Mandy?" I ask again and now Toby focuses on me. 

"No," he says wiping his hand across his head. "But I did see Donna a few minutes ago. She was looking for you."

"She was?" I ask and Toby says nothing for the longest time. "Where did she go?"

"How would I know?" he says, focusing back on Andy. "But here comes Mandy."

"Hello, Toby. Josh," Mandy says, sidling up to us. She asks for a glass of white wine from the bartender and turns to face the crowd. 

"Where have you been?" I ask and she raises an eyebrow as she considers her reply. 

"I was talking to Senator Russell," she says, her fingers wiping the rim of her glass. "We really should go on to another ball. Don't want to stay in one place too long."

"You go on. I'm going to stay here a little longer," I say and she takes one sip of her wine before setting it down. Her eyes focus sharply on me as if she's trying to figure something out but can't quite manage it. 

"I'll see you later, Josh. If we don't find each other again, I'll be at your place. My plane leaves at 8 a.m.," she says and I kiss her before she turns to leave.

"How long do you two plan to continue this charade?" Toby asks and before I get a chance to answer, I spot Donna from across the crowded room. "Or continue that one, for that matter."

"Don't know," I mumble before leaving him there, drink in hand. 

"Be careful," he calls after me.

Shuffling through the crowd, I find it hard to get by all the people clapping me on the back or offering up good wishes for the administration and for me. I finally find her, standing alone and looking nervous, a small sequined bag clutched in her fingers. Her dress shimmers under the lights and her long hair is pulled back neatly and I can't help but to stare at her. "Hey. How are you doing?" I ask and she turns to me, smiling nervously. 

"I didn't think they'd let me in," she says and presses her hand to her chest before explaining. "All the women in line in front of me had on black. I didn't think they'd let me in."

Her dress isn't black but that doesn't make it any less beautiful. I have no idea how she paid for it. Maybe her dad sent her the money or maybe it belongs to her roommate.

"I don't think you're required to wear black. Actually, I'm sure CJ has on some purple color and Mandy..." 

At the mention of her name, Donna's expression falls flat. She looks down at her feet and then back up at me. 

"I just didn't think they'd let me in."

"But here you are."

"Here I am."

"You look stunning," I say and she looks up at me, a huge smile crossing her face. "Just... wow."

"Thanks," she says, smoothing a hand across her silky blond hair. "Your tie is crooked."

"It is?" I ask and she nods. "I didn't have anyone help me. You know I can't do this myself."

With that, she reaches out and adjusts it, her warm hands just inches from my face. She smells nice, too, but I don't say anything as she finishes up with my tie, working at it until it's perfect. I catch her hand in mine as she pulls away and I squeeze it tight. 

"Thank you," I say and her eyes look deeply into mine, questioning my words. "For sticking with me. For everything. I know it didn't work out the way you thought it would but I'm happy you're here. This job is going to be the biggest thing that has ever happened in your life, Donna. It's going to be huge. I just wanted to tell you that."

"Josh, you see me every day at the office. You've seen me every day since..." Her eyes drop away from mine and I know she's talking about the day I left her apartment because Mandy called. A part of me has regretted that moment but another part knew it had to happen. "You never said anything. I thought..."

"I don't want you to be angry at me, that's all. This is such an opportunity for both of us and we need to grab it," I say and it's then that I realize I'm still holding her hand. In a crowd of people, I'm holding my assistant's hand and I grow worried someone might see us. Sensing what I'm feeling, Donna pulls her hand from mine and holds onto her bag again. I look around for a place we could talk without all of Washington DC watching and nod towards a service door. "We can't talk here. Follow me."

"Where?" she asks.

"Just... just come with me."

There are two secret service agents at the door who look at us suspiciously until Donna pulls her brand new White House ID card out of her little purse and I pull one out of my coat pocket. 

"I have to make a call and it's too noisy in here," I say and satisfied that we are who we say we are, they let us by. We walk a way down the quiet hallway before I stop. 

"What did you want to tell me?" Donna asks, looking around for any sign of life. There is none and I imagine there are more agents blocking the way in at every entrance. The Bartlets are all out in the ballroom mingling and security is tight.

"I don't want you to think this is easy for me. It isn't, Donna. There are days I doubt that this is the right thing to do but then I see that building we'll be working in tomorrow morning and I know it's right. I don't want to make any promises that I won't be able to keep but as important as this is, it's not going to last forever," I say and she looks confused. I reach out and take her hand in mine again and look at her in that dress. "You look good. You look so good."

"Josh, we can't keep doing this. I can't keep doing this. It breaks my heart more and more each time and it has to stop," Donna says, placing her fingers under my chin and lifting my face until my eyes meet hers. "It will hurt too much to see you every day at the office and I think it would be best if I walked away now."

She turns to go toward the doors we came in through but I grab her by the arm and pull her to me. I'm not sure why I did it and she looks stunned when I wrap my arms around her, feeling her warm skin at all the places her dress doesn't cover. Without even thinking, my lips are on her smooth neck and she sighs. I can't tell what kind of sigh it is until she pulls me closer, her neck crooked in such a way that I can reach every last inch of it and it isn't long before I give up on her neck and move to her mouth. I wait for one of us to come to our senses. One of us has to stop this but neither of us do. 

"We can't keep doing this, Josh," she says when we break the kiss but she doesn't pull away from me. "After tonight, we can't."

"After tonight," I say softly, kissing her gently again. 

"I can't promise I'll still be around in eight years. You know that, don't you?" Donna asks. I suspect she's trying to make me jealous and at the moment, it's working. 

"I know," I say, trying to sound incredibly casual about the thought of her ending up with some yokel but failing miserably. 

"Not that it matters much since you'll probably be married to Mandy by then," she adds flippantly and I look away from her for a moment. The florescent light above us keeps flickering on and off and the buzzing noise it makes is the only sound around us until I answer. 

"I don't know. I don't have any idea where I'll be when this is all over. All I know is right at this moment, I want to be with you," I say and she smiles. 

I kiss her smiling lips and our soft kiss quickly grows deeper and my head starts to spin with my need for her. She's right -- this has to end after tonight. There's no way I'll be able to do my job if we can't get past this. But tonight... we still have tonight.

I turn us so she's pressed against the wall and my hands travel over her body, desperate now to feel all of her. 

"You're going to stop loving me," she says, her voice sounding so sure of that fact. 

"I can't..."

"Yes, you can," Donna says and I'm not sure whether that's a command or not. I'm not sure of a lot of things at this moment. I tug her dress up, wrinkling the silky fabric as I do so. She looks down at what I'm doing and blushes slightly. 

"What's wrong?" I ask.

"I couldn't afford anything besides this dress. I have on the pantyhose I wear every day. I couldn't afford what one should really wear under a dress like this," she says, shifting around a little.

"Do you think I care?" I ask and she shakes her head before pushing me away and turning to face the wall. She tugs her undergarments off and shoves them inside her bag, this time dropping the bag to the cement floor before turning back to look at me

Her eyes stay focused on mine as I push her dress up again and she parts her knees enough for me to touch her. She's so wet and when her eyelids flutter shut, I start to get hard. The soft sound that escapes her throat doesn't help matters any and I want her so badly that I don't even give a damn that we are standing in a musty hallway yards from some of Washington's most influential people. I can hear the band strike up some happy tune and people laughing and none of that matters. Not while I'm with her. 

Donna's hands go to my tuxedo jacket and she fights with the buttons and then with the vest I have underneath it, shoving them off my shoulders and onto the floor, suspenders following quickly. Next, she works at my pants and I haven't stopped touching her yet and I don't know how she can focus on so many things at once time because I know my brain is getting a bit addled at the moment. 

She finally unfastens my pants and tugs them down just enough to run a finger up my cock through my boxers. I moan in satisfaction as she carefully pushes them down and wraps her hand around me, stroking in time to the music playing out in the ballroom. I can no longer focus on what I'm doing to her and my hand falls away, her dress slipping back down into place. 

"I want you," I say as she gets down to her knees. Her tongue dances around the head of my cock and she looks up at me with those eyes and it's almost enough to give it all up for her. Mandy. My stupid ambition. My dreams. 

But I can't. She'd grow to hate me more than she's already going to. 

She wraps one hand around the base of my cock and she takes one of my hands in the other, all the while her tongue and lips move over me. She's going to drive me crazy and she knows it. I stop her before it can go too far and pull her up, her back pressed against the wall. 

"Is it okay?" I ask and she just stares at me.

"Do you care?"

"I'm not sure," I say and that's the end of that. 

We fumble around with fabric and the funny angle but nothing is going to stop us at this point. I slip into her body, her legs wrapping around me and her arms around my neck, holding on. It's not pretty and certainly not romantic but it's us, together for one last time. 

She grinds against me, so very hot and tight, as I thrust hard into her. We both stop moving when we hear a door creak as if our stillness will hide what we're doing but as soon as it's apparent no one is coming this direction, we start again. 

The way we're moving together must hit her just right because she gasps softly and then I feel all of her muscles tense around me. "Joshua... Josh... Josh," she cries and I hold her close as she climaxes. I'll probably never hear her say my name that way again. 

"Move," she whispers into my ear and I do. I thrust into her as hard and fast as I can and the band starts playing an even more upbeat number and I have trouble keeping up until I just can't hold on any longer. I come inside of her, calling out her name and hoping that the music drowns out any sounds we might have made. The light keeps flickering overhead as we both try to catch our breath. 

Setting her down on her feet, I continue to hold her close and we rock gently and completely out of tempo to the music. 

"So..." I say, not really sure what to say next.

"So," she says back, leaning away from me and letting her dress fall into place. I let go of her and pull my pants up before retrieving the rest of my tuxedo. She doesn't even bother with her panties and hosiery. 

"Are you going to anymore of the balls?" I ask, sounding rather stupid considering what we just did here. 

"No, I think I'll go home. I have to be at work pretty early tomorrow," she says, smiling at me weakly.

"Yeah, so do I," I say. I put my hand on her bare shoulder and wish I could pull her to me one more time but we can't. She's right. We just can't keep doing this. 

"See you at work," she says, pulling away from me and picking up her bag. 

"Yeah, see you at work," I say, watching as she walks away from me. 

****************

The White House  
January 21, 1999

I hear a thud and then Josh screams out, "Donna!" 

I get up and rush over to his office, his new office, to find Josh half-in, half-out of his chair. Both are on the floor. 

"What happened?" I ask, staring at the jumble of chair parts and Josh. 

"Someone loosened all the screws on the bottom. That's what happened," Josh answers, his hand reaching out to me to help him up. 

"Leo's desk drawers were all glued shut," I say, extending my hand to his. His fingers wrap around mine and I help him to his feet. As soon as he's up, I let go before it gets awkward. Our first day in the White House has been awkward enough. "And Ginger says the keyboards over in Communications are all messed up. Apparently, it's a tradition." 

"How is falling on your ass tradition?" Josh asks, gesturing to his broken chair before rubbing his backside. "Wait. Don't answer that." 

I don't. Instead, I fold my arms and look around at all the boxes Josh still has to unpack. Or rather, I will have to unpack. My eyes drift over his office before looking over at Josh to make sure he's all right. He starts rubbing his tired eyes instead before looking back at me. 

"Are you okay?" I ask after a minute. 

"Yeah," he answers, taking a deep breath and then lowering his voice to just above a whisper. "Are you?" 

"Yeah," I reply, trying to ignore the slight tremble in my chest. I know in time, it will go away. It has to because we have to move on. We said all we needed to say last night but there is still something I want to say. Something I want him to know. "Josh?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'll always be there for you," I say softly around the lump in my throat. I can't promise him I'll wait the eight years we will be here but I can promise him that. 

"I know," he answers, looking at me the same way he did that day I walked into his life almost a year ago. I know someday, he won't. Someday, that look of longing won't be there despite whatever he said last night. He'll either end up with Mandy or someone just like her. 

In eight years, everything will be different. We'll be different. 

We already are. 

"I'll get someone to fix your chair," I say, my eyes moving back to it. At least, I hope someone can fix it. Most of the screws seem to be missing. 

"Thanks," Josh says, moving a box from the floor and onto his desk. He starts unpacking it quietly before asking me, "Is your chair okay?" 

"You're not getting my chair," I tell him, picking up another box and unpacking it alongside Josh. 

"Why not?" 

"Someone nailed it to the floor." 

"How about CJ's chair?" 

"You'll have to ask CJ," I say knowingly. I smile a little, relieved that after everything we can still banter back and forth like this. 

"I'm asking you." 

Just then, the phone in Josh's office starts to ring. I stop unpacking and reach over for it. 

"Josh Lyman's office." 

"You're not Mrs. Landingham," says a voice and I immediately straighten up. 

"Good morning, Mr. President," I answer respectfully as I look over at Josh. He stops whatever he's doing as well and waits for me to continue. 

"Damn phones," The President says, then mutters something about needing a computer degree to operate them. "How about your desks? Are they glued shut as well?" 

"No, Sir. Just the chairs." 

"The chairs are glued shut?" 

"The chairs are nailed to the floor. Or broken," I say, trying to sound as professional as I can even though there is nothing professional about glued desks and broken chairs. 

"I guess we should be grateful no one is glued to the chairs. Yet," he says, before his voice shifts. "Since I have you on the phone, tell Josh I need to see him in my office now." 

"Yes, Sir," I say, nodding at Josh before hanging up the phone. He gives me an expectant and eager look. "The President needs to see you." 

"Now?" 

"Now," I say, my heart swelling a bit with pride. Josh was right. This job is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me. The biggest thing that will ever happen to me. I just got off the phone with the President of the United States, who wants to see my boss in the Oval Office. 

"Okay," Josh answers, unrolling his sleeves and fastening the cuffs. While he does that, I move over the door to retrieve his jacket. Instead of handing it to him, I hold it out for him so I can help him slip it on. 

Josh looks at it, then at me before turning around. I help him into the sleeves and he shrugs it the rest of the way up. He turns back to face me, waiting for my approval. 

"You look good," I say and he does. He looks like he's ready for anything. 

"Yeah?" 

"Yeah," I say, stepping back so he can go. Josh starts to leave but the stops again at the threshold. 

"Thanks, Donna," he says, lingering at the door. 

"You're welcome. Now go meet with the President," I say, looking down so I can start unpacking again. 

After a couple seconds, I glance back up at the door and Josh is gone. 

The End


End file.
